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Dawna's Story

Author's note: Personal experiance.
Author's note: Personal experiance.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 Next »

Chapter 3

Monday morning, two days before her 17th birthday, Dawna was woken up by Kate, Hilary, and Rebecca jumping on her bed. Barely awake she mumbled, "What are you doing in here?"
Kate answered, "Playing."
"Get out!" Rebecca and Hilary started towards the door, but Kate didn't move. Instead of arguing with her, Dawna picked her up and carried her downstairs. She put Kate down in the living room and went to the kitchen.
As she was going around the corner she heard Liz and Imily talking.
Be as honest as possible on what to fix please!!
It sounded like they were planning something, but she didn't know what it was. She went to the fridge and grabbed a yogurt before sitting down at the table.
"Is that all you're going to eat for breakfast?" asked Emily. Dawna nodded as she opened it.
"Luke called and said he would be over in a few minutes," said Liz. Dawna told her ok and went to get dressed.
When she was almost done the doorbell rang, so she asked Liz to get it. Liz ran down and opened the door. Luke asked, "Hey Liz, could you help me with something?"
"Sure. What is it?" answered Liz.
"I need help picking out Dawna's birthday present."
"What were you thinking?"
"A heart-shaped necklace. Is that a good idea?"
"Yeah, but get something engraved on the back." Dawna came in the room, so they stopped talking.
She asked, "Why are you here?"
"I thought you might want to go shopping with me. I need somethings for my new apartment."
She agreed, "Liz, could you watch the girls if my mom leaves?" After Liz agreed they went out to Luke's car.
When they got to the mall they went to the furniture store, where they picked out a black leather couch, and two black leather chairs. Then they went to the appliance store, where they got black kitchen and living room appliances. After that he told her to go to the book store while he did something.
At the jewelry store Luke went to the necklace counter and told the lady what he wanted. Thirty minutes later he was heading for book store. After he found Dawna they decided to go up to the food court and got lunch.
While they were eating she asked what he went to do.
He answered, "Nothing." She looked confused and smiled.
"You did something, so what was it?" He grinned, but didn't answer. After they got done eating they went out to the car.
In the car, as they were driving to his apartment, she kept asking what he went to do and he kept telling her she'll have to wait and find out. Finally, she got tired of getting the same answer, so she stopped asking. About a block away, he stopped the car infront of a grocery store and said, " I need some more food, so we're doing more shopping." They got out of the car and went inside.
An hour later they were coming out of the grocery store with a full cart. After unloading the cart to the trunk of the car, they left. When they got to his apartment building, which is where he took her friday morning, they got out and carried the groceries upstairs to the third floor.
At his door, he got his key out and unlocked the door. After they got inside, they went to the kitchen and put everything down on the counter.
Then they started putting everything away. As Dawna was finishing Luke came up behind her and put his hands around her waist. She turned around and asked, "What are you doing?" Instead of answering he kissed her. A few minutes later someone knocked on the door, so he went to answer it, while Dawna finished putting the groceries away.
When he opened the door the delivery guy were bringing the couch up the stairs. Luke told them to put it against the wall. After they put it down they went to get rest of the furniture and appliances.
Thirty minutes later Dawna and Luke were sitting on the couch, when her phone rang. She got it out of her purse and answered it.
"Hey, where are you?" asked Liz.
"Luke's apartment."
"Kate fell while playing at the park and broke her arm."
"Where are you?"
"The hospital."
"Ok. We're on our way." As soons as she hung up she got up and said, "We have to go to the hospital."
Luke asked, "Why? What's wrong?"
"Kate fell and broke her arm." They left without saying anything else.
As soon as they got to the hospital they ran inside and found Liz, Hilary, and Rebecca sitting in the waiting room. Dawna asked, "What's going on? How is she?"
Liz answered, "She's fine. They're waiting for you mom before they will let her go home." A few minutes after they sat down Emily came up to them and asked what was going on. Dawna explained that they wouldn't let Kate leave until she got here. Emily went up to the front desk and asked about Kate. The lady said, "The doctor will be out in a minute." Emily went to sit down next to the others. The doctor came out a couple minutes later and explained how to take care of Kate while she had a cast on. After he was done they left.
At Dawna's house Emily took Kate upstairs to her room, so she could rest. Everyone else went to the living room, where Luke, Hilary, and Rebecca played a game. When Emily come down to the living room Liz apologized, "I'm so sorry. I should have been watching her closer."
"It's ok. It was an accident." They sat around and talked for awhile before Luke got up and told everyone he had to go. Dawna got up and followed him to the door.
Outside Luke turned towards her and said, "I'll probably come over and check on Kate tomorrow." Before he left they kissed and she went back inside. She went back in the living room where Liz and Emily were planning something again. This time she asked, "What are you two planning?"
They looked up and said, "Nothing." Dawna rolled her eyes and told them she was going to check on Kate. As soon as she was gone they went back to planning her surprise party. As they were finishing Liz suggested, "How about you call Luke and ask him to keep Dawna out of the house wednesday while I call all of our friends and invite them to the party." Emily agreed and they started calling everyone. By the time they were done it was close to ten and they were tired, so they decided to go to bed.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 Next »


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This book has 9 comments. Post your own now!

GraceTaylor12This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 13 at 10:32 pm
this is really good, the only comment i have is that it is really fast! If you add more detail, this would be even better than it is now.
 
imagonner said...
May 18, 2016 at 4:02 pm
hey sorry about this but, your story Is fast paced, add some more detail to what the character feels about the setting... it is a good plot, just needs working on. hey, @1-800Peppermints @SpottyLepard @Freckles3 @chloejane @BanglaGirl @AnnieHay come check out my story and comment pls!!!!
 
1-800Peppermints said...
Dec. 20, 2013 at 9:28 pm
Really good story.  I love the interactions between everyone, but I would definitely give a little more detail and a little less dialogue.  Just to help it flow better.   Awesome though, really.  :)
 
SpottyLepard said...
Jun. 27, 2013 at 11:03 pm
Nice story! The only things I would recommend is to elaborate more on the experiences and emotions of your characters. For example, instead of just saying they went to dinner and using dialogue to get the idea across to readers, add details about the experience and emotions your characters are having. Details will really make your story more alive and realistic to readers, and will also help it to be slower-paced and easier to keep up with. The dialogue is good and you have great characters, so ... (more »)
 
Freckles3 said...
Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:41 pm
Really great story idea, but the chapters are reaaaallly long, and the dialogue was pretty overwhelming. It seems like it's got potential, though! Keep it up!
 
chloejane said...
Apr. 22, 2013 at 8:34 am
Great story and plot but the dialogue needs to died down a little, especially at the beginning. Too much dialogue can often stay the attention away from the reader, it tends to bore them if their is too much and quite often the dialouge gives away too much information on the first page.
 
BanglaGirl said...
Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:05 am
Awesome story!
 
AnnieHay said...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 8:46 pm
Unique story idea, just a tiny bit fast paced..:)
 
MzDuri replied...
Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:55 am
I agree w/ Annie Hay but very awsome story
 

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