Do You Love Me Now?

September 6, 2012
By DemonAngel GOLD, Maricopa, Arizona
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DemonAngel GOLD, Maricopa, Arizona
14 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
You are either dead or alive.Your heart either pumps blood or life.Our hearts pump words love life and understanding.Into our sub-conscience body for we use the hands of that body to write. -Best friend :'( RIP

The author's comments:
This book is just an idea tell me if you think i should continue please.

Liz it sounded as a far off echo, getting slowly louder till it was ringing like bullets ricocheting off my brain all the sudden I’m shaken awake by my mother who has been yelling my name and bringing me back to reality. I look around and see the same bland room with beige walls an occasional poster here and there the same dresser I’ve had for the last 18 years. I realize how drab my life really is and make a mental note to change that even though I know its never going to happen .I mean its not like anyone cares I’m just the pathetic 18 year old emo girl that blends in with the shadows. Some people think I’ve forgotten how to talk but it’s a shell I’ve buried myself in that noone ,not even I , can penetrate that is until I met Tailen.
At six foot four inches Tailen was kinda tall, he was attractive no doubt with sandy blond hair and muscular arms. He actually looked like football jock material. You couldn’t ever see him being a jock. You really couldn’t ever see him period he was never around but if he was it was only a moment before he disappears. He never attracted any attention to himself he wore clothes that blended with the shadows and sat in them.
How I happened to stumble upon him isn’t a big shock. I wore darker clothes and hid in shadows just like him. I would never think that stumbling upon a good looking boy who was as lonely as I was would lead to a deep dark and very revealing life I would never wound the trail I did if not for Tailen Grosenburg.The dream turned nightmare. The nightmare turned reality and my world turned upside down. That is what happened when I met Tai (pronounced Ty).

“C’mon Liz,” my mom begged, “ it’s the first day of school and your going to miss your bus and if you do that your walking cuz I am NOT driving you!!”
“Fine Mom fine just get out!!” I said as I slammed the door behind her and dragged my limp sluggish body out of what once I used to find comfort in is now a bed of nails I walk over to the dresser to find the one picture that gives me the most pain the thing that makes me suffer the reason why I lose so much sleep.Nightmares.Hatred.Idiocy.Father.Brother.All these waves of thoughts invading my mind and without realizing it I’m crying again. God I’m so weak why why am I like this I just don’t get it .Why? Why is my father so stupid?

I was only 5.Yet still 13 years and I still cry when I think of James. He didn’t deserve it he was only three. How could that idiot of a sperm donor be so stupid? How could you buckle an innocent three year old into a seat and be such a stupid drunk as to get into a car and swerve off the road and tumble into that ditch. How? How can you be so self centered? So dumb? Such a drunk? Screw you! Screw life? I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE!!!!!!

All the sudden I’m in an all too familiar place. The shadow behind the old gymnasium. But, although this is where I always broke down there was something different. Something warm was around me. It almost feels like I’m being hugged or even held. I opened my eyes sniffed and wiped away the last of my tears and the tear streaks away. My vision slightly blurry as it always was when I cried. There were no arms around me .no one hugging or holding me .I half smiled laughing at myself for thinking someone would ever care for me. I started to get up thinking I had gone crazy thinking someone would care let alone hug me but it seemed so real. I looked around one more time ready to blame this on my insanity when I saw it or more rather them. By them I met the most stunning almond brown eyes. They were glaring in my direction, but didn’t seem to really see me. Yet in an eerie sort of way my brain told me those eyes knew everything about me. Again I plead insanity. They were calling out to me telling me to come closer closer yet they were also yelling at me to RUN RUN NOW but I listened to the beckoning and came closer closer until we were face to face .I think but I wouldn’t know cuz I never saw his face. This time.Anyways, my eyes never left these mysterious eyes .That is until everything started fading to black .Oh my god I am blacking out. So this is what it feels like.

I woke with my head gently resting on something soft. I tried to feel what I was laying on .For some odd reason I was slightly disheartened to find out it was only my backpack but, it was different, bigger.I opened my bag to find a jacket decorated with many skull and cross-bones. Those eyes burned into me memory. I had to find out why they stared me down so intensely. I wanted to find out who. Who those beautifu, yet somehow dark, yet masked eyes belonged to. The rest of the school day was a haze till I got home.

I rushed through the front door. Yelled quickly,” Mom I’m home”. Then ran to me room and threw myself on my bed glancing at my bag a moment later. It still bulged slightly so I got up and walked over to my bag and pulled the jacket out for the first time since it mysteriously appeared in my bag. It smelled of cologne and something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Smiling thinking of who could wear it. I noticed a piece of paper sticking out of the pocket. I pulled it out and read: Same place tomorrow. I wondered if the note was really for me. If not who was it for? It was apparently written by a male but does that mean this jacket belonged to a female. I dropped everything thinking I was over thinking it.

“I just need to sleep and Ill solve this tomorrow,” I said as my eyes slid shut

I love the no dream darkness that settles in once I fall asleep.Though, tonight it was different. A picture started to form. Then I saw them again those eyes (in dream form).Then the second picture appeared the note. Then it was like every important aspect of the day previous flashed before me again

.I was silently screaming on the inside because even on the inside I had no clue what to scream. I thought that sleeping would clear my mind of everything. Boy was I wrong. Now everything that has happened was daunting every single thought that invaded the labyrinth my mind had become. Nothing that I was trying to solve was solved .I threw myself together and ran out the door while yelling to my mom, “I’m gone” as the door was closing. My mind was still racing over the possibilities of who it was when I arrived at the school. I was trying not to seem suspicious or worried as I slowed my pace to a sauntered and looked distracted as I wondered over to my usual spot. Curiosity took over and I couldn’t resist looking into that shadow that those eyes before. I didn’t see anything in the shadow so I sat where I usually did and looked in it again to no avail. I closed my eyes and rested my head on my knees. I felt the warm sensation yet again it felt like someone was hugging me. I looked over just as those eyes were opening. The shadow was 10 times darker as if this thing was big enough to invade the whole shadow. That scared me a lil but I wanted to know who.WHO? Who did they belong to? Why were they focused on me?
I walked towards them with more motivation which by the motions of eyes it was apparent startled whoever they belonged to. I wanted to reach out and touch whoever or whatever it was. For some reason though I didn’t. Once again we were face to face without me ever seeing a face did it have a face .My eyes yet again never left the set of eyes yet it was as if every thought I had just disappeared. I had no clue what to do. So I kept staring into these eyes until I yet again blacked out.Yea this is totally déjà vu
It was the same way every time that those eyes for the rest of the school week. I smiled at the thought of all my….I means its jackets hanging in my closet. Each one unique, each one always smelling the same, each note also different.

Then on Friday it was different. The first part was the same but I didn’t black out. Then came the only words I had truly heard all week. A creamy yet rich velvety voice said
“Hello Elizabeth”
“How do you know my name?” Then all the questions that had stacked in my brain all week came tumbling past my lips, a hand reached out and touched mine. It was surprisingly cold. I jumped up and my mouth shut. I was startled and didn’t know what to do. I opened my mouth to speak but couldn’t find the words to say. I felt for the first time in a very very long time I wanted to go home. I was scared. Then I started backing up and out from the shadow came it. I mean the eyes. I mean him.
Him. The almond brown deep, dark, somehow masked eyes. A slight smirk teasing my inability to speak.Sideswept sandy blonde hair almost fully covered by the hood of his navy blue hoodie which also covered his built upper frame. His set jaw slightly softened by the smirk that was showing off his adorable dimples.
I was taken aback and still had no clue what to say. So I said the only thing I could muster, “H-how do you know my name?”
He just chuckled as he pointed to my name tag the school gave us to wear. He then said in the same rich velvety voice, “Don’t wear jackets much eh?”
Even with the sarcasm I could tell there was an undertone of disappointment within his voice. “Are you the one who gave me all those jackets,” I said as loud as I could muster which was barely above a whisper. It was already shocking what this mysterious guy had got me to do. I haven’t talked on a school ground since I was five I barely even talked at home yet here I was talking like he was my confidante.
“Yea,” He smiled a row of perfect white teeth. I blushed and looked down quickly. What in the world am I doing? I don’t know this guy yet I’m blushing WTH.Then I got extremely angry and wanted to yell but for some reason couldn’t. When I raised my head and opened my mouth to speak he was right in front of me. I gasped and almost fell backwards but he caught me.

“Aren’t women supposed to be graceful?” he said with that killer smile.No.Not killer.Sadistic.Manipulative.Horribl----ly wonderful. Cute. OH MY GOD WHO AM I???

“The names Tai by the way. Well Tailen if you rather it’s up to you.”

“Why are you doing this? Why were you watching me? Why are you torturing me? why did you give me those jackets?W-w-wh…….H-h-ho….w. ugh screw it I’M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!”
I turned to walk off .He never stopped me or even tried which for some reason under the sun angered me. I kept walking while the whole conversation played over and over again in my head, before I knew what was really going on I opened the front door of my house. My mom was sitting in the recliner glaring at me .


“Young lady you are supposed to be at school!!!” I glanced over to the clock it only read 10:47.I took a deep breath because I knew what was coming a long talk ending in…
“Now you know I love you but I will love you a lot more with your education .Part of that education is learning right from wrong. Soyou know it’s wrong to ditch school and right to punish you so you’re grounded.”

I handed her my phone. I never used texting and the only person I ever called was her so it was easy to hand her my phone. I smiled at how much of a social rebellious party teen she thought I was. So just to enthuse her I played along.

“Come on mom. Don’t take my phone please.” She was smiling from ear to ear thinking {oh yea I’m good}.So I let her think that she really did good this time as I acted deflated all the way to my room

I lay down on my bed and criticized everything I did in that short yet daunting conversation. I realized how nothing I did was the usual me.Blushing, thinking his smile was killer, falling (I’m not clumsy),talking on school ground, it wasn’t me at all. I have no clue what else happened that week. I played sick and my mom bought it. I didn’t want to see him. Yes I did I mean…..UGH I’m so sick of this. “Ok enough pull yourself together Liz.” I stated out loud to myself before falling asleep. I slept all through the weekend not wanting to deal with reality.

Then weirdest of all occurrences since our meeting and everything that followed. I woke up on time god what happening to me? I was worried I really was sick but put the worry out of mind as I got ready.

I picked all black today (as usual) and put on a black, BDB which is the best band ever tee shirt. Then slid into my black skate pants and my brand new fully black high-tops teased my hair which I did a lot then did my mascara and eyeliner almost perfectly. I grabbed my bag and a thought came to mind as the question replayed in my mind: “don’t wear jackets much eh?” I walked over to my closet and pulled the first jacket I had received off the hanger and slipped it on. It fit me perfectly which confused me Tailen was a lot bigger then me if the jacket fit me it couldn’t possibly fit him. I wondered where he got these or if maybe they were just old jackets, But who carried around old jackets that didn’t fit? I was looking down zipping up the jacket right to he very bottom of the logo when I saw a small piece of paper on the floor. It must have fallen out of my bag when I picked it up.

I knew the handwriting right away all it said was: Get well soon see you Monday please don’t ditch me. I dropped it and I wondered what bear trap I just stepped into. I got off the bus and walked straight to where we first met. He stood where I usually sat looking disappointed.

“H-hello T-Tailen.” I stated and he seemed genuinely startled as he turned around. The tear streaks on his cheeks startled me. “Are you ok? What’s wrong?” He quickly wiped his tears as he coldly stated, “nothing”. All richness and the velvety sound was gone.

“Don’t lie to me. You didn’t just cry to cry. You’re a guy. You don’t cry unless necessary. did you really think you could lie to me?”

“Just shut-up ok? Just cuz I am the first person other then your mother that you have talked to doesn’t give you the right to chat my effing ear off alright?”

I shut my mouth .That statement hit me hard, in the lungs I couldn’t breathe and I could feel tears welling up but I refused to let him make me cry. I wondered how he even knew that but I shouldn’t care. I turned to walk away as a tear escaped and rolled down my cheek.
As I started to walk away I heard him say, “Its true she’s really gone.” I peered back at him and he was sitting in the spot I usually did I said,”please don’t cry.”

“Sam?” I heard him say under muffled sobs. There was vulnerability in his voice that just made him sexy. He reached up and touched my hand. He jumped up and hugged me as he exclaimed, “Sam!”

“Guess again” I said. He looked at me then looked at the jacket smiled and rambled on about how sorry he was and he didn’t mean to hurt me and how he’s hurting so much and how its all his fault. All I could do was look at him with confusion cuz I had no clue what he was saying which apparently enthused him. He smiled then chuckled then busted in full blown laughter.

I tried to comprehend what was happening but couldn’t. I mean one minute he was crying and the next he’s laughing his tush off. He was confusing and it was all making my head hurt. I screamed, “SHUT UP YOU BIG OAF!!!!” I could tell that scared him so I quieted my tone before continuing. “First you say something to hurt me and now you laugh at me? What the hell Tailen?”

I felt the hot tears of acid burn my eyes and cheeks as they rolled down. I looked down and turned around as I began to walk away he grabbed my arm and spun me around. I gasped as I looked deep into his eyes as I did all last week but they were different. They had lost the ability to hold their masks and showed fear and pain.

I wanted to hug him yet I wanted to smack him. I thought about sticking my tongue out but that would just be immature. So I just asked, “Wanna walk?”

He looked confused at first then agreed and we walked to my favorite spot which just happened to be his to. I sat in the only shady spot by the tree and he sat surprisingly close to me. He was burning hot and it felt like I was sitting next to a radiator. I winced but didn’t say anything I could tell he needed someone right now. I still wondered why he chose me but didn’t want to ask that right now. I saw tears running down his face and used my jacket sleeve to wipe them. I was crying on the inside knowing that no one would ever do this for me. I wondered why I ever cared for people who never cared about me. I asked, “Would you like to talk about it ?” My voice yet again barely able to go above a whisper.

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This book has 5 comments.

on Sep. 25 2014 at 9:02 am
EmilytheBelleofA. DIAMOND, Athens, Georgia
81 articles 5 photos 1492 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love is to be vulnerable; Triumph is born out of struggle; We notice shadows most when they stand alone in the midst of overwhelming light.

It's entirely, up to you, but I hope you continue it. It's really good. You have a talent and greatnes in you; please, believe that because you do. Thank you so much, for sharing this. 

Pink<3 said...
on May. 7 2013 at 5:05 pm
Wow! Good job!I loved how you did this novel.Keep up writting!Please soon!!!!!I Love this!!!!!!!

on Apr. 15 2013 at 5:46 pm
FallenAngel170198 GOLD, Bundaberg, Other
13 articles 0 photos 47 comments
Keep writing! need more :O

on Oct. 6 2012 at 1:38 pm
DemonAngel GOLD, Maricopa, Arizona
14 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
You are either dead or alive.Your heart either pumps blood or life.Our hearts pump words love life and understanding.Into our sub-conscience body for we use the hands of that body to write. -Best friend :'( RIP

Thank you very much!

on Sep. 15 2012 at 9:48 pm
W.O.W totes amazing keep writing

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