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Changes in Me

Author's note: I was homeschooled for half my life until fifth grade, so most of these thoughts and feelings are...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: I was homeschooled for half my life until fifth grade, so most of these thoughts and feelings are actually mine. I know how Helen feels. This story is not meant to be offensive in any way.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3


I step back in shock… “What? You-you’re-what?”
“I’ve never really told anybody this because it’s really embarrassing if that person isn’t… well, gay, also. Look, Helen, I’m really sorry, but it’s who I am, and I’m not going to change for somebody I hardly know!”
In a type of fury I have never experienced before, I heave a huge angry sigh, and storm out of the room into the bright hallway. I can’t believe this! My first real, and maybe only friend, is gay! I even liked him! Heck, I kissed a gay guy!
Rage overtakes me, and I run into somebody accidently. Oh my goodness, it’s Jake. Suddenly, I feel like my little awkward self again. He glares at me, and brushes past as he struts away down the hall. I get a gigantic whiff of cologne- Calvin Cline, I think, because my brother wears it on his frequent dates. It’s my favorite. Gosh, Jake is so attractive! I am tempted to follow him, but awkwardly trip and fall, hit the drinking fountain, and before I know what is happening, everything goes black.
“Wake up.”
“Wake up, girly!”
…. “WAKE UP!!”
I wake up. I’m lying on a bed, I guess in the nurse’s office, for the nurse is sitting on her spinning chair in the corner, filling out paperwork with a sour expression on her face. A ginger girl with poofed bangs is leaning over me. She has shockingly blue eyes. She holds out her hand, “Rachel Lucas.” She states. I feel so dazed, “What? I already have Thin Mints….”
“What? No! Rachel Lucas! That’s my name, silly! Student body spokesman and belle captain. I’m also lead soprano in the acapella group. Nice to meet you too! And you are…?”
“Um, Helen Dill.”
“Yea, ok, nice to meet you. C’mon, you’re feeling better right? Good. Let’s go to class.”
So taking her hand, I stand up and we walk out the door.
“Which class?”
“Oh, ha-ha sorry! I signed you up for the acapella group! Your mom said you have a great voice! You took quite a fall there! Hopefully it didn’t screw up your vocal chords… ehh, I’m sure you’ll be fine!”
She’s like a chipmunk! Or the energizer bunny… without the drum. I like her!
We walk into the music room, and see about a dozen teens all singing and smiling; they look like they are having a grand old time! My heart jolts: John is in the middle of the group, making a few girls laugh with a voice like an angel. Gosh, I have to stop this! He’s messed up! Maybe he won’t notice me… nobody else seems to, so why should he?
But unfortunately, hope turns to hate as he turns around; his sage eyes bear into my brown ones. His eyes widen, his face flushes, and he suddenly stops singing. Courtesy to the sudden halt in angelic melody, all his little girl cronies follow his eyes and look in my direction.
A short dark girl suddenly speaks up, “Who’s this?”
“Um, well, I’m Hel…” I state, but they don’t exactly catch that last syllable, as my voice trails off; speaking to more than 3 people has always been difficult for me- I haven’t had experience!
The group bursts into maniac laughter- even John, I note with a sigh. But Rachel becomes my savior to embarrassment as she interrupts with a voice full of authority, “Hey! Shut it! Her name’s Helen, got it? No sly remarks, Mark!” A boy with curly black hair, blue eyes, and freckles quickly shuts his smirking mouth, comparative to a Venus fly trap. I try to make thankful eye contact with Rachel, but she is smiling slightly at a tan boy with a dreamy expression on his face…
She quickly snaps out of her trance and rounds up her colleagues with commanding orders such as: ‘circle up! Introduce yourselves! Stop talking!’ Her demands are met, but met with remarks such as: ‘we’re not in preschool! She doesn’t care who we are! Shut up yourself!’
“Now, just like in grade school, we’re going to go around, state our names, and something interesting about ourselves.” Groans of annoyance are her reply. So she starts, “I’m Rachel Lucas, and I’m a ginger!” The next kid, a scrawny girl with glasses and pretty black hair, “I’m Lily, and I’m the oldest of 11 kids.” There are gasps of shock, and the word ‘busy’ slips a couple of times. “I’m Damian, and some people call me Sprinkles….” There is a sudden chanting of ‘Sprinkles, Sprinkles, Sprinkles!’ as this shaggy haired boy speaks. “Hey, guys! Shut it! Sprinkles wasn’t done!”
“No, it’s cool Rachel, carry on,” he replies. A girl with dark brown dreadlocks, blue eyes, and a perky nose speaks next, “I’m Holiday, and I can play 6 instruments.”
“Which ones?” I find myself asking in curiosity.
“Guitar, piano, drums, saxophone, and violin.”
“And she’s good at all of them!” comments the dark girl who spoke earlier. “I’m Taylor, and apparently I am the most outgoing and obnoxious person anybody has ever met.” There are nods of approval as the next singer, a boy with pink hair and multiple piercings speaks, “Um, I’m Spencer. I’ve been in a movie.” I am about to inquire clarification, but am interrupted by the next guy, who was the one that Rachel was staring at earlier, “I’m Nathan, and I am half Italian and half Scottish.” As I look towards the next contestant of introductory, my heart skips a beat as I see John looking at me. He speaks, “Hi Helen. You already know me and something interesting about me.”
Suddenly, I feel shame and slightly hang my head. This is actually a nice boy; he is just confused in the field of attraction. So, to make an attempt to friendship re-united, I slap on a light smile and look into John’s welcoming eyes. His face suddenly shows joyful relief as he returns the gesture portrayed on his countenance. So in relief of our silent makeup, I turn to the next subject to introduce: the boy with the curly hair, freckles, and blue eyes. “Hey missy, I’m Mark. I’ve kissed 27 different girls before.” Eyes are rolled at this remark, and I can tell that winks at several girls in the room, especially Rachel, who moves on rather quickly after the gesture.
A Hispanic girl said next, “I’m Allowette. I was born in Brazil.” There is silence, but then Damian blurts out, “Really?” More awkward silence before Allowette asks, “Something wrong with that Sprinkles?”
“No, not at all. I was just thinking about how much hotter that makes you.”
“Ok! Let’s move on!” Rachel quickly follows before the awkwardness continues, “Anyways… Taite, you’re next.”
A stunning blond girl with half-closed eyes and a smile states, “Ha-hah, I’m Taite… and I’m second-captain on the Belles.” I look Taite up and down. She is wearing a low long-sleeved shirt, short shorts, and a huge flashy ring. I look at her ring, which is in the shape of a heart, and notice her nail color: peach. This is Jake’s girlfriend. She notices me staring at her polish, and snaps, “Were you so isolated as a homeschooler that you’ve never seen nail polish before? Freak…”
I sense my face flushing and try to ignore this comment, but I am hurt. The word ‘freak’ keeps running through my mind like a scratched CD, but I try to focus on the next speaker instead; a classy boy with black flippy hair and shockingly blue eyes stands up, walks over to me, and shakes my hand. “Luke’s my name, Helen. It’s nice to meet you.” So chivalry isn’t dead after all… “I am secretly, well I guess not secretly anymore,” he gives a cute chuckle before continuing, “but I was secretly obsessed with poetry.” I smile and he sits down. My hand is tingling… I like this kid. I like him a lot.
“I’m Jessica,” states a multi-colored haired girl, “I’m lesbian.”
Well, that was much unexpected. So after a long awkward silence, Sprinkles says, “I did not know that…”
“Yea, because I didn’t want you to!” Jessica snaps back. After another long silence with Sprinkle’s face turning into a Christmas tree ornament, the next teen introduces himself. He is a tiny brunette boy who says in a small voice, “I’m Sam. I have, well, you will find out soon enough anyways, so I might as well just tell you now. I have OCD, and it sucks.” Aw poor kid!
“Okay, guys, ‘practice’ is over! Thanks for your cooperation!” mumbled replies are slung at her back as the teens turn to leave. I notice Mark talking to John and overhear them saying, “Hey, stay away from me, alright?” John nods his melancholy head in reply, and I hear Mark speak again, “You’re a creep, got it? You’re a freak that’s messed up, and if you don’t leave me alone, I’m going to make you regret it.” John mumbles ‘kay’. Before leaving, Mark shoves John against the wall in a violent gesture. I go up to John, “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine. Just, don’t try to get involved.” I see the back of his head once again, and I am left alone in the music room.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3

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