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The Forgotten

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Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 11 Next »

Chapter 4 : A phone Call

I fell in and out of sleep, as if my mind couldn’t decide if it wanted me unconscious or not.
I finally did dose off a few hours later.

* * *

« Wake up hon, you're late for school. »
Yeah mom.
« Baby... » She shook my shoulder.
I pulled my pillow over my head.
« Leah Mortel, I will not break the law speeding to get you there on time, now get up ! »
As if she ever drove under the speed limit.
This was a routine
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in the Mortel house, each morning of every day.
A moment later, my shudders where wide open and blazing sunlight came and flooded my childhood room.
I swung my legs over the bed, sitting looking around my room : baby blue walls with yellow lace curtains. Two windows that looked out into the back yard. Wood floors, polished and as clean as a new penny.
I liked how all the furniture wasn't matched, all in wood but never the same kind, different shades from white to dark brown.
The alarm clock on my night stand beeped. I leaned over and pushed off, it didn't stop.

* * *
An alarm woke me up. No it was a telephone, I looked down my head spinning from my quick movement, disoriented for a moment before I remembered where I was.
It was my cell, that was vibrating in my pocket ! Adrian had forgotten to take it away, a big mistake from the hands of a criminal. I didn't see him so answered, checking the caller ID : it was my brother, Darik.
« HELP ! » I screamed in a whisper.
« Leah? Where the hell are you ?" I had never heard him so worried.
It takes all my strength not to burst into tears, « He kidnapped me I don't know where I am save me save me please Darik help... » I trail off, my mind can't deal anymore. I'm shaking so bad, the phone almost slips out of my fingers.
« Calm down Leah, tell me what happened. » His voice is soothing but doesn't clear up the panic.
I explain everything, how the bus was late, how he said he was new to this area, his eyes (at this point I think Darik is lost, or thinks I've gone mad, he doesn't stop me).
I tell him everything I can think of that might help, help for what ? Because I have no freaking clue where I am.
« I'm scared Darik. »
He doesn't answer. He's a good guy my brother, but not great when it comes to handling this kind of stuff.
I remember a few years back, our cat Lucifer ran away.
He went crazy, ran around shouting the poor cat's name until dark. The nebors told my parents that if they didn't shut him up they would call the police. We never did find Lucifer.
So I could imagine who he felt now.
« I'm calling the cops... they can trace your phone... they'll find you... » He rambled.
« Love you and tell mom and dad tha- » Darik cut me off.
« Sis, you are not going to die, I'll find you. »
That was Darik, loving, strong : an emotional snow ball, with a 100 different feelings.
« I won't let that ass touch you, he won't hurt you, I swear. » Brave words, « And if- when I find this first class jerk, I' m going to beat the crap out of him. »
« You are such a g- » But I couldn't finish, the next second Adrian was standing next to me, appeared out of fine air ! How much did he hear ?
« What the ! » He didn't even have to finish his sentence, he knew what was going on. He grabbed my phone but not before I screamed. My last warning to my sibling.
He crushed my cell in his hand, like butter and I swear, I saw in his white eyes I could see flames.
« Who. Was. That. » He pronounced each word as if it was painful, and it felt like I was being repeatedly stabbed with a knife.
« My brother and the police will be here soon, I would run if I were you. » I said with all the confidance I could muster up.
He laughed with no humor. « I doubt that very seriously. » I flinched at his matter of fact voice.
I couldn't just stand there saying nothing, so out of all the things I could tell him, I chose the least important. It wasn't even a question.
« If you did this for money, sorry to disappoint you but I come from a middle class family, we don't roll on dough exactly. » He doesn't answer and I have the horrible feeling that he didn't kidnap me for money.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 11 Next »


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This book has 18 comments. Post your own!

MermaidmissyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 6, 2011 at 9:35 am:
Ahh I so love this book it is very good and heartwarming all at the same time. I think you should keep writing more pages soon. Hey can you look at my stuff and see what you like I have poems and one book on this web site so check it out if you have a chance k. Thank You!! :) 
 
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EbbaRose said...
Oct. 5, 2011 at 1:08 am:
Good story! And great character voice, i love it!!! can't wait to read more!
 
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NikiblueThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 2:49 pm:

I thought the storyline was good and suspenseful. I do have some critics though. I know that a lot of people have already mentioned the spelling errors, and also the weird arrows in the text. Secondly, I feel that a lot of the writing was a little choppy and too quick from one thing to the next. I think more emotion and details should be put in so it feels more as though the reader is there seeing it all for themselves, if that makes any sense?

 

Hopefully I wasn't just rep... (more »)

 
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Drive_it_home_with_one_headlight said...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 6:42 pm:
I like this a lot. The paragraphing is weird, though. It threw me off a little bit, as well as the arrows instead of the ". Is there any significance to the arrows?
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 8:43 pm :
Sorry about that, I just recently bought an American mac so the sighs changed from the arrows to ". In french we don't have " on the keyboard. Same for the paragraphes. In France books aren't presented the same way. Sorry if it caused any confusion. 
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 8:44 pm :
* signes.  
 
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AspiringWriter said...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 12:27 pm:

I love the plot; it's very unique. The summary immediately intrigued me. I'd hate to say this again, but you do have a few grammatical errors. It's nothing too big, and it definitely doesn't take away from your story. :)

 

Hmm. What else? I think that you should try adding more descriptions and emotions. Not too much. Just a little. It'll make the story more vivid, if you know what I mean.

 

Great work! :)

 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm :
Thanks !! I will try adding more description and emotions in my next chapters, I have a hard time with that sort of stuff;) Again thank you for reading !
 
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mrs. mom said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:36 pm:
as a mom, i love this story - age appropriate but exciting, fun,sensual,etc.-it's great knowing that there are those who like to write something other than "texts" - i just wonder if this writer's nightmares are as interesting - please continue
 
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renthead96 said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 5:52 pm:

This is an interesting story. I enjoyed the relationship you created between vampire and zombie--I'm pretty sure I haven't seen that yet. However, there are various spelling/grammar mistakes. You can always have someone else review your chapters to help check for these mistakes: a parent, a sibling, a relative, etc. Just to help with this, I've selected a few common mistakes that you've made to show what you should look for:

"He is aloud to take a break, I'm not angry with Him."more »)

 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:51 pm :
Thanks Renthead96. The next few chapters are going to be back and forth between Adrian and Darik's view, so you will get more information about the whole vampire and zombie relationship. As for the mistakes, thank you :) Keep posted for more. :) and thanks again for checking this out. It means alot to me !
 
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tealbirdThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 1:01 pm:
Ok, I'm sorry to say I only had time to read the first chapter of your novel, but I really enjoyed it. I love the tone of the writing, especially the 'big man Upstairs' part :D. Trust me, you had me captivated and I'll be back to read the rest!
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:42 pm :
thanks so much :)
 
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Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm:
I really like this story. You do need to revise a few things though. You have a few comma splices--joining two sentences together. Also, I would advise expanding a bit more on the emotional side of your character. Sometimes, she doesn't seem as freaked out as I would have thought. But the story itself is pretty interesting; I can't wait until you post some more. I want to know more about the characters! And I love the whole spin you put on vampires and zombies! Very well done overall! :)
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:41 pm :
Thank you Garnet77. The next chapter is going to be under another character's point of view... so keep reading ! 
 
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eMiLyP said...
Jul. 24, 2011 at 9:44 am:
This is a really good story! I love how suspenseful it is. I really hope you write more because I would be interested in reading it if you did! Great work!
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 9:21 pm :
Thank you, the next chapters are pending approval, so come back to check it out soon :) I'm going to write much more, I have it all planed out but my chapters are very short so it might take a while. 
 
eMiLyP replied...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 6:35 pm :
Yay! I can't wait!
 
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