Cemetery

April 17, 2011
By NarutosimG GOLD, chicago, Illinois
NarutosimG GOLD, Chicago, Illinois
10 articles 2 photos 53 comments

Summary:

Rosa just took a shortcut to the cemetery since she forgot her bus money and her aunt wasn't going to let her in before 1:30am hit .There she meet someone in the cemetery. When she meet this person it change her life and remeber something she have forgot when she was she 6 year old.Not only that but her friend call Yo(Nickname) made thing worst when he say 3 words she didn't want to her from him. Also what he did to her when she was about leave his house and this stange feeling.Rosa find out this strange feeling she scare of is going out of control.And in the end she find out why and realize it was not to be scare of in the first place.


Jeane

Cemetery


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This book has 3 comments.


on Dec. 28 2012 at 7:44 pm
AnushLoveee17 GOLD, Brooklyn, New York
16 articles 2 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
sometimes you have to forget whats gone appreciate what still remains and look forward to whats coming next

Hey, your story was good it really got suspicious keep writtin ur great that it

on Dec. 26 2012 at 7:05 pm
farah9723 BRONZE, Beirut, Other
1 article 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Forget The Past~Protect The Present~Predict The Future!!.."

Hey, your story is pretty good except that I felt like I lost interest , it needs to make the reader suspicious so just use more descriptive language.. U could have started the story differently u could have Said while I was walking through the cemetery I regretted not listening to grandmama warning me not to take this shortcut , but she told me not to be late and I had nothing else to do so I was walking though thhe cemetery when etc... It's to much details but I like ur theme and ur way of writing :)

on Dec. 26 2012 at 6:36 pm
jdaniels1779 BRONZE, New York, New York
3 articles 1 photo 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou

Hi Jeane, The plot line is very interesting, howeber some parts were confusing. Maybe you can add a little more descriptive setting so we can really get the mood of the short story. Maybe describe the relationship between the aunt and niece a little more so we get that feel you know? At times it was a little confusing and I think you need a little more..."spice" to give  it that spooky feel. All in all, great ideas! keep up the good work  


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