We Were On Our Way to Somewhere

May 30, 2014
By ZealousHeart, St. Joseph, Missouri
ZealousHeart, St. Joseph, Missouri
0 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.


Summary:

I’d visited Jed every week for the past few weeks and he seemed to be getting worse every time I saw him; more tubes, more medication, more doctors. There was always someone hovering over him, checking his vitals, but this time was different. This time there were no doctors or nurses just his parents and Anna and Decker. And, of course, there was Tyler. He was the only staple in Jed’s room beside his parents. When I walked into the room the all looked up at me. Their faces a mixture of emotions that all read into the same thing: This was his last day. Today Jed Macintyre was going to die.


ZealousHeart

We Were On Our Way to Somewhere


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This book has 8 comments.


ZealousHeart said...
on Sep. 2 2014 at 8:35 pm
ZealousHeart, St. Joseph, Missouri
0 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.

Thanks so much!  Typos always drive me crazy! Thanks for pointing it out.

on Sep. 2 2014 at 10:14 am
AutumnMoon BRONZE, Lebanon, Maine
3 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We see our better selves in the eyes of those who love us." -Cassandra Clare

I really liked this story so far. I feel like it was very depressing, but deat is, so it makes sense. I wasn't bored at all while I was reading this and I felt I could really relate to all of the characters. One thing that I noticed was when Laura and Hannaha were talkign on the phone, Laura says "I just did want to go" instead of saying that she didn't want to go. Other than this I think that this story can easily become something more. Great job!

judy7 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 9 2014 at 12:31 am
judy7 BRONZE, Kuwait, Other
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Amelia Earhart

i agree with you love2read72

on Jun. 18 2014 at 12:11 am
Love2Read72 PLATINUM, Kentfield, California
24 articles 0 photos 106 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — Taylor Swift

Kind of depressing, but really good.

on Jun. 15 2014 at 12:13 pm
August17 BRONZE, Gloucester, Other
3 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the game of throne, you win, or you die. There is no middle ground." -Petyr Baelish

I really enjoyed. But I agree with Winter Rose. You should not keep it depressing.  I can't wait for next chapters!

on Jun. 14 2014 at 12:51 pm
Z.V.Oksana PLATINUM, Harrison, Arkansas
22 articles 1 photo 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there's a tomorrow. Maybe for you there's one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through you fingers. So much time you can waste it.
But for some of us there's only today. And the truth is, you never really know.”
― Lauren Oliver, Before I Fall

That first chapter was painful to read, not in a bad way, but in a way where your descriptions really made my heart hurt for the main character. WinterRose1976 said that the story was depressing and stayed that way, but I believe that's ok. That's how you wrote it and that's how you want it to be, depressing. Quite honestly, I enjoy sad stories. Your story is very well written, and I enjoy your writer's voice :) I was intruiged the whole time. In the first chapter, there were multiple people speaking in one paragraph, and it's easier to read if you start a new paragraph every time a new person starts speaking. Also, I believe in the first chapter 2nd paragraph (I think, I can't check back when I'm writing a comment), there was a few sentences that didn't seem to flow together right, but only for that one part. The rest was read smoothly. Wonderful work! 5/5

on Jun. 13 2014 at 9:50 pm
Bronwyn-Sophronia-Atlet ELITE, Dardenne Prairie, Missouri
319 articles 10 photos 1159 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To these the past hath its phantoms,
More real than solid earth;
And to these death does not mean decay,
But only another birth"
- Isabella Banks

I liked it a lot, but I agree with Winter Rose. Great start, but instead of keeping it depressing, maybe create an uplifting moment or two at the end to show that all hope isd not lost! Kind of like Insurgent. I hated that book, despite the ending though...lol -.- Keep writing! It's very interesting and creative. ;) 

on Jun. 13 2014 at 7:09 pm
WinterRose76 SILVER, Ok., Florida
6 articles 6 photos 183 comments

Favorite Quote:
Arise and be all that you dream - Flyleaf

Okay so first off, I think your story is super absorbing and easy to follow. I enjoyed reading it and wish there were more chapters! There are a few things I don't care for - like how unlikable the main character is, the profanity, and how your story starts off as being incredibly depressing and stays that way. But that's just my opinion. I think your a terrific writer though, and have a knack for writing stories, so definitely keep at it! 4/5




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