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Before I Was A Nurse...
Author's note: I finished A Nurse's Story, but there was so much in the begining that wasn't connected and I had to fix that!
Hi. My name is Rainii Estria. My “keeper” just gave me this journal, apparently to make up for all the bad things they’ve done so far. I wonder what else they’ll have to buy to make up for what they plan on doing next. He's had me trapped in this hotel room for three weeks. After trying to escape for three days straight, and being “punished” every time, I think I’ve learned my lesson. Trying to escape was one of my biggest mistakes. They, He, hurts me more and more every time I try to run. It’s no use anyway. I don’t see any possible way to get free. I haven’t seen the outside world in weeks! GAH! All I want is one little peak out the door into the open air, but I’m not going to get it. Anyways, back to the subject at hand.
Yes, in case you’re wondering, I have been kidnapped. My supposed boyfriend kidnapped me during my first year of college. I’m studying to become a nurse at the local hospital in Dallas but I think those plans may have just failed. If I miss one more week of school, they’ll expel me. I’m so not looking forward to that. I had big plans for life. So many things I wanted to do. But Adam, my kidnapper, says I’m going to stay with him until he finally gets tired of me. Who knows when that’ll be. I don’t like to think about it much but sometimes my mind just wanders.
Look, I can’t write much longer. Adam will be back in a little bit. He works at the hotel as a bell boy to earn money to pay for the room he keeps me locked in. How does that work? It seems pretty odd to me. But, if it works, it works. I can’t write to anyone specific right now, I’m afraid he’ll read my book and then it’ll be the end of my journal and probably everything else. But, I miss my Bestie (best friend) Marion more than anything else. Maybe I could write letters to her. That’s what I’ll do! Every day, I’ll write a letter about how my day was and then I’ll just keep it in my journal. If and when I get out of here, I’ll let her see them. Uh oh, I hear the key in the lock. Gotta go for now!
Hey Bestie. I’ve missed you so much! It’s been three weeks away from you and Rina and Mrs. Sinclair. Or, Mom #2. I know she always insists I call her mom. How are you? Is the cold feeling any better? I hope you didn’t have to go to the hospital again. You and your sick little self. Listen, when I get out of here, we’re going to see the best specialist I can find and you’re going to be better. No matter what I have to do. I’m considering going to Adam about it. If I beg and barter with him, he should help you. Or, help me help you. I let him punish me for a week without me giving him grief. He might like that. Usually after he does what he does, I cry a lot or I try to break out. You’d be so proud of me Bestie. I give him hell. Adam doesn’t just walk all over me like he used to. I’m working on finding a back bone like you told me to. Of course, if I had had the nerve to tell him it was over before we got this far in, none of this would’ve happened. I’m so sorry Marion. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen! I didn’t know he would take the break up this hard. He just flipped out and did like all those men in the movies do. Threw me in a car and chloroformed me. When I woke up, I was lying in a motel bed.
Scary right? I freaked out and tried to run. That was my third mistake. The first one was actually dating Adam. The second was not breaking it off sooner. I’ll say it for you. You told me so. I get it, alright? I get it. I should have seen it sooner that Adam was a bad guy but I didn’t. I didn’t see the things he did and that’s my bad, ok? Gah. When you read this you’re definitely gonna rub it in my face.
Aww! I’m watching this show on television about a girl living with her mom and girlfriend and it reminds me so much of you and Rina. Especially since the girl that reminds me of you really wants a baby. But, she’s only seventeen. Again, all but the age reminds me of you. I really miss home now. I wish I could have contact with you guys. Oh well, it’s about ten minutes until Adam gets off work and I’m trying not to cry so I’m just going to sign off for now. I’ll talk about more stuff tomorrow. Love and hugs, Bestie.
Ouch. I’m so sore… I talked back to Adam last night one too many times. I got slapped around a few times and he was much rougher last night than usual. I guess something happened at work. I didn’t mean to be such a… You know, the ‘B’ word… Last night. He just made me so mad! He came in here and demanded that I stop crying right this instant. Then when I couldn’t, He started shoving me, saying “You wanna cry?! I’ll give you a reason to cry!” All in all, it was a terrible night. I’m not going to write another letter to Marion yet. Not when I feel this bad.
She wouldn’t stand being treated like this. I bet if it was Marion in my shoes, she’d have Adam reduced to a puddle of jelly! She’d jump down his throat so fast he wouldn’t know what was going on! That’s a different story though. Oh. I can’t write much more. He’s coming in the door. Bye.
Yesterday wasn’t so bad. Adam came in and apologized for what he did. He gave me a massage and tried to ease my pain. After the massage, I allowed him one day without me trying to get away. I think he was very thankful. Afterward, instead of falling asleep, he cuddled me into his chest and ran his hands through my hair. It was nice… As I lay there, I tried to keep my tears to myself because I knew he wouldn’t like it. But, when a couple accidentally slipped out, he didn’t hurt me. He simply shushed me and pulled me closer. I wonder what made him change so much.
Oh! He also went out of the motel again because he brought back my favorite fast food, Burger King. I couldn’t believe he went outside of the hotel just for me. He doesn’t usually do this kind of thing. I wonder what the occasion was… It makes me nervous. Maybe he did it just to be nice? Possibly. Either way, I’m not sure that I like it. I have about forty-five minutes until Adam gets off work. Maybe I could try writing another letter to Marion. Ok, so, here goes nothing.
Holas Bestie! It’s been a weird couple of days. First, Adam gave me a massage. Then, he brought me BK. And finally, when I started crying, he didn’t hurt me. Maybe he’s changing… Ha! I can hear you right now cussing up a blue streak, telling me that I need to quit day dreaming. He can’t, and won’t, change. I need to learn that… It’s just hard for me to accept it. Maybe if I had you here to pound some sense into me I’d be better off.
Are you any better? Oh!! I forgot to ask Adam about the specialist! Don’t worry, I’ll ask him today. Bestie, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but, I really have nothing more to say. Other than I miss you and Rina. Oh… And I was meaning to ask you about this before I left but, who was that guy I saw you with the other day? I mean… He looked like he was all over you! And you just let him! Was he forcing you like Adam is me? Nah.. He couldn’t be… Right? Tell me I’m right… I just can’t bear to think about you going through what I am. I mean, you’ve been like my little sister for years! If something like that was going on, you would have told me before.
That’s pretty much all I needed to ask. I’ll write more later.
Love you, Rainii.
So, there’s my letter to Marion. It’s not long but it’s what I wanted to say for the day. Not much time left until Adam gets home. Home. That’s a word I haven’t used in weeks. When did I start thinking of this as my home? Maybe it was after one of my many times trying to escape. Adam pulled me close and covered my mouth. He told me that this was my new home now so I had better get used to it. I guess I did. Oh well… I keep getting distracted so there’s no way I’m going to get much more writing done because Adam will be back soon. I’ll write more tomorrow. Bye!
Once again, Adam has blown my mind. He brought me a fish yesterday! Like, a real live goldfish! It’s so cute! He even brought a bowl and things with it! Adam might really be changing… He hasn’t hurt me in two days, he’s bought me things, and I can actually have a little conversation with him. Life is actually peaceful for once. I think today I'll talk to him, rationally, about letting me go. Who knows, maybe he'll listen.
Yesterday I talked to him about helping Marion. About halfway through my pleas, I started crying. I've cried more the past month than I have my entire life. He sighed real deep and pulled me into his arms. When I finally managed to stop crying, he told me he would try to help. Adam said he couldn't do much as of now but he would call around and look for specialists. I was so happy I kissed him...
Yeah... I kissed him... I couldn't stop myself! I was just so excited that Marion was finally going to get help! I just... GAH! That one little mistake is going to change everything! I've made a lot of mistakes here lately. So many times I've tried to run... So many times I've talked back... Now, here I am kissing my kidnapper.
What am I going to do with myself? One second. I need to feed Goldie. (That's my fish.)
Ok, she's been fed. Back to the problem at hand. I don't feel anything for him anymore. I just want to be let go of! I want to get out of here! My mom is probably scared to death for me. I left her in Pennsylvania so I could move to Texas and stay with my best friend Marion. She was living with her mom and her “best friend” Rina. They say they're just friends but there's just GOT to be more. I mean, anyone could tell!
That's not my point though. My point is, I haven't talked to mom since I left home. I promised her I would call the day school started but I didn't because I met Adam. Then, we started dating and somewhere along the line, something seemed off to me. I wanted to break it off with him, but he just seemed so sweet. Marion tried to get me to break up with him. Hell, even Rina tried! But I didn't listen. I was too stubborn. Then, one day he tried to get me to do something I wasn't comfortable with... I broke up with him that night... The next morning, I was walking to the college and I heard a car drive up behind me. I turned to look over my shoulder and he was getting out of the car.
I was expecting the most part of it, the begging and pleading me to change my mind. I still remember how the conversation went bad...
“No! You just... We don't... It's not right! I'm not going to sleep with you, I'm not taking you back, and that's that!”
Adam glared at me. “Fine. So that's how it is, is it?”
I saw him reach into his pocket and pull out a napkin. I thought maybe he was going to wipe his eyes or something... Instead, he punched me in the stomach and when I doubled over, he covered my mouth and nose with it. Everything got real fuzzy while I tried to break away but eventually I fell limp on him. He kept it on a few seconds extra until I passed out. The next thing I remember, I was laying on a soft bed. I rolled over and slipped one eye open, only to come face to face with the scariest thing I've ever seen...
A grinning Adam. He looked so evil... I screamed, but no one heard me. That was my first night at the hotel. Anyways, I was getting to a point... What was it..? Gah... I always do that. I get started on something and go a COMPLETELY different way. Well, I guess I better sign off for now. I'm sure Adam will be coming back any minute now.
I am... Stunned... Just... Stunned. So, I couldn't write yesterday because, you're never going to believe this, I was out. Adam took me out for a drive since it was his day off. I really enjoyed it. But, at the end of the day, he smiled at me sadly... I think he knows something I don't know. Oh! Here he is now! Gotta go!
I can't believe this! I'm standing on the side of the road right now, watching his tail lights fade away into the dark. Adam just drove me two hours away from the hotel and put me out on the street! I have no clue where I am or how to get anywhere because the shops around me are all closed. There's no where for me to go except a motel, and I'm not sure where the nearest one is!
I don't believe this... He just left me! Adam didn't even bring Goldie! Just me and my journal... What am I gonna do? Oh great... Here comes a car. It's slowing down. Maybe I can ask for directions...
Great news. The driver of the car was a woman who lived not too far away. She asked if I was lost and I told her what all happened. She offered me a place to stay until I could contact Marion and Mom #2. I thanked her graciously and got in the car. Turns out her name was Rosie. She has five kids (Tyler, Jayne, Donna, Mark, and Kynslee) and a husband named Ronald. They're all such nice people. However, I think I got a bug while I was in the motel. I couldn't seem to stop throwing up this morning. But, after I vomited a few times, I felt much better. I guess it was just the twenty-four hour bug.
Mrs. Rosie let me call home earlier. Marion picked up the phone. She's not sick anymore! She screamed when I told her who it was. Then I could hear her trying not to cry. It made me want to cry... Half way through the phone call, Rina took the phone and demanded to know where I was. I had to ask Mrs. Rosie for the address and everything. Rina said she and Mom would be here in two hours. It's been about an hour and half. That means they'll be here soon. I guess this is where my journal ends. I'm surely not going to rite anymore in this dreaded thing after I get out of here. This will be my final entry and then I'm going to throw this thing away. It's bad luck.
I'm so ready to get home! It's been a full month since I've been gone. I just ant to lay in my own bed, cuddle up with my dog, and hug my little sister (Marion). I have to ask her about that guy too... I need to talk to her about a lot of things. Oh... I think they just pulled up! Time to throw out this old journal. It was nice to have you there on a daily basis but I just really don't need this reminder. So, I'm signing off for my last time. Goodbye.