Dawna's Story

August 10, 2011
By fallenandcantgetup, Clarinda, Iowa
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fallenandcantgetup, Clarinda, Iowa
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Favorite Quote:
Never Give Up On Your Dreams

Live Love Laugh
That\'s what life is all about

Author's note: Personal experiance.

The author's comments:
Be as honest as possible on what to fix please!!

One rainy day Dawna was in her room talking to some friends on the computer when someone sent her a message asking if she wanted to talk. She replied back saying she would love to. He sent her and instant message and said, "Hey, what's up?"

Dawna replied, "Not much, you?"

"Same. I was wondering if you had any messengers, so we can talk easier?" asked Kevin.

She answered, "Yes. I have yahoo and MSN. Which one do you have?"

"I've got the same ones you do." She gave him her details for yahoo and MSN, and a couple of minutes later, she got a message.

"Hey again. Lol," joked Kevin.


"Are you dating anyone?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"Because I was wondering, if you weren't, if you would go out with me?" Before she could answer her sisters, Kate and Hilary, came in yelling at each other.

Dawna turned around and said, "What are you two fighting about now?"

Kate complained, "She took my toy."

"I did not!" argued Hilary. They started fighting again.

"I don't care who did what! You both go to your rooms and I will be in to talk to you!" demanded Dawna. They did as they were told and, quietly, went to their rooms. She turned back around and told him she would be right back.

First, she went to Hilary's room and got her side of what happened. Then, she went to Kate's room and got her side. Finally, she went told them both to play by themselves for awhile.

When she got back to her room she told Kevin she was back.

Kevin asked, "What happened?"

She answered, "My sisters wer fighting over a toy."

He laughed and asked, "How old are they?"

"Five and six."

"Oh, so would you?"


"Go out with me?"

"I don't know. Let me think about it." He agreed.

"I need to know more about you first."

"What do you want to know?"

"I don't know. Everything important."

"Well I'm a 17 year old in New York."

"Cool. I'm a 16 year old in Pennsylvania."

"Cool. Now will you?"

"Let me think about it." After not saying anything for awhile, Kate and Hilary ran in the room laughing.

They asked, "Can we play now?"

Dawna replied, "Only if you don't start fighting." They agreed and ran off.

A few minutes later Kevin asked, "Now will you?"

She answered, "I gotta go, but I'll tell you the answer tomorrow."

"What time will you be here?"

"Probably about 3:30." After telling her friends bye, she went to see what Kate and Hilary were doing.

When she went in the living room, the floor was a mess, so she went to find them. She found Kate in the kitchen with ice cream everywhere. Then she found hilary in the basement with toys all over the floor. She took Hilary upstairs to the kitchen, so she could clean the ice cream off of Kate. Then she took them both up to her room.

She put them on her bed and got her computer chair to sit in.

"Girls, I'm very upset with you right now," she exclaimed, "I was going to take the park and out for lunch, but now we have to clean the house." She figured since they made the mess they should clean it up.

"You both are going to clean up all the toys in the basement. When you're done start on the living room. I will be in the kitchen cleaning up the ice cream." After they agreed, they all went downstairs and got to work.

Five minutes after they started cleaning Dawna heard them arguing, so she went to the basement stairs and yelled, "Stop arguing and clean!" An hour later they came upstairs to the living room and started cleaning. As they were finishing the phone rang, so Dawna ran over to answer it.

The person said, "Hi, its Olivia. Rebecca's mom."

Dawna said, "Oh, hey."

"I was wondering if Kate and Hilary could stay the night with Rebecca?"

"Yeah. I need a break from them anyway."

"I'll be over in a little bit to pick them up." They hung up and Dawna went in the living room.

When she got in there she said, "Olivia will be here in a little bit, so go upstairs and pack a bag." Before they put their clothes in a bag she made sure they matched After that they put their shoes on and went downstairs.

Five minutes later Olivia rang the doorbell, so Dawna went to answer it. When she opened the door Rebecca asked, "Where's Kate and Hilary?"

"They're in the living room. Would you go get them for me, while I talk to you mom, please?" Rebecca ran to the living room and Dawna said, "Thanks for taking them."

Olivia replied, "No problem. Rebecca wanted them to come over, but I thought they would have more fun staying the night." Before they could say anything else the girls came in laughing.

Olivia asked, "Are you ready?" Before they left Dawna told them to be good and hugged them. After they were gone Dawna went to the living room and finished cleaning.

After that she got her cell phone and called her best friend, Elizabeth. When she answered Dawna asked, "Hey, do you want to stay the night?"

"Don't you have to watch your sisters?"

"I did, but their friend, Rebecca, wanted them to stay the night."

"Oh. Hang on and I'll ask my mom." A few minutes later Elizabeth said, " I'll be over in ten minutes."

After they hung up Dawna went to the kitchen and got two Mountain Dew's and put a bag of popcorn in the microwave. Then she went upstairs to pick out a movie. When she got one she went back downstairs and put the popcorn in a bowl and took it upstairs. By the time she got back downstairs the doorbell rang. She figured it was Elizabeth, but when she opened the door a delivery guy was standing there with a bouquet of red roses. She signed for them and took them up to her room. The doorbell rang again before she could read the card.

When she opened the door Elizabeth was standing there with her overnight bag and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. Elizabeth said, "These were by the door." They went upstairs and Elizabeth put her bag in the guest room.

When she went in Dawna's room she asked, "Who are the chocolates from?"

Dawna answered, "A guy I met online."

"Why would he send you chocolates?"

"Because he wants me to go out with him."

"Are you going to?"

"I haven't decided yet."

"What's his name? Where's he from?" interrogated Elizabeth.

"His name is Kevin and he lives in New York."

"Cool. We should see if he's online now."

They went over to Dawna's computer and signed in. As soon as it got done loading an instant message came up.

Kevin said, "Hey, baby. I didn't think you would be on until tomorrow."

"I'm not your baby," she retorted. "My best friend, Elizabeth, wanted to see if you were on."

"I can dream. So you've been talking about me?"

"She asked who sent the chocolates and roses."

"What chocolates and roses?"

"The ones you sent me."

"I didn't send you any roses. I sent you the chocolates."

She turned to Elizabeth and asked, "Who sent the roses then?"

Elizabeth replied, "I don't know." When she turned back to the computer she said, "Well, we're going to go watch a movie." They said bye and signed out. Then they went over to Dawna's bed and sat down.

Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang, so Dawna ran to answer it. When she opened the door Isabella, her other best friend, was standing there with black tears runn down her face.

Dawna sympathetically said, "Come in and tell me what's wrong." She came in and Dawna closed the door.

When they got up to Dawna's room, Elizabeth turned the movie off and grabbed the box of tissues next to the bed. They all sat down and Dawna asked, "What's wrong?"

"Jesse broke up with me!" cried Isabella.

"Why?" asked Elizabeth.

Isabella said," He said he found someone else."

Dawna asked, "Who?"

Isabella answered, "Cheyanne."

Elizabeth got up and said, "Dawna, come with me. I have an idea."

As soon as the door closed in the guest room, Elizabeth suggested, "We should see if she can stay the night."

Dawna agreed, "Then we can go out tomorrow."

"I'll call her mom and tell her what's going on."

"I'll go try to get her to calm down." Elizabeth went downstairs and Dawna went back to her room.

When Isabella's mom, Lauren, answered Elizabeth said, "Hey, its Elizabeth. I was wondering if Isabella could stay the night at Dawna's?"

Lauren agreed, "What's going on?"

"She came here crying because Jesse broke up with her."

"Tell her she can stay as long as she wants." After they hung up she went upstairs. As she was going up the stairs Dawna stopped her and suggested they go in the kitchen while Isabella was talking to Jesse.

Twenty minutes after they got to the kitchen, Isabella came downstairs and said, "He's coming over to get me, so we can talk."

"Will you be back tonight?" asked Dawna.

"I'm not sure," answered Isabella.

"I called your mom to see if you could stay the night and she said you could stay as long as you want," Elizabeth told her.

"We can do something tomorrow," said Isabella.

The doorbell rang three times by the time Dawna got to it, so she knew it was Jesse. As soon as she opened the door he asked, " Where's Isabella?"

Dawna replied, "Upstairs getting ready."

"Well, tell her to hurry up. I've got other things to do."

"Stop acting like a jerk! Your friends aren't here, but someone who really loves you is." He just stood there, so she continued, "Do you love her?"

He looked around before saying, "Yes."

"Then why did you break up with her? Why do you act like she's not important when you're around your friends?"

"I don't know."

"When I opened the door earlier she had make-up running down her face. All she ever does is talk about you." Before he could say anything Isabella came around the corner and asked, "Are you ready?"

"Yeah," he said after looking at Dawna. She turned to Dawna and said, "If I'm not back tonight, I'll see you tomorrow."

Dawna agreed, "Are you sure your going to be ok?" She nodded. After saying bye Dawna shut the door behind them.

She went up to her room and they agreed to watch rest of the movie. An hour later the phone rang, so Dawna got up and answered it.

"Hey, can you come get me please?" cried Isabella.

"Where are you?" asked Dawna.

"His friend, Chris's."

"What happened? Where's Jesse?"

"He left with his friend, Chad."

"We'll be there in twenty minutes." She ran upstairs and shut the tv off.

"What's wrong?" asked Elizabeth, when she noticed Dawna was irritated.

"I have to go get Isabella from Chris's."

"He left with Chad."

"I'll come with you." They got their purses and left.

When they got to Chris's Dawna told Elizabeth she would go get Isabella. When Chris opened the door she asked, "Where is she?"

Chris answered, "Downstairs." She went downstairs and asked if she was ready. Isabella looked up and nodded. Before they left she turned to Miranda, a friend of theirs, and said, "Thanks for staying with me."

Miranda replied, "No problem. If Jesse's going to be a jerk then he doesn't deserve you."


In the car Elizabeth asked, "Why did Jesse leave you at Chris's?

"Chad was there, so he acted like he didn't know me."

"Miranda's right, if he's going to act like a jerk he doesn't deserve you," Dawna pointed out. By the time they got home they were tired, so they decided to go to bed.

The next morning, when they got up, they each took a shower and got ready to leave. Three hours later they were in the car heading to the mall. When they got there Dawna asked, "What do you want to do first?"

They looked at each other and exclaimed," Shopping!" They laughed and headed up to their favorite store. By the time they were done they each had five bags to carry. They decided to go up to the fourth level and get something to eat. When they got upp there Dawna and Elizabeth looked around and saw Jesse with Cheyanne. They looked over at Isabella, who's mouth was open with tears in her eyes. They took her to the bathroom before she started crying.

After they got her in the bathroom Dawna told them she would be right back. Elizabeth asked where she was going, but Dawna was already out of the door. She went up to Jesse and exclaimed, "We need to talk now!"

Jesse retorted, "I'll talk later. I'm busy now."

"We're talking now. She can wait." Jesse glared at her and got up. They went around the corner and she exclaimed, "What are you doing?!"

"Hanging out with a friend."

"We just saw you kissing her." When he didn't say anything she went on saying, "Did you not listen to what I said last night?" Instead of waiting for him to answer she got her phone out and called Elizabeth.

As soon as she answered Liz asked, "Where are you?"

"Is she ok enough to talk?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Because Jesse wants to talk to her."

Isabella said, "Hey, where are you?"

"Here's Jesse." She gave him the phone and said, "Talk to her."

He glared at her before saying, "Are you ok?"

An hour later they were all in the food court laughing. Dawna looked at the clock and said, "I have to go. I have to be home by 3:30."

Liz said, "I'll come with you."

Isabella said," I'm staying with Jesse. We should do something later though."

Dawna agreed, "Call us in a few hours and let us know what you want to do." After they said bye Dawna and Liz left.

Thirty minutes later they got out of the car and went up to Dawna's room. When she looked at the clock it said 3:35. She sat down at her desk and Elizabeth sat in the chair next to it. A few minutes after they signed in Kevin messaged her.

"Hey, sorry I'm late," she apologized. "I was at the mall with some friends."

Kevin said, "Its fine. I have to go, but do you have a cell phone?"


"Can I have the number?" After she gave him the number he signed out and she turned around.

Liz asked, "Now what?"

"I need to call Olivia to see when I need to pick up my sisters."

When they got downstairs to the kitchen Dawna looked at the answering machine and saw there were two messages. She pushed the play button and listened to them. One was from Olivia and the other was from her ex-boyfriend. She picked up the phone and called Luke, her ex, to see what he wanted.

When he answered she asked, "What did you want?"

Luke replied, "To talk."


"Because I wanted to."


"Because I miss you. Can I come over, so we can talk?"

"Yeah, but you only have twenty minutes."

"I'll be there in five." They hung up and she said, "Luke's coming over."

Elizabeth asked, "Why?"

"To talk."

"Isabella called and asked if we wanted to go see a movie with them."

"What did you tell her?"

"That we would meet them there in thirty minutes."

"I'm going to see if Olivia can keep the girls til seven then."

"I'm going upstairs to get ready." Dawna picked up the phone and called Olivia. As soon as Olivia answered she said, "Hey, could you watch Kate and Hilary until seven. I was going to go out with some friends."

Olivia agreed, "Before I forget your mom said Rebecca could stay with you for two weeks. I have to go out of town."

"Ok. I'll see you at seven."

By the time they hung up the doorbell rang, so she ran to the door and opened it. Luke was standing there with a dzen roses.

"You can add these to the ones you got last night."

"How did you know I got roses last night?"

"Because I sent them to you."


"Didn't you read the card?" With everything that's been going on she forgot about the card, so she shook her head.

"Well read it."

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Us getting back together."

"I don't have time to talk about this right now."

"When can we?"

"I don't know. I have to go get ready."

"Where are you going?"

"None of your business." Before he had a chance to answer she pushed him out of the door and closed it. She made sure it was locked before she went to her room.

When she got up to her room Elizabeth said, "What did Luke want?"

"He wants to get back together."

"We better get going or we're going to miss the movie." They grabbed their purses and left.

By the time they parked the car they had five minutes to get inside. As they were going in Dawna's phone rang. She got her phone out of her purse and saw she had three texts. One from Isabella, one from Kevin, and the last one from Luke.

Isabella's read, "Where are you?"

She replied, "Outside."

Kevin's read, "What are you doing this weekend?"

She replied, "I don't know. Why?"

Luke's read, "Will you give me another chance please?"

She replied, "Be at my house at 7:30 and we will talk about it." By the time she sent it she had two more.

Isabella's read, "Hurry up."

Kevin's read, "Because if you weren't doing anything I wanted to come see you."

She replied, "I don't think I'm doing anything." They went inside to buy their tickets and watch the movie.

Three hours later they were in the lobby laughing. Dawna looked at her phone and saw it was 6:45.

She said, "I have fifteen minutes to get to Olivia's." Liz told her she would come with her, so they said bye and left.

Fifteen minutes later they pulled into Olivia's driveway. Dawna got out and went to the door. A minute after she rang the doorbell, Olivia opened it and told her to come in while she ran up to get the girls. Dawna went in and closed the door. After a few minutes they came downstairs ready to go. They left after telling Olivia bye.

When they got home there was a red car in the driveway. Dawna pulled in next to it and everyone except Dawna went to the door. As soon as Luke opened the door to his car, Kate and Hilary ran up to him and hugged him.

Kate asked, "Why are you here?"

"To talk to Dawna," answered Luke.

"Let's go inside," suggested Dawna. They all went in and sat in the living room. After they talked for an hour Dawna said, " I think its time for bed, girls."

"I'll put them to bed, so you two can talk," offered Elizabeth.

"Thanks. Could you get the other gues room ready for Rebecca please?"

"Girl, tell Luke and Dawna goodnight and let's get ready for bed." They did as they were told and headed upstairs. After they were gone Luke said, "So why won't you take me back?"

"Why do you want to get back together?"

"Because I love you."

"Why did you cheat on me then?"

"I don't know. It was stupid and I'm sorry. I've changed since then and I will never do it again."

She sighed, "How do I know you've changed?"

"I'll prove it to you. I just need a second chance." She thought about it for a few minutes before saying, "I need to check on the girls, so we'll talk more about it later." After he left she went up to check on her sisters and Rebecca.

Hilary and Rebecca were asleep. When she went to Kate's room she was sitting on her bed coloring.

Dawna asked, "What do you think you're doing?"

Kate jumped and replied, "Nothing."

"It looks like you're coloring. You're suppose to be sleeping."

"I wasn't tired."

"I don't care. You better be asleep by the time I come back." She closed the door and went to her room.

As soon as she got in her room she closed the door and Elizabeth, who was on the computer, turned around. Dawna asked her what was wrong.

Elizabeth replied, "Is it ok if I stay her for awhile?"

"Of course. Why?"

"I don't really want to talk about it."

"Well I'm here if you need me."

"Thanks. So what happened with Luke?"

"He wants another chance, but I don't know."

"Do you want to give him another chance?"

"Yes, but I can't trust him."

"Do you still love him?"

"Of course I do. I never stopped." Elizabeth didn't say anything, so Dawna said, "I need to go check on Kate. Then I'll probably go to bed." They both left the room.

Dawna opened Kate's door and saw she was asleep. She went in and put the crayons and coloring books away. Then she turned out the light and left the room.

The next morning Dawna went downstairs to find Elizabeth in the living room with her sisters and Rebecca.

"Hey, let's get dressed and I'll take everyone out for breakfast. Then maybe go to the park," suggested Dawna. They agreed and went upstairs to get ready.

They decided to go to their favorite cafe, where they sat at a table in the corner. After they ordered Dawna gave each of the girls a dollar and told them to go play some games. After they left she asked, "What am I going to do about Luke and Kevin?"

"Who do you want to be with?"

"Luke, but I don't want to be cheated on again."

"How about Isabella, you and I go get out hair and nails done, while Luke watches the girls?" Dawna agreed.

"I'll call Isabella while you call Luke."

Dawna got her phone out and called Luke. When he answered she said, "Hey, could you watch the girls please?"


"Meet us at the park in two hours." He agreed and hung up.

Twenty minutes after she hung up the girls came back. She told them Luke was going to watch them for awhile.

"Why?" asked Hilary.

"Elizabeth, Isabella, and I are going to get our hair and nails done." After they ate they went to the park.

When they got there Dawna let them out, so they could get a spot while she parked. Luke got out of his car as she walked past.

"I didn't think you were coming until one?"

"I wanted to spend time with you, so I came early." They went over to Elizabeth and sat down. About 12:30 her phone rang, so she picked it up. She got a text from Isabella that read, "Can Jesse come with us?"

She replied, "Maybe he would rather help Luke watch the girls?"

Isabella texted back, "Can you come get us then?"

Dawna replied, "I'll be there in about twenty minutes." She got up and said, "I have to go get Isabella and Jesse, so I'll be back in a few minutes."

By the time she got back it was 1:30. They got out and went to find Elizabeth and Luke. When they found them she said, "We need to go, so you can take them to my house and I'll text you when we're done." They said bye and left.

In the car she asked, "Should I have left them with him?"

Elizabeth answered, "Yes, now he can show you he can be trusted." Dawna told them to find a statipon or cd, so Elizabeth went through the radio stations while Isabella found a cd. When she found their favorite cd she had Elizabeth put it in and turn up the volume.

When they went inside the salon they went up to the front desk.

Dawna asked, "Do you have time to do highlights and manicures for all three of us?"

The lady answered, "Yes." They followed her over to three chairs. She told them to sit down while she went back to get two more stylists. An hour later they were getting their nails done. When their nails were done they went up to pay for it and went to the car. She texted Luke asking where they were.

He replied, "Your house."

"When we get there we can all go out for dinner."

Twenty minutes later they pulled in the driveway. Luke, Jesse, and the girls were in the living room playing a game. She asked if they were ready to go and they looked up before Luke said, "Let's clean up, so we can go eat." They decided to to take two cars and go to the cafe a few blocks away.

They sat at a table in the corner. After they ordered Dawna asked, "Liz, Isabella, can I talk to you in the bathroom please?" They got up and went to the bathroom.

Once they got in there Liz asked, "What's wrong?"

"I think I'm falling in love with Luke again."

"Oh my gosh! Are you serious?" exclaimed Liz.

"What do I do?"

"Calm down and act like nothings wrong." Isabella told her. They fixed their make-up and went to sit down. Luke looked at Dawna and asked, "Everything ok?"

Isabella answered, "Yeah." After they ate they paid for it and got ice cream before going to Dawna's

At Dawna's they went inside and talked for awhile. Two hours later Dawna said, "I gotta get these girls ready for bed."

"I'll help," Luke told her. She looked at Elizabeth and Isabella before agreeing.

"Ok girls, let's play a game called get upstairs and get ready for bed," suggested Luke. He chased them upstairs with Dawna following them.

By the time they got back downstairs Isabella and Jesse were leaving. Before Luke left he asked, "What was wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"I noticed how you were acting at dinner and the way you looked at Liz and Isabella when I said I'd help with the girls."

"Oh, its nothing. I need to get back inside." She turned to go in, but he grabbed her hand and pulled her back. She turned to face him and they kissed.

"I gotta go," she said.

"By the way I love the highlights in you hair." She opened the door and went inside. She watched out of the window as his car pulled out of the driveway and went up the street. Then she went up to her room smiling.

The author's comments:
Be as honest as possible on what to fix please!!

Friday morning Dawna got up and went down to the kitchen, where she saw her mom, sisters, Elizabeth, and Rebecca at the table talking. As soon as they noticed she was in the room they stopped talking and looked at her. She stopped and asked, "What were you just talking about?"

Her mom, Emily, answered, "Nothing. Do you want something to eat?"

"No, I want to know what you were talking about."

"We weren't talking about anything," insisted Liz. She looked at them for a minute then turned to Kate and asked, "What were you talking about?"

Kate said, "Your surprise party." Emily laughed and told them to go upstairs and play.

"What surprise party?"

"For your birthday next week," Emily confessed. "We were going to have a surprise party for you."

"I hate surprises."

"It was my idea," stated Elizabeth. "By the way, Luke texted you and said he was coming over."


"In five minutes."

"Did he say why?"


"I gotta get ready then. And no party." She turned and went upstairs.

When she opened the door, a few minutes later, Luke was standing there with a rose. She took it and asked, "Why did you come over?"

He leaned and kissed her before saying, "I wanted to show you something."


"You'll have to come see for yourslef." She agreed and grabbed her phone and purse and left.

In the car she looked out of the window and asked, "Where are you?'

"You'll see in a minute." After turning a corner he stopped the car infront of an apartment building.

"Come on," said Luke. She hesitated before getting out and they went up to the roof.

"Where are we?" she pressed, when they got up there.

"You don't remember, do you?" She looked around and answered, "This is where you asked me to be your girlfriend."

He grinned and asked, "Do you remember how I did it?" She shook her head, so he told her to look up. When she did she saw ' I love you forever and always' written in the sky.

She looked at him and gasped, "Really?"

He nodded and whispered, "Can we go out tonight just the two of us?" She nodded her head and they kissed before leaving.

When they got back to her house she turned and asked, "Could you take the girls for awhile?"

He answered, "Sure." Before she got out she kissed him.

Girls, come here," she yelled as she was going in. They ran in the living room laughing.

"Go get your shoes on."

"Why?" asked Kate.

"Because you're going with Luke. Hurry up he's out there waiting." They ran upstairs and got their shoes. When they came back downstairs she took them out to Luke's car and made sure they had their seat belts on before going inside.

When she got up to her room she got her phone out and texted Isabella asking her to come over.

"What's going on?" asked Elizabeth.

"I'll tell you as soon as Isabella gets here."

Twenty minutes later they were all in Dawna's room.

"What's going on?" asked Liz.

"I don't know what to do!" exclaimed Dawna. "Luke took me to the place where he first asked me to be his girlfriend and had ' I love you forever and always' written in the sky. Now he wants to go out just the two of us."

"So what's the problem?" asked Isabella.

"I don't want to go!" cried Dawna.

"You're going," argued Liz. "Now let's find something for you to wear." They went to her closet and started looking through her clothes.

Two hours later they found the perfect outfit. She got dressed and sat down at her desk while Liz did her hair and Isabella did her make-up. After that they picked out a pair of high heels. By the time she was done getting ready Rebecca ran in the room and told them, "Luke asked if you're ready yet."

Liz told her, "Tell him she'll be there in a minute." After she left, Liz turned to Dawna and asked if she was ready.

Dawna sighed and answered, "I guess." She grabbed her purse and followed them downstairs.

As she was going down the stairs Luke, Kate, Hilary, and Rebecca watched her without saying anything. When she got to the bottom Luke just stood there, so she asked, "What do you think? Do I look ok?"

He stared at her for a minute before saying, "You look amazing. We better go before we're late." The left after telling everyone bye.

In the car she asked, "Where are we going?"

He answered, "It's a surprise, but I know you'll like it." A few minutes later he turned into an empty parking lot.

"You haveto close your eyes," he told her. "Before I go on."

She looked at him and asked, "Why?"

"Because the place we're going to I don't want you to see yet," he explained. Instead of arguing with him she closed her eyes and he drove to the next block.

"Stay there and don't open your eyes yet." He got out and went to her side. After he helped her out they went inside.

Twenty minutes later he said, "You can open your eyes now." When she did she saw a table set for two and candles everywhere.

"Do you like it?'

"I love it!"

He smiled and said, "Good. Let's eat." They sat down and started eating.

As they were finishing she looked at him. After a minute he looked at her and asked, "What?"

She hesitated before asking, "Do you really love me?"

"Yes, I do. Do you love me?"


"Then why won't you get back with me?"

"Because I don't want it to be the way it was."

"It won't be."

"How do I know that?"

"Give me another chance and I'll prove it to you." She looked at the time on her phone and said, "I need to get home." They got up and went to the car.

At Dawna's they went up to the door. As she was turning the key in the lock, Luke grabbed her hand and made her turn toward him.

"Give me one chance to prove it'll be different." They stood there for what seemd like hours before she agreed, "This is the only chance you're getting."

"I won't mess it up." he promised. Before he let her go inside he kissed her.

As soon as she got inside Liz and Isabella, who were sitting in the living room, asked, "How was it? Where did you go?"

She answered, "Fine. Where are the girls?"

They looked at each other and said, "In bed. Now give us details." Dawna went upstairs without saying anything else, so they followed her.

When they got in Dawna's room she exclaimed, "He made a candle lit dinner!"

"Wow," said Isabella.

"He asked me to give him a chance to prove things will be different," she continued. "And I told him I would."

"What are you going to do about Kevin now?" asked Liz. She went to her computer and signed in, but he wasn't there. She was about to text him when her phone rang. She got a text from him that read, "I'm sorry, but I can't come tomorrow."

She replied, "Why not?"

A few minutes later he texted back saying, "I got back with an ex. Sorry."

She turned to her friends and announced, "He can't come anyway. He got back with an ex." They sat around and talked for awhile.

"I'm going to bed," Dawna yawned around 2 AM. "Izzy, if you want to stay you'll have to share a room with Liz." After they left she grabbed a book and layed down.

The next morning she was woken up by her phone. When she looked at it she saw Luke was calling.

"Hello," she answered.

"Hey. What are you doing today?"

"Probably go out with Liz and Izzy. Why?"

"Oh. I was going to take you and the girls out."

"How about you go pick up Jesse and we could all do something in an hour."

"Does he know I'm coming?"

"No, I just got up."

"I'll call him before I leave." After they hung up she went downstairs to tell everyone what was going on.

As she was going down the stairs she heard them laughing and talking in kitchen. When she got in there she announced, "We have an hour to get ready."

"Why?" asked Isabella.

"Because Luke just called and asked if we wanted to go out. He said he was going to pick up Jesse on his way here," answered Dawna.

"Let's each take one of the girls and get them ready," suggested Liz. "Then we can get ready." Liz took Hilary, Isabella took Rebecca, and Dawna took Kate up to their rooms.

Thirty minutes later they had the girls ready and were doing their hair and make-up. By the time they were done getting ready the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," said Liz. After she ran to the door Dawna and Isabella went down to the living room.

A couple minutes later Liz came in the living room holding hands with a guy they didn't know.

"This is Matthew." Before anyone could say anything, the doorbell rang again, so Dawna got up to answer it.

As soon as she opened the door Luke kissed her. Then they went to the living room, where Jesse and Isabella were talking to Matthew.

"How about me, Liz, and Isabella go find the girls," suggested Dawna. "While you guys talk." Liz and Isabella followed her upstairs to Kate's room.

When they got in there she closed the door and asked, "Who's Matthew?"

"A guy I've been talking to for the last few weeks," answered Liz.

"Why didn't you tell us?" questioned Isabella.

"You were busy with your problems," replied Liz. "I didn't think it was a big deal."

"Of course its a big deal. I'm sorry we haven't been there for you lately," apologized Dawna.

"We should find the girls and go," suggested Liz, after they hugged.

Dawna opened the door and yelled, "Come on girls! Let's go!" Then they went down to the living room.

When they got down there the girls were sitting onthe floor, with Luke, laughing.

"Ready to go?" asked Dawna.

They looked up at them and said, "Yeah."

"How about you, Luke, and the girls in Luke's car and Liz, Matthew, Jesse, and I in my car?" suggested Isabella. They all agreed to go to the park first and left.

At the park they found a place to sit by the playground. After the girls went to play Dawna asked, "So how long have you and Liz been together, Matthew?"

"Three weeks." They talked for awhile.

"Let's get the girls and get some lunch," suggested Luke. Luke and Dawna went over to get the girls and they all went to the cars. They decided to go to a diner down the street.

When they got there they sat at a table by the window. As soon as the waitress came over they ordered and started talking about what to do next. By the time their food came, they still hadn't figured out what to do, so they ate and tried to figure it out. When they got done Luke, Jesse, and Matthew paid for it and they all went outside.

As they were walking outside they were still trying to decide where they wanted to go.

"We could go back to my house," suggested Dawna. Since they couldn't think of anything else, they agreed to it and left.

At Dawna's she unlocked the door and let everyone in. The girls ran off to play, while everyone else went to the living room and sat down. At 6:30pm, after talking and laughing for three hours, Jesse suggested, "How about Luke, Matt, and I go get some movies and a couple pizza's?"

"Make sure to get some kid movies for the girls." After they left Liz turned to Dawna and Isabella and joked, "Thanks for telling Matt those stories about me!"

"Sorry, but it was funny." said Dawna laughing. Liz threw a pillow at them and started laughing too.

Thirty minutes later Luke, Jesse, and Matt came in with two large pizza's and a bag full of movies. Luke took the pizza's to the kitchen and Matt put the bag of movies on the coffee table.

"Girls, come get pizza!" yelled Dawna. They came running in the kitchen. After they got their pizza Dawna got their movies and took them downstairs to watch them. Then she went up to the kitchen, to get her some pizza, and went in the living room, where everyone else was trying to decide what type of movie to watch first. In the end they put in a comedy. By the time they watched all of the movies, it was too late for the guys to drive home, so Dawna suggested they stay the night. She got pillows and blankets out of th closet for them an everyone went to bed.

The author's comments:
Be as honest as possible on what to fix please!!

Monday morning, two days before her 17th birthday, Dawna was woken up by Kate, Hilary, and Rebecca jumping on her bed. Barely awake she mumbled, "What are you doing in here?"

Kate answered, "Playing."

"Get out!" Rebecca and Hilary started towards the door, but Kate didn't move. Instead of arguing with her, Dawna picked her up and carried her downstairs. She put Kate down in the living room and went to the kitchen.

As she was going around the corner she heard Liz and Imily talking. It sounded like they were planning something, but she didn't know what it was. She went to the fridge and grabbed a yogurt before sitting down at the table.

"Is that all you're going to eat for breakfast?" asked Emily. Dawna nodded as she opened it.

"Luke called and said he would be over in a few minutes," said Liz. Dawna told her ok and went to get dressed.

When she was almost done the doorbell rang, so she asked Liz to get it. Liz ran down and opened the door. Luke asked, "Hey Liz, could you help me with something?"

"Sure. What is it?" answered Liz.

"I need help picking out Dawna's birthday present."

"What were you thinking?"

"A heart-shaped necklace. Is that a good idea?"

"Yeah, but get something engraved on the back." Dawna came in the room, so they stopped talking.

She asked, "Why are you here?"

"I thought you might want to go shopping with me. I need somethings for my new apartment."

She agreed, "Liz, could you watch the girls if my mom leaves?" After Liz agreed they went out to Luke's car.

When they got to the mall they went to the furniture store, where they picked out a black leather couch, and two black leather chairs. Then they went to the appliance store, where they got black kitchen and living room appliances. After that he told her to go to the book store while he did something.

At the jewelry store Luke went to the necklace counter and told the lady what he wanted. Thirty minutes later he was heading for book store. After he found Dawna they decided to go up to the food court and got lunch.

While they were eating she asked what he went to do.

He answered, "Nothing." She looked confused and smiled.

"You did something, so what was it?" He grinned, but didn't answer. After they got done eating they went out to the car.

In the car, as they were driving to his apartment, she kept asking what he went to do and he kept telling her she'll have to wait and find out. Finally, she got tired of getting the same answer, so she stopped asking. About a block away, he stopped the car infront of a grocery store and said, " I need some more food, so we're doing more shopping." They got out of the car and went inside.

An hour later they were coming out of the grocery store with a full cart. After unloading the cart to the trunk of the car, they left. When they got to his apartment building, which is where he took her friday morning, they got out and carried the groceries upstairs to the third floor.

At his door, he got his key out and unlocked the door. After they got inside, they went to the kitchen and put everything down on the counter.
Then they started putting everything away. As Dawna was finishing Luke came up behind her and put his hands around her waist. She turned around and asked, "What are you doing?" Instead of answering he kissed her. A few minutes later someone knocked on the door, so he went to answer it, while Dawna finished putting the groceries away.

When he opened the door the delivery guy were bringing the couch up the stairs. Luke told them to put it against the wall. After they put it down they went to get rest of the furniture and appliances.

Thirty minutes later Dawna and Luke were sitting on the couch, when her phone rang. She got it out of her purse and answered it.

"Hey, where are you?" asked Liz.

"Luke's apartment."

"Kate fell while playing at the park and broke her arm."

"Where are you?"

"The hospital."

"Ok. We're on our way." As soons as she hung up she got up and said, "We have to go to the hospital."

Luke asked, "Why? What's wrong?"

"Kate fell and broke her arm." They left without saying anything else.

As soon as they got to the hospital they ran inside and found Liz, Hilary, and Rebecca sitting in the waiting room. Dawna asked, "What's going on? How is she?"

Liz answered, "She's fine. They're waiting for you mom before they will let her go home." A few minutes after they sat down Emily came up to them and asked what was going on. Dawna explained that they wouldn't let Kate leave until she got here. Emily went up to the front desk and asked about Kate. The lady said, "The doctor will be out in a minute." Emily went to sit down next to the others. The doctor came out a couple minutes later and explained how to take care of Kate while she had a cast on. After he was done they left.

At Dawna's house Emily took Kate upstairs to her room, so she could rest. Everyone else went to the living room, where Luke, Hilary, and Rebecca played a game. When Emily come down to the living room Liz apologized, "I'm so sorry. I should have been watching her closer."

"It's ok. It was an accident." They sat around and talked for awhile before Luke got up and told everyone he had to go. Dawna got up and followed him to the door.

Outside Luke turned towards her and said, "I'll probably come over and check on Kate tomorrow." Before he left they kissed and she went back inside. She went back in the living room where Liz and Emily were planning something again. This time she asked, "What are you two planning?"

They looked up and said, "Nothing." Dawna rolled her eyes and told them she was going to check on Kate. As soon as she was gone they went back to planning her surprise party. As they were finishing Liz suggested, "How about you call Luke and ask him to keep Dawna out of the house wednesday while I call all of our friends and invite them to the party." Emily agreed and they started calling everyone. By the time they were done it was close to ten and they were tired, so they decided to go to bed.

Wednesday morning, her 17th birthday, Dawna woke up with Luke starring at her. Barely awake she mumbled, "Why are you starring at me?"

He smiled and asked, "You know you talk in your sleep?" She rolled her eyes and asked what he was doing here.

"I was going to see if and the girls wanted to go to the zoo today, but you were asleep when I got here."

"Let me wake up and get ready, then we can go." He told her he would be downstairs with the girls and left. As soon as he shut the door she got out of bed and went to her bathroom to take a shower. Thirty minutes later she was headed downstairs.

When she got down there she went to the kitchen, where her mom, Liz and Isabella were talking. She went over to them and asked what was going on, but they wouldn't tell her. She decided not to argue and went to the living room, where Luke, Kate, Hilary, and Rebecca were playing. As she was going around the corner she asked if they were ready. Luke got up and kissed her before saying, "Let's go see the monkey's and elephants, girls." They got up, leaving their toys out, and went to the door with Luke and Dawna behind them. In the car, on the way to the zoo, they talked about all the animals they were going to see. After someone started talking about an animal, Luke would make the noise it makes and made them laugh.

At the zoo, they got a map and decided to go see the tigers first. Then they followed the path around and looked at all of the animals until they got back to the entrance. When they got to each animal Luke would make jokes and sounds to make them laugh. By the time they got through the whole zoo it was almost two o'clock, so Luke said, "I need to stop at the mall really quick."

Dawna asked,"Why?"

"Because I need to. You and the girls are going to have to stay in the car."

"Why can't we come with you?"

"Because I don't want you to."

"Why not?"

"Because its a surprise." She smiled, but stopped asking questions.

At the mall, he got out and told them he would be back in a few mintues. Then he went up to the jewelry store and told the lady he was here to pick up a necklace and gave them his name. They went to the back to get it. When they brought it out he opened the box, to look at it and smiled. Before he went out to his car, he paid for it and put it in his pocket. As soon as he opened the door Kate asked what they were going to do next.

Luke answered, "What do you want to do? We have about two hours left."

Kate replied, "Let's go to the park." Everyone else agreed, so he drove to the park.

When they got to the park, he parked the car close to the playground and they got out. The girls ran to the swings, while Luke and Dawna walked over to a bench. As they were walking Dawna asked, "Why did you take us to the zoo and now the park?"

Luke answered, "Because I wanted to spend time with you and the girls."

"It doesn't have anything to do with whatever my mom, and Liz were planning?"

"I didn't know they were planning anything." She smiled, but didn't say anything else. She kept wanting to say something, but never did. A few mintues later Hilary came over to them and asked if they could get some ice cream.

Luke answered, "Sure. How about you go get Kate and Rebecca and we'll go do that now?" She ran over to Kate and Rebecca without answering him. Before they knew it all three of the girls came running towards them. Then they all went back to Luke's car and left. They decided to go to the ice cream shop a block away from Dawna's house.

When they got there, they went inside and ordered five sundaes. As they were eating they started talking about all of the animals they saw at the zoo again. Twenty minutes later Luke's phone started vibrating on the table, so he picked it up and saw he had a text from Liz.

It read, "Where are you?"

He replied, "Ice cream shop a block away. Why?"

Liz texted back, "We're almost done, so stay there until I text you." He agreed and put his phone back on the table.

Dawna asked, "Who was that?"

He answered, "No one."

"Obviously it was someone." Instead of answering he went back to eating his sundae and she didn't want to argue infront of the girls, so she did the same. As they were finishing their ice cream his phone started vibrating again, so he picked it up and saw he had another text from Liz telling him they were done setting things up for Dawna's surprise party, but to have the girls come in first.

He told them, "Ok its time to go." He threw their trash away and they went out to his car.

As soon as he parked he told the girls to go inside ahead of them. Dawna looked at him skeptically, but didn't ask any questions. When the girls were inside Luke and Dawna got out of the car and went up to the door. Before going inside with her Luke kissed her and told her happy birthday. When she opened the door all of her friends and family yelled, "Happy birthday!" She thanked everyone, then turned to Luke and asked if he knew about this. He nodded and kissed her again. She went around to everyone and thanked them for coming. When she got to her mom she hugged her and thanked her. An hour later it was time to open presents, so she sat down at the table ,where all the presents were, and picked up the biggest one first. Twenty minutes later she opened the last one, or so she thought. As she was about to get up Luke came up to her and gave her a jewelry box. She looked at him for a minute before opening it. As soon as she saw the necklace she gasped and looked up at him speechless. He told her to look at the back, so she did. When she turned it over she saw 'I love you forever and always Love Luke' on the back. She stood up and hugged and kissed him after having him put it on her.

He asked, "Do you like it?" She still couldn't speak, so she just nodded. By the time the party was over everyone had come up to Dawna and told her happy birthday. Luke was the last to leave, besides Liz and Isabella, and Dawna followed him out to the porch, where they kissed and he told her happy birthday again. She went inside and watched his car go up the street until she couldn't see it anymore. Then she went to the kitchen to help clean everything up.

When she got in there Liz, Isabella, and her mom were doing the dishes. She asked what she could do to help.

Her mom answered, "Could you get the girls to bed please?" She went to find them and get them ready for bed. She found them in the basement and took them up to their rooms. By the time she got back to the kitchen everything was pretty much cleaned up, so she thanked them again and went to bed.

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This book has 9 comments.

on Apr. 13 2017 at 10:32 pm
GraceTaylor12 BRONZE, Coopersburg, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Empowering quotes.... I don't have a favorite but I like reading them, it makes me feel unstoppable.

this is really good, the only comment i have is that it is really fast! If you add more detail, this would be even better than it is now.

imagonner said...
on May. 18 2016 at 4:02 pm
imagonner, Loveland, Colorado
0 articles 0 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
' its not about winning fist place in the race, its about finishing the race.' don't forget who you are to me.

hey sorry about this but, your story Is fast paced, add some more detail to what the character feels about the setting... it is a good plot, just needs working on. hey, @1-800Peppermints @SpottyLepard @Freckles3 @chloejane @BanglaGirl @AnnieHay come check out my story and comment pls!!!!

on Dec. 20 2013 at 9:28 pm
1-800Peppermints, Charlotte, North Carolina
0 articles 3 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Adventure is not outside man; it is within."
-George Eliot

Really good story.  I love the interactions between everyone, but I would definitely give a little more detail and a little less dialogue.  Just to help it flow better.   Awesome though, really.  :)

SpottyLepard said...
on Jun. 27 2013 at 11:03 pm
SpottyLepard, Concord, North Carolina
0 articles 59 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Smooth seas do not make strong sailors." -Old Nigerian Proverb

Nice story! The only things I would recommend is to elaborate more on the experiences and emotions of your characters. For example, instead of just saying they went to dinner and using dialogue to get the idea across to readers, add details about the experience and emotions your characters are having. Details will really make your story more alive and realistic to readers, and will also help it to be slower-paced and easier to keep up with. The dialogue is good and you have great characters, so nice work! :)

on Apr. 22 2013 at 9:41 pm
Freckles3 BRONZE, ------------, Ohio
3 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The universe is not only queerer than we suppose; it is queerer than we can suppose."
~J.B.S. Haldane

Really great story idea, but the chapters are reaaaallly long, and the dialogue was pretty overwhelming. It seems like it's got potential, though! Keep it up!

on Apr. 22 2013 at 8:34 am
chloejane SILVER, Gatton Australia, Other
6 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.”
― Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

Great story and plot but the dialogue needs to died down a little, especially at the beginning. Too much dialogue can often stay the attention away from the reader, it tends to bore them if their is too much and quite often the dialouge gives away too much information on the first page.

MzDuri said...
on Jan. 30 2013 at 9:55 am
I agree w/ Annie Hay but very awsome story

BanglaGirl said...
on Dec. 11 2012 at 10:05 am
BanglaGirl, Dinajpur, Other
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Awesome story!

AnnieHay said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 8:46 pm
AnnieHay, Glendale, New York
0 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.~Ferris Beuller
The past is the future with the lights on.~Plus 44

Unique story idea, just a tiny bit fast paced..:)

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