Unorthodox Angel

December 13, 2010
By laurenangela SILVER, Newton, Illinois
laurenangela SILVER, Newton, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am too weird to live, but much too rare to die," -Synyster Gates, guitarist for Avenged Sevenfold


Summary:

When Phoenix gets shot by her drug-addicted mother, she finds herself in a hospital. She meets a bad boy named Jakobie. He's covered in tattoos, has black hair, and has a distinct air about him. After he saves her life twice, she finds that she can't live without him, and finds the reason he saved her might have to do with angels.


Sidney S.

Unorthodox Angel


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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 48 comments.


on Jul. 3 2011 at 10:41 pm
Bookworm1998 GOLD, Brampton, Other
17 articles 2 photos 118 comments

Favorite Quote:
Preserve your memories, keep them well; what you forget, you can never retell.

beautiful story! i love both of your main characters and i love how cautious and well-minded Phoenix is. i just wish that the story could last longer :)

Lintu said...
on Jun. 7 2011 at 8:22 pm
No problem. :)

on Jun. 7 2011 at 7:41 pm
laurenangela SILVER, Newton, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am too weird to live, but much too rare to die," -Synyster Gates, guitarist for Avenged Sevenfold

thank you for the tip. i think i said that cause i had a sister that was born that early, and she died. makes sense now. thanks again!

Lintu said...
on Jun. 7 2011 at 1:50 pm
I may sound like a nitpicker, but I noticed the 4 month premature baby bit. Only 20% of fetuses survive when born at 23 weeks which is a week shy of 6 months, or 3 months premature. That doesn't sound like a lot but in terms of fetal development that is crucial. Make sure to brush up on the little facts so that readers don't get pulled out of the story by something that doesn't ring true. Other than that, it does move a bit fast but I like the idea. I think it's pretty good. :)

PurpleGurl said...
on Jun. 1 2011 at 5:23 pm
I really liked it. Some parts seemed to e copied off of twilight but it was still pretty good. Keep Writing!!!!

zaktf said...
on May. 28 2011 at 5:40 pm
It is really good but it is too much like twilight and it its a little too fast.

on May. 22 2011 at 12:48 am
Writomania PLATINUM, New Delhi, Other
22 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What really does not kill you, will only make you stronger"- Kanye West
"If there was no electricity, we would've had to watch the television by candle light"- Joe Jonas
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. ~Henry Kissinger

Hi.

your story is good; i dont care if its kinda like twilight or whatever.. the title is really catchy and so is the pitch. I suggest sending it inf r publishing :)

can your check out my book, "the diary of a teenaged lunatic"?

thanks and keep up the great work :)


on May. 2 2011 at 3:10 pm
laurenangela SILVER, Newton, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am too weird to live, but much too rare to die," -Synyster Gates, guitarist for Avenged Sevenfold

thank you so much for your comment! i thank you for your sympathy

on Apr. 30 2011 at 5:26 pm
AbbyOliver6 BRONZE, New York, New York
1 article 0 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Every cloud has a silver lining" and "I don't get distracted easil-SQUIRREL!"

This was such a good book!!!! You should write another one!!! Oh, and sorry about your grandpa.

on Apr. 11 2011 at 2:50 pm
laurenangela SILVER, Newton, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am too weird to live, but much too rare to die," -Synyster Gates, guitarist for Avenged Sevenfold

thanks!

 


on Apr. 11 2011 at 2:50 pm
laurenangela SILVER, Newton, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am too weird to live, but much too rare to die," -Synyster Gates, guitarist for Avenged Sevenfold

thanks!

 


on Apr. 11 2011 at 2:49 pm
laurenangela SILVER, Newton, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am too weird to live, but much too rare to die," -Synyster Gates, guitarist for Avenged Sevenfold

thank you very much for your constructful critisism. i enjoy it!

on Apr. 11 2011 at 2:49 pm
laurenangela SILVER, Newton, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am too weird to live, but much too rare to die," -Synyster Gates, guitarist for Avenged Sevenfold

thank you!!

 


FallenAngel1 said...
on Apr. 8 2011 at 10:22 pm
That was a good book. It's interesting and you should continue. Awsome!! :-)

SuprBurn248 said...
on Apr. 8 2011 at 5:55 pm

Well, I read your first chapter and here were my thoughts.

Praises:

1. I liked the mystery to it, it's a good way to start a book.

2. I liked the relations between each person in the room.

Suggestions:

1. SLOW IT DOWN! (does that make sense) The first chapter went so fast from one person to another I felt a bit rushed. You did 'slow down' on the subject of the young girl, but doing a bit more would be helpful. 'Zoom In' on each person more!

2. Try to set the scene a tiny bit more. I was slightly confused where the setting was exactly.

Overall, really nice


on Mar. 30 2011 at 6:04 pm
JustCallMeSarah BRONZE, Iowa Falls, Iowa
1 article 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
'What is faith without trust?'
~ Adam Young

Loved it! The begining was very vague, which in this case, was a good thing. Great job!

on Mar. 25 2011 at 2:49 pm
laurenangela SILVER, Newton, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am too weird to live, but much too rare to die," -Synyster Gates, guitarist for Avenged Sevenfold

thank you very much. i think i understand

Kearaa said...
on Mar. 25 2011 at 10:05 am
No no no. Thats not what I meant. Its a very good story. I was just thrownoff from it because of the chapter where you copied a concept from twilight. I do truly like this story though. it just irks me when someone can't come up with a completely orignal story.But contrary to that, your concept is very orignal and I very much like the idea.

PJD17 SILVER said...
on Mar. 24 2011 at 4:01 pm
PJD17 SILVER, Belleville, Illinois
8 articles 0 photos 624 comments

Favorite Quote:
I do the best imatation of myself- Ben Folds

i ve never read twilight so i could not say whether or not you copied it but either way your story is very good  could you please check out and comment on my story Manso's Shame  i would really appreciate the feedback

on Mar. 24 2011 at 2:46 pm
laurenangela SILVER, Newton, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am too weird to live, but much too rare to die," -Synyster Gates, guitarist for Avenged Sevenfold

thank you!! you made me feel better!!




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