Author's note: I was inspired to write this piece because what people show themselves to be is not always what... Show full author's note »
1I want to fly away with the birds in the sky
‘Oh John, I’m so pleased.’
I ought to care. He is my husband after all.
‘I really can’t believe it. I did it, Susan!’ The happiness in his eyes looks familiar; like an echo of something I once knew. He believes he’s got it all. As he takes me in his arms I know I should feel regret. Regret for this pang of irritation I get every time he succeeds at something. As we stand there for a few moments in an embrace, I can’t help but notice the plants in the garden need watering and that Dave forgot chop the hedges again.
‘Go and get dressed, tonight we’re celebrating with everyone at work. You know I couldn’t have done it without your support.’ He’s modest enough to give me some of the credit. And I try to love him, I really do. I smile using all my face muscles.
‘It’s all you, John. I’m so proud of you.’
I walk into my room and decide that I will wear my purple dress with the gold necklace John bought me for our last anniversary. As I open the wardrobe I feel a sense of reassurance. I climb inside and close the door behind me. It is so dark and silent I could almost be somewhere else. The idea of somewhere else gives me hope that it’s not all over yet. I press my back against the wardrobe’s wooden side and just begin to breathe. A tear rolls down my face as I run my finger over the floor. I feel so frustrated. I can’t seem to draw the line between good and bad, right and wrong. I’ve been told so many times that my life is simply perfect. And it’s like listening to the same lie over and over again. My husband is now the manager of a shipping company ... We have two children; apparently they’re beautiful...we own a yacht...I have so many dresses...
‘Susan?’ John has entered the room. I’m not going to answer; I won’t let him ruin this. This is my time now. The closest I will get to freedom.