The Darkest Secret

December 1, 2011
By Tbug1997 PLATINUM, Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania
Tbug1997 PLATINUM, Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania
29 articles 1 photo 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
When in doubt... Blame it on your siblings
when life gives you skittles throw them at random people and yell FEEL THE RAINBOW


Summary:

It all started 16th of May 1997. That’s when Willow Black ridge was born. Her mother a fey her dad a vampire. Willow was like all the other normal fey children but when she turned two she got a thirst for nothing other than blood. When her dad saw this is his daughter he thought about how horrible her life would be if she went with the vampires. So he left Willow with her Violet eyes, Carmel blonde hair, small frame, 5’6, tan, and wears down to the knee flowly dresses. Willow has so far thought she was a fey but that will change very soon. One more thing there is only one thing Willow has from her dad to connect to him and it holds the key to her powers her Ruby heart necklace


Taylor J.

The Darkest Secret


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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 6 comments.


on Dec. 9 2011 at 8:55 pm
whateverjuliet BRONZE, Miami, Florida
3 articles 3 photos 89 comments

Favorite Quote:
true love never dies,it only gets stronger with time.

sae as thalialisset, shoulda made it longer...but becuase it was so good and i would have wanted to read more of this amazing story!!!

on Dec. 9 2011 at 8:34 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Okay, I have a bit of criticism.

1.  Slow down!  You have a good idea here, but you really need to slow down the pacing.  Take time to describe things, to add a bit of internal monologue.

2.  Describe!  I want to know more about your characters. Describe what they look like, their habits, their personalities.

3.  Dialogue goes on a separate line, especially when someone new is talking.

4.  The internet is your friend.  I think it would be a good idea if you used it to learn the basics of grammar.  Learn how to use commas, when to capitalize, etc.

I know my critique is harsh, but that's only because I really think you have potential here.  A little hard work and you'll be one heck of a writer.  Keep writing! :)


on Dec. 9 2011 at 8:30 pm
thalialisset SILVER, Jamaica, New York
8 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't Judge Its Book By It's Cover

luvvv it again.....lol

 


on Dec. 9 2011 at 8:12 pm
thalialisset SILVER, Jamaica, New York
8 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't Judge Its Book By It's Cover

very nice written...love it....but i  think  yuhh shudd make it longer....but other than  that  i  loved itt!!!!!:)

 


on Dec. 7 2011 at 5:13 pm
Musawwir21 SILVER, Toledo, Ohio
6 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

To be honest i felt it was a little rushed . More like a short story less of a book. It was a good plot i liked where it was going the climax and all that but damons relastionship with the main caracter was rushed into take your time this will be an excellent story . IF you just SLOW down i love everything about it . it is grasphing it kept my attention . This is MY opioion so please dont get offended . Your a great writer keep it up !

 


Bones96 BRONZE said...
on Dec. 4 2011 at 10:28 pm
Bones96 BRONZE, Charlotte, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 108 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't about finding yourself it's about creating yourself-

This is good I am intreseted in finding out what you do with the story. 

Good Job! :)





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