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Call Me Charlie

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Author's note: This was my final project for my creative writing class. It's based on several personal...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: This was my final project for my creative writing class. It's based on several personal experiences, but mostly my imagination. Thanks to all my friends and classmates for their ideas and input!  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 10 Next »

Chapter 1

“Hey Logan! Get that mutated rat out of my yard!” I shouted as we approached my house, a small one-story building surrounded only by empty dirt lots.
Logan smiled innocently. “Awww come on, Charlie! He’s only admiring your beautiful flowers! Did you plant them? They’re gorgeous!”
Liar. “He is not! He’s—Ohh, that’s disgusting. That’s it! Get out of here! NOW!”
“That just means he likes you. Besides, I don’t know why you hate him so much. I can bring Steve over if you’d like,” he said, grinning wickedly, his smile as large and evil as a crocodile’s.
“No! Don’t EVER bring that stupid snake over! Do you hear me? EVER!” And then I raced into the house while he stood there with his ugly dog laughing like a hyena.
I have this thing about snakes. I guess you could call it a phobia. They’re disgusting, slimy, hideous, freaky, nauseating, revolting little things. They are by far the worst animals on the planet. Ever since I saw one on my kitchen counter two years ago, I’ve despised them (and I still have absolutely no idea how it got there). So there was a problem when we moved in, because our neighbor, my “walking-home buddy” according to my mother, is a complete jerk, and he just happens to have a pet snake which he enjoys tormenting me with.
That one night in early July, just a couple months ago, was the night that my whole world came crashing down on me, all because of my mom’s “good” news.
We moved out a week later to the smallest town in Idaho—probably the smallest town in all of the U.S. Dad had found the perfect fairytale house: the one for the seven dwarves. It was located completely in the middle of nowhere, but apparently it was close to his new job, which supposedly made everything perfect. The nearest Walmart was many towns away, and there were about two other houses on our street—the closest one, of course, was half a mile down the street from ours. And there lived the most aggravating, cruel, selfish, conceited, insensitive creature to ever walk the earth. Yes, it was a boy.
Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 10 Next »


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This book has 14 comments. Post your own now!

SportsStar23 said...
Aug. 7, 2013 at 12:24 pm
I thought this was really great! I usually try to aviod novels but this was the perfect size! I didn't feel like it dragged on at all. I loved the way you developed the character! I agree with Gecko in that you could've used crocodile a little less to describle Logan's smile but other than that, it was perfect! The ending was absolutely fitting and worked like a charm (: It was filled with comedy, a dash of romance, and some sadness as well! I loved it! Well done! And please keep... (more »)
 
Gecko said...
Oct. 26, 2012 at 6:55 pm
I really loved this! I don't think you could have done better with the ending, so great job with that. I have one suggestion: try not to use 'crocodile' to many times when describing logan's smile. That's it, though! You did an amazing job with this, and didn't make it to predictable or cliche
 
shinegirl24 said...
Oct. 22, 2012 at 6:14 pm
Hi. Let me just say that you did a phenominal job with this. I mean it; you created a really engaging story. I liked all the plot twists you put in there, it really captured my attention, and your writing style suited this story perfectly. So awesome job, and keep writing!
 
luv2bLDSThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Oct. 26, 2012 at 6:49 pm
Thanks so much! :)
 
. said...
Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:10 am
I really enjoyed it!  I do have one suggestion though.   I think it needs a little more detail when she is stuck in the hole.  For example, you could say that the wood is, say, mahogoney.  But other than that, I loved it!
 
Super_Mario_Prose This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 26, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Annnnnd... DONE. Yay! First commenter to have read the whole thing!  ;)

 

Anyways I think a 'congrats' is in order. CONGRATS...!

 

I looked at the novel, eyeing the number of chapters that slowly climbed up to ten and was like 'oh no, this is going to be long'. But it really wasn't. I found myself forgetting about teenink entirely and simply letting my mind take me through the emotional mountains and revenes of a girl faced with uncontrolable changes... (more »)

 
luv2bLDSThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 26, 2012 at 11:52 pm
Thank you so much, especially for the suggestions! :)
 
. replied...
Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:56 pm
I told you it was awesome.  Super_Mario_Prose agrees with me.  And sorry,  Mario, but I read it first.  I'm in her class ;)
 
KK2013 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 23, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Lol, im still in the middle (3rd chapter currently) and I like it! it's different! 

However, I wish there was some more internal descriptions (like why she had a phobia... an accident like Dudley's perhaps? lol... Maybe you could explain how she felt when people called her "charlie".... )

Also, why did she call it "a mutated rat?" snakes arent like rats at all... lol

but so far, so good! ill keep reading when I get back from this grad party Im going to!

 
luv2bLDSThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 23, 2012 at 7:02 pm
Actually, it was a dog in the first scene...but that's ok. :P I did have to take out some details because of a page limit for my creative writing class. Although I do believe mentioning that Charlie found a snake on her kitchen counter...if not, well, I've edited and rewritten this so many times that I can't remember what I kept and deleted. Thanks for the ideas and suggestions! Very much appreciated!
 
Allicat001 said...
Jun. 22, 2012 at 2:39 pm
I've read about three and a half chapters of your novel so far and I love it:)  I can totally relate to Charlie's phobia of snakes and I love the rivalry between Charlie and Logan.  My only word of advice would be to go more in depth in describing Charlie's emotions throughout.  You have a ton of talent, great job and keep writing!
 
luv2bLDSThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 22, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Thank you so much! Actually, Charlie's phobia of snakes was my contribution to her character. She's a lot like me, just more...melodramatic. But her reaction to the snake was, sadly a personal experience :P
 
luv2bLDSThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 22, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Thank you so much! Actually, Charlie's phobia of snakes was my contribution to her character. She's a lot like me, just more...melodramatic. But her reaction to the snake was, sadly a personal experience :P
 
. replied...
Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:58 pm
Is this girl talented or what?!
 

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