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Fabula Imperium (Story of Power)

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Author's note: This is an idea that I've been kicking around for a while. I hope you get a few laughs out of it, at least.
Author's note: This is an idea that I've been kicking around for a while. I hope you get a few laughs out of it, at least.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 20 21 22

Warning! (No, that's not a latin word)

Okay, how to put this...
I'm postponing Fabula Imperium until further notice. Now, before you get all up in arms about it, check out Aegis Infernum on my page. Believe; I hate to splice it in like this, but I really want to get A.I. written. Go check it out(the book version, I mean. The article was just a teaser) and tell me what you think about it. I appreciate your continued support.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 20 21 22


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This book has 37 comments. Post your own!

MayaS. said...
Nov. 22, 2012 at 1:12 pm:
Chapter 9: I'm starting to wonder what's happening in the outside world. Wouldn't the whole city be in panic after the huge explosion in the park that killed everyone? Wouldn't the kids' parents be on the news, worrying about their teenagers who went to the mall and disappeared? Would Arcus and co. miss their families? Just food for thought. Haha...food...get it....happy Thanksgiving!
 
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MayaS. said...
Nov. 22, 2012 at 1:04 pm:
Chapter 8: (Warning to other readers: this contains spoilers) First, I didn't know what an SMG was, so I had to look it up... Anyway, when Arcus says, "Yeah, no," I laughed. I was scared when he got shot, especially when he started hallucinating. Did the bullet leave his body? P.S. The part about George Washington was great. When I was doing research for the first chapter of my book, I read that Sir Walter Raleigh would come out of battles with bullet hol... (more »)
 
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MayaS. said...
Nov. 22, 2012 at 12:53 pm:
Yay! It's back up! Chapter 7: I LOVE the electricity-vision. At one point Leo says to Arcus, "What happened to your eyes, man?" Do they change color or something? I was dying to find out, but it was never really brought up again. This story rocks!
 
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MayaS. said...
Nov. 16, 2012 at 6:41 pm:
Chapter 6: I actually had no trouble with you breaking the 4th wall.  Another thing I like was the mentioned presence of Imperials in gangs - it seems natural that those with supernatural powers would be just as likely to be involved in street crime as saving the world. I was a little incredulous that the government -who has known about the existance of Imperials for presumably a long time - is sending a group of teenagers who have hardly tested out their powers to sav... (more »)
 
Crunchman99 replied...
Nov. 17, 2012 at 6:38 pm :
Well, the government doesn't actually know about them yet, much less send them to save the world. Callidus just has funding, that's it.
 
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MayaS. said...
Nov. 16, 2012 at 6:32 pm:
Chapter 5: Callidus and his high-tech armaments = Lol. Annie's ears regulating sound = awesome detail. P.S. sorry I haven't commented in a while; the site was having issues and I am in a play this week 
 
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MayaS. said...
Nov. 11, 2012 at 12:06 am:
Callidus and his weapons room = Lol Annie's ears regualting sound to always be tolerable to her = awesome detail I'm so jealous of this chapter because there's a part in my story (TeenInk.com/novels/sci_fi_fantasy/book/106014/The-Secretary/7/) where there's major explosions in a weapons training room, but it's not nearly as funny
 
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Maya S. said...
Nov. 10, 2012 at 11:49 pm:
Chapter 4: this one has a great title - Doctrina! It's very lyrical, which fits the change of pace. My favorite part was Arcus in the dark dreamily watching the sparks floating in the air. At first I was getting strong Percy Jackson vibes, but the powers-by-genetics thing was an entirely new twist that was intriguing. My only question is how the Imperium and Turpis genes have somehow become recessive (maybe they're like the gene for dwarfism: when someone inherits one co... (more »)
 
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Maya S. said...
Nov. 10, 2012 at 11:34 pm:
Chapter 3: I loved how even with his "test subje-ahem, people" slip, Callidus nevertheless seems really trustworthy to me. My only question is how he obtained that shard of the Mobius cube.... Just noticed you're from Mitchell! Like, THE Mitchell, SD? I was at the Corn Palace this summer!!
 
Crunchman99 replied...
Nov. 11, 2012 at 12:40 pm :
Yep. I see the corn palace every day, in fact.
 
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Maya S. said...
Nov. 10, 2012 at 1:26 pm:
Aston is a consummate villain, so so evil! I love the clashes between him and Arcus. I just noticed that there's a huge explosion and a field of dead bodies, and only two police officers show up. And those two police officers seem totally unfazed and quickly put down their weapons and chat. Even if they are part of a secret group of people who know about the Cube, maybe they could be a bit more shaken. Can't wait for the impending battle between Arcus and his former friends who joine... (more »)
 
Crunchman99 replied...
Nov. 10, 2012 at 8:09 pm :
I'll make sure to edit that when I do another chapter post. Thanks for the feedback.
 
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Maya S. said...
Nov. 10, 2012 at 1:18 pm:
Chapter One: At first I was a bit confused with the switch from the 1st-person prologue to 3rd-person, but it's still great. The characters were instantly relatable. My favorite parts were Arcus describing Mila as his "friend-who-happened-to-be-a-girl" (lol), "Would you like your shoes polished, my lady" (another lol), and Annie with her headphones. Another great part was the description of the gravity ("He felt obliged to follow it"). Some things I noticed... (more »)
 
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Maya S. said...
Nov. 10, 2012 at 1:09 pm:
Prologue: I LOVE Arcus' voice here, and the clipped sentences. It's really direct and powerful
 
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Snowflakes said...
Nov. 6, 2012 at 10:15 am:
Wow. I read the whole thing, and I have SO much to say about this book. 1. It was amazing. 2. I loved it. 3. It was AMAZING. I like how the characters all have original names, I fell in love with Arcus, he seems so cool and whatnot. I also liked the storyline, it was really interesting and I wanted to read more D:
HOWEVER, you asked for constructive feedback, and in order to help you, I picked out errors. First, I'm not too sure if I like the moments when the characters talk to you, th... (more »)
 
Crunchman99 replied...
Nov. 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm :
Yeah, Teenink does the text chunk thing. I'm going to have to find a way to fix it, but I don't know if there is a way. I do like the sequences with Leo talking to me, the love/hate relationship is something I'll have to consider. I may have to change it, but humor just comes naturally to me. I will make sure to post an exposition for each of the characters to separate them personality-wise.
 
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Lady_TeribitheaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 6, 2012 at 9:18 am:
Only got through a few pages, but it looks good so far. I'm enjoying reading it. Few to no errors, a good plot so far, etc. Good job!
 
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