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The Forgotten

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Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 Next »

Chapter 7 : Deja-Vu.

Where did he disappear to ?
If he was going to be my captor, he should at least stay around to hold me prisoner.
Demitier however I couldn't get rid of. If she wasn't cleaning, bringing me food or talking on the phone with god knows who, in god knows what language, she was finding reasons to spy on me.
I learned that she was from Europe, somewhere. Adrian had saved her life, which surprised me more then anything. This was how she repaid him.
“Adrian.” I said.
She looked up from the book in her hands, “Excuse me ?”
“Adrian, is he home ?”
She nodded yes.
“Mr. Ivanov is in his study.”
That did it ! I got up, pissed off, and stormed out of the hall.
The stairs that had taken me to the bathroom on the fourth level, now led me to a higher floor, that like the others was in rich fabric.
There were five doors, each in lacquered dark wood. The orient rugs were probably hand made and cost a fortune. Torch looking chandeliers lit the corridor.
Demitier didn't run after me due to our earlier encounter.
The stairs continued up and up but I decided to first check here.
Adrian's study would most likely be near the hall, where he could appear if anything want wrong.
I felt a surge of deja-vu. A few years back, a guy, Charles Wilson, in my class was hosting an end of the year party. His parents of course weren't in on the plan, as fate works, they had been called out of town for a meeting.
I wouldn't have gone if it wasn't for Jake. He was the reason I'd agreed.
He was my future husband (in my wildest dream) and... he was single.
Charles was Aly's boyfriend at the time and couldn't not invite the best friend.
His house, scratch that -his mansion was quite a sight, mostly it screamed money money money.
When Jake and I started making out on the couch, numerous beers later, and proposed to find a room I complied.
Taking my hand, we went up stairs without breaking our kiss. I really was a multitasker back in the days. We made it to the first floor, Jake pushed me against the wall going for a deeper kiss.
There were doors all around and we tried them all. Soon finding out they were also all locked.

* * *
I tried the first door, shut and under lock and key.
The second and third, same story. About to give up and just head back down stairs, like that one night long ago, I gave the fourth a shove while turning the knob.
The door swung open and what a site !
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 Next »


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This book has 18 comments. Post your own!

MermaidmissyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 6, 2011 at 9:35 am:
Ahh I so love this book it is very good and heartwarming all at the same time. I think you should keep writing more pages soon. Hey can you look at my stuff and see what you like I have poems and one book on this web site so check it out if you have a chance k. Thank You!! :) 
 
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EbbaRose said...
Oct. 5, 2011 at 1:08 am:
Good story! And great character voice, i love it!!! can't wait to read more!
 
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NikiblueThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 2:49 pm:

I thought the storyline was good and suspenseful. I do have some critics though. I know that a lot of people have already mentioned the spelling errors, and also the weird arrows in the text. Secondly, I feel that a lot of the writing was a little choppy and too quick from one thing to the next. I think more emotion and details should be put in so it feels more as though the reader is there seeing it all for themselves, if that makes any sense?

 

Hopefully I wasn't just rep... (more »)

 
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Drive_it_home_with_one_headlight said...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 6:42 pm:
I like this a lot. The paragraphing is weird, though. It threw me off a little bit, as well as the arrows instead of the ". Is there any significance to the arrows?
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 8:43 pm :
Sorry about that, I just recently bought an American mac so the sighs changed from the arrows to ". In french we don't have " on the keyboard. Same for the paragraphes. In France books aren't presented the same way. Sorry if it caused any confusion. 
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 8:44 pm :
* signes.  
 
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AspiringWriter said...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 12:27 pm:

I love the plot; it's very unique. The summary immediately intrigued me. I'd hate to say this again, but you do have a few grammatical errors. It's nothing too big, and it definitely doesn't take away from your story. :)

 

Hmm. What else? I think that you should try adding more descriptions and emotions. Not too much. Just a little. It'll make the story more vivid, if you know what I mean.

 

Great work! :)

 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm :
Thanks !! I will try adding more description and emotions in my next chapters, I have a hard time with that sort of stuff;) Again thank you for reading !
 
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mrs. mom said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:36 pm:
as a mom, i love this story - age appropriate but exciting, fun,sensual,etc.-it's great knowing that there are those who like to write something other than "texts" - i just wonder if this writer's nightmares are as interesting - please continue
 
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renthead96 said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 5:52 pm:

This is an interesting story. I enjoyed the relationship you created between vampire and zombie--I'm pretty sure I haven't seen that yet. However, there are various spelling/grammar mistakes. You can always have someone else review your chapters to help check for these mistakes: a parent, a sibling, a relative, etc. Just to help with this, I've selected a few common mistakes that you've made to show what you should look for:

"He is aloud to take a break, I'm not angry with Him."more »)

 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:51 pm :
Thanks Renthead96. The next few chapters are going to be back and forth between Adrian and Darik's view, so you will get more information about the whole vampire and zombie relationship. As for the mistakes, thank you :) Keep posted for more. :) and thanks again for checking this out. It means alot to me !
 
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tealbirdThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 1:01 pm:
Ok, I'm sorry to say I only had time to read the first chapter of your novel, but I really enjoyed it. I love the tone of the writing, especially the 'big man Upstairs' part :D. Trust me, you had me captivated and I'll be back to read the rest!
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:42 pm :
thanks so much :)
 
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Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm:
I really like this story. You do need to revise a few things though. You have a few comma splices--joining two sentences together. Also, I would advise expanding a bit more on the emotional side of your character. Sometimes, she doesn't seem as freaked out as I would have thought. But the story itself is pretty interesting; I can't wait until you post some more. I want to know more about the characters! And I love the whole spin you put on vampires and zombies! Very well done overall! :)
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:41 pm :
Thank you Garnet77. The next chapter is going to be under another character's point of view... so keep reading ! 
 
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eMiLyP said...
Jul. 24, 2011 at 9:44 am:
This is a really good story! I love how suspenseful it is. I really hope you write more because I would be interested in reading it if you did! Great work!
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 9:21 pm :
Thank you, the next chapters are pending approval, so come back to check it out soon :) I'm going to write much more, I have it all planed out but my chapters are very short so it might take a while. 
 
eMiLyP replied...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 6:35 pm :
Yay! I can't wait!
 
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