Chronicle 1: Hair in Gloversville
The first thing I remember doing in my new house was my hair. Before I moved, my hair was really long, and it covered my bland, dark coffee eyes. I hated my eyes. I wanted blue, green, or even hazel eyes, but they were hard to inherit considering both my parents had brown eyes.
My mom is Latina and my dad’s Irish, so I guess other than my eyes I wasn’t so bland. Everyone always told me I had really smooth looking olive skin, and a unique heart-shaped face. Honestly though, I thought I looked as plain as plain could be. Dorian had most of the looks, he’d gotten the green eyes and the light brown hair.
I guess he realized that I kind of hated how I looked, because he’d went out one day with my mom and bought me hair-gel for Christmas. When I opened the little box and found a jar of hair-gel, I was really surprised and I actually pretty happy. But I didn’t show it of course. I was an idiot remember?
“Hair-gel?” I asked distastefully, looking over at my proud little brother.
He tugged his small hands into two fists in excitement. “You can look different now!” He smiled.
At the time I’d taken that as a huge offence not really understanding that he was actually trying to help me. “This is a stupid gift.” I muttered, throwing the opened box onto our washed out couch. It landed on its side.
“Emerson.” My mom hissed, flashing me a glare. My dad looked blankly at me but didn’t say anything.
“What? It is, I don’t need hair-gel, my hair’s fine.” I said hesitantly. But truth be told, my hair was not fine. I hated it, but I wanted to make my brother feel bad.
I looked over at Darion to see if my remark had made an impact on him. He was just staring at me with wide-eyes, he looked shocked but there was also a look of plead on his face as well. He had been secretly pleading with me to make sure that what he’d done for me was OK. But anything he did was never OK for the idiot Emerson McCloud, never.
I quickly looked away and stood up, kicking colourful gift wrapping paper out of my way. “You might as well return it; it was a waste of money.” I huffed, exiting the room quickly.
They never returned it, and I never hated it. At the end of the day, I crept back downstairs quietly and saw the box still lying on its side on the couch. I took the jar out and examined it carefully. It looked really expensive; I couldn’t just let it go to waste.
I went back upstairs and hid it underneath a bunch of huge blankets and junk in my closet but I never used it. I was saving it for when I really needed it. That day came when I stepped through the doors of my new house. I hated the house, but I figured that if I was in a new change of place I needed a new look. So before I did anything else, I ran up the stairs to the main washroom and pulled my hair-gel out of my bag.
“You see this Dorian?” I called out. “I’m using the hair-gel that you gave me. It didn’t go to waste, see? I do love you.” I stuck my hand into the jar, slathered the glob of oil onto my shaggy black tuffs and slicked the hair back. I was trying to give myself a more sophisticated, mature look, considering I was around fifteen at the time. Instead of that, I ended up making myself look a wannabe tough guy that obviously spent way too much wasted time and effort on his hair in the morning.
I gripped my oily hands on the counter of the sink and doubled over laughing at my reflection in the mirror. “I look like a fucking freak!” I choked out.
“Emerson! What the hell are you doing up there?” My dad shouted from the base of the staircase. “Come help me unpack the rest of the stuff!”
I looked at myself one more time in the mirror before I went back down. I swore I saw Dorian holding his stomach, laughing as hard as I was in the shadows behind me. I smiled; it was good to see that he was happy wherever he was.
Soon after, I raced down the stairs and headed towards the front door. Before I had any time to react my dad appeared in front of me juggling boxes of family pictures and photo albums in his arms. I accidentally collided with him and the boxes crashed to the floor.
“Shit!” He cursed, flying down to examine the mess.
“Sorry,” I said, bending down to help him. He ripped open one of the boxes, a few of the frames were cracked and split.
His hands shook as he picked one up. “What the hell is wrong with you?” He shouted angrily.
“It was an accident.” I replied calmly, trying not to snap. My dad had been taking his anger out on me ever since Dorian died and my mom had left. He didn’t know what to do with himself; I guess he took it out on me.
“An accident? Why are you running around the house like a f*ing kid?” He snapped back.
“I was coming outside to help you!”
“Some help you did, you broke-” He cut himself off, gripping the picture tightly. I looked down at the photo and realized it was of him and my mom when they were around eighteen. They looked really happy. My mom was doing a weird pose for the camera and my dad was looking at her with a small smile. The smile didn’t show much of his affection for her, but his eyes did. They were bright and interested. He looked so intrigued by her.
“I’m-” I started to say before I was distracted by something in the open doorway.
It was a short girl with soft, tan skin. She had a massive mound of curly, knotted, frizzy, tangled, and dirty blonde hair atop her wide face. Her dark grey eyes stared down at us with worry.
“Uh,” I spoke, not really sure what to say. My dad turned around on his knees and saw the girl gazing down at us.
“Genie, you were supposed to wait for me!” A woman hissed from behind the girl. The woman was the total opposite of her. She had short black hair, egg shell white skin, piercing blue eyes that meant business, and a stern, pointed face.
I stood up slowly. My dad brushed himself off, placing the photo back in the box carefully. The woman looked at down the box, she turned nervous when she saw the broken frames.
“Um, were sorry for intruding, we live just across the street. We wanted to see if you needed any help with moving things into the house, but if you’re busy we can come back later,” She stuttered anxiously. Her hand gripped the girl’s shoulder tightly.
“No! Don’t worry about it. We just had a small accident, we’ll be fine.” My dad sighed, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand.
“Ok. Um, I’m Mrs. Holloway and this is my step-daughter Genie.” She said, looking down at the girl who was still staring.
The girl’s face erupted into a huge, child-like grin. “I’m Genie.” She stated.
Genie Holloway. She was the first girl that I’d met that would change my life forever.
“Emerson, go out and get the rest of the boxes with Genie from the truck. We’ll clean up here and come out later to bring in the heavy stuff.” My dad coughed, picking up the box. He gestured for Mrs. Holloway to follow him out into the living room. I could see by the look on his face that he was still trying not to explode into either shouts or into cries.
I walked ahead of Genie and headed outside towards the mover’s truck. I looked back at her curiously. She was looking down at her shoes that had orange laces and a stitched in “G” on each side of them.
“Your shoes are interesting.” I said, climbing into the back of the truck to retrieve a box.
“Thanks, so is your hair. Are you trying to be James Bond or something?” I heard her ask. I couldn’t see her face but I could tell she was smirking.
I flinched. I knew my hair was ugly, but I didn’t like her making a joke out of it. I had tried my best to do what Dorian had wanted. I climbed back out of the truck with two light boxes and tossed one towards her.
“No.” I shifted.
She used her free hand to unknot a part of her hair. I laugh thinking how ironic she sounded judging my hair. We entered and exited the house, boxes in hand for about forty-five minutes until the truck was empty. We never exchanged any words, but by the end of the trip I was curious.
As I took off my shoes, I stared at her. I was thinking I could decipher her age before I’d asked out loud and embarrassed myself. She had a pretty low voice; it was too mature to be a grade three’s but then again I couldn’t judge.
“You’re ten right?” I blurted out after a while. I’d given up on the mental guessing game.
“I’m actually fifteen, turning sixteen in a week.” She replied tiredly. I bet she was mistaken for a fifth grader a lot, though she never got angry when I asked her. I respected her for that.
I tightened my lips into a thin line and stared at her. “That’s a joke right?”
“Nope. Living in Trinidad until you’re ten kind of stuns your growth.” She lied.
I offered her a small smile towards her lying abilities. “Right,”
“You don’t believe me?” She snapped, looking slightly offended.
“No, because I’m not a dumbass.” I replied simply.
“You look like a dumbass.” She replied simply.
I stared back at her in shock. She had some guts calling a person she’d just met a dumbass in their own house.
“You really need some manners you know.”
“Great. I’ll be sure to put that on my list of things that I’m never gonna get.” She smiled again. That smile had always pissed me off.
It was like a bull fight between us. Genie was the bull and I was the fighter. So technically we were on the same page, except as usual, the fighter was being defeated by the bull.
I cleared my throat. “Did I, uh, do something wrong to you or something?” I asked carefully.
Genie’s expression quickly changed from challenging to surprise. “Um. I don’t think so, I don’t know.” She bit her lip in thought.
I sighed. I didn’t have time to deal with hormonal girls, so I moved on.
“Whatever man, let’s just tell them we’re finished here so we never have to talk again.” I mentally rolled my eyes and turned away from her.
“So we’re those kinds of neighbours?” She asked with a chuckle.
I stopped and glanced at her. “What?”
“You know the socially awkward neighbours. The ones that see each other but never actually say anything. Except instead they do a weird ass gesture.” She smiled, giving me a small, awkward salute.
I laughed. “That is still yet to be confirmed.” I replied, walking down the hall into the living room. We weren’t those kinds of neighbours.
When I entered the living room, it took me aback when I saw Genie’s mom and my dad laughing together on the couch. They sat beside each other, one of our old photo albums resting between them. They had been looking at a photo of me on my sixth birthday with cake smothered on my face. Dorian was two and he was copying me as usual, his hands and face were covered in chocolate cake as well.
“Your son was beautiful.” She said softly, smiling down at Darion’s curly brown hair and big beady green eyes.
“I know. He was such a good kid and he didn’t deserve to die the way he did. And my older son Emerson, he didn’t deserve to see what he saw. It’s still hard for him; it’s still hard for everyone.” My dad stared teary eyed at the picture.
I clenched my fists tightly. I didn’t understand why he was telling everything to her so easily, they’d just met. Why had he entrusted her so quickly? It made me feel a rage inside that I didn’t even know I had.
“Why are you doing that?” I hissed from across the room. My dad looked over startled. I stalked towards them and ripped the photo album out of his hands. I whipped it against the blank wall with a loud thud. The sound echoed loudly through the empty house.
“Why are you doing that?” I shouted again. The sounds started to wire through my mind again, they always came back when I got angry. I hated them so f*ing much.
“Emerson that’s enough!” My dad barked, standing up abruptly from the couch.
Why didn’t he care? Why didn’t he care that he was exposing everything so quickly? Why was he exposing the bad and not the good?
“F you! This isn’t my fault, it isn’t!” I screamed. The house was starting to feel like a box, I felt trapped and compressed. And the sounds were getting louder.
I covered my ears and started screaming. It was as if I was being sucked back in time to the day that he died. My therapist had called it a panic attack, but it felt more like a mental breakdown.
“You should go,” My dad whispered sharply to Genie’s mom.
She nodded and quickly left the room.
“What’s going on?” I heard Genie ask from afar, concern laced her voice.
“It’s nothing. We need to go, c’mon.” Her mom replied frantically. I could hear the fear in her voice, she was actually afraid of me. That shocked me so much that I actually stopped screaming and trust me, it took a lot to make me stop screaming at times like those.
I fluttered my eyes back open and stared blankly at the floor. I could feel my dad’s cold gaze on me. I felt like I was going to hurl every piece of matter in my body onto the floor.
“You need to grow up Emerson. You’re not a baby anymore. You’re fifteen for Christ sake!” He hissed.
I winced. I knew that and I was trying. But it was too hard to move on, it was too hard to stop remembering that day.
“If you need to go cool off, go outside and walk around. Come back in when you’re ready to act like an adult.” He said, glancing over at the photo album that lay on its face by the wall.
I ran out of the room and careened outside, tripping over my bare feet. I remember running for a while not really knowing where I was going. I only stopped when I couldn’t feel my legs or my feet. I stood completely still and just stared blankly over at the coming sunset. The sky was a fiery orange streaked with spots of red; it was so beautiful.
I dropped to my knees onto the concrete and buried my face into my hands and screamed. I didn’t even notice the hot tears streaming down my face; all I noticed was that somehow I’d failed Dorian again.
“I’m sorry, God, I’m so s-sorry.” I bawled into my palms. “Dorian why can’t you come back? W-Why couldn’t you be here? I-It’s my fault, it’s all my fault.”
I’d admitted to myself that Dorian’s death was my fault. I didn’t want to say it, but I had been processing it for four years. I was irresponsible and selfish, I didn’t care about him; I only cared about myself. I didn’t even try to save him. I didn’t even sacrifice my own life for a boy that deserved to live.
“Dorian.” I cried over and over.
I loved my little brother and I wanted him back. For once in my life, I’d actually felt like I was maturing.

Chronicle 2: Time
I’d come back home around eleven pm. It was dark, cold, and drizzling softly as I walked up my quiet street. The flickers of a few lights and the sounds of vehicles circled around me as I walked in a blank daze.
When I walked up the front steps, a small voice spoke up from behind me. “Finally made it back home?” It asked rhetorically.
I turned around and noticed it was Genie. She was standing on her porch, sipping ominously out of an orange juice box and giving me one her signature smirks.
I shook out my wet hair. “Yeah, so what?” I muttered.
“I hope you know my mom and dad are out there helping to look for you with your dad. You could be a tiny bit more respectful.” She slurped annoyingly.
I rolled my eyes and looked back over at my front door. I didn’t even have a key to get inside yet, I was screwed.
“So why are you out so late huh?” I asked, arching a brow at her.
She shrugged. “I’m the only one home and I got lonely, deal with it.”
“So why didn’t you go with your parents?”
She groaned. “God, were you born this nosy? Who cares? It’s not about me anyway,”
I didn’t reply.
“So what was your little brother’s name?” She asked suddenly.
I flinched. Of all the times she just had to bring that up? “Don’t ask me that.” I snapped tensely.
She put her hands up in defense. “Ok, Ok, don’t gotta bite my head off.” She sighed. “So, do you wanna come inside to like, dry off or something?”
I stared at her for a while before replying. “You sure? I feel like I met never come back out.”
She shot me a dirty look. “Shut up. I’m just trying to help you, Jesus.”
“Ok, whatever. I should probably call my dad to tell him I’m OK anyways.” I padded across the road, and climbed up the steps to her house.
She pushed the door open and I stayed closely behind her as she stepped inside. I peered around her house in awe. Her house had actually felt like a home. There was no one inside and it was dead quiet, but the atmosphere was still so welcoming and warm.
“You’re house is really nice.” I said quietly, peeking up at the wall of photos that was lined above the door. My heart stopped when I noticed a photo of her family together on a beautiful day at the beach. Genie’s father was buried from the neck down in dark brown sand and she was giving a toothless smile to the camera. A woman with similarly wild blonde hair gave a simple smile as she lay in a beach chair under a rainbow patterned umbrella.
I smiled softly at it. Genie came beside me and looked up at the picture as well.
“My mom was a murderer you know.” She said out of the blue.
“What the hell? Where did that come from?” I asked taken aback by the comment. I had sounded surprised, but the truth was I’d just taken it as a joke.
She shrugged. “Just giving you an important fact about my life.”
“You shouldn’t be revealing so much to someone you don’t even know that well.” I replied, thinking back to the incident that had happened earlier.
“I can reveal as much as I want to anyone I want. But here’s the trick, that’s only if I want to.” She said, wagging her finger at me.
I stared at her. “But why would you want to just blatantly tell someone that your mom was a murderer? I mean, damn.”
She laughed. “I have nothing to hide, Emerald.”
“Emerald? My name’s Emerson,” I replied flatly.
“Oh right, sorry.” She yawned as she headed over to the stairs. “I’ll get you a towel. You should call your dad and you can search for something to eat if you want.”
“K.” I replied, strolling slowly into the living room. I flicked on the light and laid my eyes on the comfy looking leather couches in the corner of the room. Just looking at them had made my legs ache even more than they already did. But I was more hungry than tired so I made my way into the kitchen. I immediately went to the pantry first because pantries honestly have all the good stuff.
I swung it open and started salivating when I laid my eyes on the brand new bag of Doritos. I ripped the bag open and shoved a few into my mouth.
“Mm,” I moaned as my hunger slowly diminished.
“Hey! Hands of the Doritos dumbass!” Genie screeched from behind me. She ripped the bag out of my hands. “Geez, when I say get something to eat I mean a banana or some crackers, not the good stuff! Who the hell do you think you are?”
“Sorry.” I grumbled, taking the yellow towel out of her hands.
Her face softened as she watched me dry my hair. “So why haven’t you called your dad yet?”
I looked away. “That’s the last thing on my mind right now.”
“Wow, a teenager is having family problems, how surprising.” She said sarcastically.
“Ha, ha.” I sighed, sitting down at the table to rest my legs.
She took a banana out of the fruit bowl by the toaster and shoved it towards me. “Eat it.”
I give her a weird look as I peel it open and take a small bite. “Ugh, this tastes like shit.” I gag at the bland taste.
“Can I ask how you know what shit tastes like?” She smiled, glancing over at me curiously as she put the chips back in the pantry.
“Nope.”
She laughed and looked away. She then started staring blankly out into the dark living room. “Did you see that?” She asked me softly.
“No, what was it?” I hated when people asked that, it just immediately made everything seem scary as hell.
“It was a boy, about the age of seven. He had really curly brown hair and these beautiful green eyes. He was smiling over at you, but he was also saying something. I think he was saying, ‘It’s OK Emmy, everything will get better in time.’ Well, I don’t know, I’m actually not sure so don’t take my word for it.” She said deep in thought, oblivious to how surreal she sounded.
She’d said Emmy. I didn’t say this before but that was what Dorian used to call me sometimes. He’d only said it when he was trying to cheer me up.
Suddenly the only thing I could hear was my heart thumping loudly in my head. “I-Is that a f*ing joke?” I hissed.
She looked over at me. “Nope, I’m being completely legit. Oh and come to think of it, he actually looked a lot like you.”
“Shut up!” I screamed. Genie winced, sulking back. “Just shut up,” I repeated more quietly.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” She whispered, looking down at her hands.
I stood up and stalked out of the kitchen. Suddenly that house was starting to feel unbearable too. She chased after me. “Where are you going? You need to call your dad and tell him you’re OK.” She snapped, grabbing my arm.
“Get away from me! God, you’re so damn annoying!” I shouted, snapping my arm out of her grasp.
She stopped and let me leave without another word. I walked back to my house and sat down on the cold porch, I curled myself up and rocked back and forth. I needed to wait. I needed more time.

Chronicle 3: Two Puzzle Pieces

I awoke the next morning in the living room on a soft blanket and an aching back. I immediately recognized the blanket, it was Dorian and I’s favourite one when we were younger. We always used to cuddle underneath it if when we were ever watching a scary movie, and when I say scary I mean something like “E.T.”. That was the only scary movie my mom had ever let us watch; moms right?

I sat up just as my dad and Genie’s father stumbled into the room carrying one of our old oak wood shelves that my mom had picked up at a garage sale randomly one day. She had always liked wooden things; she took most of her wooden collection with her when she left though. I missed seeing them every day.
“Hey, he’s awake.” Genie’s dad said to mine, nodding over at me.
My dad brushed his hands on his pants and looked over at me. We stared at each other for a while before he left the room without exchanging a word with me.
Genie’s dad gave me a small, awkward smile. “Hi, I’m Mr. Holloway. You’ve probably already met my wife and daughter right?”
I smiled shyly. “Yeah, thanks for helping us out.”

“No problem. I’ll probably be here for a while lugging in the big things. If you would like, you could ask Genie if she wants to ‘chill’, or whatever you teens do these days. She’s a lonely girl, needs another friend.” He sighed, rubbing his hands together.

I picked at my shirt awkwardly. I’d forgotten how I’d blown up at Genie the other night, I probably should have thought about apologizing to her but I had other stuff on my mind. Her dad nodded at me again before heading back out to retrieve more furniture.

I lifted my stiff body off of the floor and went in search of my box of snacks that I’d packed for the trip. The box had contained Cheetos, a honey bun, some Goldfish crackers, and some white cheddar popcorn. Yeah, it sounded like snacks for a five year old, I know, but I was starving and really didn’t care.
When I found the box, I ripped it open and sat in the hallway. I ate with ecstasy written across my face. I’m not really sure why I’m telling you this, but man, that food had tasted good.

After I ate, I sat in the hall for a while and realized something. I started to realize that I was never going to go back to the way everything was before. I would probably never see my old home again, that my mom would never trust me again, and that I might actually just never grow up.

But I’d also realized something else. I realized that I could change how my life folded out here, that I didn’t have to make the same mistakes again; and that I actually could try to grow up. I had to, no matter what. And even though I’d literally known this girl for a day and she was honestly just a pain in the neck, I had to start over with Genie; she seemed like a good person. But first, I had to start over with my dad. He was struggling even more than I was, he lost his son, his wife, and he was probably starting to feel like he was losing me too.
I stood up in determination. I was going to do something right for once.
**
“Dad.” I said softly to him as he came back through the door, carrying one of his favourite antique lamps. He shoved it towards me.
“Bring this upstairs.”
“No.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said no. I need to talk to you, right now.”
He closed his eyes. “What is it Emerson?”
“Um, OK, I-”
“Alistair, I think that’s the last of the stuff!” Genie’s father interrupted from outside.
“One sec,” He replied, heading back out quickly.
I quickly ran over my lines while he was gone, I had to get this right. When he came back in, he stood waiting patiently for me to continue speaking.
I took out a long, slow breath. “I need to grow up.” I started first.

“When I saw you sharing everything with Genie’s mom, I didn’t understand why you were exposing everything so quickly. I find it so complicated to express anything about Dorian because every time I think about him, all I remember is his death.” I knotted my hands together. “I-I can’t get it out of my head, it’s hard to move on when all you can remember is how you lost the person. I feel like a burden dad, I can’t stop imaging it, how he felt, how he looked. I can’t stop, and I’m sorry if that’s setting you back. I’m sorry if I’m just no good anymore.” I stopped myself short. It had come out all wrong. I was supposed to apologize for my immaturity but instead I’d admitted what I’d been feeling all along. I didn’t want him to stress over me anymore, but I’d failed at making sure that didn’t happen. Well, that’s what I thought.
It was quiet for a while, too quiet. I looked up from my feet and met my dad’s eyes. They were searching me for something, I still don’t know what.
“Are you going to say something?” I asked after a while. He was just staring at me; he was looking at me like I was crazy.

“That’s all you have to say? Where the hell did you disappear to last night huh? I had to embarrass myself even further in front of the neighbours by asking them to help me look for you, and you haven’t even given me an explanation yet?” He stated angrily.
I was speechless. He didn’t even care about the confession. “Dad, did you not just hear me right now? I,”
“It’s not always about you Emerson.” He interrupted. “You need to think before you make stupid decisions. When I said come back when you could be more mature, I didn’t literally mean stay out the whole damn night!”
I snapped. “What is wrong with you? Why aren’t you listening to me?” I shouted at him.

“Don’t raise your voice at me,” He hissed, grabbing my arm. The look in his eyes then made my skin crawl. He looked like he was going to kill me. It was at that moment that I realized that there was something wrong with my dad, not on the outside but internally. “I’m tired of your bullshit Emerson, you need to get over your ego and start maturing.” He let go of my arm.

I stared at him worriedly. Why was he turning everything on me? Why was he making me feel even more like a victim than I already did? “O-Ok.” I stumbled out. I didn’t want to agree with him, but it felt like the right thing to do at the time.
Something happened then. As my dad turned to leave, a frightened look crossed his face. It was as if he was pleading on the inside for me to help him. I was confused, what was wrong with him?
I could have tried fixing things with my dad again, but I couldn’t fix the fact that he just wasn’t the same anymore. He and I were two puzzle pieces that weren’t meant to connect, that just couldn’t see eye to eye.

Chronicle 4: A Lonely Neighbour


I pulled on a clean shirt over my wet hair. Usually I could think clearly after I took a long, hot bath but that day my mind had been crowded with too many problems. My dad’s reaction had been nagging at me the whole time, but I was also wondering if Genie would even consider forgiving me if I tried apologizing to her.

I wasn’t used to feeling so close to a person I barely knew, but she seemed like she needed someone. I mean, that would be the only reason why she had admitted that wild fact about her mom so easily right? Or maybe she was just really open about her problems, who knows, she was difficult to understand.

After drying my hair a bit, I left my room and stepped carefully down the stairs into the cluttered front foyer. I could hear my dad in the kitchen unpacking boxes, but I didn’t want to face him. I slipped out of the house as quietly I could and hustled across the street.
Mr. Holloway opened the door slowly after I knocked a few times, his face brightened up when he saw me.
“Hey Emerson.” He smiled softly. Mr. Holloway looked a lot like Genie, the dark but intriguing grey eyes, and a goofy smirk at the edge of his lips. He made you feel safe and welcome.
“Hi, can Genie come outside?’ I asked carefully. He nodded and turned away from me.
“Genie! Come down here and get a life!” He shouted up the stairs. It sounded harsh, but he was giving a silly smile when he said it.

I laughed at the remark. But the smile quickly disappeared when Genie appeared behind him. Her hair was tied up into a messy ponytail which made her eyes look a lot larger. When she lay them on me, they turned dark with wariness.
“I’m busy.” She quickly protested under her breath.
“You can take a break from making out with your boy band poster to talk to a real person.” Her dad replied, pinching her cheeks.
She swatted him away. “I already know real people! Remember Mayke? Yeah, she’s still around dad.”
“Yeah, yeah. Just take five minutes out of your time to talk to Emerson, it’s not going to kill you.” He smiled, giving her a small shove towards me before leaving us alone.
I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly. “Uh, wanna talk outside?”
She didn’t reply, but still pulled on her personalized converses. When she followed me outside, I took her non-answer as a yes.
We walked around the neighbourhood for a while before I started talking.
“So, uh, sorry for blowing up at you yesterday. I just kind of have a lot of stuff going on.” I spoke up. You can see that I obviously put no thought into that apology; I was surprised at what I’d gotten from it.
“He was your brother right?” She asked, glancing at me.
I nodded. “Yeah,”
“You know it’s a good thing to still see him right? It means he’s watching over you.” The scuffing of our shoes against the damp concrete filled the silence.
“I know, I just don’t know what to make of it.” I sighed after a while, shoving my hands into my pockets.
“Its fine, you’ll figure out what to do eventually.” I wished she was right.
“Right, thanks.”
Silence. She turned towards me and socked me in the shoulder.
“Ow! What the hell!” I groaned, rubbing the sore spot.
“That’s what you get for calling me annoying when I was trying to help you douche bag.” She rolled her eyes.
I stared at her. “You don’t seem like a very lonely person you know.”
Her face fell. “Well, I can hide my feelings really well, so whatever.”
“Ok. But still, I just get a real, ‘I’m a wise-ass vibe’ off of you, not a lonely one.”
“Good.” She smiled. God, that stupid, “I’m a know it all” smile, I hated it so much. “It’s better to be wise than stupid as shit.”
“You look stupid as shit,” I quickly snapped back, getting revenge for the dumbass bit she’d pulled the other day.
“You should really respect your elder’s or bad shit will happen.”
“You don’t even know how old I am, I could be older than you.”
She tapped her chin. “You’re right. Just by looking at you, I think you’re about seventeen maybe.”

I widened my eyes. I’d never thought once in my life that I looked older than I was; maybe I wasn’t so immature after all. “I wish, if I was seventeen I would be a year away from moving out and living alone. Thank God.”
She shuddered. “Ugh, but then you would have to take responsibility for yourself, and pay your own bills. That would be really annoying.”
“Yeah, and you would get pretty lonely,”
“Yeah, that too. But then you would find the person you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with and it would be OK.” She replied thoughtfully.
My mind immediately wandered back to Carla. “Who knows, I’ve never met someone like that yet.”
“Me either, I mean, I’m only fifteen and a half.”
“So what? I had a girlfriend in grade five.” I decided to point out.
“Yeah and where did that get you? You’re probably scarred for life right?” She replied with that smile again.
I didn’t protest because she was right. I was as scarred as scarred could get.
“We should probably get back.” She suggested, stopping suddenly in her tracks.
“Wanna race?” I suggested as well.
“No way.”
“Uh, why not? Are you scared you’re gonna get your ass kicked by me?”
“No, it’s because I don’t like to run. Running is not in my vocabulary or actions.”
I laughed. “So if an axe murderer was chasing you, what would you do?”
“Kick him where it hurts obviously.” She smiled.
“You’re such an idiot.”
“Thanks for the compliment bud.” She smiled again.
Genie Holloway was a pain in the neck alright.

Chronicle 5: Feelings
Mayke Fenromodosi was the second girl that I had ever fallen in love with. I didn’t think I was ever going to like a female species again, never less love one. But life is unexpected; I learned that the hard way.
It was my first day of school at Sovelen High, a bland and basic building with the same result in students and teachers. Though, I actually wasn’t looking forward to anything special to begin with. Starting over at a new school wasn’t something I was exactly excited about. I just didn’t want to have to try and fit in again. But nobody even cared who I was anyway, well except for Genie and Mayke, and I was OK with that. I didn’t want a lot of attention, I wanted to be invisible.
Obviously what I wanted didn’t really matter to the man in the sky, and you wanna know why? Because Genie decided that she wanted to hang out with me at school, which I guess isn’t even that weird. But Genie also “coincidentally” had one of the most beautiful girls in the world as her best friend. So much for being invisible, now I had to expose my plain, average self to a glowing goddess.
Mayke Fenromodosi was tall, but not extremely thin. She had sleek jet black hair that swayed by her hips when she walked, and creamy chocolate brown skin. Her eyes were a dark brown but they were always smiling, always. She was beautiful, gorgeous, bodacious, ever cheesy word I could think of Mayke was.
When Genie had introduced me to her, I was at a loss for words. It was what people had called, “Love at first sight”.
“Emerson, this is Mayke.” She said to me in a bored tone, jabbing her thumb in her direction.
Mayke gave me a warm smile in return. “Hi, I really like your name. It kind of sounds like a precious jewel.”
“You mean like an emerald?” Genie yawned.
Mayke shot her a glare. “I didn’t want it to sound so bland.”
“You don’t always have to be so eccentric you know. I know for one thing that you’re even goofier than I am.” Genie smiled evilly.
Mayke blushed, glancing at me shyly in the corner of her eye. “Sorry.”
“Uh, i-it’s fine, don’t worry about it.” I laughed nervously in reply.
We were standing out by the front of the school at lunch when I met her. It was chillier than usual, and it was drizzling lightly as usual. There was always rain in Gloversville.
“So, do you guys want to go find something to eat? I’m starving.” Genie suggested after a space of silence.
Mayke looked at me. “Uh, are you sure Emerson wants to hang out with girls on his first day?”
Genie laughed obnoxiously at the question. “Who cares? It’s not like he has any other friends to hang out with anyway.”
I gave her a narrow look. “Since when did I ever consider you my friend Genie?”
Mayke burst out laughing. Ah, the feeling you get when someone you love laughs at a joke you’ve made.
Genie turned beet red. “Shut up stupid dumbass. If you want to leave, then that’s fine with me.” She hissed.
“Nah, I’m fine with you guys.” I tried casually. “And it’s true, I don’t really have any other friends right now.” I sighed, pulling my hood up further onto my head.
“Yay!” Mayke beamed. “We can be, ‘The Interracial Threesome’!” She announced in a deep voice.
Genie arched her brow. “What?”
“Look, look.” She replied, grabbing Genie’s chin.
“I can see Mayke, I’m not blind.”
“No seriously look. Emerson is obviously not fully Caucasian, you’re half Mexican right?” She asked to clarify.
I nodded.
She moved Genie’s chin again. “And I’m African, and you’re Trinidadian! It’s perfect, right?” She squealed excitedly.
“News flash,” Genie rolled her eyes, finally breaking free of Mayke’s chin hold. “I was only born in Trinidad, I’m not actually Trinidadian.”
“So what? It still works, right Emerson?” She smiled, looking over at me again.
“Right, I guess.” I replied unsurely.
“Don’t worry about it, he’s just an idiot.” Genie whispered. I kicked some dead grass at her.
“Hey! Stop, these are new jeans!” She whined, wiping the wet shards off of her legs.
Mayke stared at us for a while. It wasn’t an interested stare but a highly suspicious gaze.
“What the hell are you staring at?” Genie huffed in annoyance.
“I sense a connection here, are you guys secretly dating and not telling me about it?”
I think I almost keeled over at that question. I had been indirectly straight armed before I even had the chance to decipher my feelings; wow.
Genie quickly glanced at me before replying. “Actually, we are dating Mayke. He’s been in my house already, oh and I’ve also seen him naked too!” She responded with not even a hint sarcasm.
“Genie! What the hell!” I shot at her.
Mayke’s mouth formed an “o” shape. “Whoa, was she actually telling the truth?”
“Wha?” I responded in shock. Who the hell would have ever believed something like that?
Mayke suddenly stalked towards me and shoved her face in mine. I swore our lips were inches away from touching. “You’ve known each other for what? A few days? Why has she seen you naked already?” Her voice asked sharply. Her aura was scary, but her eyes were still smiling brightly as they bore into mine.
Genie collapsed into a fit of laughter, and Mayke soon joined her. I stood frozen for a while trying to decipher what the hell had happened.
“Ha! The look on your face was f*ing priceless, oh my god!” Genie gagged.
“Wait, you were in on that?” I asked Mayke in complete disbelief.
“Duh, oh come on, lighten up Emerson. I already know you two aren’t dating, though, I do sense you have an obvious connection.” She replied, her laughter dying down.
“What are you, Dr. Phil?” Genie rolled her eyes.
“No you dumb turd.” She snapped playfully.
“Turd? Ha, are you nine?”
I smiled softly at their banter. It had felt good to be a part of that, to actually feel like someone accepted you. I wanted it to stay that way; I wish it could have stayed that way.

Chronicle 6: Phone Calls

Every once in a while my mom would call my dad and I to check up on us. I already knew these calls weren’t sincere; she just didn’t want to make it feel as if she abandoned us. But she did. I mean, she couldn’t handle us any more so she left. I’m pretty sure that’s abandonment.

“So how are you Emerson?” She had asked me one day as I lay defeated on the couch. I had felt defeated a lot. I could hear noises behind her voice, I’m pretty sure it was from her favourite reality TV show, “House Hunters”.

I leaned farther into the couch and closed my eyes. “Fine.” I replied shortly. I don’t think I was trying to sound rude. Nothing interesting had really happened in my life up to then, except for Genie and Mayke. I also didn’t exactly want to tell my mom I was in love either; I didn’t want to make the calls any more awkward than they already were. So I kept it at fine.
She drew out a long breath in response. “Ok. Is your dad holding up well?”
I rubbed my nose. “I don’t know, why don’t you ask him? I’m not his personal messenger.”
“Emerson.” She stated flatly.
“What?”
“I know you’re upset at me, but I’m trying to make an effort here.”

I burst out laughing. That was a joke right? She’d gotten up, abandoned her family and the only time she thought about contacting them was when she was sitting down and watching TV. What kind of effort was that?
“An effort? Ok mom, Ok.” I chuckled, leaning my head back to look up at the popcorn ceiling. That ceiling was so ugly; I liked flat and simple ceilings. I was a weirdo.

The opposite line fell silent. After a while a long beeping sound rung flatly in my ear; she’d hung up. I threw the phone across the living room in frustration and it collided harshly with the wall. What effort was she making?

Chronicle 7: Mud and Murder
“Put this on your face.” Genie had instructed randomly one day. She shoved a handful of mud towards me.
I had come over to her house that day to ask about homework; instead she’d lead me out to her front yard where she then asked me to slather mud on my face. A pain in the neck I tell you.
“What the hell does this have to do with homework?” I asked looking down at the mound of wet dirt in her palm with a grimace.
“Look at me.” She said. I looked at her. “See my skin? It’s totally rich and smooth right?”
Her skin did look pretty great, I was curious now. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“It’s because of this mud. After it rains I come outside and rub it all over my face, it’s the best facial ever.” She replied as if she knew what she was talking about.
I gave her a weird look. “I think you got this all wrong man.”
“No I don’t, now try it already.” She hissed, slapping the mud in my face.
“What the hell is your problem?” I sputtered, trying to wipe the mud out of my eyes and nose.

Genie laughed loudly at me, falling backwards in annoying cackles. I thrust my hand into the mud then and threw it at her face. She sat frozen for a while in shock, mud dripping down her forehead.
“You idiot!” She screamed in adrenaline, flinging another glob of mud my way.

I ducked and sent more flying towards her. It was an all-out mud war between us, and even though it was gross, dirty, and completely unsanitary, it was probably the best thing that had ever happened to me in a long time.
We collapsed in exhaustion after completely encasing each other in the brown substance, our throats stung from our laughter and screams.
“I’m really tired now, thanks a lot.” She groaned, wiping a patch of mud off of her cheek.
“Hey, I came over here to ask for homework, not to take part in a war with wet dirt.” I replied with acquisition.
“Whatever,” She sat up and combed mud out of her hair as she scanned her yard. “Dammit, my parents are going to kill me.”
I panned her muddy landscape. “Good thing you’re being figurative.” I shrugged.
She narrowed her eyes at me. “You’re not even going to help me clean up?”
“You started it.” I smiled evilly. She jumped towards me and grabbed my arms, twisting them behind my back in a hold lock.
“Ow! Let go of me you psychopath!” I hissed, trying to writhe out of her grasp.
“I’m not letting you go until you agree to help me.” She whispered sinisterly.
“And what are you going to do to me if I don’t? Murder me?” I laughed. She dropped my arms suddenly and fell silent.

“Hey are you OK?” I asked, twisting around to face her. She was staring blankly down at her hands, her eyes glossy with fear. “Hey, Genie?” I had completely forgotten about what she had told me about her mom. I thought it was a joke; I was such an idiot.
She stood up suddenly, clenching her muddy fists against her sides. I stared up at her, still not processing what was wrong.
“I’m n-not a murderer.” She trembled angrily.
I stood up next. “It was a joke, calm down.”
When her eyes met mine, they were cold and dead. “A joke? You really are a dumbass Emerson.”
I was beyond confused. Why was she angry at me? Then it hit me like a bus. “My mom was a murderer you know,” She wasn’t joking, she had told me the honest truth.
I stared at her in shock. “Crap, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I thought it was a joke.”
“Don’t apologize.” She blinked. “How were you supposed to know? I act like everything is a joke.” She wrapped her arms around herself protectively.
“Seriously though, I’m really sorry Genie.”
She glared at me. “I said don’t apologize you deaf dumbass. It doesn’t fix anything; my mom’s still going to be in jail the rest of her life no matter what you say.”
“Genie, I,”

“She’s going to die all alone. She won’t have anyone there with her, only those other terrible people and a cold, dark jail cell. She’ll never see me again because she’ll never be able to leave that hell.” She shook, wiping a tear furiously away from her eye.

“Stop, it’s OK.” I spoke softly, pulling her into a tight embrace. It felt good to hold someone, especially when they felt just like you did. Genie was lonely because she’d lost someone she loved. She was just like me, except I hadn’t faced up to my faults yet. I was still a single puzzle piece that had yet to be connected, that had yet to feel as if he belonged somewhere.
Genie and I stood covered in drying mud, holding each other tightly as she cried in my arms. I had been close to what I needed that day, but nothing ever lasted long for me, nothing.

Chronicle 8: A Birthday
It was October 16th or in other words Genie Holloway’s birthday. She had invited me at the last minute on a Friday, and said that I had to come or else she would throw more mud at my face.
I took the threat seriously and ended up going. I also ended up getting trapped between her parents as they belted out a terribly off-pitch rendition of “Happy Birthday” to Genie.
Mayke hadn’t yet come to witness the ear bleeding singing, but my heart beat was counting the time. I’d mainly just agreed because I knew she would be there; and also because it didn’t want any more mud up my nose.
“I didn’t get you a present.” I said to Genie after the singing had ended.
Genie picked a six candle out of the vanilla frosting of her cake. “It’s OK. My present will be your presence.” She smiled happily.
I nodded.
“Who’s ready for some cake?” Her mom chanted as she glided back into the kitchen, holding a bag of Doritoes.
“What? No! Mayke isn’t even here yet, we have to wait for her.” Genie protested as she licked icing off of her fingers.
Her mom groaned. “But the cake looks so good! Don’t you think so Emerson?”
I quickly checked out the cake. “Yeah, it looks edible.” I shrugged.
Genie rolled her eyes. Her dad entered then, carrying two cases of pop. He set them carefully on the table.
“Where’s Mayke, hon?” He asked her curiously.
She shrugged now. “I don’t know, I’ve texted her like a billion times and she still hasn’t replied.”
I scratched my hair nervously. I really wanted Mayke to come, but I wasn’t exactly in close ties with her to know where she was.
“Maybe she’s just busy.” Her mom suggested.
“So do we eat the cake without her?” Her dad also suggested with a devilish smile.
“Yeah, I guess we could save her some.” Genie sighed as she stood up to search for a knife to cut the cake. I watched her carefully, she was brushing off the situation easily, but you could tell she was upset. I mean, she barely ever had a frown on that goofy face of hers.
“I’ll cut the cake if you want.” I volunteered as she teetered back over to the table. She watched me as I took the knife from her and cut a perfect sized slice. I handed the piece to her with a smile. “For you madam.” I bowed.
“Aw, Emerson you’re such a gentleman.” Her mom cooed sweetly from behind me.
Genie blushed as she grabbed the cake from me and turned away. I cut her mom and dad a slice before taking some for myself. I didn’t even realize that Genie had disappeared until after I was done eating; man that cake was good.
I left the kitchen in search of her. Something told me she was upstairs, so I decided to make my way up slowly.
“Genie?” I whispered. I noticed her door was shut, but the yellow light from underneath was streaming out into the dark hallway greedily. I stood by the doorway for a while, when I was sure she wasn’t changing I pushed it open slowly.
She was sitting on her messy bed holding a wooden picture frame and balancing her uneaten cake slice on her thigh.
“Hey, What are you doing up here?” I asked, sitting down carefully beside her. She quickly hid the frame out of my sight.
“Nothing.”
I peered down at the frame suspiciously. “What is that?”
“It’s nothing.”
“It doesn’t look like nothing.”
She stood up suddenly then and whipped the picture frame against her wall angrily. “God dammit it’s nothing!” She shouted angrily.
“Stop! What’s your problem?” I hissed, grabbing her arm.
She clenched her fists tightly. “Can you just get out of my room?”
“Why are you snapping at me? I was just checking up on you!” I shouted back.
“I said get out of my room!” She screamed again.
I dropped her arm and looked over at the broken picture frame. I made my way towards it and pulled out the picture from underneath the broken shards of glass. It was a photo of her mom. She looked so much like Genie. Her dad may have had her personality, but her mom was a spitting image of her.
“Can you not touch that?” Genie asked dryly, I hadn’t noticed that she’d come beside me. I turned to face her.
“Why?” I asked.
She put her hands over her eyes bashfully. “I can’t celebrate my birthday with my mom in person, so I just use my favourite picture of her instead.” She mumbled shyly.
I pulled her hands away from her face. “Why are you so ashamed of that? I think that’s really beautiful.”
She looked down at her feet. “It’s not beautiful, it’s embarrassing. I didn’t want you seeing me talking to a picture frame, which is why I didn’t say anything to you.”
I gazed at the picture. She suddenly grabbed my ear.
“Ow! F, let go!” I shouted in obvious pain. That girl had a tight grip man.
“But you’re obviously incapable of respecting a girl’s privacy aren’t you?” She hissed angrily, squeezing my ear harder.
When she let go, she sat slowly back down onto her bed again. “Mayke has always been here for me. When she found out what happened to my mom, she didn’t ditch me like all of my other stupid bitchy friends, she stayed by my side through thick and thin. And now that she’s not here right now for my birthday, I’ve realized that I can’t always rely on her because she’s probably not always going to be there for me.”
“Just like your mom.” I whispered.
She nodded. “Yeah, I always thought I would have both of my parents. But now my mom’s in jail and my dad’s married to another woman. I can’t really rely on anyone anymore; not even my own mother.”
I looked her dead in the eyes. “Why did she do it?”
“You mean murder people? I honestly have no idea. She seemed sane around my dad and I, but behind our backs she was secretly luring people in and taking them out. They called her the Cheetah killer because she was so quick and smart about her moves. I don’t know how she could take away innocent lives so easily without any regret. I mean, how can I rely on someone like that? How am I supposed to ever look at her the same way again?” Genie closed her eyes. “It’s hard to say that I still love my mom the same way as I did before, but I do miss her a lot. I just want to know if she’s OK.”
“Then why don’t we go see for ourselves?” I asked suddenly.
“What?”
“We can go visit her in jail can’t we? Where is she being held?” I asked more confidently.
Genie tucked her legs closer to her chest. “She’s still in Trinidad Emerson; we left because of her and what she did. I wouldn’t be able to see her that easily even if I wanted to.”
She would never be able to see or hear from her mom again; only if she had died. And there I was, hating my mom for abandoning me even though she was still trying to make an effort to be in my life. I already told you I was a selfish idiot.
“I have a present for you.” I spoke up after a space of quietness.
She cocked her head at me. “You said you didn’t have one.”
“Well I do now. And it’s called trust. You can trust me Genie; I’m always going to be here for you. I trust you too, which is why I’m going to tell you about my little brother.” I replied, squeezing my hands to control them from shaking.
“You don’t have to,”
“It’s fine. What good is a present if I’m not going to give it to you?” I laughed softly.
Genie put her hand on mine, it shook underneath her warmth. “Thank you Emerson.” She smiled.
I nodded and squeezed her hand. “H-His name was Dorian.”
I told her everything. All of my thoughts, my words, everything. It had all come spilling out, but it still somehow felt right. It felt good to talk to someone and have them hang onto every word as if you were telling a story. That was Genie. She didn’t say anything, she just listened closely.
But I lied to her that night. I told her I was always going to be there for her; unfortunately I’m not immortal. You can’t live forever.

Chronicle 9: Hidden Confessions
I lay in my room reading, for the 100th time, the first book in, “The Hunger Games” trilogy. It was what I usually did on my spare time, it was better than sparking up an awkward conversation with my dad. We hadn’t talked much since he last blew up at me. He and I may have been living in the same house, but as I said before, it seemed like he wasn’t actually there. I shouldn’t be talking though; he probably felt the same way.
A light rapping on my door zoned me out of the book.
“Come in.” I muttered, not really wanting to encounter my dad again. Instead of my dad, Genie pushed the door open slowly with a small smile.
“Huh, so this is what your room looks like.” She stated thoughtfully, panning the obviously un-immaculate bedroom.
I scrambled off of my bed and quickly shoved my pile of girly teenage magazines onto the cluttered floor. Genie stifled a laugh as she laid her eyes on one of them.
I flushed red. “What are you doing up here?”
“Not respecting your privacy obviously.” She hinted at what I’d done on her birthday a few weeks ago.
I sighed and flopped back onto my bed. “What’s up?”
“Mayke is in a crisis.” She replied immediately.
I shot back up at her name. “What happened?”
Genie twirled a strand of her hair around her finger. “Her boyfriend Gerard just broke up with her. Apparently he had been cheating on her with Valerine Porter or something, but seriously? Why Valerine Porter out of everyone, I mean, Mayke is awesome and Valerine is just a fake bitch and-”
“Genie shut up and get to the point.” I interrupted in annoyance.
She shot me a death glare before sitting down beside me. “What I’m trying to say is that, she’s really sad right now and we need to help cheer her up.”
“Who says that she even wants me around? You’re closer to her than I am anyways.” I replied. My heart strings tugged at my confession. The truth was that I wasn’t as close with Mayke as I was with Genie. You would think that I would have at least tried to make an effort in being closer to her, but I was an idiot, and idiots usually don’t try.
“So what? That doesn’t mean anything, Mayke still loves you.” Genie responded.
I blushed. “Really?”
“Why are you blushing? God, you’re such a girl.” She huffed.
“Shut up.”
She stood up then. “Well let’s go Emerson.”
“What? Go where?” I asked in confusion.
“To Mayke’s house obviously,” She flicked me in the forehead. “We’re gonna go give her the best time of her life!”
“I’m fine in bed.”
“Get up dumbass.”
“No.”
“Emerson, seriously!”
“No!”
She clamped her hand around my arm. “Get up or else.” She hissed.
“Or else what?” I challenged.
“Are you ticklish?”
“Um, I don’t know.”
She smiled. “Well were about to find out!” She jumped me and started tickling my body.
“Ah! S-Stop, Genie stop! I’m gonna f*ing hurt you! Get off of me you idiot! Stop!” I screamed angrily as she tickled me.
“Nope, I’m not stopping until you agree to come with me!” She continued.
“Ugh, y-you’re so annoying!” I breathed, trying to push her off of me. I have to admit, I was reacting to the tickle fest like a little girl. If I’d wanted to, I could have gotten away from her pretty easily. But I enjoyed being that close to her, I don’t know, I was a confusing person.
Genie eventually became tuckered out from tickling me and collapsed onto my stomach.
“You’re really heavy you know.” I groaned from underneath her.
“Shut up.” She sighed, wrapping her arms around me comfortably.
We lay like that for a while.
“So what was your grade five girlfriend’s name?” She asked randomly, sitting up to look at me.
I shoved my hands behind my head. “Carla Bo.”
“Sounds like a bitch.” She muttered as she picked at a piece of lint on my shirt.
“Why’s that?”
“Because she broke your heart.”
I frowned. “How do you know I didn’t break her heart?”
“Because you’re a huge wuss, you wouldn’t want to hurt someone like that.” She glanced at me.
I laughed in response. “How would you know?”
“I don’t know, I just do. You’re a really sweet person Emerson.” She replied softly.
“If I was so sweet, my little brother probably wouldn’t be dead.” I muttered underneath my breath.
Genie’s face crumpled. “Do you honestly think you’re the reason why your brother’s not alive?”
“Why do you say it like that?”
“Like what?”
“Not alive, it’s OK to say the word dead you know.”
“That’s not the point dumbass.” She sighed, setting the book back down onto the bed. “Look at me.”
I didn’t look at her. She grabbed my cheeks and twisted my face towards her.
“Your brother is not dead because of you, you’re brother loved you. I mean how could he not? Your sweet, nice, funny, you’re everything anyone could love in a person. So stop blaming yourself for his death; it’s not going to help you in any way.” She told me sternly.
I gazed at her. She was right, but I didn’t want to believe it. My pain was the only thing that allowed me to not forget Dorian, that’s screwed up I know.
“Whatever,” I turned away from her. I could feel her eyes boring through my back.
“Emerson.”
“What.”
She didn’t respond. I turned to look at her. “What?”
“I-It’s nothing, never mind.” She blushed quickly looking away from me.
I sat up now and faced her. “Genie, tell me.”
“I can’t, not yet OK?” She tucked some hair behind her ear.
I stared at her for a while longer wondering if I could intimidate her into confessing whatever she was hiding. But I brushed it off in the end.
I knew Genie was going to tell me she loved me that day. It just wasn’t the right time, but then again, love never happens at the right time.

Chronicle 10: Peace and Love
Genie ended up persuading me to go to Mayke’s house in the end. She said that if I went she would bring me to her favourite sweets shop later that week; and as you can see, I was all for food.
We didn’t stay at Mayke’s house though, they ended up leading me to their special hang out spot. In other words, it was a field with tall, prickly grass, snakes and mosquitoes. There was also a small stream and a beautiful jade willow tree a few metres away. For some reason it had reminded me of Dorian and his inner beauty.
“Stop staring at that tree and sit your ass down Emerson.” Genie hissed as she sat down on a plaid blanket that Mayke had put onto the grass.
Mayke turned to look at me. “The willow tree’s beautiful right?”
I nodded, still gazing at it. She stood up and looped her arm around mine. “You wanna go get a closer look?” She asked.
“It’s just a tree guys, who cares?” Genie rolled her eyes.
Mayke narrowed her eyes at her. “You’re here to cheer me up right? Well I want to go see that tree with Emerson, so are you coming or not?”
Genie groaned as she sulked towards us.
We walked for about five minutes to get to it, the tree got more beautiful as we got closer. The trunk was laced with unique spirals around its trunk, and its willows blew peacefully in the soft wind. I brushed my hand slowly along the long, droopy green leaves.
“It’s so calming.” Mayke breathed.
I closed my eyes and breathed in the cool, sweet smell around me as well. It was the first time in my life that I had actually felt calm and at peace. I fluttered my eyes open.
“I want to die here.” I said softly.
Genie frowned and Mayke smiled.
“Yeah, this would be an amazing place to have my last breath.” She sighed, spreading her arms out and spinning around.
Genie crossed her arms. “You guys are screwed up.”
“Oh c’mon Genie, open your eyes to what’s around you.” I said.
“My eyes are open and I still don’t care.” She replied distastefully.
I rolled my eyes in response. Mayke plopped herself down onto the grass underneath the tree. “Sit down. I want to tell you two a story.”
“No thanks.” Genie quickly brushed away.
“I’ll listen, you know, to make you feel better.” I hinted at her.
“Still don’t care.”
I sighed and sat down in front of Mayke. “Well I do, so let’s hear it.”
She closed her eyes before she began. “There was once a girl who lived in Africa. Her family was really struggling to live a happy life there, so they moved to America. The girl was bullied and teased for being the only dark skinned person at her school, and it got really bad so the family had to move again. Then they came upon a place called Gloversville.” She ran a hand through the grass slowly. “The girl met a short, beautiful haired girl with an attitude and later on was introduced to a sweet, unique boy who seemed really creative. Life was going amazing for the girl and she had even managed to get a boyfriend. It was all going good until he’d cheated her; and until,” She stopped suddenly.
We stayed quiet, waiting for her to continue the story.
Mayke let out a long sigh. “And until she realized that she would have to leave her friends.”
“What, Mayke, what the hell is going on?” Genie snapped.
“How do you know the story’s even about me?” She questioned curiously.
“Because I’m not a dumbass like Emerson, that’s why. Now tell me what the hell you mean by leave!” She shouted back.
Mayke sighed again. “I have to move back to Africa because my grandmother passed away, but also because my dad is homesick. He’s been homesick for a while now, and I guess it’s finally catching up to him.”
I stared at her. She was leaving. The second girl that I had ever loved in my existence on Earth was leaving me; just like Carla had. Suddenly where I was sitting didn’t feel so peaceful anymore, but instead of death ringing in my ears, a loud bell was going off. It was almost as if to say, “You knew this was coming, you knew this wasn’t going to last forever.”
“Exactly when are you leaving Mayke?” Genie hissed.
Mayke closed her eyes again. “This Friday, that’s why there were so many boxes at my house. I lied, they’re not because we’re renovating. They’re there because we’re moving.”
Genie fell silent and I still sat staring. She glanced at me then.
“Why so quiet Emmy?” She asked softly. I snapped.
“Don’t call me that!” I shouted angrily as I stood up. “How can you just leave? I love you Mayke, y-you can’t just leave!”
She stared up at me, her eyes wide with shock. “I-I’m sorry Emerson, I didn’t know you felt that way.” She whispered in reply, looking away from me.
My heart thumped loudly in my chest. I had just confessed my love to her; and she didn’t even care. “That’s all you have to say? T-That’s all?” I hissed out.
“What else can I say Emerson? I’m moving halfway around the world; I can’t start a relationship with you now!” She protested.
I knew that, but I was still taken aback. I would never get to be with Mayke and that was hard to accept. “F you!” I screamed furiously. Before I knew it my feet were carrying me away from the tree and moving me across the field. I kept running. I didn’t stop until my legs were numb and until I couldn’t breathe.
I collapsed a while later and stared up at the darkening sky. My pants echoed around me and once again my tears clouded my eyes. And it was all because for the second time in my life, I’d thought I loved a girl and I’d let that blindside me once more. That day I decided I was officially done with love.
**
I easily managed to find my way back home after my breakdown. It had turned out that I had only run a few blocks away, but my drive had made it seem like I was running forever.
I wobbled up my front steps and pounded on the door to be let inside. The door immediately swung open and I was encased into a tight hug by Genie. I pushed her away; I wasn’t in the mood for love and affection.
“Where the hell have you been?” She asked as I walked ahead of her into the front foyer.
“Why are you in my house?” I asked annoyed as I headed into the kitchen. The first thing I noticed was my dad sitting, gripping his cell phone tightly in his hand. When he laid his eyes on me, they turned sinister. He stood up and struck me hard in the face, knocking me backwards.
I fell to the floor with a thud.
“I’ve had enough with you Emerson!” He boomed angrily at me.
Genie crouched down beside me and put her arms around me protectively. “S-Stop Mr. McCloud, please.” She shook.
I was too dazed to help her. That was the first time in my life my dad had hit me.
“Genie, I think you need to go home.” My dad stated darkly.
“N-No! I,” Her words fell.
I put a hand on her arm. “It’s OK Genie, just leave.”
She gave me a hard look in return. “I’m not leaving you dumbass!” She hissed underneath her breath.
“Genie, get out.” I hissed at her now.
“No! You said you would always be by my side, and I want to do that too!” She shouted. She looked back up at my dad. “Please leave him alone Mr. McCloud.”
My dad’s face fell. Instead of replying, he stormed out of the room. The last thing I heard from him that night was the slamming of the door.
“You’re an idiot you know.” I whispered after he left. I struggled to sit up.
She put a hand on the sore spot of my face. “Are you OK?”
“I’m fine.”
She got up and flew to the kitchen, opening the freezer and pulling out a frozen bag of peas. “Put this on your cheek.” She instructed as she handed it to me.
I took it slowly and pressed it against the tender area of my skin. She sat back down and watched me intently.
“I-I feel so stupid.” I said quietly. I didn’t mean to say anything, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“Why?”
“I love Mayke, and now she’s leaving. I should have never done that.” I replied.
“Done what?”
“Love her; I should have known it would have ended up in disaster. I’m only fifteen; I shouldn’t even be in love.” I took the peas off of my face.
She pushed it back up and kept her hand on mine. “Love is unexpected Emerson, just like life. I’ve known Mayke for five years, and she never told me even once about her back story. Now that she’s leaving, I’ve realized I was friends with a girl that I honestly never knew. But to me, that doesn’t matter at all. Mayke changed my life, that’s all that matters. I may have not known much about her life, but she’s my best friend, and that bond is all that I need for us to stay connected forever.”
Genie was right; for herself. But I had barely known Mayke, I still loved her and she still left. The truth was I never had a real chance with her. I had a chance with the girl that I had given my trust to, but instead, I had just blindsided her too. Genie was the one for me from the start; but I was too confused to see that.
That night I saw it though. The way she looked at me like I was the only boy in the world. She loved me and I knew for sure, but instead of acting on it I had just pushed it aside. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.
“It’s OK to say you love still her, even though she’s leaving. Just because she’s going away doesn’t mean it has to change anything. That’s the good thing about love; it can last forever until you want to let it go. It may be difficult, but you can still move on from it.” She continued, wiping at her eyes.
“Genie, it’s OK, you can stop.” I interrupted quietly, wrapping my arms around her carefully. She shook in my arms as she cried.
“I’m going to m-miss her so much.” She whimpered into my shirt.
I squeezed my eyes closed, trying not to cry for her. I loved you so much.

Chronicle 11: Moving On

Friday, October 26th. The last time I ever saw Mayke Fenromodosi. I didn’t want to come to see her off, but Genie somehow persuaded me as usual. So there we were standing with blank faces on her front lawn as her family carried the last of their belongings into a moving van.
When they were done, Mayke came over to us to say her last goodbyes. She and Genie stood staring at each other for a while, not exchanging any words. Soon enough they collapsed into loud sobs and hugs.
“I’m not going to say goodbye OK?” Mayke said to her.
“I know, I’m not saying goodbye either.” Genie sniffed. They pulled away after it seemed like five hours of embracing and whispering. Girls I tell you.
Then she looked over at me, tears still furrowing around her eyes. “Emerson, I-I’m really sorry.” She croaked.
I looked down at my dirty running shoes. It was better than staring into those beautiful eyes.
“Emerson, look at me.” She instructed softly.
I slowly looked up at her. Before I could say anything, she pulled me into a tight hug as well. I closed my eyes. That was the closest I’d ever been with her.
“Promise me you’ll take care of Genie OK? She’s short and troubled.” She whispered into my ear.
“I will.” I didn’t.
Mayke quickly pulled away from me and sucked in a sharp breath. “Ok guys.” She smiled confidently. “I’ll see you later OK?”

Genie nodded slowly and I blinked. Mayke gave us one last of her gorgeous smiles before turning away and heading towards her car. As the van pulled out of the driveway, she waved wildly at us through the tinted window.
Genie stared expressionless down the road as the vehicle drove out of sight, not out of mind. “That meant good-bye.” She spoke softly.
I glanced at her. “What?”
“She said she wasn’t going to say good-bye; but that meant good-bye.” It took me a while to figure out that she was talking about Mayke’s wave.
I put my arm around her. “Well it also means never forget.”
“Shut up Emerson.” She smiled weakly, leaning her head against my chest.

Chronicle 12: Another Birthday
For my sixteenth birthday, Genie, as promised was going to take me to her favourite sweets shop. It had been less than a month since Mayke left, and you could tell it was still deeply affecting her. I guess I too was upset that I’d probably never get to see Mayke again, but I was also healing. I was surprised at how well I was doing, but then again, I had Genie by my side.
“So, how’s your dad doing?” She asked me as we made our way to the shop. It was getting colder in Gloversville and most of the trees were bare. Small flurries fell around us as we walked along the small bakeries, and art stores. It felt nice, but it didn’t feel perfect. Something was still missing.
I pulled my new red wool hat further onto my head. Genie had gotten me it as a present to prevent my “great” hair from being ruined by the weather.
“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him since he hit me.” I replied distractedly.
“Has he hit you again?” She asked with more concern in her voice.
“No, it doesn’t matter OK?
“Of course it matters you dumbass.”
“Genie just let it go.”
“How can I just let it go? He hurt you Emerson and I don’t want it to happen again.” She snapped.
“He hurt me because I’m an idiot alright? I deserved it.” I shot back.
She grabbed my arm, and stopped me from walking. “No one deserves to be abused Emerson. You’ve done nothing wrong; you’re just still struggling with your brother’s death.”
I shook her off angrily. “I’m not still struggling with Dorian’s death. That has nothing to do with this,” I hissed. “And look at you; you’re obviously still struggling with Mayke leaving!”
“Well yeah, she left less than a month ago. I’m not afraid to admit that I still miss her a lot.” She huffed, crossing her arms.
“You think that I’m afraid to admit that I miss my brother?”
“That’s how you’re acting.”
“It’s been five f*ing years! I don’t care about him anymore, OK?” I shouted back. As usual, I lied to make myself believe in something imaginary. It had been five years yes, but I was still struggling to accept that Dorian was never going to come back. Genie had tried to tell me otherwise, but I didn’t listen, I still secretly blamed myself for his death.
Genie flinched. “How can you say something like that?”
“Because I’m telling the truth, I don’t care about Dorian anymore. He’s dead OK? There’s no point.” I’d never wanted to take back so many words in my life. I was a stupid, selfish, liar.
She suddenly pushed me backwards. “Stop lying to yourself Emerson! Just stop! You love him, you still miss him and you know that! Stop hurting yourself by lying!” She screamed. “Y-You still love him, and he still loves you, no matter how far apart you guys are he’ll always love you. It’s OK to admit that!”
“Just stop! I don’t want to hear this!” I shouted back, pushing her away from me. People stared at us as we screamed at one another. Genie screamed truth and I screamed false. Then the sounds took over, I clamped by hands around my ears.
“I-I just want to forget!” I screamed. I wanted to stop the hidden pain, that constant nagging that kept telling me that no matter what anyone said, it was my fault that Dorian was dead. It was always there in the back of my mind, and I was at my breaking point that day. I couldn’t control it anymore. I didn’t deserve to be celebrating my sixteenth birthday while Dorian’s body was still ten feet underground and he hadn’t even gotten to be ten yet. I didn’t deserve anything. I persuaded myself that I didn’t deserve Genie’s love as well. But I wanted so desperately to forget that, I wanted to feel free and at peace with nothing on my mind and no weight on my shoulders.
In other words, I wanted to be dead too. I deserved it; I deserved it as a punishment and as a forgiving to Dorian.
I think Genie had read my mind that day. She knew what I was thinking, because she grabbed me, looked me straight in the eye and said, “You can’t do that to yourself Emerson, I love you OK? You can’t do that.”
Those words had gotten halfway through to me. They were enough to keep me alive for a bit longer, they were barely enough. The world had stood still after that. I already knew Genie loved me, she even confessed it without thinking. But that still wasn’t enough for me. Nothing was ever enough.
I looked away from her, the sounds drying in my ears. “I can’t.”
I could tell by the look on her face that she knew I’d just rejected her. But what was she expecting from an idiot like me? I was lying about not loving my own brother; how could I have shown any love to her?
“You can’t,” She repeated again, her voice barely audible.
“No. Not now, not ever.” More words I wish I could have taken back. But those were words of honesty; I would have destroyed Genie if we ever got together. I wasn’t good enough for her. I didn’t want to hurt her or her big heart.
The air was still then and I could still feel people’s eyes on us. I had to end this somewhere.
“I-I need to go home.” I quickly ushered out before running off.
I just left her there alone. I told her I was going to be by her side and that she could trust me. But instead, I had broken her heart and our trust.
On my sixteenth birthday, I exchanged my last words with the girl I truly loved. She never tried to be by my side again. I added another puzzle piece to the pile.

Chronicle 13: Breaking Point
After that day, I spent most of my time locked up in my room isolated from the world around me. Genie never bothered to come over or check up on me, she’d given up, and I’d understood that. I ended up giving up too, which is why I shut myself out from everyone.
I remember one afternoon I decided to find my way back to the spot where I discovered the beautiful willow tree and where Mayke, Genie, and I were all together for the last time. For some reason I wasn’t surprised to see Genie sitting alone in the grass. Her knees were tucked against chest and she gazed thoughtfully at the stream.
I sat close to her, but not beside her. I know I said before that my birthday was the last day I talked to Genie, but it was a lie. I was sure that after that day I wouldn’t talk to her again and that she would never want to look at me again. But we did talk; well mostly.
“What are you doing here?” She asked. Her voice sounded far but close at the same time.
“Sitting, what about you?” I responded.
“Thinking.”
“Ok.”
Silence.
“Emerson, could you actually never fall in love with me?” She croaked suddenly.
I looked over at her. She had her head tucked into her knees and her curls hung around her face. I moved closer to her, the space between us was killing me.
“Genie.” I couldn’t force myself to say it, I couldn’t, and I thought I was doing what was best for both of us. I should have told her. “Genie, please look at me.” I said instead.
She looked up. Her face was red and tears stained her flushed cheeks. I cupped her face in my hands and stroked her cheeks softly.
“Emerson. I-I, um, I love you.” She stuttered out. “I honestly think I loved you ever since the first day I saw you. I love your hair, your eyes, everything. I’m in love with you Emerson. Every time I say your name it tastes like honey on my lips. I love your name and I love you, I love you, I love you.” She cried softly.
I didn’t say anything, I just kissed her. I couldn’t control how I felt anymore; Genie was the one I loved all along. I knew her for four months, she was always by my side and I was always by hers. I loved her.
We kissed for what it seemed like forever. Her lips moulded over mine perfectly, sometimes hard other times soft. Her hands roamed through my hair, and mine roamed her body. We were so close, but I wanted to be closer. I wanted more of her.
When we stopped, our pants filled the tiny space between us. I’d kissed her and I loved it, but I was still the screwed up Emerson I always was. Nothing changed except for my feelings for Genie. The only thing I knew for sure was that I loved her, but I still couldn’t find a way to say it.
We lay in the tall grass for a while, holding one another carefully. If I let her go, I knew that I would disappear and that she would too.
By the time we got back to her house it was dark out, but not too late. I walked her up the front steps of her house silently. I wasn’t sure what to say to her, I didn’t want to say the wrong thing.
Before she went inside she stopped midway. “You um, you never answered my question.” She stated. Her back was turned away from me.
My heart jumped. No, no, Genie please no, I thought.
“Emerson. Why are you doing this?” She whispered.
“D-Doing what?”
She snapped back around. “You know what! If you didn’t really like me, you shouldn’t have kissed me! Why are you doing this?” She shouted angrily.
“Because I don’t know what to do anymore, OK?” I replied in frustration. “I thought kissing you would fix things between us, but it didn’t. I don’t know what to do anymore Genie.”
She closed her eyes. “So my first kiss wasn’t even sincere?”
“It was.”
“So you have feelings for me right? Or did you just kiss me as an experiment?” She opened her eyes again.
“Why would I do that to you?”
“I don’t know Emerson! That’s what I’m trying to figure out. Do you still like Mayke or something? Did you think telling me you would never love me then randomly kissing me a few days later would somehow help you get over her?” She asked.
“No!” I shouted.
“Then please tell me Emerson, why did you kiss me if you have no feelings for me? Why?” Her voice caught in her throat.
“I-I thought I was doing the right thing Genie.” I replied quietly.
“The right thing? Well look where we are now, does anything seem f*ing right to you Emerson?” She screamed.
Her mom rushed into the foyer. “What is going on in here?” She snapped.
“Tell me Emerson, please tell me. Do you love me or not, because I can’t go on like this. I love you and you don’t even care! You’re still here playing with my emotions like I’m a damn toy, so tell me Emerson, please. Do you love me?” Genie plead.
“What is it going to change if I do make a decision Genie? If I say yes or no nothing’s going to change; it’s just going to make everything more complicated for me and you.” I replied, trying to control my shaky voice.
“Complicated? Seriously? You’re pulling that card? Look around you Emerson! Nothing is complicated; you’re just making it complicated! If you didn’t have feelings for me you shouldn’t have kissed me, that’s all there is to it!” She shouted.
“Genie.” Her mom stated sternly.
“God, I knew I shouldn’t have said anything to you, you’re a mess! What was I thinking; why did I actually think that we could actually be something? I knew this would happen, I knew. How did I ever fall in love with you? I’m such a f*ing idiot.” She shook her head.
I was taken aback. I didn’t think she was capable of hurting me that badly. “I’m a mess?” I asked in disbelief. “At least I don’t come from a mother that would rather be locked up in prison rather than be with her own child!” I spat at her. More words. More words that should have never came out of my mouth. I was at my breaking point and I had managed to destroy Genie too.
Genie’s eyes changed from grey to silver. They were like my mom’s when I told her Dorian’s death was her fault. They were shell-shocked.
“Emerson! I think you need to leave!” Her mom hissed angrily at me.
I stumbled off of the porch without another word and ran to my house.
“I hate you!” Genie cried out suddenly from behind me. “I hate you so m-much!”
Her cries echoed through my body until I slammed the door to block them out. I collapsed into the hallway.
“F!” I screamed. I screamed until my throat was raw, I screamed until I blacked out.

Chronicle 14: Escape

I awoke on my couch the next morning. My body was sore and my throat was stinging. My eye lids were heavy as I scanned the room. I noticed my dad sitting in the kitchen holding his phone tightly against his ear.

“When are you going to come pick him up again?” He asked into the receiver. “Monday? Alright, I think if he just stays with you for a few months he might get better. I just don’t know what to do with him anymore and I know Alecia isn’t going to be of much help to me if I ask her. I mean, she left because of him and I guess me. I know, I know, but it’s true. Yeah, OK mom, I get it, so Monday at six right? Ok, see you then, bye.”
I sat up slowly; my head throbbed loudly in my ears. “Dad?” I croaked.
He looked over at me in surprise. “Oh good, you’re awake. I need to tell-”
“Was that Grandma Eden? Why is she coming to pick me up on Monday?” I asked anxiously. Somehow, I already knew the answer.
He sighed and ran a hand through his thinning hair. “Yes, it was. She’s coming on Monday to pick you up; you’re going to be living with her for a while.”
My vision started to blur. “W-What?”
“You’re troubled Emerson and I’ve run out of ideas to help you. I think it’s best that you live with her for a while until you get better.” He responded.
I clenched my fists. My dad had never tried to help me, not even once. He just gave up on me. He was abandoning me just like my mom had; and just like Dorian had.
“No.” I grunted angrily, flying up from the couch. I didn’t want to leave Genie behind. She may have hated me but I still loved her. I couldn’t just leave her.
“Emerson,” My dad warned sternly.
“You never tried to help me dad! You just wanted to get rid of me! I’m not leaving!” I protested furiously. I flew out of the living room before he could respond.
“Emerson!” He shouted from behind me.
I shoved the door open and careened across the street to Genie’s house. I pounded on the door. The only way I wouldn’t leave was if I’d run away, but I had to take her with me. I loved her.
When the door flew open, my heart dropped when I saw it was her dad in the doorway instead of her.
“Emerson, what are you doing here?” He asked, concern lacing his voice.
“Please, I need to see Genie!” I plead.
“I’m sorry but you can’t.” He replied. “I heard what happened yesterday. I think it’s best if you don’t see her anymore.”
“No! Please Mr. Holloway, please!” I cried. I had never been so desperate in my life.
“Emerson!” My dad barked from behind me.
I decided to run again. I knew that if I ran fast enough that I would be able to get away from him. My legs didn’t even feel like they were underneath me, I was running so fast.
“Emerson! Stop!” Genie’s voice called for me in the background.

But I didn’t turn back. I was so stupid. I wanted to take her with me, but I was running away from her. I kept going until something told me to stop. I didn’t know where I was all I knew was that I was farther than home than I thought.

I stopped and looked around. I was about to speed up my pace again until I noticed the car. It was the same car that had killed my little brother five years ago. I hadn’t seen it very clearly that day, but for some reason I just knew.

It was parked on the side of the road a few steps in front of me. It had the same dent where Dorian’s body had made contact with it, and the blood. It was dried around the front of the car, but it was there. My brother’s blood.

I dared to look up at the person sitting in the driver’s seat. It was a man dressed down in black. He had a black hoodie that was pulled ominously over his eyes. A white cigarette poked out of his mouth and the smoke clouded his face. But I saw him clearly. He was smiling at me. His yellow teeth bore through the windshield of the car right towards me. He flicked his hand up and gestured for me to come closer.
For some reason I did.

Chronicle 15: Psychopath/Killer
I walked slowly towards the car; the man’s eyes never left me. I stopped by the driver’s window and noticed it was cracked open slightly. The suffocating smell of cigarette smoke wafted out of the window and dissipated into the cool air around me.
When his eyes met mine I froze. They weren’t like Mayke’s; they weren’t smiling.
He flicked his cigarette into the corner of his mouth. “You’ve gotten a lot bigger Emerson.” He said.
“How the hell do you know my name?” I shook from anger and from fright.
“You really want to hear the whole story?” He smiled, his yellow teeth piercing into the cigarette’s body.
I nodded stiffly. I still don’t know why I agreed.
He pulled the cigarette from his mouth and dropped it out the window. It rolled in front of my feet a few times before stopping completely. “I once had a brother. I loved the crap out of that kid, would’ve done anything for him. Then one day he was killed, got stabbed by some psychopath right in front of my eyes.” He stopped to wipe his mouth with the back of my hands. “After losing him I became interested in other brother relationships; I guess I missed him that much. That’s how I came upon you Emerson. I always saw you and your brother together around town. I could tell he loved you, but you, you were something else. You seemed to resent your brother. I hated your for that. So after I found out more about you, I decided that I would do an experiment.” He stopped talking.
My eyes bore into his cold, dead ones. He grinned at my frazzled expression. “I decided,” He continued. “That I would make you feel the pain of losing your brother and see what it would do to you. I had it planned out for months; I just had to wait for the right moment. So when I spied you two outside that day playing soccer, I knew it was my time to strike. I watched your little brother take a rest stop in the middle of the road, the perfect spot. I came fast; it would have been faster if I hadn’t seen you look my way. That was the only time you had actually shown fear and protection for your brother. Yet, you still just stood there and watched him die. I didn’t stop of course, that wasn’t in the plan. After I completed the first half of my experiment which was of course killing your brother, I followed you here and watched closely to see how you dealt with the pain. And may I say Emerson, I am not impressed. I guess if I wasn’t so hell-bent on teaching you a lesson, I would have realized that you were the one who deserved to be killed that day; and not your little brother. He deserved to live, not you.”
I backed up slowly then, my body shook uncontrollably. My mind was blank; I was too scared and angry to process any of what he had told me. He watched me intently.
“What I am glad to say is that my experiment has finally been completed. Obviously some people are better at dealing with loss than others.” He sighed. “I mean, look at me. I turned out fine. I was trying to teach someone an important life lesson and I did. It just didn’t get across to them.” He shrugged and stuck his key into his engine. The car started with a jolt. “Have a nice life Emerson McCloud.” Were the last words he hissed to me, before he sped off.
I dropped to my knees in exhaustion and disbelief. That was a joke, that was a joke. That didn’t happen, that was a f*ing joke. I repeated over and over again in my head. But I knew it wasn’t, I had come face to face with the man that killed my brother. He told me that I deserved to be dead instead of Dorian. It was what I believed that whole time; he’d just branded it for me.
I looked down at my hands, they were trembling so much. But I didn’t care. I had finally lost all control; I was finally ready to make things right.

Chronicle 16: Death

I don’t remember how I made it back home. What I do remember though is my house being quiet and empty as usual. I sat on the cold stone floor of my basement, my hand gripping the cold surface of the gun. My dad always kept one for protection and I had always known where he hid it.
The room was spinning, I was crying, and my hands were still shaking.

“Just do it.” I cried softly, rocking back and forth. My arm trembled as I lifted the gun up to my temple. There was nothing there that could stop me, everyone was looking for me. Someone was always looking for me because I was always lost.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered to myself. It was meant for everyone else.
Genie’s voice suddenly sounded in my mind. “You can’t do that to yourself Emerson, I love you OK? You can’t do that.”
I flinched.
“…And later on was introduced to a sweet, unique boy who seemed really creative.” Mayke’s voice came after. “Promise me you’ll take care of Genie OK? She’s short and troubled.”
“No, no, shut up!” I whimpered. Those voices had almost stopped me; almost.
“Emerson! Are you here?” My dad’s voice called suddenly from above me. He’d found me, the voices quickly disappeared.
“No.” I whispered, tightening my finger slowly around the trigger. “I’m not here.” I pulled the trigger.
The last thing I heard was the sounds of death.

Chronicle 17: Aftermath
My dad came down and saw me first. He screamed. Genie came in behind him. She was looking for me too, but she had already found me. She stood rigid. Her eyes weren’t even looking at my body. She was looking straight ahead but I could still tell she saw me.
My dad raced up the stairs, I guessed to go call 911. But I was already gone. Genie inched closer; the blood was flowing thicker onto the stone.
“E-Emerson?” She croaked. She actually waited for a response.
My eyes were still open. Genie’s shaking hand shut them lightly. Her trembling hand then stroked my paling skin, caressed my drying lips, and brushed my dark hair away from my eyes.
They came back down to my lips. She started laughing uncontrollably then. “You’re such a dumbass.” She laughed. The laughing quickly turned into cries. She gripped my face. “Do you hear me? You’re such a f*ing dumbass Emerson McCloud!” She screamed.
She lifted up my head and held me against her chest, rocking softly back and forth. “You’re the most beautiful, thoughtful, sweet, caring dumbass I’ve ever met in my life.” She whispered.
My dad came back down and rushed towards us. “The ambulance is coming, is he breathing?”
Genie shook her head, still rocking me slowly. “He’s gone Mr. McCloud. It’s OK.”
“No! I refuse to accept that! T-The ambulance is coming!” My dad protested weekly. “H-He’s not dead,”
Genie closed her eyes and pulled me closer to her. “It’s OK Emerson. I still love you, I’ll always love you Emerson McCloud.” She whispered against my cheek.
**
The ambulance came. They pronounced me dead at the scene.
**
My funeral was how I expected it to be. Crying and singing. But then Genie came onto the stand, and she broke my non-beating heart once again.
“Emerson McCloud told me that he would always be by my side. He may not be physically here, but I know that he still is and that he will always be. I’m not saying good-bye, mostly because he’s a dumbass, but also because he hasn’t left me. It doesn’t matter if he’s dead or alive, it doesn’t change how I feel about him. I still love him, I will always love him. I hope he’s happy up in heaven with his little brother, he deserves to be. He was such an amazing person; I wish I could have known him longer. I wish I could have done things differently with him. And Emerson, if you’re listening right now, there is no way in hell that I could ever hate you. I’m sorry that that was the last thing you had to hear from me. I hate myself for even thinking it. But if it makes you feel any better; I know you loved me too. And even if you didn’t, I still believed you did. It’s OK to have faith and to believe in what you want to. I hope you’re having fun up in Heaven Emerson, I still love you.”
**
Genie, I still love you too.
Mayke, I still miss you.
Dad, it wasn’t your fault.
Mom, it wasn’t your fault.
Psychopath/Killer, f you.
Dorian McCloud, I will always love you.
And Emerson McCloud, you are a dumbass.

Chronicle 18: Heaven and Dorian

My soul stayed on Earth to watch over my family and friends for a long time before eventually going up to Heaven. The first person I saw was Dorian.
He gave me a soft smile. He’s still happy. I’m so proud of him.
“Hi Dorian.” I said.
He took my hand and gave it a small squeeze. “Welcome to Heaven Emmy.”


Yeah, welcome to Heaven Emerson McCloud. Could I have lived my life on Earth better? Hell yeah, I bet we all could have. But nobody’s perfect. Especially not me, if I was, my chronicles would have been regular.

Chronicle – 1: Life After Emerson McCloud

Genie Holloway sits cross legged beside Emerson McCloud’s gravesite. It has been seven years since he died. She’s now in university and is engaged to be married. Her fiancée will never take the honey off of her lips.
*

Mayke Fenromodosi drops her suitcases onto the floors of her new apartment. She already told Genie she wasn’t going to say good-bye. She got her second chance. She wished Emerson had too.
*
A mom holds her new born child carefully in her arms; a dad stands nearby for support. They aren’t going to let this one go, and they will never, ever forget their other ones.
*

A black car drives slowly down a busy street. The man inside lights his fifth cigarette. “He got what he wanted; when am I ever going to get what I want?” He huffs angrily once again. He’s been wondering that ever since he heard that he died.
Emerson McCloud was his 100th experiment. He was finally reunited with his brother; it was what he wanted after all.
He wondered who he would help next; and if soon he would finally get what he wanted.
“Forgiveness. I hope God will forgive me for killing my brother, I tried to make up for it.” He sighs as he turns a left down another street. “I tried.”