I Miss You
Don't Leave MeI ran from the house and to the safety of the woods. It was getting dark so I couldn't really see where I was going. He was leaving. He was going somewhere where the possibility of him dying was probably 60% and I couldn't have that. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I didn't try to stop them. I didn't brush them away and I didn't blink several times so they would stop coming, I just let them fall. He was leaving. When I couldn't walk anymore I collapsed to the green grassy ground and laid there. I
I couldn't take the pain, the lose and the loneliness I felt. Why? Why was he doing this? I couldn't tell him my feelings now. If I did and he felt the same way . . . if he died on the battlefield - I cringed - I wouldn't be able to take it. The pain would be to much. But what if I did tell him and he felt the same way and he stayed because if it? Would he? If he died before I could tell him how I felt I'd never know.
How could I tell him? What would I do if he didn't love me? Pain, loss? What would I feel? What would I do if he went to the army anyway? What would I do if he died?
I imagined his face in a coffin and icicles ran down my back. His face pale white and the freckles around his nose very noticeable. I shook my head and curled up into a ball. I couldn't let those thoughts get to me, I couldn't think about them. Cause he's going to be fine. Everything was going to be fine.
"Alexandra!" Tyler's voice called.
I didn't answer. I didn't want to see him right now. I didn't want him to see me like this. He called me several times and each time it was closer. I had moved from the grass to behind a tree.
"Alexandra if you don't answer me I'll go read you diary!" Tyler threatened. I giggled weakly from behind the tree.
"Did you hear what I said?" Tyler whispered in my ear.
I screamed and backed away from him. He smiled as if he'd just won the lottery. Tyler always loved scaring me. I sighed and waited for my heartbeat to slow. Tyler didn't say anything and didn't look at me.
What was he thinking about? What should I do?
"Tyler," I whispered, staring at the ground. "Don't go."
Tyler sighed heavily then turned to me. "Why?"
I looked up at him and moved closer. I put a hand on his chest, over his heart, and looked into his eyes.
"Cause I don't want you to go," I whispered.
I couldn't bring myself to say 'because I love you' I was a chicken.
Tyler stared right back at me. Our noses were close and our lips even closer.
'What was going to happen next?' Was all I could think.