The Social Class Beast | Teen Ink

The Social Class Beast

January 6, 2011
By Vanendra BRONZE, Blasdell, New York
Vanendra BRONZE, Blasdell, New York
1 article 76 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I just sneezed and it hurt my pelvis."~Jasmine Omg
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love"~Marylin Monroe
"I didn't tell him nowhere where you live" ~me ^-^
"I like the wolves on this textbook, they have very legs" ~Jasmine Omg


Summary:

Misti was sitting in class one day when KC walked in. He wore black and red, with make-up and piercings. He acted rude and self absorbed. But she never judged a book by the cover before... Forced to work on a class project together, the two teens slowly begin to understand each other and form a relationship.


Vanendra

The Social Class Beast


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This book has 272 comments.


on Jul. 28 2011 at 11:59 am
Vanendra BRONZE, Blasdell, New York
1 article 76 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I just sneezed and it hurt my pelvis."~Jasmine Omg
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love"~Marylin Monroe
"I didn't tell him nowhere where you live" ~me ^-^
"I like the wolves on this textbook, they have very legs" ~Jasmine Omg

wow,just realized this was in the realistic fiction section...oops. this story really isn't going to be too realistic. i plan to have KC cursed and Misti the only one to break it. Hope you guys don't mind.

on Jul. 26 2011 at 2:36 am
Vanendra BRONZE, Blasdell, New York
1 article 76 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I just sneezed and it hurt my pelvis."~Jasmine Omg
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love"~Marylin Monroe
"I didn't tell him nowhere where you live" ~me ^-^
"I like the wolves on this textbook, they have very legs" ~Jasmine Omg

thank you!!! i'll check out your story in a bit :)

on Jul. 26 2011 at 2:35 am
Vanendra BRONZE, Blasdell, New York
1 article 76 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I just sneezed and it hurt my pelvis."~Jasmine Omg
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love"~Marylin Monroe
"I didn't tell him nowhere where you live" ~me ^-^
"I like the wolves on this textbook, they have very legs" ~Jasmine Omg

lol, i know i suck at spelling,sorry...yeah i need better transitions and a better intro sentence...bentley only appears everywhere because,well,you'll find out soon...this is just a rough draft, i hope that by next summer it will be finnished and edited...and i'll read and comment on your stories as soon as i can :D

on Jul. 26 2011 at 2:31 am
Vanendra BRONZE, Blasdell, New York
1 article 76 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I just sneezed and it hurt my pelvis."~Jasmine Omg
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love"~Marylin Monroe
"I didn't tell him nowhere where you live" ~me ^-^
"I like the wolves on this textbook, they have very legs" ~Jasmine Omg

yes and no...both KC and Bently are going to be the major conflict in the story.

on Jul. 25 2011 at 8:55 pm
writerthinkerdreamer BRONZE, Narnia, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Just keep swimming," ~Dory, Finding Nemo

Are K.C. and Bentley the same person?

on Jul. 25 2011 at 3:41 pm
drmstarlet21 GOLD, Matthews, North Carolina
13 articles 0 photos 76 comments

Hey Vanendra!! Just a couple comments...

First of all, your first sentence isn't very intriguing. It ought to hook your readers, drawing them in, and yours doesn't really do that for me. I understand, as I am terrible at that, but it was just one of many errant thoughts.

Also, you have a few grammatical/spelling errors. The ones I found are mainly something like you using "past" when it ought to be "passed" etc.

I also think it's a little out of the blue that Bentley just happens to be KC's cousin and that Misti just happens to see him everywhere. Maybe that could use a better transition?

On a much happier note, I really do enjoy this story. I especially love your descriptions of KC and of the little boy Charlie. Charlie sounds adorable! :) I love the names you use: Brett, Ashanti, Megan, Misti, Bentley, KC.

I have a seemingly small request? I have three novels up:

A Star is Born- realistic fiction, just one chapter

The Eldonian Legends- fantasy/scifi, four chapters

The Sparkle Factor- realistic fiction, three chapters so far (I literally just got this up, it could use some views :)

If you have the time to read any of those, I'd really appreciate it :)


ani70 said...
on Jul. 24 2011 at 8:48 am
ani70, Lexington, Massachusetts
0 articles 0 photos 53 comments
just awesome story!

ani70 said...
on Jul. 24 2011 at 8:47 am
ani70, Lexington, Massachusetts
0 articles 0 photos 53 comments
Hey! I am epically loving your story.
Please check out my novel You and I it would mean a lot to me! And in the top rated...you have got it sizzling XD

on Jul. 23 2011 at 12:46 pm
Vanendra BRONZE, Blasdell, New York
1 article 76 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I just sneezed and it hurt my pelvis."~Jasmine Omg
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love"~Marylin Monroe
"I didn't tell him nowhere where you live" ~me ^-^
"I like the wolves on this textbook, they have very legs" ~Jasmine Omg

ou have'nt offended me at all. I agree I think its going too fast and some bits seem a bit unrealistic. This is just a rough draft though so dont worry about it too much. I plan on editing it when I have time. Thanks for commenting. ^-^

Someone said...
on Jul. 22 2011 at 1:44 am
I have a few comments for this. Yes, the idea is great, but I think you could expand the chapters, maybe add more details. This story goes a bit too fast and it seems more like a girl's fantasy (especially the whole singing bit) than an actual story. I just feel like it needs to seem more realistic. Everything that happens is too coincidental that I find it hard to believe. The dialogue could use a bit of work. The story seems a bit forced, like you're making things happen as opposed to letting it flow, if you know what I mean. The concept is good. I like the characters. The poems are just beautiful. Keep those. I realize you're probably still working a bit on this novel, and I wish you luck on your way, but I just wanted to give an opinion. I hope I haven't offended you. 

on Jul. 20 2011 at 7:20 pm
Vanendra BRONZE, Blasdell, New York
1 article 76 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I just sneezed and it hurt my pelvis."~Jasmine Omg
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love"~Marylin Monroe
"I didn't tell him nowhere where you live" ~me ^-^
"I like the wolves on this textbook, they have very legs" ~Jasmine Omg

new chapter posted

on Jul. 6 2011 at 10:23 pm
TrulyRosa BRONZE, Beaverton, Oregon
2 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Play the wrong note and we'll all b[e] flat."

This is really good! I love the poems at the beginning and at the end - they were a really nice touch:) you're a very talented writer!

on Jun. 16 2011 at 7:45 pm
writerthinkerdreamer BRONZE, Narnia, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Just keep swimming," ~Dory, Finding Nemo

Hello, Vanendra. I was wondering if you'd let me use this part of your story in a book I'm writing. I will definitely give you full credit for it, I just want to write about what comes next.... I can't get it out of my head, I've already written three more chapters, and if you'll allow me, I'll have it published when I'm done, but if you won't, I'll respect your wishes. Thank you for your time, Jari

on Jun. 16 2011 at 5:42 pm
introducingshelby GOLD, San Diego, California
15 articles 1 photo 139 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they go right, and things fall apart so better things can fall together."
-Marilyn Monroe

I really, really liked this o:

Do you think you could check out my work? (I've got a novel by the name of "kiwi link" and it is NOT getting good views. Maybe you could give me some pointers?)


laura22 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 4 2011 at 2:09 pm
laura22 BRONZE, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Quotes "It is only by introducing the young to great literature, drama and music, and to the excitement of great science that we open to them the possibilities that lie within the human spirit -- enable them to see visions and dream dreams."

""You write in order to change the world, knowing perfectly well that you probably can't, but also knowing that literature is indispensable to the world... The world changes according to the way people see it, and if you alter, even by a millimeter, the way ... people look at reality, then you can change it."

I loved the dictionary of words that had to do with school, it was very funny

Dance.Dance said...
on Jun. 3 2011 at 5:50 pm
Dance.Dance, Stansbury Park, Utah
0 articles 1 photo 7 comments
I love it! Best story i have read in a while!  Is there going to be more?  I truely hope so!

on May. 31 2011 at 8:47 am
Vanendra BRONZE, Blasdell, New York
1 article 76 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I just sneezed and it hurt my pelvis."~Jasmine Omg
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love"~Marylin Monroe
"I didn't tell him nowhere where you live" ~me ^-^
"I like the wolves on this textbook, they have very legs" ~Jasmine Omg

yes, and thank you about the poems. My wifi crashed and I have to study for exams but there will be more chapters soon.

on May. 30 2011 at 12:16 am
becauseHeloves BRONZE, Chesapeake, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
Proverbs 8:12, 14 "I wisdom dwell with prudence, and find out knowledge of witty inventions. Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding; I have strength."

Are you still working on this, because I am eagerly awaiting the new chapters, the poems of the respective characters have really caught my interest.

on May. 12 2011 at 11:10 am
becauseHeloves BRONZE, Chesapeake, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
Proverbs 8:12, 14 "I wisdom dwell with prudence, and find out knowledge of witty inventions. Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding; I have strength."

oh  wow.. kinda embarrased because I just looked through some of the older comments and found the answer to my question, hahaha! But I'm still looking forward to reading the next chapters!!

on May. 12 2011 at 11:06 am
becauseHeloves BRONZE, Chesapeake, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
Proverbs 8:12, 14 "I wisdom dwell with prudence, and find out knowledge of witty inventions. Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding; I have strength."

Awww... I was looking for the new chapters... but I can wait. Speaking of which, how long does it really take for Teen Ink to post something you've submitted? I'm kinda new to the site and I submitted a song the day I signed up which was I believe sometime last week (I kinda lost track 'cuz this site is so addicting lol) and it's still not up yet and I'm excited because that will be my first piece to, I guess you could say, literally share with the world!


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