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Our Deepest Fear

Author's note: The movie Freedom Writers inspired me to write this novel. It's a wonderful movie and I...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: The movie Freedom Writers inspired me to write this novel. It's a wonderful movie and I encourage everyone to watch it. I hope readers will learn from my novel to never discriminate against anyone. I hope readers will also learn that if you are being teased or made fun of, stand up for yourself. Everyone is created equal and nobody deserves to be treated in a mean way.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 8 Next »

A Troubled First Day

“Quiet down, class! We have a new student.” Mrs. Peterson opened the door and a girl walked in. She was Mexican and looked very shy. Her teeth were nearly chattering and the tiny hairs on her arms stood straight up.
“This is Micaela.”
A few students mumbled a hello. Micaela smiled.
Micaela was wearing a navy blue skirt and a white polo shirt with a pair of flats. She dressed in standard school uniform, which Crescent Middle School did not require. Micaela wore her long black hair in a single braid down her back.
Brandy, the most popular girl in the 8th grade, shouted, “Ew! She’s not even from here. Go back to Mexico!”
The whole class started laughing and Micaela’s smile disappeared. She then dashed to an empty desk in the back of the room and sat down.
Mrs. Peterson scolded Brandy and told her to see her after class. Then, she mouthed a sorry to Micaela.
“Now everyone, this is Micaela’s first day at Crescent, so I want you to all try to be helpful to her. Selena, I’d like you to walk with Micaela to the rest of her classes today. I’ll give you a copy of her schedule after class.”
Brandy whispered, “Of course, she picks another Mexican girl to help her,” a little too loudly.
“That’s it Brandy.” Mrs. Peterson said. “Lunch detention.”
Brandy rolled her eyes and started picking at her flakey, purple fingernail polish.
After class was over the bell rang to go to lunch. Brandy grabbed her friend Stacy’s arm and urged, “Come on! Hurry up! I want to get out of here before…”
Mrs. Peterson tapped Brandy on the back. “Brandy, have a seat. Stacy, please go to lunch.”
“Yes, Mrs. Peterson.” Stacy quickly responded.
Brandy walked to an empty desk and slumped far down into the seat.
She overheard Mrs. Peterson say, “Here’s Micaela’s schedule. Help her read it if she doesn’t understand, okay?”
Selena smiled and replied, “Yeah, I will. See you tomorrow, Mrs. Peterson!”
“See you too, Selena. Thanks again!”
Brandy hated having detention. It was so miserable.
“Now Brandy,” Mrs. Peterson began, “why were you so rude to Micaela today?”
Brandy shrugged.
“You should treat others the way you want to be treated.”
Brandy stood up. “Yeah, yeah, yeah I’ve heard all that before. But I’m tired of changes in my life! I don’t want stupid new people coming into my classroom, I don’t want my mom to…”
Brandy heard some girls giggling in the hall. They were staring directly at her. She blushed and sat back down while Mrs. Peterson got up and closed the class room door.
“Brandy, it’s all right. You can tell me. What’s going on with your mom?”
Brandy sat up straighter and blinked furiously, almost as if she was trying to push back tears. She croaked, “Nothing. It’s fine.”
Mrs. Peterson looked at Brandy for a few more seconds, waiting for her to say something else, but she didn’t. Then, she walked back to her desk and started grading some papers.
It was silent until the bell rang. Brandy stiffly got up and walked towards the door.
“See you tomorrow.” Mrs. Peterson said.
Brandy weakly smiled back.
Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 8 Next »

Join the Discussion

This book has 10 comments. Post your own now!

Dancing2222 said...
Jun. 10, 2011 at 5:02 pm
This is weird. I go to Crescent Middle School! Stop stalking me! Haha jk funny coincidence:)
Amor-Y-Palabras replied...
Jun. 10, 2011 at 11:08 pm
omg that is weird! i totally just made up that name, didn't know it was really a school. haha wow!
Dancing2222 replied...
Jun. 14, 2011 at 11:30 pm
Ya. Now that I think about it I probably shouldn't have mentioned where I go to school. Oh well! Too late now!
Amor-Y-Palabras replied...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 2:58 pm
haha its ok.  im not a stalker!  but i can delete the comment if you want..
Medina D. said...
May 8, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Hi Natasha :) yes i read all 8 chapters of your novel. i liked your choice of names very much and this story really shares the message you're trying to spread-----but it might be too short to be a novel. It WOULD make a GREAT short story though (and those are just as good as novels!!) Also the pace of this story was too fast for me, i barely recognized time passing by. You should do something about that. In the books i read, the words go like this

(scene in the afternoon)

******... (more »)

Amor-Y-Palabras replied...
May 8, 2011 at 7:39 pm

Thanks so much for reading the whole thing! I know that must have taken a while!

Yeah, I've noticed everyone is saying it was rushed.  See, when I first submitted this to Teenkink, it was a short story, but they said I either had to make it longer or shorter.  I couldn't really find a way to condense it, so I expanded it.  Maybe I shouldn't have done that...

Thanks again though!  What work of yours do you want me to check out?  I owe you!


Natasha101 said...
Apr. 29, 2011 at 12:25 pm
Thanks!  Can you give me example of when you can't tell who's saying what?  I'll try to fix that.  And sorry I haven't been on in so long, I'm gonna go check out your story right now :)
Natasha101 said...
Apr. 29, 2011 at 12:23 pm
Yeah, when I first submitted it, TEEN INK didn't except it because it was only 800 words.  So, I made it longer (and more complex).
Timekeeper This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 27, 2011 at 2:10 pm

The chapters became increasingly shorter, and the dialogue could use some more details. There's a lot of "replied" and "said" in there, and like AddictedtoWriting said it would be easy to go back and make some word choice changes and fix up some of the grammar.

But as far as the content goes, I liked it. It wasn't overly complex, but it didn't need to be.  You knew what story you wanted to tell, and you did it.

Please check out my novel SuperNOVA on the front page of the no... (more »)

AddictedToWriting said...
Apr. 26, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Hmmm...this was a little rushed.  I had a hard time keeping track of who was saying what and when.

I also found the switch to detention far too jumpy.  If nothing else, you NEED to have a scene break.

Brandy's slip about her mom was also a little too...easy.  If she truly had issues, she would not be slipping that easily.


Um...that's about it.  Reguardless of all the critiques this comment is full of, I like your writing style.  Good... (more »)


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