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Dawna's Story

Author's note: Personal experiance.
Author's note: Personal experiance.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 Next »

Chapter 2

Friday morning Dawna got up and went down to the kitchen, where she saw her mom, sisters, Elizabeth, and Rebecca at the table talking. As soon as they noticed she was in the room they stopped talking and looked at her. She stopped and asked, "What were you just talking about?"
Her mom, Emily, answered, "Nothing. Do you want something to eat?"
"No, I want to know what you were talking about."
"We weren't talking about anything," insisted Liz. She looked at them for a minute then
Be as honest as possible on what to fix please!!
turned to Kate and asked, "What were you talking about?"
Kate said, "Your surprise party." Emily laughed and told them to go upstairs and play.
"What surprise party?"
"For your birthday next week," Emily confessed. "We were going to have a surprise party for you."
"I hate surprises."
"It was my idea," stated Elizabeth. "By the way, Luke texted you and said he was coming over."
"When?"
"In five minutes."
"Did he say why?"
"No."
"I gotta get ready then. And no party." She turned and went upstairs.
When she opened the door, a few minutes later, Luke was standing there with a rose. She took it and asked, "Why did you come over?"
He leaned and kissed her before saying, "I wanted to show you something."
"What?"
"You'll have to come see for yourslef." She agreed and grabbed her phone and purse and left.
In the car she looked out of the window and asked, "Where are you?'
"You'll see in a minute." After turning a corner he stopped the car infront of an apartment building.
"Come on," said Luke. She hesitated before getting out and they went up to the roof.
"Where are we?" she pressed, when they got up there.
"You don't remember, do you?" She looked around and answered, "This is where you asked me to be your girlfriend."
He grinned and asked, "Do you remember how I did it?" She shook her head, so he told her to look up. When she did she saw ' I love you forever and always' written in the sky.
She looked at him and gasped, "Really?"
He nodded and whispered, "Can we go out tonight just the two of us?" She nodded her head and they kissed before leaving.
When they got back to her house she turned and asked, "Could you take the girls for awhile?"
He answered, "Sure." Before she got out she kissed him.
Girls, come here," she yelled as she was going in. They ran in the living room laughing.
"Go get your shoes on."
"Why?" asked Kate.
"Because you're going with Luke. Hurry up he's out there waiting." They ran upstairs and got their shoes. When they came back downstairs she took them out to Luke's car and made sure they had their seat belts on before going inside.
When she got up to her room she got her phone out and texted Isabella asking her to come over.
"What's going on?" asked Elizabeth.
"I'll tell you as soon as Isabella gets here."
Twenty minutes later they were all in Dawna's room.
"What's going on?" asked Liz.
"I don't know what to do!" exclaimed Dawna. "Luke took me to the place where he first asked me to be his girlfriend and had ' I love you forever and always' written in the sky. Now he wants to go out just the two of us."
"So what's the problem?" asked Isabella.
"I don't want to go!" cried Dawna.
"You're going," argued Liz. "Now let's find something for you to wear." They went to her closet and started looking through her clothes.
Two hours later they found the perfect outfit. She got dressed and sat down at her desk while Liz did her hair and Isabella did her make-up. After that they picked out a pair of high heels. By the time she was done getting ready Rebecca ran in the room and told them, "Luke asked if you're ready yet."
Liz told her, "Tell him she'll be there in a minute." After she left, Liz turned to Dawna and asked if she was ready.
Dawna sighed and answered, "I guess." She grabbed her purse and followed them downstairs.
As she was going down the stairs Luke, Kate, Hilary, and Rebecca watched her without saying anything. When she got to the bottom Luke just stood there, so she asked, "What do you think? Do I look ok?"
He stared at her for a minute before saying, "You look amazing. We better go before we're late." The left after telling everyone bye.
In the car she asked, "Where are we going?"
He answered, "It's a surprise, but I know you'll like it." A few minutes later he turned into an empty parking lot.
"You haveto close your eyes," he told her. "Before I go on."
She looked at him and asked, "Why?"
"Because the place we're going to I don't want you to see yet," he explained. Instead of arguing with him she closed her eyes and he drove to the next block.
"Stay there and don't open your eyes yet." He got out and went to her side. After he helped her out they went inside.
Twenty minutes later he said, "You can open your eyes now." When she did she saw a table set for two and candles everywhere.
"Do you like it?'
"I love it!"
He smiled and said, "Good. Let's eat." They sat down and started eating.
As they were finishing she looked at him. After a minute he looked at her and asked, "What?"
She hesitated before asking, "Do you really love me?"
"Yes, I do. Do you love me?"
"Yes."
"Then why won't you get back with me?"
"Because I don't want it to be the way it was."
"It won't be."
"How do I know that?"
"Give me another chance and I'll prove it to you." She looked at the time on her phone and said, "I need to get home." They got up and went to the car.
At Dawna's they went up to the door. As she was turning the key in the lock, Luke grabbed her hand and made her turn toward him.
"Give me one chance to prove it'll be different." They stood there for what seemd like hours before she agreed, "This is the only chance you're getting."
"I won't mess it up." he promised. Before he let her go inside he kissed her.
As soon as she got inside Liz and Isabella, who were sitting in the living room, asked, "How was it? Where did you go?"
She answered, "Fine. Where are the girls?"
They looked at each other and said, "In bed. Now give us details." Dawna went upstairs without saying anything else, so they followed her.
When they got in Dawna's room she exclaimed, "He made a candle lit dinner!"
"Wow," said Isabella.
"He asked me to give him a chance to prove things will be different," she continued. "And I told him I would."
"What are you going to do about Kevin now?" asked Liz. She went to her computer and signed in, but he wasn't there. She was about to text him when her phone rang. She got a text from him that read, "I'm sorry, but I can't come tomorrow."
She replied, "Why not?"
A few minutes later he texted back saying, "I got back with an ex. Sorry."
She turned to her friends and announced, "He can't come anyway. He got back with an ex." They sat around and talked for awhile.
"I'm going to bed," Dawna yawned around 2 AM. "Izzy, if you want to stay you'll have to share a room with Liz." After they left she grabbed a book and layed down.
The next morning she was woken up by her phone. When she looked at it she saw Luke was calling.
"Hello," she answered.
"Hey. What are you doing today?"
"Probably go out with Liz and Izzy. Why?"
"Oh. I was going to take you and the girls out."
"How about you go pick up Jesse and we could all do something in an hour."
"Does he know I'm coming?"
"No, I just got up."
"I'll call him before I leave." After they hung up she went downstairs to tell everyone what was going on.
As she was going down the stairs she heard them laughing and talking in kitchen. When she got in there she announced, "We have an hour to get ready."
"Why?" asked Isabella.
"Because Luke just called and asked if we wanted to go out. He said he was going to pick up Jesse on his way here," answered Dawna.
"Let's each take one of the girls and get them ready," suggested Liz. "Then we can get ready." Liz took Hilary, Isabella took Rebecca, and Dawna took Kate up to their rooms.
Thirty minutes later they had the girls ready and were doing their hair and make-up. By the time they were done getting ready the doorbell rang.
"I'll get it," said Liz. After she ran to the door Dawna and Isabella went down to the living room.
A couple minutes later Liz came in the living room holding hands with a guy they didn't know.
"This is Matthew." Before anyone could say anything, the doorbell rang again, so Dawna got up to answer it.
As soon as she opened the door Luke kissed her. Then they went to the living room, where Jesse and Isabella were talking to Matthew.
"How about me, Liz, and Isabella go find the girls," suggested Dawna. "While you guys talk." Liz and Isabella followed her upstairs to Kate's room.
When they got in there she closed the door and asked, "Who's Matthew?"
"A guy I've been talking to for the last few weeks," answered Liz.
"Why didn't you tell us?" questioned Isabella.
"You were busy with your problems," replied Liz. "I didn't think it was a big deal."
"Of course its a big deal. I'm sorry we haven't been there for you lately," apologized Dawna.
"We should find the girls and go," suggested Liz, after they hugged.
Dawna opened the door and yelled, "Come on girls! Let's go!" Then they went down to the living room.
When they got down there the girls were sitting onthe floor, with Luke, laughing.
"Ready to go?" asked Dawna.
They looked up at them and said, "Yeah."
"How about you, Luke, and the girls in Luke's car and Liz, Matthew, Jesse, and I in my car?" suggested Isabella. They all agreed to go to the park first and left.
At the park they found a place to sit by the playground. After the girls went to play Dawna asked, "So how long have you and Liz been together, Matthew?"
"Three weeks." They talked for awhile.
"Let's get the girls and get some lunch," suggested Luke. Luke and Dawna went over to get the girls and they all went to the cars. They decided to go to a diner down the street.
When they got there they sat at a table by the window. As soon as the waitress came over they ordered and started talking about what to do next. By the time their food came, they still hadn't figured out what to do, so they ate and tried to figure it out. When they got done Luke, Jesse, and Matthew paid for it and they all went outside.
As they were walking outside they were still trying to decide where they wanted to go.
"We could go back to my house," suggested Dawna. Since they couldn't think of anything else, they agreed to it and left.
At Dawna's she unlocked the door and let everyone in. The girls ran off to play, while everyone else went to the living room and sat down. At 6:30pm, after talking and laughing for three hours, Jesse suggested, "How about Luke, Matt, and I go get some movies and a couple pizza's?"
"Make sure to get some kid movies for the girls." After they left Liz turned to Dawna and Isabella and joked, "Thanks for telling Matt those stories about me!"
"Sorry, but it was funny." said Dawna laughing. Liz threw a pillow at them and started laughing too.
Thirty minutes later Luke, Jesse, and Matt came in with two large pizza's and a bag full of movies. Luke took the pizza's to the kitchen and Matt put the bag of movies on the coffee table.
"Girls, come get pizza!" yelled Dawna. They came running in the kitchen. After they got their pizza Dawna got their movies and took them downstairs to watch them. Then she went up to the kitchen, to get her some pizza, and went in the living room, where everyone else was trying to decide what type of movie to watch first. In the end they put in a comedy. By the time they watched all of the movies, it was too late for the guys to drive home, so Dawna suggested they stay the night. She got pillows and blankets out of th closet for them an everyone went to bed.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 Next »


Join the Discussion

This book has 9 comments. Post your own now!

GraceTaylor12This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 13 at 10:32 pm
this is really good, the only comment i have is that it is really fast! If you add more detail, this would be even better than it is now.
 
imagonner said...
May 18, 2016 at 4:02 pm
hey sorry about this but, your story Is fast paced, add some more detail to what the character feels about the setting... it is a good plot, just needs working on. hey, @1-800Peppermints @SpottyLepard @Freckles3 @chloejane @BanglaGirl @AnnieHay come check out my story and comment pls!!!!
 
1-800Peppermints said...
Dec. 20, 2013 at 9:28 pm
Really good story.  I love the interactions between everyone, but I would definitely give a little more detail and a little less dialogue.  Just to help it flow better.   Awesome though, really.  :)
 
SpottyLepard said...
Jun. 27, 2013 at 11:03 pm
Nice story! The only things I would recommend is to elaborate more on the experiences and emotions of your characters. For example, instead of just saying they went to dinner and using dialogue to get the idea across to readers, add details about the experience and emotions your characters are having. Details will really make your story more alive and realistic to readers, and will also help it to be slower-paced and easier to keep up with. The dialogue is good and you have great characters, so ... (more »)
 
Freckles3 said...
Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:41 pm
Really great story idea, but the chapters are reaaaallly long, and the dialogue was pretty overwhelming. It seems like it's got potential, though! Keep it up!
 
chloejane said...
Apr. 22, 2013 at 8:34 am
Great story and plot but the dialogue needs to died down a little, especially at the beginning. Too much dialogue can often stay the attention away from the reader, it tends to bore them if their is too much and quite often the dialouge gives away too much information on the first page.
 
BanglaGirl said...
Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:05 am
Awesome story!
 
AnnieHay said...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 8:46 pm
Unique story idea, just a tiny bit fast paced..:)
 
MzDuri replied...
Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:55 am
I agree w/ Annie Hay but very awsome story
 

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