Author's note: I always have story beginnings running through my mind, and i ran with this one! Please give... Show full author's note »
Jake Chapter 3JAKE
Usually I tell Lay everything, but I’ve never told her about that never ending sadness I face. I have to tell Lace about my depression. She deserved to know right? Of course she does. In fact, she’s the only one who would ever understand. I know if I talked to my parents 4 things would happen. 1) twouldd fight over why I was depressed 2) twoulddn’t help me with my depression because they’d be too busy fighting about it, which would make me more depressed and 3) they’d send me to a shrink, like some guy can have me lay on a couch and think he can get into my brain and get to know me. 4) They might keep lacy away from me or send me away and I wouldn’t be able to see her. That would just make me crazy and I could never deal with that. I could never leave Lacy here with those two. It would hurt her so bad. Not only does she need me, but I need her a lot more. She’s the main reason why I keep going and getting up everyday. She’s the only sister I have.
“Jake, Hello? Are you okay bro?” Asks Lacy pulling me out of my thoughts I almost forgot I was still driving to the lake.
“What? Oh yeah I’m fine I promise.” I assure her. But I’m not fine. How am I going to tell her? Will she be upset? Because that’s the last thing I want.
Finally, the roads lead to dirt paths you can turn to and in no time at all, we are in our little undisturbed spot. Still a little confused, I sit on a bench Lacy and I had built together and brought out here. It’s a cute wooden bench with a few cushions, and it’s surprisingly comfy for wood. The pale grass seems like a gray under the night sky and the river is completely still. I continue to think about telling Lace. I have to tell her. There’s no easy way, but it needs to be done.
Have you ever broken your mom’s favorite vase or dropped `your dad’s Ralph Lauren watch down the toilet. You’re freaking out because there’s no one to blame it on, not even the dog because he’s at the groomers. You know that you’ve got to face the music and you have that dreading feeling. Well imagine that, times the height of the freaking empire state building. I feel so nervous and shaky but I know that I have to tell Lacy, I can’t go without telling her.
“Lacy, there’s something I have to tell you.” I start
“Look Lace, there’s not really easy way to say this. But I mean, you have a right to know. I know I can always trust you and I know that whatever I say to you, you’ll understand.”
“Yeah…” she replies. I can tell by the confusion on her face that I need to get to the point.
“Lacy, I’m depressed. I’ve been depressed for a long time, but I’ve just been in a slump for a while and have been more depressed than usual. It’s starting to get to me. I just really wanted you to know because we tell eachother everything so….” I let my sentence trail off.
“Depressed? Jake you can get help, there are people who can make you happy. I swear Jake I’ll help you but I can’t see you sad. ” Her voice was sad, but despite that, I knew I couldn’t get help for the reasons I listed before.
“Lacy, no. I cannot get help.” I tell her in a calm voice
“Yes you can! You can talk to mom and dad?” She says
“No Lacy, that would make them argue more.”
“A therapist?” All I had to do was give her a look and she was on to the next question. Lacy hates therapists as much as me.
“Maybe a program Jake. Come on, if they have programs for people on drugs they have to have one for depression.” Her voice was pleading and I know she was thinking of every possibility to fix this. Lacy is that type of person, a person who hates seeing others hurt or upset, and will go out of her way to fix it or make it better.
“Lacy, No! Okay! They might send me to some camp or away and I wouldn’t see you again. I need you, you’re my sister!” I’m on the verge of tears and Lacy stops abruptly and just stares at the river. I know that it’s not Lacy’s fault, she just wants to help. I scoot over and wrap my arms around her, tears are streaming down her face. I release my embrace and stare at the river in front of me near what seems like a never-ending cliff. How can something so full of dirt be so serene? Why can’t I be that serene, and not so interrupted by emptiness.
“I’m sorry Lace. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I know it’s a lot to take in. But right now, there is no alternative. I can’t leave you okay?”
“I need you Jake. I always will” and she repeated those seven words as I rocked her back and forth quietly in my arms. Her head is leaning against my chest and tears are streaming down both our faces to be rolled into the serene river.