Finding a Way | Teen Ink

Finding a Way

May 1, 2011
By Lizzi BRONZE, Pheonix, Arizona
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Lizzi BRONZE, Pheonix, Arizona
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

My life has never been close to perfect. In fact, it has never even had a perfect moment, at least to me. My life is messy, tiring, and something always goes wrong. That is why when I can lose myself in my dance it almost takes all the mess of my life away. When I get out on a stage and step out from the velvety wing of the curtains. When I rise up on the tip of my pointe shoes, the ribbons wrapping all around my calves, and strike my pose. When I look across the stage into my partners gleaming eyes full of encouragement right as the music starts. That is when I can lose myself in my dance, that is when I can forget my troubles, that is when the sky is no longer the limit.
My partner, Cameron, and I have been dancing together since we were eight. I had just started dance and Cameron was the ballet protégée. I remember my whining to my mom about how uncomfortable the tights were and asking why couldn't’t just wear the leotard like I used to in gymnastics when he walked over. Cameron said in the warm voice “Hey I’m Cameron and I’m eight. You got to be new here. What is your name?”
For a while was tongue tied and couldn't focus because I was still going crazy about my tights but, I finally choked out “I am Annabel, but you can just call me A, I am eight too!”
We have been partners ever since. Our first recital together was later that year and we worked so hard. I remember the rehearsals. Sweat was slowly making its way down my down my face, from my dark brown hair past my blue eyes to the edge of my jaw line, then off my face and on to the floor.
“Again!” the instructor shouts. Her voice harsh but full of pride “This is the last run through.” We ready our broken bodies for our final rehearsal thinking we are done! That performance had over 2,000 people attending.
Cameron and I are now preparing for Julliard. He is almost guaranteed a spot while I have to work my butt of to be considered but this is why I fell in love with dance. Not one thing comes naturally but, it keeps my mind off everything.

As I pull into the school parking lot and slowly turn off the ignition I prepare myself for the first day of my senior year of high school. I take a look at my schedule, Mrs. Curt first period for math. Great. I have never been a math whiz but it was never too hard because I have always had at least Jessie, Serena, Josh, or Cameron to help me through the class. I finally force myself to get out of the car and walk towards the gates of Northwood High school of Performing Arts.
I near the gate and I spot Jessie I run over to her. “Hey! Jesse!” I say
“Oh my god Annabel! It is so great to see you I really have missed you. We should have hung out more this summer,” Jessie said.
“You know I would have it is just between visiting my dad and dance it gets hard to find time to hang out with people. No matter how much I want to,” I said.
“Yeah, I completely understand! We just got make this year count, you know, like go to tons of parties and stuff.” Jessie said
“Totally! Did you switch to Mrs. Curt first period math?” I said
“Oh no I totally forgot! I will go switch it right now see you in math!” Jessie said and just like that she was sprinting off to the office, which left me totally alone again.
I keep on walking and just as I near the gate I look over my outfit for the tenth time that morning. A designer denim skirt, overrated, a black v-neck sweater which hit me just right, and black flats. My mom made me promise to start wearingg some of my nicer clothes lately. Don’t get me wrong I am very grateful for what I have but I don’t like flaunting how nice we have it either. My mom doesn’t quite get that.
Ever since my mom and dad’s divorce she is all about looking nice. Before wearingg sweatpants and t-shirts wasn’t illegal now I might have committed a federal crime. I am not sure if it is the fact that she is single or that she lost weight and just wants to show it off. Whichever it is she tries to force it on me saying that Cameron won’t stick around forever and that I need to have other options. I hope it is just a phase in the divorce.
I take my first steps into the school and I am already bombarded with hellos, how was your summers, cute outfits, and pathetic pick up lines! I just want to reach some of my real friends but, I stop for a few short conversations, a couple of sweet smiles, and some glares here and there. All of the sudden I get a text I flip open my phone to read.
Cameron: Hey meet me by spirit rock.
Me: Be there in a second.

After searching and searching I finally spot Cameron and it takes everything not to sprint over to him and leap into his arms. Instead I speed up my conversation with a girl from my last year’s chemistry class. I can’t help and feel bad but it is almost to talk to her when I could be talking to Cameron. Finally I finish up my conversation with chemistry girl and I take a few short steps into Cameron’s open arms. I wish I could stay there forever his heat surrounding me along with his indescribable smell enveloping me, but I pull back and look up.
“Hey A,” he says between smiles.
“Hey Cam,” I say I can’t help but smile back.
“I missed you. I am so sorry for leaving you again this summer. I just was so busy with work,” he says.
“Forgiven and forgotten let go find Serena and Josh.”I say.
“Ok but, what about Jessie?” he asked.
“Oh yah! I forgot to tell you. She went up to the front office to get her schedule changed for math with Curt’s first period,” I said
“Ok then lets go find Serena and Josh then,” he said. We walked for a little while there were a couple stares, some giggles and plenty of jealous looks. After two years you think people would get used to the fact that we are together. I looked at him; nothing seemed to faze him I just kept walking shoulder back and head held high. He is such a dancer. His smile broad and his hand around mine it felt so close to perfect. BEEP!
“Hey we better get over to Mrs. Curt don’t want to be late you first day she might get the wrong idea about you,” he said
“Hmmm. Do we have to, I mean we could just got get some coffee or something.” I say.
“You hate coffee besides math isn’t as bad as Spanish,” he said.
“I thought you loved Spanish,” I said confused.
“Only because you were in it,” he said. I blushed deeply
“Aww aren’t you to cute. Now get to class!” Mrs. Greenwitch screeched. Fear struck my like a freight train going at top speed but, Cameron stood strong.
“I’m glad you feel that way because we are going to be together for a long time,” he said. Then he did the thing I least expected, he leaned down and kissed me. I almost forgot about Mrs. Greenwich, until he pulled back. I looked over at Mrs. Greenwich her mouth looked like those cartoons where there jaw is on the ground. I could not help but giggle at the thought of it. All of the sudden there was a large gasp that was so loud I think China could have heard it.
“Oh no, Oh no, Oh no no no no,” she snickered. “To the office you two!” Cameron led me to the office leaning over he said.
“How was that for getting you out of math class?” he asked. I couldn’t believe it but giggled and said “Great!”

After what seemed to be the most dreadful day at Northwood High school of Performing Arts since orientation I finally got to go and do what I love, dance. I would have to survive the ride there first though.
Lately my parents have been trying to win my sister, brother, and I over because each want me and my siblings to live with them. They have been bribing us all with gifts. My gift was being able to join the Washington Ballet and getting showered with the latest dance gear. My brother’s gift was being able to get football lessons from the head coach of the Texas Tech football team. My sister’s gift is all the clothes she can imagine from the most expensive stores.
It is the last rehearsal before the Washington Ballet’s Nutcracker and it is mandatory to be there unless you in a coma or in critical condition which the probability of that is one in a hundred.

The car ride was dead silent. Not a peep came out of anyone except Katy Perry singing Firework on the radio. To break the silence my brother Sam broke out with a in a totally off key voice singing along. Then my sister joined in with her pretty little soprano voice. Followed by my parents who hardly knew the lyrics. Eventually we were all busting out singing “Baby you’re a firework!!! C’mon show them what your worth!” I felt like we were a family again. It felt like the way it used to. Then a sharp swerve and everyone’s singing voice turned to shrills and it all went black.


Washington Weekly
Washington Ballet’s Prima Ballerina Looses Family in Devastating Car Crash
Annabel Mar and her family were on their way to Annabel’s late company practice when they got hit by a drunk driver killing her mother Sara Mar, 36, her father David Mar, 38, her sister Michelle Mar, 14, and nearly killing Annabel Mar, 17, and Samuel Mar, 18. Annabel and her brother Samuel are in critical condition. Both were induced in medical comas. A funeral will be held later this month. It is unknown if Annabel and Samuel will be able to attend due to their condition. The drunk driver has yet to be found since it was a hit and run accident, but the search continues.

I wake up to find five different needles poking into me and my head bandaged up. I must have been out for a while judging by the very present hair on my legs and a gross taste in my mouth in which you only get when you haven’t brushed your teeth in while.
As is sit here wondering how I got myself landed in the hospital I notice the get well soon cards and balloons surrounding my bed like foliage. I go through some of them noticing that most of them say I’m sorry for your lost call me anytime if you want to talk. Though none of them say for what they are sorry for. Another thing that is bothersome is that none of them are from my family which is quiet odd since they are always in my business.
Then it hit me, the car crash. Mom, Dad, Michelle, and Sam were in it with me. I needed to find my family. I started pulling the needles out of me when a nurse came running shouting are thrashing her arms like a drowning person. She tried to sit me down but I pushed her away and kept trying to pull needles out of me but it started to become blurry. Then more nurses came in, in the same manner as she and pinned me to the bed. There was a sharp prick and all the sudden I wasn’t much for fighting back. The bed, so comfortable, the lights, became twinkling stars in the night sky. Then it all went black.
When I woke up I felt worse than I did before. My head was pounding like it would burst any second. I looked down at the straps on my arms and legs confining me to the bed. What was this place, a mental institution? No not even, this was medieval! A began yelling and thrashing in my bed to stir a doctor’s attention.
Seconds later a tall, dark, athletic looking boy walked in clearly too young to be a doctor but he looked around my age. Was he my brother? No, but I definitely knew him though. He began talking but I couldn’t hear him. I tried moving the gauze over my ear but I still couldn’t hear him. He looked surprised and then walked out of the room. He came back a little while later with watering eyes. I tried to explain to him I couldn’t hear him but I don’t think it come out right because tears slid down his checks. He walked over and sat next to me on my bed and mouthed I love you then he leaned over to kiss me but I pulled back, afraid. Who was this guy, thinking he could just go around kissing girls in hospitals. He looked a little hurt then kissed me quick on the check and left.
I wish I would have known who he was but he was still unknown to me. I felt bad for him because he told me he loved me and I pulled away. Tears welled to my eye this was too much emotional drama for me yet I still had more questions that needed to be asked. I began to drip tears, and then it turned to crying, then sobbing.

I sobbed for hours finally they sent a counselor in. He tried talking to me. Then a nurse walked in and told him something then handed him a white board. On it he wrote I’m sorry to say that your deaf and that you lost your family but I need you to understand that crying won’t help you get over it. Talk to me so that I can help you to get over it. I can understand what you are going through. I was breath taken. He was kidding; understand what I am going through please. I took the whiteboard from him and wrote: When you have seen your family die right before your eyes, and when somebody asks you to speak at their funeral but you can’t even remember anything about them to say, when even if you could you couldn’t say it if you did know you might begin to grasp what I am going through. Then I pointed at the door signaling he needed to leave, immediately.
After he left a doctor in a white lab coat walked in. He looked a lot like the doctors in the medical dramas, charming, in shape, and his hair just perfect. The doctor walked over handing me a letter in an envelope even whiter than his teeth. Along with the letter came a brilliant smile as if it contained good news in it, which could have fooled anyone from far away aside from me. I ripped it open anyway hoping that his smile did mean what it conveyed.

Dear Ms. Annabel Mar,
I am sorry to inform you and your Samuel are the only survivors of the car crash. You may not remember this event due to amnesia. It was suspected that in the car crash nobody in your family was wearing a seatbelt. However you survived due to your brother shielding you from the impact of the drunk driver’s car. We have no idea how he made it but he is certainly a fighter. Regardless of that your brother is in critical condition and we forced to induce him in a medically induced coma. It doesn’t look as though he is going to make it though.

I stop reading as the once well contained tears started spilling down my face. The doctor comforting me until the tears that wear ripping down my face, then urged me to read on.

The car crash not only to lose parts of your memory but also it caused you to become unable to hear. The hospital will help to adjust and learn sign language along with the man who stopped by earlier. You will be able to see your brother now and after you can begin on you sign language.
Again my condolences,
Dr. Pedpost
The tears came back and fast. I couldn’t believe it, I wanted to scream and wake up from this terrible nightmare but I knew I couldn’t. I cried and cried yet the pain still didn’t leave me.
Pulling myself together I wrote on a little white board telling my nurse I wished to see my brother. She nodded and walked me down the hallway to his room. I stopped outside the door pausing drawing a deep breath and going in.
I have never seen anyone like this before. At least what I can remember, I had never seen anything like this before. Sam was covered in bandages there were needles. I had pictured him as a strong person now he looked as though he could go at any second. I take slow long strides to his bed where I take hold of his hand and say a silent prayer. I look up and his eyes are open and staring into mine. Tears welled up in my eyes as he squeezed my hand back. He proved them wrong, he will survive, he just has too.
After a long white board conversation with my brother and many tears the nurse practically dragged me back to my room where she had to guard the door so I wouldn’t leave, then told me to go to bed, which eventually I did.

When I awoke that morning a nurse was catering my breakfast instead of tube feeding me. It smelled so good. There were chocolate chip pancakes surrounded by decadent fruits. Then there was a bottle of milk and water next to the tray. After enjoying my first real meal since the car crash I was dragged to my sign language lesson. There I saw the same tall, dark, athletic looking boy.
He greeted me and walked me to my seat. The boy was holding my hand oh so gently and he put his other hand around my waist like he was presenting me to the world. He waited for me to sit down then walked gracefully to his seat and sat down himself. The teacher wrote on the whiteboard explaining that for today we would just get to know each other, and then he escorted himself out.
The boy turned toward me and started writing on his whiteboard. He looked so familiar those deep brown eyes that looked like melting chocolate, his jet black hair that barely passed the brim of his forehead, and his smile. It was one of those smiles that could make you choke on your own words.

All the sudden a name came to mind and I just sputtered it out there. “Cam.” He must have heard me because he looked up at me in awe. His eyes watered up and he scribbled on his whiteboard you remember.

I wrote on mine I do! I do! I did remember he was my dance partner, my best friend, the love of my life. I jumped into his arms and cried. I’m so sorry I forgot. I promise never again. Never again will I forget.



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This book has 3 comments.


on Jun. 22 2011 at 2:57 am
alpal1621 BRONZE, Scottsdale, Arizona
3 articles 0 photos 6 comments
ADD MORE! Love it. 

GBoland BRONZE said...
on Jun. 6 2011 at 5:01 pm
GBoland BRONZE, Chantilly, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Parting is such sweet sorrow." - Shakesphere

This is brilliant! please add more... i'll be waiting..

on May. 18 2011 at 11:20 pm
Donttrust BRONZE, Fort Collins, Colorado
1 article 2 photos 44 comments
this is amazing!you should add to it!