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The Forgotten

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Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 11 Next »

Chapter 2 : Unfamiliar room

* * * 
( nothing )

* * * 
( GPS voice ) 
" Turn left in 1 minute."

* * * 
( sound of gravel )

* * * 
( Adrian picks Leah up )

"Close your eyes, you're a safe."

* * * 

When I woke, I felt disoriented, scared but mostly in pain. 
My head -well, I'm not even going to talk about it. 
My body... an example :
Get run over by a truck, 100 times and ask an elephant to sit on you and finally multiply the pain by a million. Yeah, that's how I felt.
But forget that...
The last thing that I could remember was falling, into a never ending cold pit. Darkness surrounding me. 
Now I found myself in a small room. 
No furniture, not even a bed.
There was a light-bulb hanging from the celling.
No windows -that narrowed down my non-existent escape plan.
The door was made of... iron ? Or some other kind of invincible material. Great.
I stood up, gently in case I lost my balance. But both my legs worked, fortunately !
I walked slowly to the door and tried the knob -locked. 
Not a very big surprise.
I sank down to the floor which was carpeted.
Where was I ?
In a room, that was for sure, maybe in a house ? 
I should be with my friends at the mall.
But the real question didn't concern my location, I could work that out later, the problem was what was I doing here. 
Then it hit me. Adrian. His hands around my throat.
I'd been kidnapped.
Me, Leah Mortel, a nobody, just another face in the crowd. 
I found myself now in the hands of a psycho-killer/ rapist. Some crazed guy who had some serious problems. 
Who knew what he's do to me ? 
And good god ! His eyes ! White ! 
I was hyperventilating. Take deep breaths, I soothed myself.
I tried finding a reasonable explanation. 
Maybe contacts ?
In case I got a way. There was a good chance I wouldn't be able to describe him to the police. 
His face was to normal to identify, handsome yes very but ordinary.
I sat up, pushing myself into a position that didn't hurt as much. 
For the first time, I was shaking, crying.
I never cry ! 
But I couldn't stop those tears from coming.
I cried for hours. And as frightened and mad as I was I was glad Adrian didn't see me like this.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 11 Next »


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This book has 18 comments. Post your own!

MermaidmissyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 6, 2011 at 9:35 am:
Ahh I so love this book it is very good and heartwarming all at the same time. I think you should keep writing more pages soon. Hey can you look at my stuff and see what you like I have poems and one book on this web site so check it out if you have a chance k. Thank You!! :) 
 
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EbbaRose said...
Oct. 5, 2011 at 1:08 am:
Good story! And great character voice, i love it!!! can't wait to read more!
 
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NikiblueThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 2:49 pm:

I thought the storyline was good and suspenseful. I do have some critics though. I know that a lot of people have already mentioned the spelling errors, and also the weird arrows in the text. Secondly, I feel that a lot of the writing was a little choppy and too quick from one thing to the next. I think more emotion and details should be put in so it feels more as though the reader is there seeing it all for themselves, if that makes any sense?

 

Hopefully I wasn't just rep... (more »)

 
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Drive_it_home_with_one_headlight said...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 6:42 pm:
I like this a lot. The paragraphing is weird, though. It threw me off a little bit, as well as the arrows instead of the ". Is there any significance to the arrows?
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 8:43 pm :
Sorry about that, I just recently bought an American mac so the sighs changed from the arrows to ". In french we don't have " on the keyboard. Same for the paragraphes. In France books aren't presented the same way. Sorry if it caused any confusion. 
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 8:44 pm :
* signes.  
 
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AspiringWriter said...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 12:27 pm:

I love the plot; it's very unique. The summary immediately intrigued me. I'd hate to say this again, but you do have a few grammatical errors. It's nothing too big, and it definitely doesn't take away from your story. :)

 

Hmm. What else? I think that you should try adding more descriptions and emotions. Not too much. Just a little. It'll make the story more vivid, if you know what I mean.

 

Great work! :)

 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm :
Thanks !! I will try adding more description and emotions in my next chapters, I have a hard time with that sort of stuff;) Again thank you for reading !
 
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mrs. mom said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:36 pm:
as a mom, i love this story - age appropriate but exciting, fun,sensual,etc.-it's great knowing that there are those who like to write something other than "texts" - i just wonder if this writer's nightmares are as interesting - please continue
 
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renthead96 said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 5:52 pm:

This is an interesting story. I enjoyed the relationship you created between vampire and zombie--I'm pretty sure I haven't seen that yet. However, there are various spelling/grammar mistakes. You can always have someone else review your chapters to help check for these mistakes: a parent, a sibling, a relative, etc. Just to help with this, I've selected a few common mistakes that you've made to show what you should look for:

"He is aloud to take a break, I'm not angry with Him."more »)

 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:51 pm :
Thanks Renthead96. The next few chapters are going to be back and forth between Adrian and Darik's view, so you will get more information about the whole vampire and zombie relationship. As for the mistakes, thank you :) Keep posted for more. :) and thanks again for checking this out. It means alot to me !
 
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tealbirdThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 1:01 pm:
Ok, I'm sorry to say I only had time to read the first chapter of your novel, but I really enjoyed it. I love the tone of the writing, especially the 'big man Upstairs' part :D. Trust me, you had me captivated and I'll be back to read the rest!
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:42 pm :
thanks so much :)
 
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Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm:
I really like this story. You do need to revise a few things though. You have a few comma splices--joining two sentences together. Also, I would advise expanding a bit more on the emotional side of your character. Sometimes, she doesn't seem as freaked out as I would have thought. But the story itself is pretty interesting; I can't wait until you post some more. I want to know more about the characters! And I love the whole spin you put on vampires and zombies! Very well done overall! :)
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 7, 2011 at 6:41 pm :
Thank you Garnet77. The next chapter is going to be under another character's point of view... so keep reading ! 
 
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eMiLyP said...
Jul. 24, 2011 at 9:44 am:
This is a really good story! I love how suspenseful it is. I really hope you write more because I would be interested in reading it if you did! Great work!
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 9:21 pm :
Thank you, the next chapters are pending approval, so come back to check it out soon :) I'm going to write much more, I have it all planed out but my chapters are very short so it might take a while. 
 
eMiLyP replied...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 6:35 pm :
Yay! I can't wait!
 
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