This isn't the complete book, but I am too excited to wait until it's done to submit it! Be prepared, it's intense.
I started to heal
I decided to go all out and I actually dressed up for school. Whoa. I wore an oversized jean shirt and a purple sheer skirt and loafers with my straw fedora. I look good. Even in oversized baggy stuff I have a shape. Who’s perfectly tanned and toned legs are those? Mine? No way. I’m a total nock out! I like looking good. I pulled my mousy brown hair into a bun and headed down the stairs.
School was the bomb. I got A’s on all my tests and I was practically floating on air. I could conquer the world; I could stand up to my teachers. I was free! Wheeeeeee!!!! Life is great. I go to band practice and totally rock out.
“Jenna. Have you come up with a name?” Paul asks.
“Kind of. James you know your first name is Adam? And mine is Eve? Anyone seeing it?”
“Hey. Like Adam and Eve. Right? From the Bible?” Kirby’s light bulb comes on.
“Yeah. I’m working with it but from now on I’m Eve and your Adam. Got it?”
“Okay. Adam.” I laugh. I’m totally getting awesome at this normal stuff. “I gotta go. Hey, do we have a gig?”
“Yeah, two weeks. Can you make it?” Lance says.
“Uh. Yeah. I would pretend to have a life and say I need to check my calendar but I don’t so I wont.”
“Cool. Practice this Friday.” James – excuse me, Adam – says.
“Oh. I don’t think I can go. Joe is having a party and I’m there to make sure nobody had sex on my bed.”
“That’s always important, just practice at home. We have to have these songs perfect.” I leave, Adam’s mom lets me out and tells me to have a great day and that she’s so glad he son is being exposed to girls, she was getting worried about him. I laugh and Adam flushes.
“Even your mom thinks you have issues, Adam.”
“Oh! You’re going by your first name? That’s great. I always liked Adam better than James.” Mrs. Blockwood says.
“See ya Mrs. B!” Lance says and drives off. I do the same.
Guys are fun when you stop being scared of them.
When I get home the yard guys are there. I talk a little with Fernandez, he goes to my school. I go inside and make a pouch of lemonade and set it out on the front step with paper cups for them. I scribble down some homework, not bothering to check them, or even really think about them. I pull out my oil paints, the old ones from when I was little, they still smelled the same. I smiled and started to draw. I held the feeling when I had my first grapefruit, my favorite food, and drew it on the page. Honey dribbled off the side of a lilac in a bowl of water in a field of color. I pulled out another piece of paper and thought of the feeling I had when I went to church and felt God. I started to pray. Not on my knees, not with my eyes closed and my head bowed, but with my eyes open painting a picture. I just talked. I told Him all my feelings, bringing Him up to date with my life, I asked Him questions and somehow He answered, in His own way.
My family was never religious. We went to church on holidays and, back when my mom stayed home on the weekends, we never went out of the house until noon and the car was always in the garage. One time, when I was really little, we went to church, out of the blue. I was probably eight; I tried not to remember anything before 12, when HE left. But the youth pastor told us about how God loved us and how He used the bad stuff in our lives to teach us and strengthen us. I prayed my first prayer that day. I asked God to show me what he was trying to teach me when HE… hurt me. Then the thought soon popped into my head. Just like that. And for a couple of weeks I had peace. Now, I’m not spiritual or anything, and I’m definitely not insane, but this was real, unmistakable God stuff. Why wasn’t I going to church now? I could drive; I had every reason to go.
I looked down at my page. It was amazing. It was abstract but everything about it screamed peace. It was all in primary colors so it was bright and chaotic but… peaceful, somehow. I would eventually frame it and take it with me to every house I will ever live in, this was the milestone in my life where I turned a corner, I started to heal.