Two bros chillin’ in a hot tub, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay | Teen Ink

Two bros chillin’ in a hot tub, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay

May 21, 2018
By Sadiejoy1016 BRONZE, Sun Prairie, Wisconsin
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Sadiejoy1016 BRONZE, Sun Prairie, Wisconsin
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-B’s Perspective-
Looking at the bulletin at the laundromat, I look for more roomie ads. Skimming my finger across the different fliers, dog walker, concerts, plant sitter, here we go! Roommates, I hope this one is better than the last one. I have been looking for a few weeks while staying with a college friend and the last place I looked at the ad was a drug dealer so he had stoners coming in at all hours of the day. And the places before that were surprisingly not much better. I shake that memory and look at the location and tear off a number. I dial while looking at other posters, ring ring. They pick up! “Hello? I am calling about the ad for the roommate?” I hope this works out, Benji, the dude I’m staying with is great, but it’s really awkward when he brings his girlfriend home. “Yes, yes that’s me, when are you free to see the place?” Finally, hope. “Actually, I’m free now if that works,” I suggest.
“Great! It’s not as clean as it could be, so don’t judge.” “I will sure try.” I assured.
I grab the laundry basket with my and Benji’s clothes and put the address into google maps. I walk over there because my most common method of transportation is running, but that’s a bit difficult when you are carrying bins of clothes. It takes me about ten minutes to get there, and I’m a bit sweaty.
I call her again to double check the building and floor, she lets me in and I take the elevator to the fourth floor. There’s only so much running a girl can do. Walking through the hallway, I notice the exposed brick, the vintage numbers on the doors, and the cool white painted, double hung windows at the end of each hall. I assume it’s to let in more natural light. The air is still cool and damp from the rain last night and the heat from the fresh clothes is fading. I walk up to door 139. I set the basket on the ground and knock, a knot ties in my stomach. The door opens with a faint creak and a kind face pops out. “Hello,” She exclaims cheerfully. “You’re the one looking for the apartment?” I smile, and nod, picking up the basket. “Don’t judge me, it’s laundry day and I didn’t have a lot of turnaround time.”
“It’s chill, come in.” Her face is small, and soft. Pale with a few freckles and hopeful and colored like the Earth, blue and green colliding and blending. I step in, and I’m in love, she can tell. It’s sun-splashed with a large window that over looks the streets below. “Can you tell me a bit about the place and you? I wanna know what I’m getting into, if you don’t mind.” I ask.
“Well,” As she talks I observe the room, it’s large with soaring ceilings. “I live here alone, and there are two extra bedrooms currently.” The sun shines on the exposed brick and gets into the crevasse of the scratched floor. “I don’t do a ton in the kitchen, so help yourself, um what else? Oh yeah, I can work from anywhere really,” I give her a confused look, “I’m a website designer so as long as I have wifi and a laptop, I’m good.” “Awesome, well I should let you know that I like to bake, so I may utilize the kitchen a bit, umm, I’m a barista at Screamin’ Beans, I think that I’m fairly respectable and know my boundaries.” I talk while still scanning the room, the built in bookshelves made of old pipes and the exposed beams on the ceiling are dope. There’s a really cool lighting fixture with a dozen or so edison bulbs, I can’t find one thing I don’t like. We talk for a while longer about price, chores, and other things in that realm. We talk for an hour or so, but then I have to head out for my shift. I think about the kitchen and the cute backsplash of tile and A. I think it’s going to work out, she seems sweet enough. I text Benji about the news. I tell him how the apartment reminds me of the ones hipsters have in Tv shows because it’s just so aesthetically pleasing.
I text A and ask to meet at the cafe tomorrow so we can talk more about the apartment and she agrees. I really have high hopes for this place.

A few days later, I start moving in! It’s a bit awkward for the first bit because we don’t really know each other and now we are living together, but we will figure it out. I boxed up all my stuff the day before, so I was ready. We borrowed her boyfriends car, I don’t know why I don’t like him. He seems nice, It’s just weird. Anyway, Benji is out of town with his family, so it’s just the three of us. We don’t live to far away, but it’s still a struggle to get all my stuff over there. I am super stoked to decorate my new room, because at Benji’s I knew I wasn’t going to stay there for a while, so I didn’t really decorate. I didn’t have a ton, mostly clothes, baking supplies, and bedroom miscellaneous. We plot on the queen size bed and pick up a few boxes. I got one with some of my clothes and hangers, and she got the one with memories and photos. I hang up my clothes while she goes through the photos. “Was this really you?” She says with shock, “Heh, yeah…” I snickered. “What a glow-up.” She exclaims analyzing the picture, then me. She looks up, “Hey that’s really cute!” she points at the acid-washed short overalls in my hand.
“You can borrow it if you want, what size are you?” I ask
“Well, I’m a 10 but I like baggy clothes if you can’t tell.” She gestures to her outfit, some ripped jean shorts, a huge hoodie, which I assume to be her boyfriends, some red converse, and a beanie. “Cool,” I toss it to her, “Try it on.” I offer. She grins, “You might want to look away, I forgot to wear an actual shirt,” She mentions. I smile, “It’s chill, I do that all the time actually.” while she takes off her hoodie, “I do that too often, really. ” She admits. I turn back, smiling “You look dope!” I assure.
“It feels great!” It’s a bit big, but it works on her, the floral bralette, the messy updo, and the sneakers. “You look like your going to a summer concert!” “Really, you don’t think it’s too revealing?” She asked. “Nah, I would wear that any day!” She smiles assuredly, I think we’re going to be friends.  A rocky start is better than no start. We learn quite a bit about me as we unpack, my love for decor, books, and what not. She gets a fun look at my past, and pins one of my pictures on the wall. It’s the old polaroid with my girlfriend (who my parents didn’t know about). “This one’s cute.” She comments. “Thanks, she’s an old friend.” She raises an eyebrow, “What kind of friend,” she snarks. I chortle, “a friend.” I’ll leave that up to her connotation.
Time flies, and soon we’re down to our last box. It’s full of blankets and pillows, which gives me an idea.

-A’s perspective-
“Hey, you know what’d be a great reward for moving in? A movie!” B suggests.
As I collapse the last box, “sure, anything specific in mind?”
“Not really, what kinda movies are you into, cause I’m an action girl.”
You got that right, I can't help but notice how her hair bounces in those dark, loose curls as she walks. “Totally, umm… what about mission impossible?”
Her face lights up, that beautiful smile just beaming. “Awesome! I’ll set it up.”
“You have a boyfriend, you have a boyfriend.” I mumble to myself while taking the boxes downstairs to the recycling bin. Once I get back to the fourth floor, and walk in, B’s in some hella cute Pj’s and wrapped in a blanket.
I joked, “Isn’t it a bit early for pajamas? It’s only…” Looking at my phone, seeing a text from BF, ignoring that, “7:30.”
As she rolled onto the couch, “It’s never too early for pajamas!” She exclaimed. Man, she’s cute. Those freaking pajamas will be the death of me, she was wearing these black with a pastel pink floral design lounge pants and a baggy tank top. You know how sometimes only specific people can rock a look? Well, she can rock this--*btzz btzz* crap, boyfriend. Someone better keep me in check, “Hey… is it chill if I invite my boyfriend?”
Her little head popping up from the couch, “You have a boyfriend? Totally, but he has to bring his own pj’s.”
“Great, he’ll be here in 5.” I laughed.

Snuggled up on the old, leather couch with BF’s arm around me, and B sitting on the ground with a few pillows and blankets, we start the movie. I watched for the first ten minutes, maybe but then my eyes wandered. I can’t help it, she’s right at my eye line. Look at her, personality, looks, what else is there? I almost doze off thinking about B but BF nudges me and asks for a snack. To be honest, I forgot he was here. “Uh, sure what do you want?”
“Pretzels would be great babe.”
Nodding, I slide out of his harms and shuffle to the kitchen still in a daze. Ya’know when you wake up from a nap in the middle of the day and you have no sense of what time it is? Yeah, I feel like that now. I know B likes to eat so I fill hers a bit more than mine and BF’s. I balance the three bowls as I gingerly walk back to the couch. Handing one to B, and one to BF, I re-wrap myself in his arms. Now, I should really focus on the movie.

-B point of view-
Half way through my shift, I notice A skating up to the cafe, she’s wearing a baggy hoodie and a snapback, classic lesbian chic. She brought her old backpack with her, must mean she has work to do. We make eye contact through the window and I give her an inviting smile cause she looked a little anxious and nervous walking in. I wave her over to the seat next to the hot drinks machine. “Tall, dark, skinny?” “Just how I like my SO’s.” She says with a smirk. Flustered, “No,n- your drink.” I stutter, blushing a bit.
“Hmm, I’ll take a large charged chai. Triple shots. Please.”
“Are you trying to stay awake all day?” I say while getting the chai out.
“So, I’m a website designer and I got a client who wants a really complicated website, so I have to learn a bunch of new formats. So, yeah.”
“Yikes,” I try and talk over the growl of the grinding beans. She swings her bag onto the table with a thud, and pulls out her computer. Adjusting her hat, she logs in and gets to work. I notice while steaming the milk she only has one earbud in.
“What’s with the one earbud, do you enjoy the screaming of the steamed milk?” I asked.
Without looking up from her laptop, “It’s so if you wanna talk, I can still hear you.” Well shoot, now I’m blushing more.
“Oh-oh okay.” I muster. I finish her drink and get back to work. She came right after the rush, so there’s only three people on staff, me Ken and Bobby. Bobby’s working in the kitchen and Ken’s cleaning up, so I talk to A while she works. She’s really funny I learned. We talk about why we moved here, and what we do, we both like to exercise, she likes to bike and skate so I suggested that we go to the beach sometime. The boardwalk is usually empty in the morning so I offered Saturday at 5 am-ish.
“Great, It’s a date! Well, not a date but you know what I mean right?” I keep tripping on my words.
She laughs, “Yeah,” looking up this time, those eyes, I could just swim in them, “I gotcha.” She reassured and winked at me. S***. Nope. I can’t do it, she has a boyfriend. My eyes widen and my hand slips getting whip cream all over my fav oversized sweater. It’s the navy blue one with the constellations. A giggles, “Look, it’s the milky way!” I laugh, smiling at her.
“Hey, I thought when you worked at a cafe or restaurant you had to have a dress code and uniform?”
“Actually, my dad owns this place and I run it so I like to keep it pretty chill. Hence the ripped shorts and the unlaced combat boots.” She’s playing with the new succulents I put on the counter, I thought she would like those.

-A perspective-
I woke up at 4:30 in the morning just to hang out with B, even though we live together… did I think this through? I don’t care. I take a quick freezing shower and look for an outfit. What says, “I’m really into you, Idk if you feel the same, also I have a boyfriend?” Nah, let’s go with navy blue floral snapback, cause she wore navy when I went to the cafe. Ripped black skinny jeans, that baggy grey t-shirt I love, and… a flannel around my waist in case I get cold. Wandering over to the bathroom, I comb my hair out, and put it in a sloppy bun. I need to get the sides re-done. My hair is a bob with an undercut around the sides so when it’s down it looks like a normal bob, but up, looks dope. BF thinks it’s weird cause there’s just a patch of hair but I love it.
I pop my head into Bs room, “Are we gonna get breakfast at the dock, or should I ea-- wow.”
B walks out, looking stunning with a short flowy black dress with spaghetti straps and sunflowers and a cream baggy sweater. Looking her up and down, a black almost-fedora and converse with cat socks.
“ I brought some treats from the cafe that didn't sell for us, how do you feel about scones and muffins?”
“Love ‘em.” I say with a smile hoping she didn’t notice me staring when it was so obvious.
“Great!” She beams while pulling a white paper bag out of her messenger bag covered in pins. I take a chocolate almond scone and she takes a lemon poppy seed muffin, putting the bag on the counter for when we get back. I grab my phone, and wallet and put them in my bag and we’re off.
It’s about 5 by the time we get to the boardwalk, it’s still covered in the morning dew. She was right, the only people I see is the vendors setting up. We stopped at the Screamin’ Beans on the way here and grabbed a couple of Americanos. It’s a bit chilly, but not too bad I put on my flannel and I’m fine. We wander on the doc for a bit and talk about what we like to do, our goals, etc. She likes baking, running, painting, and singing but she’s a bit shy. She really wants for the cafe to take off and how she wants to start selling her food.
“What about you? Tell me about yourself.”
“Well, I like skating, biking, gardening, if you couldn’t tell by the many plants in my room. I really want a relationship with someone that’s going somewhere. BF and I have been dating for a while, but he’s not really going to commit.”
We walk a bit longer and sit at the end of the dock with our feet in the water. Watching the sun rise, I get a bit tired and rest my head on her. I hope she doesn’t think it’s weird. She doesn’t seem to have moved away. I regret it, I should get up, right? I should ju-- she tilts her head and rests it on mine. Thank goodness. But what does this mean? I have a boyfriend? Is she gay? Ugh. After ten minutes of sitting in silence, it’s about 5:45 and some runners are starting to come by. She suggest we take advantage of the water. “What does that mean?” I replied. She smiles a little and steps into the water. Her smile grows and before I know it she’s splashing me! Were both internally like 5 years old so I roll up my pants, and set my bag on the bench and splash her back. We laugh, and splash some more. She tried to push me in, but i dodged her and she fell in. I was so distracted laughing at her and she dragged me in with her. It was amazing. We leave once more people start showing up and questioning  why two 23-ish year olds are acting like children. We walk home with our shoes in hand, dripping wet like the rest of us. But it doesn’t really matter. I look at her, “That was the best ‘not-date’ I’ve ever had.” I admitted. “That was the goal, hey what time is it?” “Ummm,” reaching on my back for my phone, “It’s six twenty… Oh shoot!” She looks at me with concern and confusion, “What’s wrong?” she asks. “Look,” I hand her my phone my calendar said ‘Brunch with BF’ and underneath it, a bunch of texts from him. “Sorry, I have to go, you understand?” She nods and I run upstairs, to get my skateboard to meet him.
I walk in the door, and he’s sitting at the counter. S***.
“Well, where have you been?” He’s trying not to look pissed, not working. “I’m so sorry, B and I were down at the boardwalk, I just forgot,” I look down, I don’t want to look him in the eyes.
“We do this every second Saturday of the month, how did you forget?” He crosses his arms and I can feel him glaring at me.
“I- I don’t know… What can I do to make it up?” I slowly look up, trying to meet his eyes.
“I honestly don’t know. I kinda feel like this is the last straw.” My face turns from remorse to confusion.
“What do you mean? Is this because of last month, look I--” He cuts me off, “What I mean is,” he raises his voice and my stomach fills with dread, he knows how I feel about yelling, “Ever since B moved in, you’ve been blowing me off.” “This was one time!” I shout back, filled with confusion and anger.
“No, it’s really not, last week, you blew off our date to the baseball game to help her move in,”
I scoff, “For one, you know I don’t like baseball, and two, who else was going to help her?”
“Also,” he says, in a more condescending tone. “Also, you didn’t respond to any of my texts the other day, what’s that about?” He’s getting more mad… “I was working! You know I don’t like distractions when I work!” “I know.” His voice gets a bit softer, “so I went to check on you, and I passed by Screamin’ beans, and guess who was inside chatting up the barista?”
“You were following me?!” Ugh, maybe this is the last straw. “No, I wanted to get you coffee, like a good boyfriend! And now today, you blow me off to go on a date with your roommate, saying ‘I want to get to know her’. You f***ing live together!” His voice rises and now he’s flailing his arms. “Leave B out of this.” I step back.
“Oh, now you’re defending her, I should’ve guessed. Was I just an experiment? Were you only pretending? Huh?” My emotions are building up, my eyes water, I try to repress them. “No! You know I would never do that! And, what is so wrong with us hanging out? You could have told me how you feel!” My eyes are filling up with tears, my voice cracks.
“I couldn’t you know why? Because you were ignoring me! Do-do you even love me? You’ve never said it.” His face is sincere. Flustered stumbling on my words again, “I… I don’t know!”
His face drops to a still sultry look, “you don’t, do you.”
He walks toward the door I want to stop him. “I bet you love her don’t you, i’ve seen how you look at her, I ignored it during the movie, but now, i’m done.” His eyes are filled with rage again, he steps closer, my stomach turns, “You do don’t you.” He’s only a few inches from me, I can feel his hot breath on my face, “I….I…”
“Just stop,” He brushes past me and walks to the door, my back was to the door, I turn to stop him, and I see, her. She was listening the whole time. It’s all over. She pops her head out of the doorframe trying to hide from him, too late. “Have fun with you new girlfriend.” His eyes brighten, but not with joy, not real joy. A dark grin fills his face, “I just had a great idea, I helped set up your new whores phone, I know her parents number, should I tell them the good news?”
“No!” B blurts her face filled with fear. “You leave her out of this,” I wipe my face, stomp to the door, and rip his phone from his hand. I raise it above my head, and smash it with all my rage and might. I kick the remains to him and pull B inside, slamming the door behind me. “You can keep my s***!” He shouts from the stairs as he rushes down in a pit of fury.

-B point of View-
I feel overwhelmed and I can’t discern my emotions. Am I mad that he’s a jerk? Sad for A? Or am I happy he’s out of the picture? All I know is that my heart sank as they were arguing. Although I say good riddance, now’s not the time. I can hear her softly sobbing in her room, what can I do? What makes me feel better?
My body floods with joy, I hope this works.
It’s about three hours later, she’s gone through all the stages of a breakup fairly quickly, and now I’m ready. “Hey, sweetie, wanna come out here? I have a treat for you.” I speak softly just incase she’s still angry. From her room, she shouts “I don’t know, I still feel like crap. I mean you saw what happened.”
“I really think you’re going to like this…” I open her door, and she’s spread across the bed with really messy hair and old sweats playing some emo band from the 2000’s. She turns to look at me, her eyes are still crusty and her makeup is caked and runny. I step in, and she pauses her music and sits up, somehow she’s still really cute. not the time I think to myself. “What’s the surprise?” she sniffed, rubbing her face. “I can’t tell you that, here put this on.” I hand her one of my bandanas. She gives me a dirty look, “I don’t know if I’m ready for this surprise yet…” she smirks. I roll my eyes and smile, “Just trust me, even though we have only known each other for a few weeks…” I help her tighten it and guide her into the kitchen. “I smell chocolate?” “Maybe…” I reply, guiding her to the middle of the room, hoping she’ll love it. “Okay, take it off!” She pulls it off in one yank and just stares.
I don’t want to get my hopes up, but they are, “Do you like it?” She stands still, eyes wide, just staring. “I didn’t know how to cheer you up, so I thought, ‘what would I like?’ and mushed it with your interests.” The room is glowing. A pastel pink tepee sits in the middle of the room on the floor, made of my new bedsheets and lamps. I tell her to crawl inside and wait for me. I pull the crepes out, drizzle them with warm nutella, arrange the chocolate strawberries, and the wine bottle. Balancing them all, I crawl into the tent. She just sits there astonished. I set a plaid picnic blanket down, because she wore the flannel to the beach, and around it, string lights, like in her bedroom. I set the plates in front of my laptop, which glows with the mission impossible two cover. “Well, what do you think?” I say eagerly. She dives in and hugs me, clinging to me like there’s no tomorrow. I embrace her. “I take that as you like it.” I meet her eyes, they glimmer with happiness, and tears build up, “It’s okay, I’m here for you.” I press play, and we eat and cuddle, not saying a word. After the movie ends, it’s roughly 11 o’clock. Her head is in my lap and I am braiding her hair. We talk about how he threatened to out me. She asked what that meant. “I usually don’t tell people this, but I’m gay.” She looks up at me, I focus on her hair, hoping she says something to break the awkward silence that follows. “It’s chill, I’m pansexual.” I exhale, thank goodness, not only do I have a chance with her, but it’s not going to be a weird thing that I’m gay. “I’m not out to my parents because they are fairly conservative, not republican, more religious I guess.” I added. I finish the braid and she sits up, looking at it in my phone camera. I really love her hair, the undercut makes it really nice and smooth when I play with her hair, plus there are so many different styles I can do. We talk about random things for the next few hours and before we realize it, it’s three am. She’s resting in my lap, and I find myself rubbing my hands through her hair again. I decide it’s time to get her to bed, even though I’m working a later shift at the cafe. I pick her up, she’s surprisingly light, and carry her to her bed. I set her down and reconstruct the living room. I finish at 3:30 and go to bed.
The next morning we don’t really talk about it. We didn’t really talk, just smiled to ourselves and went on our ways. We didn’t really need to say words to express how we felt about last night. I loved it, and I think she did too which made me happy beyond belief. Also, I want to help her recover from that horrible break up, and maybe this is the way to go about it? We’ll see.

-Still B Point-
I’m all sweaty and exhausted from biking home, A let’s me borrow her bike because she walked home and I stumble to the shower. I make sure it’s freezing to cool me off, and when I walk out, A is sitting at the island in the kitchen. She looks conflicted, I quick put on a robe, and put some after shower product in my hair. I walk over, she can tell that I’m confused. “What up?” I ask hoping she’s not mad about something. “What’s up is that I broke up with BF a month and a half ago, and ever since he’s been out of the picture neither of us have been willing to talk about how we feel about each other. And It’s really annoying!” I sit on a stool at the diner table, “I’m sorry, but what do you want me to say? I mean, I feel the same because this is the first you’ve mentioned of it.”
“I completely agree with you, but how does one start this?” I sigh. “Well, for one, do you like me? Because I f***ing love you.” My face goes red as a cherry, and it get really hot. “Umm, ah, gosh, I mean, yes? I like you too, but.” Her eyes widen and water, out of sadness and shock. “But what?”her voice is soft and shaky. My heart drops, “No! I but I love you as a friend too.” She closes her mouth, I should have just shut up. Dangit. “Like,” I wipe the water from my forehead, and move to the island with her, “this is one of the only good friendships I have had since I moved here and I don’t want to ruin that. You understand?” I ask, I can see her features in more detail, my eyes scroll down her face, she looks away. “I mean yeah,” She murmurs, “But I really wanna date you,”
“I want to too.” I say putting my hand on her shoulder, still wet from the shower. She looks up at me now, “Why can’t we date and still be besties? It’s not like it’s impossible.” I look into her eyes, gleaming, “Bestfriends date all the time, my parents actually.” She sniffles and the edges of her mouth twitch. “Like, what if instead of thinking of it as dating, it’s just an upgrade in our friendship?” “Yeah,” she looks up at me now, still flushed red, “We don’t really need a label either, right?” “I really don’t know, this is all new to me…” I sighed. “So? Are we dating?” She questions. “I think so.” I say smiling. That was weird but worth it. She pecks my cheek, “Great.” she chirps. I feel electricity shoot through my body. “So, now that we’re dating, I can give you cute nicknames and stuff right?” She teased. I hop up and switch into my after shower clothes, which is essentially, my ex’s boxers and a baggy sweatshirt from old navy. I walk out of my room, beaming from the agreement, A walks over to me. “Hmm, how about honey?” She asks licking her lips. She steps closer, I step back, “Actually, I always wondered why people called there significant other’s honey?” I comment. She keeps stepping closer, slowly, I step back in sync hesitantly. I try not to hit the wall.
“I think that ‘honey’ is the cutest nickname.” she steps again, “You are the efforts of hundreds of tiny bees collaborating.” She steps again, I can almost hear my heartbeat, it’s going so fast. “You are made of flowers and love,” she breathed. I’m up against the wall now, her face inches from mine. I can feel her hot breath as my face goes red. She puts her hand on the wall, next to my face, I start sweating “And you make everything so much sweeter.”she whispers, leaning in and presses her lips against mine, she doesn’t know how long I’ve wanted that to happen. Such a gentle passion. I can feel her heartbeat as her chest is pressed against mine. Only one thought flies through my mind, I want to kiss her more than I want to breath. I let out a faint moan and cup my hands on the line of her jaw and the other, on the back of her neck. Her soft lips and how she windes her arms around me, drives my adrenaline mad. She takes a step away and I try to pull her back because I want to kiss her as long as I can, two months have been building up to this. She steps back, and I still feel her lips against mine. She has to meet her boss for lunch, she picks up her bag, and starts walking to the door. I’m to flustered and in shock to react or stop her, so I kinda just sit there, unblinking, just thinking. So honey it is.

-A’s point of view-
We’re officially dating and I couldn’t be happier. It’s B’s day to work from home. She makes the baked goods for the cafe once a week and freezes them as she needs them. I practice the uke in my room while she bakes because I hate silence. I picked it up a few years ago, I’m not super good but I mostly play for fun. I scroll through my binder of music and settle on Twenty Øne Pilots. I choose their cover of Can’t Help Falling in Love. Because, well take a guess. I start strumming and I hear a faint humming from the other room. I have never heard B sing, so I’m really curious. I keep strumming along, trying to her her sing but it’s too faint. I have it memorized, so without missing a beat I keep strumming and walk out my door. The singing gets louder as I walk towards the kitchen. I’m standing in the door frame, watching B knead the dough for scones and singing, “For I can’t help falling in love, with you.” I near the end of the song but don’t want her to stop so I cherish the final verse. “For I can’t help falling in love with you.” She gradually gets softer. I don’t think she realizes that she’s singing or that i can hear her. She has the voice of an angel and I want her to sing forever. “For darling I can’t help,” Our eyes meet. “Falling in love. With. You.” B blushes as she takes her tray and puts it in the oven. I don’t have to say a word to communicate, “Please keep singing.” My eyes say it all. “Only if you keep playing.” She smirks in response. I sit at the counter, strumming the next song, while staring at B as she bakes. She doesn’t remember that I’m there while she bakes. It’s good though because I sneak out my polaroid and snap a picture of her. I set it in to my room and develop while I strum. She sings for hours on end. I’m in love with her voice. I can’t really describe it, it’s soft and sweet, but powerful.

Later I go back to my room and look at the polaroid, fully developed. It looks vintage because of the filter it’s set on. It’s of B laughing and singing. She has a bit of flour on her forehead, and I love it. I can’t describe how much I love it. I hang it on my collection of polaroids of things that I love. In the collection there’s my old dog, my parents, I have an old snapshot from my first pride parade and so much more. She makes the collection seem so much more complete.

-Still A’s perspective-
We decided to plan every other date so this week she planned ours so we’re going to laser tag. I assume it’s because I raved on about it for like twenty minutes earlier this week cause I haven’t played in years. We go to laser tag live which is about an hour away. I am super excited the whole way there because I haven’t done it in so long and every time I have played it, I loved it.

When we get there I’m already full of adrenaline. We decide to play three thirty minute games. This way we can find out the ultimate champ. Loser buys dinner and B is being pretty c***y so I am extra determined to abolish her. We put on the vests for out first game, I’m red she’s white. I half listen to the rules knowing full well both of us are going to break them, like the mature, well-rounded adults we are. Also, I failed to mention we are playing with a bunch of middle schoolers, so there’s that. The first two games were really close, I won the first one, her the second. The point totals were super close too, we were both in the top five player of the game. This is it, the final game.

I was determined to demolish her but I got a really s***ty gun. I start to lose faith halfway through the game but that’s when she found my base and cornered me. She tilted her chin to meet my gaze as she pressed closer. She purrs in my ear, “Do you have any idea what I could do to you?” My lip quivers, as I pull my face towards hers. She pushed her lips against mine, I tried to savor the moment, “Pwew!” She shot me! My vest vibrates and gun shuts off. She grins, licking her lips hits the base laser and runs off. That b****! “You’ll pay for this!” I shout running after her looking for their base laser. I conquer the rest of the game purley out of spite at this point. Needless to say, I got a free dinner. But overall, awesome date night. I am so happy that I confronted her. I almost feel like things are going to well…

-B’s perspective-
A plans our date for this week, and we’re both kinda artsy, so we go to a pottery making class. On the walk over there I was imagining her helping me with my pot. Wrapping her arms around me, nuzzling her head in the crook of my neck, sigh. We hold hands while we walk but my fantasy is interrupted by the anxiety my parents will see us. They called me last night saying there were coming to their house in town. This has made me insanely anxious that they will see I’m dating A. My hand is really clammy while we walk. I hope she doesn’t notice. I love her so much and want to show her off, but at the same time, I don’t want my parents to disown me. It’s eating at me for the whole 15 minute walk.

We get there and I’m trying to focus on debating what kind of pot to make. I’m thinking on making a pot for all of A’s succulents. We get there and get a speel about what to do, how to make specific pots, and what not to do. I half listen, knowing it’s gonna bite me in the butt when I have no clue what I’m doing. It’s not intentional but all I can think about is my parents. I look over at A and she’s completely engaged. I stare at her, looking at her features I overlook, like her tattoo on her side. It’s of two hands pinky promising. It’s clean and simple. I didn’t see it before because she rarely wears a crop top.

Before I know it it’s time to start on the pots. The clay feels soft in my hands. I like molding it and mushing it around, it reminds me of when I played with mud as a kid. It’s cold and squishy, but in a good way. I like how it forms in my hand as I moved and molded it. My foot slips and I get some caly water on my face. A laughs and flicks a bit more on me. I flick some back, “They match your freckles!” She defends. As I spin and shape it, I have some struggle at the beginning, so A walks behind me. She wraps her arms around me and presses her body against mine. Her arms cover mine and she moves her hands over mine. I get a tingling sensation. “I think I can figure it out,” I remark. “Yeah, but this is more fun!” She responds eagerly. She covers me like a blanket and because I’m not in a position to kiss her, I rub my cheek on hers. I think of my parents again, my hand slips and crushes the clay. “Shoot.” I say. The teacher glares at us and A sits back in her seat, her face bright red. I keep thinking about them walking in and seeing me and A together. The feeling of the clay slipping in my hands release me. Maybe I should to this more often.
The teacher is a nice man. He’s a bit on the older side. He comes over and helps me figure out how to shape it for the pot I want. “Thanks,” I smile.

It takes about two hours. Every time I look up at A, she’s making something different. First it was a pot for her new hanging plant I got her, then it was a mug, and now I have no idea what it is. I’m working on some candle lanterns like from our second “not-date”. I have enough clay to make three small ones. They are short, wide and round. I line about a centimeter from the top rim, small holes, varying in sizes. I made them all look fairly similar, kind of bubbly. I’m imagining painting them white and using them at the cafe for out next date.

A is being annoying and not telling me what she’s making. I try to sneak a look, but she refuses. I think it’s a bowl? She has a ton of scraps which makes me wonder about the size. We come back a few days later. This (according to the teacher) allows the clay to dry before he puts it in the kiln.  I double check on mine, and put them in. A still won’t budge when I try and get a glimpse. It takes a few hours for them in the kiln so I go to work and A hangs out at the cafe. I try and focus on making drinks because I am still jumpy that my parents are going to see us together.

We go back to Dongzhu Pottery around 7 and start glazing. I just wanted to make mine white, because this way they pop out at night (considering they are candle holders). I works with a folder up so that I can’t see hers (typical). I finish fairly quickly and wait for A to finish. Every now and again she looks at me, squints, smiles and keeps glazing. I have no clue how to interpret that. We get our finished products a few hours later, after they sit for a while longer. A puts hers in a box with a bow around it, I just put mine in the cardboard box the teacher gave us.
We walk back to the house, we stop by an ice cream parlor on the way, and split a shake. When we get home A is making this huge deal and hyping up her creation. We agree to open them at the same time, “One… Two… Three!” I rip off the bow and open the box, A shreds the box like an animal. “Gasp!” I was shocked at what was in my hand. “You… You remembered?” She nods eagerly, cheeks flushed.

“Remember a few weeks ago, you were talking about this old camp you go too?” “I thought you were sleeping.” I respond, still shocked. I place the mug on the table, and wrap her in my arms. It’s a mug, textured like an old tree, with the handle like a smoothed branch. She carved in a forest and painted the trees dark brown. Around the trees the gradient goes from a misty copper to pale blue. I was describing this camp I used to go to in college and how much I loved running in the morning because the forest was dark and dewey with the rising sun. I tear up a little, “I can’t believe you!” I gushed. “Well, do you like it?” She asks sarcastically. I dive in and kiss her, “Does that answer you question?” I respond. “Now look at yours.” I reminded. “I love them, from our ‘not-date’. If I’m not mistaken.” She gleams. “Yup! I was thinking I could use them for our next ‘not-date’ or at the cafe, I we ever have a date there.” I replied. “They’re perfect.” She assures. “I love you,” I say, grabbing her waist. “I know,” She grins, draping her arms around my neck, and pressing her face against mine.

-A’s Perspective-
“What’s that about?” We walk into the apartment I’m upset. I have a bad habit of repressing my emotions, so it’s all coming out now. “When we started dating you wanted the whole world to see me at your side, not you’re all jumpy and shady.” I exclaim. Her eyes, I can tell they’re hiding something. “What aren’t you telling me?” I huff. She hunches over, looking at the floor. “Please don’t get mad at me. Because I really like you and I don’t want this to end…” She murmured. “Okay…” My eyes thin, waiting for her to look up. “Are you embarrassed by me?” I start to spiral. “It’s just that…” My arms are crossed, this has happened before. “I got a text a few days ago,” she admits softly, I almost can’t hear her. I get more agitated as she doesn’t look up. “My parents are coming into town,”
“So you are embarrassed by me.” I conclude. “No! My parents don’t know I’m gay!” She shouts quickly. She turns away from me, I heart drops. My anger changes to sadness. “You could have told me, I would understand.” I say, toucher her shoulder.
“Would you?” she asks. “Would you really? You have had supporting parents all your life whereas I have had to date in secret and anytime I even  complimented a girl, my parents made me repent. So please don’t say you know what it’s like.” She grips her arms tightly, her knuckles turn white. I don’t know what to say, “I just need some time alone.” She walks off to her room, I try to follow but she locks the door. I hate to admit it, but she’s right. I know that I’ve been the one telling her we should meet each others parents, but I never really thought about if she was out. She just acted so proud and happy. I plop on the couch, trying to take all this in. This isn’t really something everyone goes through, so I try to put myself in her shoes. I mean, if it was awkward for me to come out, I can’t even imagine what she’s going through. Her parents could be here anytime too. Great, more stress. I close my eyes and try and think this through. What can I do? I sit there thinking for at least an hour and a half. When I finally stand up, my legs are numb and I’m all sore from sitting in the same position. I walk up to her door, softly I knock. The door creaks open a sliver and her eye creeps through. Her eyes are puffy and red, not to my suprise. “Can I come in?” I ask softly. She steps back, looks down and opens the door all the way. I gingerly walk in and she sits on her bed. I sit next to her and wrap my arms around her. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I’ve just never been in this situation before.” I rub her back. She sniffles and rests her head on my shoulder. With my other hand I try and fix her mangled hair, “Can you walk me through this?”
She rubs her runny nose and wipes her puffy eyes, “So I am gay, I’ve known since 9th grade, and my parents are both religious and conservative. I never could find the time to come out, I know there’s never going to be a perfect time, but I was still hoping. We have a close relationship and I don’t want that to change because of who I love.” Love wow, we’ll get back to that later I think to myself. “You don’t have to come out if you don’t want.” I reassure her, rubbing her back more, trying to calm her. “I know, but I want too and that’s what so hard about this.” Hmm, I don’t want to pressure her into this, but I want to support her. I sit there, silent for a minute. “I don’t know what to do other than say I support you no matter what.” I know it’s not enough, but it’s all I got. “I don’t think I’ll do it, at least not now, I’m not ready.” I hug her, “And that’s alright too, whenever you feel ready.” I kiss her forehead, she plops in my lap and falls asleep. Anyone would be exhausted from that, so I sit there, working on my phone till she wakes up.

-B’s Perspective-
I’m really glad I had that talk, A is okay with me being a bit jumpy, just until my parents leave. They have a small house a few hours from us, so I ask if we can visit them. They were really excited to meet my roommate considering the stories of my other roommates. The whole ride over we play different car games, we played mad libs, the alphabet game, Ispy, 20 questions, it was awesome. A can make anything funny which is great, because I really needed this after our talk last night. We stop for lunch at this old-timey 60’s diner, and split a malt, and quote all the movies from that era we can think of. The rest of the ride, we are belting show tunes and rock music, we have a weirdly specific taste in music, so the mood shifted quickly.
We arrive around 1, I haven’t been to this house yet, but it’s clear my parents are loaded. It is a four bedroom house with a huge backyard and a view of the water. We walk in, I don’t know why I’m nervous, but I’m still excited so I try and focus on that emotion. I walk A around the house, and introduce them to my parents Camila and Apio, realizing that I don’t talk about them a ton. So far it’s been a good day, my dad tries to hire A, not surprising. He’s business who’s invested in many businesses, he actually owns my cafe. He wants to hire her to make websites for some of his newer companies. “You don’t have to say yes,” I mention. She laughs and says she’ll think about it. She won’t. My mom and I go into the kitchen to make a snack because she remembers how much I like to eat. I get some veggies from the fridge and notice in the cabinet above the fridge, it’s a set of traditional woven baskets from when my dad when to visit is father in the Northern Cape. “How long have we had those?” I ask, chopping up some cucumbers and tomatoes.
“Well, you father got that from his father, and his father before him, and it goes on and on. We will give it to your future husband when the day comes.”
I don’t know why this is my breaking point but it is. “I’m sorry, I’ve just had enough of this.” I can't stop the words from spilling out my mouth. “I’ve been hiding for nine years and that’s enough. I’m gay.” She drops her bowl, and it hits the ground with a loud clang. My father chokes on his gum. Crap, I didn’t realize he was behind me. He just turns around and walks upstairs, expressionless. NO! I knew this would happen! A is leaning the doorframe, her jaw dropped and flabbergasted. I don’t know what to do. My mom just picks up the bowl, we finish making the salad in silence. She asks me and A to sit on the couch. “Walk me through this please.” She says, her eyes wide, blank, unblinking. “I have known about this since 9th grade but every time I would say something about it, you or dad made me prepent, so I didn’t tell you.” I explained. A just sits there, watching and listening. “I dated boys in front of you, but I actually secretly dated two different girls in high school.” She shifts positions, I’m sweating like crazy, trying not to choke on my words. A just sits there silently, waiting to see what going to happen. “I think it’s best if you go,” There it is. I knew it. I’m no longer a part of this family and they never want to hear from me again. “Your father and I have a lot to think about.” I stand up, A with me, and we leave. The car ride home is silent. We get back around 7 and I go straight to the cafe. I finish my shift at nine, and when I get home, I just go right to my room. There’s just too much to process.

-A’s perspective-
B has been hiding in her room for three days now. I have to do something. I don’t know what she’s feeling besides rejection.  I tell B I’m going to a meeting across town, and head out. Instead, I drive to her parents house. I want her to be happy more than I care about my own happiness. We haven’t talked in days and I hate it. I tried to comfort her when we got home, but she just pushed me away. I knock on the door and Camila answers. I don’t fully know what I am going to say, but I have to say something. I ask them both to sit at the counter with me, they sit across from me. I honestly just say what I feel. “I want you to know how hard it was for B to come to you about this, this is a very vulnerable part of her life, and she really needs your support.” They don’t say anything so I keep talking. “I know that you are religious people, and even though I am not, I know God loves all people, and that includes people of the queer community.” Apio’s face shifts, from a stern harsh look, to a more soft and sorry look. He looks to Camila, and she nods. They both look back at me, silent, I take that as a cue to continue. “She really looks up to you and relies on you for support, I think she just really needs you to show that you still care, if you care. Because she thinks that you are going to disown her.” They look genuinely sad. “What can we do?” Camila asks with a strong latina accent. “I honestly didn’t think this far ahead,” I laugh trying to loosen the tension. “If you still care for her, do something that you know she’s going to love that makes her feel accepted.” Apio, asks, in a low and smooth voice what my parents did when I came out. “They actually threw me a coming out party. But I don’t think that’s what she wants.” I say. “She wants to let you know that she’s still the same girl you raised and they she will love you no matter what, so why can’t she ask for that in return.” We talk for a half hour longer and we come up with a plan!
“Great! I will see you then!” I shake their hands as I walk out the door, satisfied with how that went. I get home, and B has shifted to the couch, watching some old flicks. I don’t mind because it’s her way of expressing sadness.
Her phone rings. She doesn’t answer it, so I do, knowing full well who’s calling. “It’s your parents.” I began. “They want to meet you tomorrow for lunch at their house.” She pops her head up from behind the couch. She’s not wearing makeup and looks like a mess, but I’m just as attracted as ever. She silently shakes her head, I nod back to her. “We’ll be there with bells on!” I promised. I hang up, she gives me a pouty look and plops her head back on the couch.
“They want to meet so that they can disown me.” She hissed. I walk into her room, “What do you want to wear tomorrow?” I shout from her room. “Nothing! Because I’m not going!” she yells back from the couch.  I walk into the hall, “As much as I would love that, one: you need to wear clothes and, two: you are going.” She moan and rolls off the couch. Trudging over to me, eyes still crusty from tears. I kiss her forehead, “It’ll be fine.” I assure her.

-B’s perspective-
It’s the next day and I still  have no idea how she tricked me into doing this. She’s just so stinkin’ manipulative, I love it and hate it. She puts me in this white floral skirt and grey tee with some converse and she does my makeup. She does this rose gold smokey eye that matches the floral pattern, and a nude lip cause she knows I can’t do s*** with a makeup brush. I’m still really cranky and don’t want to go. This is sort of my defense mechanism. “My beautiful goddess.” She smiles. I resist the urge to smile back because I still don’t want to go. We get in her car,  she lets me drive because it can help relieve stress, while she reads and works on her phone about her newest client. Besides my music, it’s a fairly quiet drive. But I’m fine with that because we both had quite a bit to process. We get there again, close to noon and I want to just turn around and go home. A just calmly takes the keys from me, and we knock on the door. A million thoughts run through my head, are they really going to disown me? Did they come around? Did they tell the rest of the family? Oh God, what if they told the rest of the family?! Baba opens the door, with a smile, my eyes are widened with fear. He opens the door all the way to reveal the house, decorated with rainbows and flags! “What is this?” I gleefully exclaim. “A came over!” Mom gushed. I whip my head, and turn to her, still a bit overwhelmed. “I asked to talk with them, and they let me talk them through their thought and reactions about what you said the other day.” A her voice retreating, as she stared at the ground. I grab her in my arms and hug her as tight as I can. She blushes, and mom and dad join in on the hug. “This is literally better than i could have asked for.” I chirped. Baba goes to the kitchen revealing a rainbow cake beautifully decorated. “We made it the other day, because food is obviously one of your love languages.” A remarks.
We stay only a few hours later because I still have a shift at the cafe at 6, and while I talk to my mother about the rest of our family, and random people she wants me to inform if they are gay or not, I look over and A is talking to Baba about the different sexualities and gender identities. That’s the woman I love.
“This has been the best day ever,” I reassure as A and I walk out the door. Mama and Baba walk us out, I turn to face them, “And by the way, A and I are dating.” I smile. “We’ve been dating for a few months now. I just thought I’d let you know.” I announced. Mama is beaming, Baba looks a little disappointed, I don’t know why. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet. He hands my mother a ten, and laughs. I gasp, “I can’t believe you actually bet on me!” I marveled. A laughs and grabs my hand, hers is small and soft. I intertwine her fingers with mine as we walk to the car. She drives us home, while I go on and on about how she went behind my back (sarcastically) and talk out all my emotions. She drops me off at the cafe, and drives home.

-A’s Perspective-
I’m exhausted from driving for hours plus I have had no caffeine whatsoever today, and like, three different conference calls when I got home about the new formats we’re using and whatever. I almost fall asleep and it’s not even nine. While procrastinating, the door creaks open. Knowing it’s B I don’t really react. I stand up to get some water, “We’re all out of mint and cucumbers,” I mention. I look towards the door, and B is beaming. Her smile is intoxicating. She pounces on me with a hug, clinging to me like there’s no tomorrow. Just how I like it. “Where’s this from?” I ask. She presses her face against mine. “You know damn well,” I can feel the warmth radiating off of her. I laugh into her mouth. Those soft lips press against mine as she breathes into my mouth. She bites my lip softly, and I wrap my hands around her waist. Suddenly I have gained full energy. Her happiness radiates onto me. We laugh and cuddle all night, making this the perfect day all over again. I know now that this is the woman I want to spend every day with.



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