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Killer

Taylor J.
Killer
Summary: There is a girl named Annabelle. She has long wild red hair always in a braid, catlike green eyes, tan, tall. Annabelle works as an assassin her main weapon her long braid that has a knife hidden in it. With one whip of her hair could kill someone she worked in a little unknown place called Devils Grove. She was the most dangerous and beautiful girl in all of Devil Grove. Annabelle was feared by almost everyone in her village excepted her sister Carolina with smooth blonde hair, calm blue eyes, short, skinny and her best friend Daniel with Dark deep Brown eyes, light brown hair, tall, muscular. No matter how hard she tried to ignore it she felt a strong connection to Daniel. Annabelle must decide between Daniel and running away from the king and Queen of Devils Grove.



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This book has 4 comments. Post your own now!

CarrieAnn13 said...
Dec. 10, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Okay, I have a bit of criticism.  You know my feelings about your grammar, so I'll just criticize your style.

1.  Work on your dialogue a bit.  It's better than some of the stuff on here, but I think it could be even better if you read it aloud to yourself and correct accordingly.

2.  Dialogue usually goes on a separate line, especially when there's a new speaker.

3.  A little more description would be nice.  I really want to know more about ... (more »)

 
Kinley451 replied...
Dec. 13, 2011 at 4:55 pm

First i think its cool and interesting!

Second i think CarrieAnn13 you should keep all of your criticism to yourself!!

 

 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 13, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Kinley451, since you're new here I'm going to forgive you for not knowing exactly how 'feedback for feedback' works.  Tbug asked me to look at her novel and criticize only her style, seeing as I had criticized her grammar before.  So I did.  And you might notice that at the end of all my criticism, I said that her novel certainly has potential, but there are a few things that need to be worked on.  Tbug has critized my work as well.  There's nothing wrong with asking<... (more »)
 
Tbug1997 replied...
Dec. 14, 2011 at 6:23 pm
Kinley451 thanks for commenting on my story so nicely and its ok i did ask CarrieAnn13 for critism it helps me become a better writer
 

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