That Summer

July 30, 2011
By Alantis SILVER, connersville, Indiana
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Alantis SILVER, Connersville, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love hurts weither its right or wrong.


Author's note: I just love writing and I hope you all in enjoy this.

The author's comments:
My first chapter bare with me please :) lol

Who is he…?


Awesome I thought to myself. Finally the record store got the new Paramore cd I have been waiting for its only took them like two months and I’m not very good at waiting. Well hi I should probably introduce myself my name is Jessica Hinshaw but, most people just call me Jess. Today is officially the first day of my junior summer. Next year I will be a senior at Mount Bryan High school and here I am spending my first day of summer looking over the record store from top to bottom for this cd. Not your normal everyday girl I guess but hey it makes me happy. Plus this is where fantastic summer takes off and starts a new me. Well anyway back to the beginning.

Finally I think to myself I can’t believe it took me this long to find the cd but you have no idea how happy I am. Things for summer are finally starting to look up and right when I think that I see Emily out of the corner of my eye with her pack flanking her sides. Emily and I use to be best friends since 3rd grade there was nothing that could take me and that girl apart, well atleast that’s what I use to think. That was until she met Blake. The captain of the Football team mister all American boy and ever so popular ever since that day Emily hasn’t been the same. It started off with her ditching our plans all the time< then ignoring my texts to finally ignoring me. Up until one day she just simply came up to me and said I have moved on to bigger and better things maybe you should to. And that was the day I lost my best friend. I never really had any other friends then her so from that day on I was kind of an outcast all by myself everywhere and always alone. It was kind of pathetic I felt abandoned. That may be the main reason I’m so happy school is out. I finally got sucked back into reality when the clerk said “that will be 16.50” I smiled sheepishly because it was obvious my mind was elsewhere I handed him the cash and went on my way. I walked right by Emily without as much as a glance back.

The record store was always my safe haven so now that I was out in the ever so crowded California mall, I really didn’t know where to go or what to do. I decided it might be time to head home so I made my way to the north exit of the mall. As soon as I was outside I stepped into the blistering heat and imidently discarded my hoodie to the back of my car. I got in the driver seat and really thought if I was ready to head home and the answer was no. I was still a little upset about the run in with Emily so I decided to go to my favorite little coffee shop down town. It’s about a 15 minute drive from the mall to Bryans Café and I was looking forward to my usual so I made it there in an impressive 9 minutes. I always tended to drive a little faster when I was upset. As soon as I parked I jumped out of the car and quickly skipped to the front door of the café. When I made it the counter there was a younger girl with blonde short spikey hair waiting on me. She looked new I had never seen her here before and I’m here at least once a day so that’s strange to me. He name tag said Lindsey and I was trying to be polite so I said “Hi Lindsey I’ll have a large Hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookie please” she looked up at me with eyes as black as night she didn’t say a word just walked soundlessly to get my items.
It was then when I noticed a tall guy standing in the back of the store he was flipping through a new book I had just recently finished. He looked strikingly handsome and made my knees week I knew I had definitely never seen him before in my life. I finally worked up the nerve and decided as soon as I got my stuff I would go talk to him and that’s when Lindsey said “Hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookie that will be 5.13” I handed her the money and tried to hurry but by the time I turned around the handsome young man had disappeared. I couldn’t help thinking to myself who is he..?

The author's comments:
hope you like :)

The whole way home I couldn’t help but wonder who that boy was. Bryans café isn’t some place normal tourists go when they come to California. I always see the same people when I go in there its kind of like peoples safe place grab something warm to eat and grab a good book and curl up next to the fire. I just don’t understand how he was there and gone in a matter of like 1 minute. He was there and then he wasn’t. I just kept wondering and thinking about the handsome boy by the time I pulled in the drive way I had pretty much drove myself mad. I decided while getting out of the car I will no longer think about him, he was just one cute guy that I got a glimpse of for one random second. I walked inside and tried to make it my room before she noticed me and I got halfway upstairs when I heard “Jess come here” gah I slowly trudged my way back down stairs and stopped in the kitchen and said “yes mom what is it you need”. Me and my mom use to be close but that all went down the tubes around 3 months ago. Her and my dad got a divorce and I live with her and my 10 year old sister lives with my dad. The both contributed to the divorce but my mom just seemed to bounce back so quickly she already has this new boyfriend named Ron. She keeps hounding me to meet him and that’s at the top of my I don’t want to do list. She interrupted my little rant in my head “Jess you do understand you will have to meet him sooner or later?!” and at that I decided I was officially done with this conversation and I started walking away. I should have known I couldn’t get away from this argument she followed me and continued “Jess…Jess…Jessica Hinshaw do you understand me?!” I slowly turned around and stated a simple fact “I do not want to meet him at any point in time” “Well Jessica that’s just plain rude and you’re going to” She continued with her annoyed mother look on her face “he is coming over Saturday for dinner and you will be here do you understand?” I just sighed and walked upstairs to the one piece of the house that was only mine…my room.

As soon as I made it into my room I slammed my door locked it and turned on my radio. Conversations with my mother always put me in a bad mood. She defiantly wasn’t my favorite person. I decided it had been a long day and I was tired enough to sleep. I walked over to my dresser and took off my jeans and shirt and put on a transformers t-shirt and climbed into bed. My mind kept shifting through all the things that had happened today. Finding the cd I had been looking for, running into Emily, the guy at the café and most recently my mother. My mind ended up settling on the boy from the café I know I said I wouldn’t think about him anymore but it was hard. He was so tall and handsome and he seemed different I don’t know how but something about him was off, not in a bad way just a different way. I finally started drifting off into sleep and the last thing I thought was what is that boy’s name?
I woke up the next morning at 7:30 groaning and searching for my phone when I realized I had never turned off my alarm for school. So here I am on a Monday on my summer my vacation at 7:30 and I’m wide awake with no chance of falling back asleep. I finally trudge my way outa been and down stairs to find my mom already gone for work thank god. I pour myself and bowl of cereal and think about what I may do today. I understand my options are limited seeing as though I have practically no friends and then it hits me I know what I’m going to do today. I’ll just get my bathing suit on and go to the beach you don’t have to have friends to go to the beach. Sure it would make things more fun but I can just take a book and get some sun and stay cool. It sounded like a great idea until I got to the beach. As soon as I pulled up I seen the big yellow jeep and I would know that jeep from anywhere its Blake’s. And where you find Blake you usually find Emily. I thought about getting back in my car and heading home and letting the whole day just be called off but then I thought I can’t let her control my life forever so I made my way down to the beach. Once I got down there I almost admitted defeat again when the only open spots were around the king and queen themselves. Well it was good to know Emily brought her whole group of friends with her and as soon as they seen me they let it be known. The skinniest one of them all who I think is named Brenda looked straight at me and said “Awe look Emily isn’t she pathetic first the mall and now the beach to I think you got your own personal stalker” they all of course thought it was hilarious an started laughing but not me. I calmly set my stuff down and started to walk along the beach. Walking felt good so I decided I’d walk down to the cave at the end of the beach. It was about at 10 minute walk and when I got there I was happy to find I was the only one. I went about four maybe five feet in the cave and just sat down and cried.

I didn’t even realize how much I was crying until I felt it dripping off my face down onto my legs. I sat like that four a good 10 minutes and the tears didn’t let up. When suddenly I heard something in the back of the cave I shouted “Who’s there show yourself” and not even 1 minute later the boy from the café walked out and said “Hi I’m sorry I just want to help my names Gabe”.

The author's comments:
kinda short sorry

“How are you trying to help your sitting back there in a cave being a creeper watching me cry!” I shouted full of anger at the boy I now know as Gabe. He slowly walked towards me with a small smile on his face “I’m sorry I’m so so sorry I was back deeper in the cave and by the time I heard you and came up here to help that’s when you noticed me I was about to walk up to you I swear” I looked at him and he looked genuine I had no reason to believe this stranger would lie to me. I just drop my shoulders and sigh “okay I believe you, but I’m going to leave now” I turned to walk away when he said “No jess don’t go I know you want to talk about what’s bugging you”. I slowly stopped where I was and turned around I felt slightly startled by the use of my name. I looked at him and my voice full of accusation I asked “How do you know my name?” he seemed startled by my question I watched him for a moment as her tried to come up with his answer in his head it was taking him longer than I’d like for him to answer. “Well huh Gabe come on explain yourself how do you know my name?” This time he answered much quicker he walked a little closer and said “why school of course Jess”. His answer bothered me much more than it should I didn’t remember this stranger from school and that bothered me. How come he knows me and yet I don’t know him at all. I swear I never even seen him before yesterday. He must have seen the look of shock cross my face because he launched into a big answer to the questions my face was asking all on its own. “Okay I know I sound like a creep and I’m sorry but I really do know you from school I only went here for the last two weeks of school and I was in your French class. Miss. Fluanta and your seat was third row from the door forth row back I sat right behind you. We never talked or anything you always seemed to be concentrating so hard on your work I thought it would be rude to interrupt.” I start to think back to French yet I still don’t remember him at all. I don’t remember anyone ever sitting behind me. The look on his face though seems that he must be telling the truth so I just decide to chalk it up to my lack of paying attention. Who am I to tell this guy he didn’t go to school with me, just because I didn’t see him doesn’t mean he wasn’t there. So I just sit down on the rock and smile while saying “Well you defiantly should have said hi my work could have waited”.
He obviously felt the tension slowly slipping away so he came and set down beside me and smiled back. I was watching his mouth when he said “well I keep that in mind next time, but you still haven’t told me what you were crying over.” And just like that all traces of a smile left my face and I felt one small tear fall down my cheek. He reached over and wiped it away with his thumb and put his arms around me and said “hey now there’s no reason to cry just tell me what’s wrong maybe I can help?” I looked up at his face and I really got the feeling he wanted to help. So I told him everything, from my parents to who I and Emily use to be, to who we are now. I didn’t leave one detail out I told him things other people never even knew. I kept waiting for when it would all be too much and he would stop holding me or get up and walk away and say I’m just a cry baby and that’s life. Well that moment never came. he sat there and listened to me rant and rave until it got dark. Finally I got to the point where I noticed it was dark and I started apologizing “I’m so so sorry I must have been sitting here for hour’s complaning about everything in the world what a horrible first impression”. He just smiled and said “hey I was happy to listen you needed someone to talk to and I’m happy it could be me” I gave him a huge hug and I whispered “just please don’t tell anyone” he hugged me back and said I promise I could never do that to you” I looked up into his honest face and said ”I trust you”.

The author's comments:
romance :)

I suddenly felt very aqward here I am standing in the arms of some stranger I just met a few hours ago. Don’t get me wrong it felt right the warmth radiating between the two of us was amazing. The feel of his hands on my lower back and his face inches from mine it all felt so perfect but, how can I feel so much for a person I just met it isn’t normal. It’s a good thing he can’t read minds because he would defiantly think I’m the biggest creep in the world. I slowly started to pull away out of his arms and he imminently let go and took a step back and apologized. I smiled sheepishly and said “No its not you at all your super sweet and nice I just don’t make a habit of getting all cuddly with guys I just met”. “I understand completely I don’t usually get this way with girls I just met either, I don’t even get this way with girls I have known forever it just felt right. I don’t know I’m sorry if me saying that creeps you out” he said while moving his hands spiraticly. I just started giggling and laughing uncontrollable and he looked at me like I was insane and said “see I knew you would laugh at me and think I’m a creep” I smiled and said “no the only reason I’m laughing is cause I thought the same thing just like ten seconds ago.” He walked up to me and took my hand in his and smiled and said “well if were both thinking it then maybe were right” I took a step closer and did something I would never normally do. I stood up on my tippy toes a little bit and leaned a little closer to him and he leaned more to me and then we kissed. This kiss wasn’t a simple little peck it was an amazing intamant kiss. He wrapped his arms around my lower back and slid one up to my neck and I slid mine up his back and started gently pulling his hair. The kiss just kept getting deeper and we were as close as physically possible when I heard a loud groan in his throat I pulled away, I only pulled my lips away we were still standing there intertwined. I couldn’t believe I had just done that, I would have never thought it even possible for me to do that. He looked down at me with a shy look on his face and slowly and carefully kissed me on the lips softly to make sure it was okay. I smiled and said “thank you so much, you have made today unforgettable” I mean don’t get me wrong I wanted things to be a lot more maybe date talk and maybe have an amazing cute new boyfriend but, this guy was way outa my league why kid myself so I stepped back said goodbye and started to walk away. I made it just a few feet outside of the cave until he grabbed by wrist gently and said “please” I turned around and said “please what?” he looked heartbroken and said with a wobbly voice “please don’t just walk away can I please have you number or see you again anything? Please don’t let this be the end of something special I felt like I can be myself with you in there. I may not be the kind of guy you want but I can try. I can make you happy” I couldn’t believe he was actually saying these things to me I walked up and laid my hand on his cheek and said “the only reason I was walking away was because I felt the same way, but I must warn you I don’t know how to do this relationship thing. I will probably mess up a lot and maybe hurt you but I will defiantly try. It’s just when it comes to love I’m totally walking in the dark.” He smiled and took my hand and said “well let’s walk into the darkness together.”

The author's comments:
Sorry this one took a little longer to finish...hand cramp lol :)

Who? No what are you?


And from that day on we were always by each other’s side. It started out as texting constantly, and hanging out here and there maybe some calling, and talking on the phone. When finally in turned into us being together pretty much every waking moment. I couldn’t even describe how he made me feel which was strange seeing as though we have only known each other for two weeks. It’s almost like I don’t know how I even lived without him before he seems like such a big part of me. And I assume he feels the same because that’s what he says and he wants to spend just as much time with me too. It started out as us meeting down at the cave daily and now we go out for dinner occasionally and walk on the beach and do fun romantic stuff like that. Most of the time we spend together is at night though; actually all the time we spend together is at night. We only text and call during the day I never really found it odd it’s just more romantic that way, plus he said he burns really easy. One day we were sitting in the cave having a nice romantic picnic with lots of fruit, well I was anyways he claimed to not be hungry like usual. He never seemed to be hungry I started to wonder when does this boy eat. We were sitting there talking about my home life when the topic of where I lived came up. I didn’t think much about my answer it was a simple question. So with ease I said “Well I live with my mom in pleasant lake housing addition” he nodded his head so I went on “We have lived there for about one year now, we moved in about the same time her and my dad got a divorce.” I had never really thought about his family much but his asking about my living situation made me wonder about his. I was practically sitting on Gabe’s lap and he had his arms wrapped around me so I simply looked up and asked his “So do you live with your parents?” and as soon as I asked the question I wished I hadn’t I felt his arms go ridged around me and I instantly felt his skin grow hot, I got the idea he wasn’t going to tell me anything. I don’t know exactly what caused this reflex but I knew it had to be something with his parents. I didn’t want to push the subject that much more but his reaction made me ten time s more curious so I lightly poked his side. When he finally looked down at me his eyes were full of grief and pain and sorrow it made me want to reach out and help him but I don’t know how. He slowly opened his mouth and said “Were not really on speaking terms I live here in California by myself.” I knew pushing the parent’s situation was probably not the best idea so I asked another question. “So where do you live here in Cali?” He just smiled and said would you like to see my place sometime?” I nodded quickly “Of course I would” and he smiled and grabbed my hand and the next words out of his mouth almost shocked me “Would you like to go see my place right now?” I couldn’t believe the words that just came out of his mouth ever sense I met him I had been wondering where he lived and what it looked like and I could get all my answers tonight, I was so excited. I jumped up onto my feet without hesitation and said “yes, yes I would love to see it right now.” He jumped up shortly after me laughing at my sudden rush of happiness. We quickly cleaned up our mess and were back at my car in no time. He squeezed my hand and said “honey do you mind if I drive I just think it would be a lot easier and quicker” I smiled like a love-struck school girl and just nodded my head and he slowly and bent down and kissed my forehead. I instantly got butterflies like I did anytime he kissed me or got to close, it was my body’s natural reaction to him. I didn’t even notice we were in the car and speeding down the highway till I felt him take one of my hands in his own and start tracing hearts on my skin. It seems like I’m not the only one love struck here and that slowed my heart rate down a little bit, not much. Before I knew it we were pulled up in front of a huge hotel looking building, it has at least 30 floors. And right when he looks over and smiles and says this is home is when the val-a walks around and offers to take the car. We both got out and he meet me by my side of the car quicker then I would have thought humanly possible. That or maybe my reflexes are just very very slow. I could help but start as we walked in the two front doors of this beautiful building. Even the inside was amazing everything was so colorful and pretty. He led me straight to the elevator and hit the up but we went all the way up to the 26th floor finally when the elevator dinged I think I finally broke out of my trance. I couldn’t believe what an amazing place he lived in. We walked out of the elevator to a door that had the word G. Banks written on the door. It was the only door I seen at all on this whole floor so I’m assuming the whole floor is his. As soon as I walk in I’m proven my assumptions are right the place is huge and beautiful. It was the most amazing house I had ever seen. And to think an 18 year old boy lives here all by himself. I instantly thought he must come from a family with a lot of money but that wasn’t something I was about to bring up right now. He grabbed my hand again and said “So would you like a tour?” with a huge grin on his face there was no way I could refuse. He showed me the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room, and then the bedroom but, were only teenagers as soon as we seen the bedroom the tour quickly ended. I never use to be such a reckless girl but with him everything seemed right I felt at home in his arms.

Several hours later we were laying snuggled on his bed when he smiled and leaned down and kissed me and asked if I would like anything to drink. And as soon as he mentioned that it was like I hadn’t drank anything in hours which was probably the problem here. So unfortunately he pulled out of my arms and left to go to the kitchen. Not long after he left I got up and put his t-shirt on so I would be walking around naked and I started exploring his room. He had such an amazing cd and DVD collection. He surprisingly had all of my favorites ever the old kiddie ones. I had just got done looking over the movies and was about to go look for Gabe when I noticed a mini fridge next to his bed. I found it kind of strange seeing as though he just went to the kitchen to get me something to drink. I slowly walked across the room and I don’t know why but I slowly opened the fridge with caution. My eyes and mind couldn’t make sense of what I saw in front of me in the fridge. I don’t know why but I reflexively reached both hands out and grabbed one in each hand. And that’s how I stood when Gabe walked in the room I was facing him with a vile in each hand; they were both filled with some red liquid. As soon as his eyes adjusted to what was in my hands he dropped the glass of water he held and glass shards went all over the wooden floor. The next word that came out of my mouth I didn’t even think about they just happened it’s like my mouth was moving faster than my head. I just cocked my head and simply said “Gabe who are you? No better yet what are you?”

The author's comments:
Some spelling and grammer mistakes sorry :( lol

The look of shock and utter terror on Gabe’s face really made me wonder what I was holding in my hands. I tried thinking of rational thoughts of what it could be fruit punch? No one why would it be in vials and two it’s to thick. I couldn’t think of any red liquid that was that thick, and then it hit me in the vials was blood. A ripple of confusion went through my whole body I couldn’t completely take in the situation. My hands lost grip and I watched in amazement as the two vials started plummeting towards the floor. The next thing really took me by surprise I fully expected the vials to hit the floor and the blood go everywhere but in one swift movement Gabe was standing in front of me and had caught both vials in his hands. With that I had officially had enough today, without saying a word I turned my back on Gabe and walked towards my pile of clothes on the floor. I slipped on the parts that were absolutely necessary. The rest I just shoved in my purse I couldn’t stay here any longer nothing was making sense. I calmly walked out of the bedroom my back to Gabe him calling my name and I just ignored it I needed to leave now. Finally when I made it to the front door to leave Gabe was standing in front of the door blocking my exit. I was beyond being weirded out by how much faster he could move then me, which was the last thing on my mind. I just simply said “I don’t want to know anything. I will never speak of this to anyone, I’ll leave you alone forever just please let me leave Gabe I can’t take all this in.” He moved out of my way finally looking tired and defeated and with sorrow filled eyes he said “I don’t want you to leave me alone forever, you’re the girl I have been waiting around for its been about 600 years now. Were meant to be together you’re my soul mate and were meant to share this life.” At this point I had my hand on the door and I slowly turned around I couldn’t help it curiosity got the best of me. I said the words slowly and with absolutely clarity “Gabe you will tell me everything, leave nothing out. I want to know it all.” He looked down at me and smiled a sheepish smile like he was begging me not to run away screaming and he said “I can explain…..kinda.”
I couldn’t believe how today has turned out. It’s now four o’clock in the morning I’m sitting on Gabe’s big leather couch on the opposite end as him, I still haven’t completely forgave him yet. Around one I called my mom and told her I was going to be staying over at a friend’s little did she know by friend I meant a guy. I still can’t believe all the things we thought were fairy tales and horror stories are real. I mean Gabe is a real vampire prince. That word still gives me chills. I never would have thought in my whole life they were real, let alone living here in Cali, let alone one being my boyfriend. At least now I completely understood why Gabe and his parents were not on speaking teams. They were a little bit more old fashioned and wanted Gabe to marry a vampire from their home town in London and Gabe didn’t want that. Ever since he was 13 Gabe has dreamt about me. Well up until two weeks ago he didn’t know who I was. He had just been seeing my face and glimpse of me as I had been glowing just right alongside him. And his parents hoped he would just put away childish thoughts of wanting to marry a human and change her himself but, he couldn’t he was already in love with me from the moment he saw my face. That explains the reason why I have fell for him so fast. I have known him my whole life pretty much. I couldn’t argue with his story because I feel the exact same as him I love him already more than anything. I guess I understand why he didn’t tell me, it’s a lot to take in and a lot to process. It’s still hard to believe I’m in love with a vampire and he loves me back. I couldn’t stay mad at him forever he had just broke like a million rules by telling me and trying to keep me from walking out of his life forever. I slowly got up and crawled down the huge couch and stopped when I finally made it to his lap. I adjusted myself so I was sitting facing him and I just gently kissed him softly on the lips. He put both of his hands on my face and whispered “you have no idea how big a relief it is to tell you everything and for you to still love me, I don’t know what I would do without you Jess. Please be my Princess?” I thought long and hard about all the Pros and Cons and I finally whispered “yes”.  



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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 11 comments.


on Jun. 2 2015 at 12:29 pm
alwaysreal BRONZE, Harvey, Louisiana
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm
The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.
Albert Einstein
Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.
Benjamin Franklin

The story is cute but honestly with a few more details the story could be amazing.

Dalia... GOLD said...
on Nov. 20 2013 at 10:18 pm
Dalia... GOLD, Brooklyn, New York
10 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Now do not misunderstand me, danger is very real. But fear is a choice.” –Cypher Raige

MY GOD THIS IS SOOOO GOODDD!!!! I couldn't keep my eyes of the the pages. You are very creative and talented. Please do not stop writing and keep up the good work! And also please please make a part 2 to this!!! Thank you :)

on Mar. 22 2013 at 11:18 am
jadepotter BRONZE, Louisville, Tennessee
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I believe there are stars that shine even after they are long extinct and some people I consider to be these stars." Hannah Senesh

it's nothing like twilight, i think the only thing it has in common is a vampire and human falling in love and that's been used many times. it's not the story line you use, it's how you use it...i think Alantis did very well...i love it...it's really neat.

Alantis SILVER said...
on Oct. 6 2011 at 3:45 pm
Alantis SILVER, Connersville, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love hurts weither its right or wrong.

Thank you bunches AngelOfDarkness. :)

on Sep. 14 2011 at 11:09 am
TheGirlWhoDancesWithSnowflakes SILVER, Sunnyvale, Texas
8 articles 0 photos 99 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis

Well, I like it way better than Twilight. That's a plus. Keep writing. And Carrie, could you critique my story, Cirque de Horror? :)

Alantis SILVER said...
on Sep. 11 2011 at 6:11 pm
Alantis SILVER, Connersville, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love hurts weither its right or wrong.

Thankyou tons. :) I really love this Gabe and Jess are like my babys and I love both their personalitys and I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

on Sep. 11 2011 at 5:30 pm
XxEpicPandaxX BRONZE, Gainesville, Florida
3 articles 1 photo 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you love something let it go, If it doesn't come back it wasn't truly yours ... </3

I really liked it..... Ummm I wouldn't say its like twilight i think its better for 1 gabe doesnt sparkle hes much better of a person and another thing Gabe did not stare at her like he was going to kill her lol and  Jess isnt a big clutsy stupid person :)

on Sep. 8 2011 at 8:58 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Well, I'm sorry I gave you an honest critique.  In your thread, you asked for people's opinions and I gave you mine.  As it stands, you still need to give me feedback on three more of my pieces.

 

I realize you may not have much time to go over your work, but why submit something if you know it's not your best?  Editing is hard, yes, but it is also necessary.

 

"Maybe my book isn't for you if you find so much distaste in it."

Well, I don't particularly like romances.  But I read it anyway because you asked for a critique and I gave you my objective opinion.  A lot of the things I critique I wouldn't read unless someone asked me, but I still do it.  Why?  Because I want feedback on my work and I realize people who read my work in return for feedback probably wouldn't read it unless I aksed them to.  That's life.

 

I still stand by everything I said in my original critique.  Confronting me will not change my opinions.


Alantis SILVER said...
on Sep. 8 2011 at 7:54 pm
Alantis SILVER, Connersville, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love hurts weither its right or wrong.

Sorry i know my grammer has a lot of mistakes but, i have been writing this in my spare time and don't have a ton of time to go over and over it. As i said to someone in my earlier comment Twilight was my insperation and i'm not ashamed it's a lot like it. Yes it's like it in lots of ways but it is also very different. And as for my dialogue I made it that way because I like it. Maybe my book isn't for you if you find so much distaste in it.

Alantis SILVER said...
on Aug. 11 2011 at 11:52 pm
Alantis SILVER, Connersville, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love hurts weither its right or wrong.

Thanks. Twilight was kinda my reason behind my story. :)

AnnieHay said...
on Aug. 6 2011 at 5:20 pm
AnnieHay, Glendale, New York
0 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.~Ferris Beuller
The past is the future with the lights on.~Plus 44

Reminds me alot of twilight. Good story, just a few grammar mistakes. Keep writing!




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