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The Forgotten

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Chapter 5 : A Promise

I was bored out of my mind. Who would have thought that being held captive was such tiresome business ? So, to pass the time while waiting for help to arrive, I slept. I was impatient for the cops to find me. Why was it taking so long ? In TV shows, after an epiphany the hero usually rescues the victim and is rewarded with promises of eternal gratitude and so forth. Considering the alternative, that no one actually finds me is probably the most frightening thing in the world. Adrian should already
(edited chapter reposted)
be in prison, shackled and awaiting his sentence, which will hopefully be along the lines of life long imprisonment.
Since the call, I haven't seen Adrian. A young lady brings me food and water. She usually doesn't say much apart from “Eat up !” or “Do you need anything else ?” It's like room service minus the thrill of being waited on hand and foot. I spend most of my waking hours thinking about my home, Mom, Dad and Darik. I miss my friends too. Aly most of all.
But I was going to see them again, I needed to keep surviving for them. They kept me going. They were like my own personal silver lining. My one happy thought.
I wonder what the kids at school said on Monday when I never showed, do they speak of me in the past tense ? Do any of them miss me ? Do they actually care at all ? Probably not. Teenagers can be the coldest, most calculating and selfish of them all. All these things repeated in my mind, like a broken record.
I truly hated these moments of consciousness. They drove me mad, made me question every detail, replay that dreadful Sunday, why why why... When I was awake that meant my mind could take over and I lost control over my own thoughts. Sometimes your imagination can be as cruel as reality.
I remember one specific Friday night. At the dinner table, we were talking about kidnaped children. I was ten and Darik was twelve.

* * *

“Most of those poor kids die,” Darik said.
“But that's sad, don't parents try to find them ?” my ten year old self inquired.
Dad cut in, he could tell I was on the verge of tears. “Of course they do. If it were either of you, I would never give up if someone took you from me.”
“Promise ?” I asked.
He smiled, “Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“I wouldn't give up on you either !” Darik added.

* * *

I hope they haven't forgotten their promise, I think to myself, while massaging my legs. My whole body is still extremely painful for some reason. At first I thought it had to do with my position when Adrian kidnapped me. But if it was due to that, it should have passed by now. It's like my bones and joints are one fire. Each movement must have a purpose, each misstep is regretted instantly. My mouth and jaw also ache, maybe it's my wisdom teeth making an appearance. It's about correct in timing. My eyes are still puffy and raw from my constant crying, basically, I am a wreck. Before I fall back into a dreamless sleep, I take a minute to pray. I pray for my life, for my family, for strength. But prayers don't seem to be answered when you are residing in hell.
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This book has 23 comments. Post your own!

GhostBeamThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 17 at 7:10 pm:
Amazing!!!!!!
 
just-another-urlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 21 at 4:26 pm :
Thanks for reading !
 
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SmileyFace3356 said...
Dec. 3, 2013 at 9:39 pm:
This is amazing, every girl wants a bad boy who's good just for her!  Btw, does anyone know how to bookmark cuz I am definitely bookmarking this!
 
just-another-urlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 21 at 4:32 pm :
Thanks :) I'm not sure how you can bookmark it, I think you can click a link somewhere requesting to receive an email when I publish new chapters (hope that helps).
 
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IamMeForeverThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:52 pm:
More more more!!!
 
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Mermaidmissy said...
Oct. 6, 2011 at 9:35 am:
Ahh I so love this book it is very good and heartwarming all at the same time. I think you should keep writing more pages soon. Hey can you look at my stuff and see what you like I have poems and one book on this web site so check it out if you have a chance k. Thank You!! :) 
 
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EbbaRose said...
Oct. 5, 2011 at 1:08 am:
Good story! And great character voice, i love it!!! can't wait to read more!
 
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Nikiblue said...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 2:49 pm:

I thought the storyline was good and suspenseful. I do have some critics though. I know that a lot of people have already mentioned the spelling errors, and also the weird arrows in the text. Secondly, I feel that a lot of the writing was a little choppy and too quick from one thing to the next. I think more emotion and details should be put in so it feels more as though the reader is there seeing it all for themselves, if that makes any sense?

 

Hopefully I wasn't just rep... (more »)

 
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Drive_it_home_with_one_headlight said...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 6:42 pm:
I like this a lot. The paragraphing is weird, though. It threw me off a little bit, as well as the arrows instead of the ". Is there any significance to the arrows?
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 8:43 pm :
Sorry about that, I just recently bought an American mac so the sighs changed from the arrows to ". In french we don't have " on the keyboard. Same for the paragraphes. In France books aren't presented the same way. Sorry if it caused any confusion. 
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 8:44 pm :
* signes.  
 
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AspiringWriter said...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 12:27 pm:

I love the plot; it's very unique. The summary immediately intrigued me. I'd hate to say this again, but you do have a few grammatical errors. It's nothing too big, and it definitely doesn't take away from your story. :)

 

Hmm. What else? I think that you should try adding more descriptions and emotions. Not too much. Just a little. It'll make the story more vivid, if you know what I mean.

 

Great work! :)

 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm :
Thanks !! I will try adding more description and emotions in my next chapters, I have a hard time with that sort of stuff;) Again thank you for reading !
 
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mrs. mom said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:36 pm:
as a mom, i love this story - age appropriate but exciting, fun,sensual,etc.-it's great knowing that there are those who like to write something other than "texts" - i just wonder if this writer's nightmares are as interesting - please continue
 
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renthead96 said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 5:52 pm:

This is an interesting story. I enjoyed the relationship you created between vampire and zombie--I'm pretty sure I haven't seen that yet. However, there are various spelling/grammar mistakes. You can always have someone else review your chapters to help check for these mistakes: a parent, a sibling, a relative, etc. Just to help with this, I've selected a few common mistakes that you've made to show what you should look for:

"He is aloud to take a break, I'm not angry with Him."more »)

 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:51 pm :
Thanks Renthead96. The next few chapters are going to be back and forth between Adrian and Darik's view, so you will get more information about the whole vampire and zombie relationship. As for the mistakes, thank you :) Keep posted for more. :) and thanks again for checking this out. It means alot to me !
 
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tealbird said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 1:01 pm:
Ok, I'm sorry to say I only had time to read the first chapter of your novel, but I really enjoyed it. I love the tone of the writing, especially the 'big man Upstairs' part :D. Trust me, you had me captivated and I'll be back to read the rest!
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:42 pm :
thanks so much :)
 
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Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm:
I really like this story. You do need to revise a few things though. You have a few comma splices--joining two sentences together. Also, I would advise expanding a bit more on the emotional side of your character. Sometimes, she doesn't seem as freaked out as I would have thought. But the story itself is pretty interesting; I can't wait until you post some more. I want to know more about the characters! And I love the whole spin you put on vampires and zombies! Very well done overall! :)
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:41 pm :
Thank you Garnet77. The next chapter is going to be under another character's point of view... so keep reading ! 
 
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