A Soul to Guard
Author's note: Music
Chapter 3I could hear him humming above me, and I gazed up into his face. I had been crying, but I hoped that somehow he wouldn’t notice, I didn’t need him worrying about me any more than he had been. I lowered my eyes, and took a deep breath. I couldn’t do this anymore. I was a magnet for trouble, hadn’t he said that himself, the words tumbling through his perfect mouth? I wiped away the tears from my eyes as I gazed at him from my bed, nervously pulling at my covers.
I wasn’t sure how to do this: How to say goodbye to somebody I had loved this desperately, this intensely, but I knew I had to. I had to cut this off. I wasn’t sure I was strong enough, even though I knew I needed to be. But how strong can you be, when waiting for the imminent death of your heart? I crossed my fingers, and coughed, my signature move for getting a persons attention, and immediately he turned, smoothly walking towards me in fluid motion, none of the halting steps that I was liable to do. He walked so fast over to me and climbed onto the bed. He leaned his body over mine and without pausing held my head between his hands. His body was as ice-cold as the weather outside. When his lips found mine, everything felt normal. My mind started to ask so many questions, but I managed to block them out. There was only one thing that mattered now. My body started to shake, not just from the cold but from the touch also. There was a force behind the lips; I had never felt so much pressure. His hands slid down the curves of my waist and I broke away from the kiss. My breathing was irregular as his lips slid down my throat. My hands outlined the curves of his athletic body. Finally he looked at me, both of us trying to breath and stop shaking. There was no point in talking. He rolled over to the side and held me. I couldn’t cry even though there was tears in my eyes, I was to numb. After moments of silence he finally said, “What’s wrong Jordan, did I do something wrong?” His dark eyes burned into mine, and I was tempted for a moment to forget about the whole plan, but I knew I couldn’t. Instead I shook my head a silent, ‘no.’
“I need to know what’s wrong. I can feel there’s something you’re not telling me. If we are meant to be together than I need to know everything.”
I thought the sentence over and over through my head, before it rose to my tongue, the sheer effort of it killing me. “Then maybe we aren’t meant to be together.”
His voice broke, “You, you don’t mean that.” I tried to tear myself from his eyes…his face…his lips. How could I do this to him? Hadn’t he just saved me from unknown terrors? How could I pull an angel from the sky, only to trample him in the mud? A single tear fell from my eye, and I knew that before I could do any more damage I would be crying pathetically. But how else could I ensure that he would be okay? I loved him too much to be with him. I was dragging him down, and he couldn’t see that. I was the weakest link.
“Yes I do. It’s me. You- me, it’s not working out. I need to stop hurting you.” My voice came out in a whisper, and I couldn’t stop the tears that fell down my cheeks.
“And this isn’t hurting? Jordan, I never knew that a person could impact my life the way you have. The way I feel for you will never change, can’t you see that?” Of course I did, his love was the only thing that kept me going.
“You don’t belong with me, you belong with someone like, like Brittany.” I choked on the name as I said it. An image of her flitted into my mind; head cheerleader with her perfect platinum blonde hair, and name-brand clothes. She had been one of my best friends, but now…my thoughts grew interrupted at the sudden intensity of Jasper’s voice.
“I don’t want her. How the hell did she get in this conversation?” He started to raise his voice.
“If you don’t lower your voice, my mother is going to wake up and we are going to have bigger problems.”
“Yes. I do. I can’t be what you need.” The silence between us started to become unbearable. I looked away, the tears running freely down my face as I pulled my covers up higher. He took my hand and kissed it.
“I’ll always be there for you, but one day you’re going to wake up and wish you had the love that will last a lifetime, and I’ll be waiting for you.” With that said he walked over to the window. He looked back at me one last time and hopped out. After what seemed like hours, I finally broke down and sobbed, wishing back all my words, but knowing that it had to be for the best. But why did the best always seem to bring out the worst first?