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How to Save a life
This story is an over exageration of what i am going through right now. I am currently dealing with a crush who is teh enemy of my bestfriend and its not easy. Also i feel like suicide is romanticised sometimes when its a serious isuue in our current society, so i am going to try my best to stick to this idea.
I have come to the conclusion my life sucks.
My crush likes my bestfriend.
Aaron Smith is my crush. There is no other way to put it. I like him and it completely sucks. no. i don't ‘like’ him this crush has gone on for 3 whole years, since the beginning of 6th grade. I read somewhere that a crush that lasts more than 4 months means you’re completely in love.
Well, being completely in love sucks. Feeling the butterflies flitting in the pit of your stomach every time he passes by your desk; well it sucks. i know he likes Cat, in fact he flat out told me that he liked her. I can even quote what he said:
“You know I like cat right?”
I felt my heart jump into rhythm, that was the scariest moment in my life, scarier than the car crash I was in, in 5th grade. I simply nod and keep my eyes diverted from his.
Cat is my best friend, or was I should say, it turns out i don't need her. She has long brown hair, a muffin top stomach and double D’s up top. It makes sense he likes her, i barely have B’s. plus my hair is like a knotty birds nest on top of my head. The tightly knit ringlets all stick together and become gigantic knots
I came to this realization when i befriended Karin. She has the same exact obsession with Naruto that i do and understands my pain when the words ‘Itachi Uchiha’ are uttered. She knows very well about my huge crush on Aaron, she has helped me threw some rough patches. whether it be that i had broken my ankle or i was in a fight with Cat, i always had a shoulder to cry on.
She always tried to convince me to talk to him, saying he definitely liked me… i couldn't believed it. did i really deserve him? the question was always hanging in the back of my mind, buzzing around it like an annoying nat.
The one time me and Aaron hung out without anyone else around was in the middle of winter, the day after our Christmas dance. It was so awkward that i had to call Karin and beg her for help, she came to my rescue like always. we were both so shy around on another that Karin was doing the talking, the only thing we had in common was the horrors of being ex-friends with Claire. That was a big one but it was hard for both of us to speak about without becoming in a bad mood or obtaining a killer headache, as if her voice still screeched in the back of my mind.
I saw it like this:
we had both escaped the monsters cave with deleterious injuries, mentally and physically. I wanted to address these injuries but i knew he would hate to talk about it. I already knew what happened after all. He became reckless and shoved me out of the way of her line of fire.
soon after this they got physical.
They got in a fight, this fight resulted in me taking care of both of their injuries. It was one of the many moments i felt utterly useless.
sitting there, watching as fists flew and blood fell. I knew the outcome before anyone did, i saw it happen in my minds eye, Aaron sinking to his knees before her, blood seeping from his mouth and falling to the grass in puddles. The witnesses scattered when it looked like Aaron would not survive. His weak gaze was locked on my phone, his lips moved but no words could come out, only a bloody cough.
Cat looked utterly furious. She hooked her foot onto his jaw with a low animalistic growl. my body reacted before my mind as my muscles contracted and snapped me forwards. She obviously had seen my movements because when the kick connected with my cheek it was softer than any of them that Aaron had suffered.
“your a monster” i whispered and held my burning cheeks tears began to pool on the ground next to my eyes.
i could see the rage filled hazel eyes as they starred down at me apathetically. I pushed myself. up onto one arm and let my hair fall before my eyes so she could no longer see my sadness.
i fumbled with my phone, my shaky fingers tried to type in the numbers 911.
“d-dont” i heard Aaron beg, my eye fell on him, he started to push himself up, but dropped back on the ground automatically.
“i have too, you both have serious injuries… you could die” I was over exaggerating that last statement, but i genuinely thought he was going to die because of how much blood painted the ground.
“neither of us will die” Cat snarked as she sat Indian style on the ground “it was a fight, grow up a bit will ya?”
I was sure i would go insane, that i would run around killing everyone who decided to cross me.
“i-it was…” i heard Aaron agree from behind me, but I thought he was trying to make me feel better by saying that, i could hear the underlying hurt in his voice.
“it was not just a fight..!” i curled my fists into the ground beneath me “do you even know how terrifying it is to watch?” the question was directed towards Cat “you grew up in Camden, the most dangerous city in the world, i didn’t! i’m not used to this! This is completely terrifying for me and you couldn't care less” i couldn't care less whether Aaron saw me in such a weak state, my anger overcame my logic.
“claire i-“ i heard Aaron murmur behind me
i spun on my heals and glared daggers at him “you shut up! you shouldn't pick fights with people you know you could never beat!” i scolded him and shifted back towards Cat. I sat between them, my chest heaving in heavy pants. i curled my fist into my shirt to feel my heart beat as it hammered against my ribcage.
“calm down” Cat ordered and grabbed my shoulder to force me to look at her bloodied face “you’re going to have a panic attack if you don't breath” i slapped her hand away from my shoulder as hard as i could.
“i’m fine” i snappe, rubbing the tears from my eyes, touching my bruised cheek in the process. my adrenaline prevented me from feeling pain until i pulled my hand away and looked at my own hand, which now had droplets of blood on it.
i felt for the ground under me and started to push up onto my shaky legs. my vision flashed black and i fell back to the ground, i closed my eyes and pretended to be unconscious. There was a moment when no one dared move. i felt someone grab my phone, i knew it was Cat because she’s the. only one out of the two who knew my passcode.
“kyle should be here shortly” Cat said after a moment “why the hell did SHE pass out, i hit her like once”
“please be quiet” Aaron said quietly from my left, i could feel tension started to build between the two.
“dont tell me what to do” Cat spat back with a snark
i heard the sound of an engine roar and the vibration of the ground as heavy wheels plowed threw the field. the car stopped a few feat away from us and i heard the sound of footsteps.
“well you two got pretty banged up” i felt a pair of us land on me and felt slightly uncomfortable under the gaze “and you got HER stuck in the middle, not cool cat, not cool” the boy speaking was a senior in high school. He’s my cousin, but i don't like saying that because he’s junky and he gets in fights almost on a daily basis.
i felt him kneel next to me and lift me bridal style. i made sure to keep my limbs limp towards the ground. i could smell a mix of achohol and weed on his breath, the mix made em inwardly cringe. his car was even worse because these two smells where mixed with the smell of cigarettes.
i was placed in the backseat, the door next to me slammed shut and the one on the other side opened up.
i blinked my eyes tiredly as if i was just waking up. Aaron was in the car next to me, staring out the window and examining his injuries.
“what happened?” i whispered and wiped the fake tiredness from my eyes
“you gave a speech and passed out” cat snorted and i could see her skeptical expression in the rearview mirror.
“oh… right” i went under the seat for a second and fished out a first aid kit “do you want me too…” i scanned the scratches and V shaped claw marks covering his skin.
“i recommend it, Claire has always been good at this medical shit.” Kyle said as he puffed out a cloud of smoke.
Aaron looked over at me, despite the moment i felt my face turn a few shades darker than crimson.
“do you mind?” Aaron asked i drew my lip into my mouth and gnawed on it for a few seconds, weighing my options.
“n-no” i whispered, his skin was warm under my touch, i caught a glimpse of scars zigzagging across the front of his wrist. i saw him gulp and his eyes pleaded with mine not to say anything, i nodded even though i wanted to say something.
i used a few tissues to dab away the blood “ky do you have a water bottle in here?” i asked and looked up to my cousin as his brown eyes where focused out on the road. They had a shape that resembled my own, which was our only resemblance of each other.
“yeah, cat grab it, its in the cup holder” i could hear cat snort for the second time as she handed me the water bottle. the label was turn of, leaving sticky white residue on the side of the bottle. i opened it and poured a little onto the tissue. Doing this helped pick some of the blood up, leaving somewhat clean skin around the gashes and bruises. I looked curiously down at one of his bruises, it was on the verge of fading, in fact almost half of the ones on his upper arms where.
“i- uh- your abdomen… internal bleeding” i could only say a few words without either stuttering or becoming as red as a beet. i could see the beginnings of a smile start to curve at his lips but i figured it was just an illusion.
i anticipated him lifting his shirt, as he leaned forwards to strip of his shirt i saw brown scars, diving in different directions some had feather edges others didn’t.
“the scars on your back are from a whip…” i said, he looked up at me with shocked eyes. i could tell cat and Kyle where absorded in their own conversation in the front seat.
“yah” Aaron said in response and leaned back again, i narrowed my eyes at the bruises and shook my head
“just bad bruising, does it hurt when you touch anywhere on your ribs?” i asked, trying to figure out who could possibly handle him so badly,
“not really” Aaron answered as he began to pull his shirt back on, i stopped him, my confidence slowly building up, held his wrist down flat on the car seat. I was able to feel his pulse point beneath the congunction between my index finger and thumb. His eyes held shock as he starred at my impulsive movement.
our eyes locked on eachotehr but this time neither of us looked away. I knew he wanted me to let go. but i didn’t. i couldn’t. I wanted to ask him why, but i knew my eyes spoke for my mouth. My heart raced in my chest and i felt my fingers start to loosen around his wrist, as the gap between us started to lessen.
It was as if we were in our own world, the conversation between the two others had slowly faded into a small nusiance kicking in the background. My eyes never left Aarons wide chocolate colored ones.
“what the heck?” our own little world was invaded by cats voice. i jerked back into my seat and nodded
“n-no internal bleeding and no stitches needed just ice everything you'll be okay” i spoke so quickly i knew no one understood me. my cousin was snickering in the front seat, eyeing me in the rearview mirror.
“thanks, Claire” that wa step first time i ever heard Aaron say my name and it made my cheeks flare up even brighter red.
“n-no problem” i said in response and made myself into a small cocoon on the seat. I heard him start to work with band aids, watching him i had the yearning to grab the bandage and rubbing alchohol and apply them myself.
each time the napkin that was tipped in alchohol made contact with a cut he winced and looked up at me. I felt like i could pass out, for real. For some reason i felt his wince kind of cute, like he was a little kid who had fallen at the jungle jim.
I reached out my hand for the rubbing alcohol and decided to work with my own cut, but it was a struggle trying to find it, even when i did finding the exact direction the wound was going in and where the blood was proved to be a struggle.
“let me” Aaron took the tissue from my hand and started to dab at an area a few inches bellow my eye. i flinched back from the stingy pain i felt each time, and each time he would chuckle teasingly. i opened one eye to glare. he leaned back to grab a band aid and pressed it on my cheek. Cat was still engrossed in Kyle, but Kyle was staring at me with that knowing smirk i dreaded the sight of. i jerked back and cuddled back up into my comfy cocoon. Aaron was starring at me and i figured he was probably able to see up my short denim shorts so i shoved my legs down and leaned against the window.
Kyle dropped Aaron off at his house, he jumped out of the car for a moment, beckoning for Aaron to follow him behind a few trees that where hiding his house.
“im gonna go back there, mind having a look at my injuries?” cat asked sash jumped from the car. i let out a puff of air, i didn't mind but i was exhausted .
“not at all” i muttered irritably
“what so its okay if its a guy, but once its your best friend you have an attitude?” cat teased, i jumped and shook my head wildly.
“no i’m just really tired, y’know” i wanted to say that she was no longer my best friend, especially after this.
she splayed out her first for me to look at her, it was clean with the exception of a few scrapes and scars on her upper arm, which i knew to be from her cat. They where very light in color compared to the scars Aaron had, which where very noticeable.
“did you notice the scars on his back?” i asked as i cleared the wounds and put bandaids on them.
“oh, right, you don't know” cat said, i was surprised to see her smiled rip int a heavy frown “his parents beat him and his dad lets people rape him, because Aaron doesn't want his little sister t get hurt” i stopped my movement, letting the tissue hover over her skin.
“thats terrible” i said quietly and continued dabbing at her wounds “Is there anything we can do…?” i whispered ad wrapped gauze around the scrapes on her upper arm.
“he doesn't want to be separated from his mother, he’s too scared she’ll get hurt if him and his sister escape. Also the person who reported it could be in danger because his father has connections everywhere.” cat explained apathetically. her eyes held zero sympathy as they watched my movements carefully.
“i get that” I responded but there has got to be something… i thought and leaned back onto the seat after i was done with her injuries. Kyle and Aaron returned from behind the trees, Aaron waved his off as he ran up the cement steps to his square brick house.
Kyle returned to the front seat and looked back at us, before focusing on the road behind him as he pulled out of the driveway. i watched aaron as he knocked on the door, it opened and Aaron was grabbed inside. i shifted onto my knees to watch what happened next, a mans face peaked out the door and looked directly at me. i gulped as he slammed the door.
i opened Aarons contact information and my and hit ‘send a message’
i starred at the screen that opened, starring at the keys as they starred back. i started typing but stopped as i finished 4 lines of what i wanted to say. I hit the back space button until everything disappeared and dropped the phone next to me. i would have to live with my fear. we pulled up at Cats Mc-mansion. It was the color of the white house and had the same thick columns but also had undertones of brick. She jumped out of the car and i followed suite, walking up to the front seat. Cat walked around to me and gave me a tight hug before she skipped up the steps, her blonde hair mother peaked out of the house and smiled at me with a wave.She noticed Cats state and glared at her, before she started scolding her.
i jumped in the passengers seat, as we drove away Kats mom was pushing her inside with one hand and waving with another. Kyle was smirking at me, his eyes locked on me.
“you and aaron where about to kiss in the back seat” kyle said as we made a sharp left onto the street i live on.
“we were not!” i said defensively and punched him in the shoulder lightly
“oh, you where about this close” kyle parked the car in front of my house and held up his hand. he put it about two inches from my face and looked at me with that same shit eating smirk behind it.
we were that close? i dreaded that to be the one question on my mind and shook the thought away. i pushed the door open and ran out of the car, behind me kyle was waving with a smart ass grin.
when i entered the house my mom instantly asked about the wound on my face. she bent down to examine the wound, her green eyes held worry.
“i’m fine, mom, Cat’s brother was playing with his fathers exact replica of Michonnes sword” That thing is cool, its so exact it is even as sharp as a blade. “and just y luck when cat was going in to hit him, he ducked and the punch hit my in the cheek on the same spot”
my mom sighed “that house has always been hectic” she stuck the bandaid on again.
“your father is working late again tonight, what would you like for dinner, i can order sushi if you want?” my mom said with a playful wink thrown back at me. she tries to be a cool mom, but i know she is just trying to be the ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ since my father is never home.
“mom, we’ve been eating out a lot lately. i’ll make something, okay?” i said and started to the kitchen, but my mom blocked my way. she placed her hands on either side of the doorway. the phone rang from the counter in the kitchen, i followed my mom in to see who it was. most likely my dad seeing what we where having for dinner and calling to say goodnight.
my moms old smile turned down, the phone slipped from her hands and dread fell over her face. her body curled on the ground.
“mom” i whispered and slid down in front of her, i grabbed her hands “what happened mom?” i asked and tried to bring her down from her state of hiatus. she shook her head and pushed farther into the lazy Susan.
i grabbed the phone and held it to my ear “hello?” i asked into the phone.
“you should probably start making funeral arrangements, i deeply apologize for your loss” i stopped breathing for a moment, a bolt of lightning from outside enlightened the room in a soft white glow. i fell back on my hands
“thank you” i whispered before i pressed the big red button in the middle. i hoped i was dreaming, that i would wake up in a few seconds, that the fight, and now this was all a sick dream that i could look up the meaning of later.
i couldn't take it, the 4 walls around me get as if they where closing in one me. i grabbed the phone from the ground and ran, out into the pouring rain as thunder roared in the sky like an angry beast. i didn't care where i was going, i just wanted to escape from that house, the idea that my father is dead. I ran threw the rain until I came upon the bridge that connected one side of the river to the other it had a cement reeling that was made of blocks of grey brick. i was surprised to find that i was not out here alone. a silhouetted figure was standing in the middle of the bridge, their hands on the reeling.
i should've turned around, whoever it was started to push themselves up onto the wall into a kneeling position, slowly they stood up on his feet.
i continued towards whoever it was. They obviously had yet to realize my presence,as i got closer i realized it was a male.
He turned around so his back was facing the river, i was close enough to make out the color of his dark brown eyes, his black hair kept its color and a purple and blue bruise was on his cheekbone.
at first i said his name quietly, a soft whisper that could barely be heard over the pouring rain, like pebbles hitting the ground in the thousands. When the next bolt of lightning gave me a light source i saw the tears running down his cheeks, mixing with the rain.
He took two steps back.
His body fell.
Plummeted towards the murky depths bellow.
My legs acted faster than my mind, my heart acting faster than my brain. i pushed myself up onto the ledge and lunged off.
“aaron!” i screamed, his eyes opened and looked at me, i reached my hand out to him. time was slowing down around us. each expression stayed on his face for a couple seconds, before it changed. from shock, to terror. Our fingers brushed and i attempted to curl my fingers around his but he slipped. Time took him faster than i could.
His body hit the water before mine, my skin slapped hard on the water and burned. i was jolted from consciousness.
When my eyes opened again i was laying somewhere that wasn't in brown water with burning aches and pains. it was white, like a cloud underneath of me, my old denim blood covered shorts where replaced by a long white dress that reached my ankles.
i looked around me to find aaron sleeping calmly next to me. his eyes drifted open and he looked at me. my first instinct told me to hug him, but i didn’t. instead i stood up.
His body was no longer covered in scars, his wrists where clean and skinny.
he stood up, struggling slightly. We starred at each other for a moment.
“why did you do that?” i asked, my mind drawing a blank on what to say for a small moment.
“i dont know” Aaron responded and his eyes focused downwards on the clouds bellow him “why did you follow me?”
i gulped, the words that left me where: “i love you” ho was i expecting him to respond to something so straightforwards? I'm so stupid!
His eyes widened, he leaned towards me and pressed his lips to mine softly, electricity pulsed in my body. The kiss felt as if it last a few eternities. Even though it probably only lasted a second or two. When the distinct taste of salt exploded in my mouth i pulled away. tears where glittering in his eyes and sliding down his cheeks.
“please live” he whispered and grabbed my wrist, he started walking to the edge of the cloud-like structure. I had no choice but to allow myself to be dragged. he stopped before an edge that lead sharply down to a rainbow of colored mist bellow. \
“aaron what are you doing?” i asked quietly, he pressed a hand to my shoulder and pushed me back. my eyes widened, instinctively i grabbed his now scarless wrist.
“i cant go back there, claire, please understand… he murdered both of them. i cant return to that and i have no where else to go. But you have a whole life ahead of you”aaron told me and held my hand in both of his, it was warm.
“we can figure that out later. nothing is ever worth dying” i placed my hand over ours and dropped my head “we can go toogether, you can go to a new home… with parents that love you, they exist.” i forced a smile onto my tear stained face.
Aaron looked down at our hands as i squeezed his comfortingly. his lips curved up into the toothy smile i had known fairly well. Nonetheless tears where still falling from his eyes and i briefly wondered why. he let go of my hands and walked up next to me, i grasped his hand and smiled.
“i’m here for you now” i said and looked downing the rainbow of colors “we’ll go on three”
“1” our eye locked and my fist tightened around his hand
“2” we both looked down at the misty oblivion
“3” i jumped, basking in the soft air that surrounded me as ifell. but i was alone.
i looked up aaron had a sad smile on his face as he waved me goodbye “i love you too” where the last words he said before he started to fade away into small glowing particles. i tried to grab him but it was too late, I was grabbing at air.
“AARON” i screamed, the air was not bristling as it was when i jumped off the bridge, it was soft and heavy around me. the water awaited underneath me. instead of having a hard landing that made my skin burn it was a soft landing in the water. I was in shock.
too shocked to move or to swim.
a hand grabbed me around the wrist and pulled me up to the surface. My father starred down at me when i reached the surface, his kind blue eyes starring down into mine.
he disappeared. i looked frantically for aaron, and when i found his body floating in the water i grabbed him around the waist, rain was still pounding at my forehead, the current was trying to drag me one way while i was trying to get to the small fork of land that jabbed out into the river
i grabbed at the water with one arm, while the other supported Aaron’s dead weight. as soon as my feet could touch the ground I started running, no matter how much the water resisted i kept going, barreling on shore and falling flat on my back with Aaron next to me.
i crawled onto my knees and leaned over him, tears cascaded from my face, landing onto his and drifting to the ground. i reached up and brushed his wide chocolate colored eyes closed. i knew i had at least a broken wrist and a shattered kneecap, i didn't feel the pain but based on the way the limbs where disfigured i could tell they where broken.
“ Aaron” i whispered his name before i fell unconscious because of the pain that had hit me all in one blow.