Black Hearts

December 22, 2010
By EliandSep, Geelong, Other
EliandSep, Geelong, Other
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Summary:

Winter and Fayte, bestfriends since forever attent a boarding school, Moonlight Academy, as boarding school can get exceedingly boring they decide to make a band with Winters lont-time boyfriend Luther, though Luther brings a surprise with him to auditions


EliandSep

Black Hearts


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This book has 4 comments.


on Apr. 3 2012 at 11:33 am
Zuccini75 BRONZE, Chantilly, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and let people wonder, than telling them yourself."
-Myself

The story is good, like the plot and all, I really liked the idea - but the grammar and spelling mistakes kinda distracted from the story. 

You have talent - but you need Spellcheck!


on Apr. 3 2012 at 2:30 am
nemish23 BRONZE, Sydney, Other
2 articles 0 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything they have."

"Today is life. The only life we're sure of. Make the most of today." -CSI:NY

yeah, hate to sound picky but the grammar really needs some working on. it kinda catches your eye and draws away from the actual story.

but i loved it all the same and you have to keep going!!!


EliandSep said...
on Mar. 8 2011 at 4:08 am
EliandSep, Geelong, Other
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

why thankyou :)
and yes i have always been rather horrible with grammar, haha
i shall remember what you have said when i post the next chapter, and i shall check out your story :)

thanks - Sep


on Feb. 25 2011 at 8:34 am
rainbowwaffles BRONZE, Stony Brook, New York
2 articles 0 photos 89 comments

I like the story so far. Boarding schools are always cool to read about :) I'm looking forward to reading more.

Please don't take any of this personally, just trying to help: You should always capitalize the beginning of a sentence and put a period at the end. There are a lot of run-on sentences in the first chapter that could be broken into separate sentences. You should also put a comma before an ending quotation mark if following the quote is "he said" or "she said" or "he shouted" etc. Otherwise, use a period before the ending quote.

I'm looking forward to when they form a band. :) I actually have a novel up in the realistic fiction novel section about a band as well, it's called The Formation if you want to check it out.





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