I tried to ignore the stares as I walked into school, but after about 5 minutes I was panicking. Words like, “hoe” whispered past my ears as I walked past groups of girls, while leers followed me from guys, suddenly seeing me for the first time. I could feel Jasper walking behind me like a shadow, and I made my way towards my locker. I stopped, 10 feet away from my locker, but still close enough to see the signs that were pasted onto it. Hoe’s don’t belong here. Go home. Wh***. Sl*t. I felt like I had been sucker punched in the stomach as I read them in their bright fluorescent colors, and in my best friends handwriting. Or should I say, ex-best friend. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to cry, people skirted past me, some laughing, some outright adding their own insults to my face as I stood there, my eyes still fixed on it, and then zooming in on a smaller note, ripped from a piece of notebook paper. I will get you honey. Honey. I knew I was going to throw up-Jason. It had to be. I recognized his handwriting. I took a wild step forward, half limping, half walking, and pushed myself to my locker, pulling the note off with as much force as I could, and ripping it into a million tiny little pieces. In my stupor I pulled off the others, and ripped them apart to, letting the trash slide through my fingers onto the ground. Hot tears flashed in my eyes, and savagely I yanked open my locker door. Hundreds of condoms fell out, and that was when I lost it. Before I could seriously hurt myself, I found myself locked in Jasper’s iron-hard grip, and outside. “You’re going home.” He said, firmness in his voice. In my numbness all I could do was agree stupidly as my tears fell. How dare they? How dare they? I watched as Jasper ran toward the school, promising to have this all taken care of in a minute. I sat on the hood of his car, profanities falling from my lips in my anger. Wasn’t it enough that I had already suffered enough pain? Why make me feel more? I wished that I were stronger so that I could just club somebody to get my anguish out. I bit my lip hard enough to make a drop of blood appear, only adding to my anger as it stung in the cold air. I watched as Jasper faded from my vision, and I tried to fill him with my thoughts instead of my miserable life. How someone so utterly perfect had found me, was completely beyond me. How had he picked me, when there were so many Brittany’s in the world? I glanced down at my brown fingertips…let alone pick a girl from another race. It felt so odd for me to be with a white boy, not that I thought different of him for it, but because of the status that would give him. So many people said we were over the whole racial thing, but I could still feel it. I remember the looks people gave us when he said hi to me for the very first time. I thought he was crazy, standing by my locker with this big smile on his face, like I was the sun or something. I had rolled my eyes, and quickly turned my back to him, but he had turned me around, with an, “Pretty girls should still need to make new friends.” Nobody had ever called me pretty before except my dad. A smile slipped onto my lips as I remembered, and then there he was before me. “What are you smiling at?” A blush grew on my cheeks, and I was thankful that I was dark so he couldn’t point it out, but somehow he noticed it anyways. “You’re blushing,” he added, as if having to state the obvious. “I know. I was remembering what an annoying jerk you were when you stood by locker that one day, remember?” He smiled. “Well, I’m glad that I can at least make you smile. I wish I didn’t make you cry as well.” His voice was serious, and I glanced up at him. Apparently he had noticed when I was crying about him after he left, but how had he known that? I slid off the hood of the jeep, and hobbled to the door, and sat down, struggling with my seat belt. “You’re all clear to go home Jordy.” His nickname for me, made me smile again, for a second erasing all thoughts of school and lockers. “Thank you.” I whispered, and gazed out my side window. I felt like I had been in his car an awful lot lately. I tried to keep him on my mind, and it wasn’t hard to. His scent filled the car like a drug. I took a deep breath, letting him fill my senses, and then asked the question that had been bugging me ever since school. “That was Jason’s note on my locker, wasn’t it?” I saw his hands tense on the wheel, and his jaw flex as he stared out the windshield. “Don’t try to hide anything from me, please Jasper, I need to know.” I could tell that he wasn’t going to tell me as he quickly said, “Thank god for no homework today.” “Stop changing the subject Jasper Dunn Howard, if we are going to be all honest with each other, than you need to tell me.” “Than maybe we aren’t meant to be.” His voice was strangely low, and I stared at him in shock. He was using the exact same phrase I had, and I tried not to gasp out loud, as the words made connection. I couldn’t believe how much such a little phrase could hurt. My mouth opened with a little popping sound, and I lowered my head, feeling as if nothing else could make my day any worse. “Jordan.” His voice echoed in my thoughts, but I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks. “Jordan…. Jordan, don’t do this. Talk to me. I just, I can’t tell you right now, okay?” I knew he wanted me to tell him that I forgave him, but I was tired of this. He always expected me to tell him everything, or call him whenever I was slightly afraid, but he never opened up to me. Man, I barely knew anything about him. We had first been friends at 4, but my family had moved a lot, and so the things I did know about him, I had learned recently since we had moved back. I looked up at him, and he moved a hand off the wheel, to try and wipe away my tears, but I jerked away. “Something’s different about you.” I began, pieces suddenly clicking in my head. “You know things, you find me when I’m hurt or about to be hurt…even before I press this, this necklace thing you gave me.” I stared at him, trying to gauge his reaction, but besides a tightening of the jaw, nothing changed. “It’s like you have me on some kind of leash…” my voice broke off, “it’s like you’re my dad almost, finding people that are in trouble…it’s like I have a…” Horror masked my face, and I pulled off the necklace that was around my head, and rubbed my fingers over it. “…Tracking device.” I didn’t know whether to scream or to hit him as he suddenly pulled off the road, and looked at me, his eyes filled with hurt, and compassion, and, and anger. “Jordan.” His voice broke as he said my name, but I was too furious. “You USED me? I FELL IN LOVE with a SECURITY GUARD that my FATHER HIRED? And you KISSED me! Or did you use me for that too? What did my father tell you? Steal her heart so that you can keep her safe without having to back up your reasoning? Are you even a teenager, or did you get some plastic surgery done for that to?” My temper rose as I continued shouting at him, way past mad, pissed was more the word you would use in these types of situations. I glared at him, wanting to hate him, but somehow finding that I couldn’t. Sure I was mad at him, pissed beyond recognition, but somewhere deep down, I knew I still loved him, or did I fall in love with a fake? Hot tears poured down my face, and I tried to open my door, but he locked it. I turned and glared at him, watching as he stared back into my face. “Let. Me. Go.” I ordered, trying to reach over him to unlock my door, but he held me away, his fingers enclosing over my small wrists. I bit my lip so hard that it bled again, splitting the wound from earlier, but I didn’t care. “I. Hate. You.” My words fell into the air with venom, and I watched as he struggled to maintain his calm composure, but not before I noticed his sudden intake of breath, and narrowing of eyes. “I know my dad can hear you, somewhere. What do you have, a walkie-talkie?” I mocked, and then noticed a small clear thing in his ear. “DADDY! Tell your man to get off of me!” I screamed, and instantly, I was released, falling backwards into the door. I watched as Jasper leaned forward as if almost instinctively to catch me, but then thought better of it. “Let me out.” I tried again, but he still didn’t budge. “Jordan.” His voice was stern, the brokenness gone now. “What?” My voice was sharp, and cold. I didn’t know I could sound so mean. “I don’t want you here. Can you just leave me? Take me home please?” He looked at me for a long moment, and started the car, but then killed it as if reconsidering my suggestion. “I never meant to hurt you.” I coughed, and rolled my eyes. “Leave me alone.” “Sorry, can’t.” His voice was monotonous, and I could see the hurt in his eyes, but I didn’t care. He had led me on, saved my life for the purpose of my father, made me fall in love with him to use me and gain my trust…I choked as I thought about it, my tears drying on my shirt. “So, what is going to happen now?” I didn’t mean to ask the question aloud, but it slipped past unchecked. “I get sent back to some other duty. I’m to hot here.” He murmured, and I glared at him. How dare he? How dare my father? I turned onto my side, and glared out the window, hoping to God that this was all a bad dream, but it wasn’t. “Jordan, before you shut me up again, please…” His voice broke off, and I saw him grab his ear bud out and turn it off for a second. “Nothing that I did, or said changes, I meant everything I ever did.” I laughed aloud, the sound not quite right, but bubbling out of my mouth all the same. How dare he tell me that he meant all those things, when he was being paid for them, let alone told to do them? I’d bet money that he was hearing voices in his head telling him when to kiss me, or when not to. Disgust and rage filled me, and I turned my back to him. “Please, just take me home.” I whispered again. He started the engine, this time rolling onto the highway, and started back the way we had come. I could feel him looking at me several times as we drove, but I didn’t bother to look back. Somehow I couldn’t help but think that this was the worst day of my life. Not only had I lost my best friend, my reputation, my love, my trust, but my boyfriend and life as well.