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Zombies are pandas
Author's note: Equality is something everyone needs to know about and understand so no person feels alone.
To get the attention of your parents you’re bound to come up with some pretty drastic ideas. Blow up a helicopter on “accident” maybe light the garden on fire to grasp their attention. Being creative, now that’s the key. Throw bleach on your mother’s wardrobe that is if you happen to own a million gallons of bleach. I had to settle with two gallons considering that the maids where watching me. Offering to do my own laundry was a good way to get them not to question my actions though. Everything may seem a bit much but in my case, it’s the only way.
In all honesty I don’t mind half of how things are. It’s a teenagers dream to get everything you want with a snap of your fingers. I remember my first trip to the zoo, I pranced along by the animals and I noticed a fox like creature running along besides me, no cage. The glimpse made it seem like it was a giant rat so it gave me quite a fright, I scared the animal away. Being courageous I went looking for the beast, not challenging at the least, ahead there was a corner with no escape unless turned back so I simply resumed forward. As I approached the creature it looked more like a fox crossed with a raccoon, mighty adorable. I wondered how it escaped but just as I did one of the zoo keeper approached and grabbed the poor thing. The zoo keeper was messy, rugged and overweight. I asked the ugly man what type of fox he was, his response was “He is no fox, Red panda actually but this one is getting put down, there isn't enough food and this one finds a way to get out of the exhibit, such a hassle”
I was horrified, how could anyone put down such a beautiful creature with a face so unforgettable. Naturally I asked to purchase him. He said he was not for sale but I don’t take no for an answer in situations like these, I quickly took out my phone and speed dialed my father. Told him the situation, as careless as he seemed about the whole thing he managed to send Greg, a worker for my father not sure if he is a lawyer or security guard for him, he seemed qualified for both. He came quickly and managed to make an agreement for the red panda. As he was given to me the zoo keeper smirked and remarked at me “spoiled rotten kid, spending your money on a dumb animal when it will run out the very next day”
I had no comment, spoiled perhaps but not rotten. Death to an animal you can’t provide food for, then someone whom can provide food tries to purchase and you refuse, now that is rotten. Though this unexpected experience was rather unpleasant I did have the prize, a red panda. The relation to “panda” I don’t understand, sure panda’s are adorable just like him but panda’s are also large, and he was so small and fragile. As I questioned him, I decided to name also, cuddle wuddle peachy pie was what first came to mind but I figured if I was a pet I would despise that name. I decided to name him Zombie. Reason was that it seemed like a conversation starter with anyone who questioned it.
My best friend was bought in a way. He never escaped like the man assumed he would in fact when I brought him to my home he seemed very comfortable and grateful. He’s been with me for about 2 years, never once tried to flee. Zombie is the major reason I say I don’t mind how things are because if it wasn't for my parents I know I wouldn't have met him. Animals don’t speak English, or understand the language but Zombie was different something about him that made it seem like he could understand me. I’d speak to him, tell him about my day, my problems, everything. He would nod as if he knew exactly what I was saying, I’d even ask for advice on outfits to wear. Every once in a while I would sneak into my mother’s closet and pick out dresses to try on, Zombie seemed to enjoy how they looked on me ,as did I. I've thought about wearing dresses in public often. Greg sends me to my room to change when I wear the wrong color tie, knowing that, he would never approve of a dress. I day dream often about wearing dresses to school, how the boys will admire how beautiful I look, maybe give me a wink or two, pass a note with one of those “will you be mine circle yes or no”, I’d circle no cause I’m a little tease.
My father once told me that dreams are for poor people, wealthy ones can get things done so there is no need for dreaming, there is need for action. I’d repeat that verse in my head and try to convince myself that he told me that for a reason, my love for woman’s clothing could be that reason right? Why dream of wearing dresses when I could be doing it right now! I need to take action! The motivation got to me so I got all the dresses I had, selected the two that zombie pointed out to look best on me. I grabbed shoes my cousin Jessica left the last time we had a sleepover, mothers necklace, and an old Halloween wig, stuffed them all in my satchel. Tomorrow I will feel beautiful and flawless, tomorrow I will grab the attention of every boy and I shall be praised!
The morning was shy, I awaited the sun but it seemed to be traveling the earth at a slower pace then normal. The anticipation was killing me, no more waiting. I dressed myself for school as I normally would and made sure to keep my satchel handy. I blew a kiss to Zombie and from what I could interpret he wished me luck. I was on my way to a new beginning, no more pants and ties, I could learn how to put on makeup, pick out heels, oh I’d be in heaven. As we entered the gate to the school, Greg tipped his head which usually meant I could leave, I said goodbye and hopped along towards the doors. As quick as a ninja I made my way to the bathroom entered the handicap bathroom stall, which should be called the luxury bathroom stall, and took out my outfit from my satchel. I had two choices, black cocktail dress seemed to be too much, and I wouldn’t want to be over dressed. The navy blue dress with ruffles on the end seemed to work just fine, I slipped on Jessica’s black heels, pulled the wig over my head and of course the necklace, white silver made this a complete outfit.
Just as I gained the confidence to open the stall door I heard the voice of a friend enter the bathroom. “This school is so dull, never any excitement”
The voice belonged to Victor I could recognize right away but I wasn’t sure whom he was speaking to though. I waited until he left to leave the stall, the bathroom was empty. I took a deep breath and opened the door of the bathroom. The hallway was clear, what a disappointment. I patted down my dress, straightened up and walked towards my first class. My excitement grew as I approached the end of the hallway to turn. I knew fellow classmate would be there. I closed my eyes, took another deep breath, this one a bit larger, then softly exhaled as I approached the turn. This is it, my freedom starts now.
Smile, that’s all I could do. I could feel the tears banging on the doors to please let them escape but I tried to keep them inside as long as I could. I couldn’t ignore the laughter as much as I wanted too, they echoed in my head. My proud runway walk quickly turned into a sprint towards the door. In the corner of my eye I could see a fellow peer running after me, tagged along by an administrator. I found myself in the janitor’s closet. I locked the door and let the tears escape, the ones that haven’t already. I blocked everything out, the laughter, the banging on the door, yelling, I focused on my inner thoughts. How could I be so stupid? Why didn’t I see this coming? Such proper boys yet they act so juvenile, shame on them. I blamed myself, should have been the last place I let my inner happiness out. I expected too much, but even so…how dare they?
In-between sobs I heard the doorknob turn. I refused to look up, whomever it was I knew there face was the last that I wanted to see. “Lestat?” said a familiar voice
It took me a second but I recognized the voice, the damn counselor Mrs. Paisley was here to give me a lecture on cross dressing. I hesitated to respond but in the most ghastly voice imaginable I confirmed whom I was, followed by more sobs. She patted my back and escorted me to her office, I would still hear chuckles. I was too scared to look up but the feeling of eyes watching me never left until her door was shut. I lugubriously made my way to the seat in front of hers, I didn’t have the courage to look in her eyes, I knew it was just a matter of seconds before she spoke, I was too embarrassed I’m not sure I could respond, not without fainting. “Lestat, umm...wh-.. Ugh...”
I glanced at the woman in front of me. She was staring at the floor. How careless of me, she was having a hard time speaking to me. Who could blame her, she must think I’m a freak.
“Lestat, Why are you out of uniform?”
I wanted to speak, I wanted to tell her that I feel good in woman’s clothing, tell her I was being myself but something stopped me from confessing. I stayed quiet, tears fell but I no longer fought them, I let them fall.”Did someone force you into this?” I shook my head.
She sighed “Did you expect this to happen?” she said sympathetically. I shook my head again
“This wasn’t a prank now was it Lestat?” I shook my head once more
I glanced at her; she was biting her lip still staring at the floor. Her forehead wrinkled and she shut her eyes put her hand between her brow with a disappointed voice she went on, “I see, I’m going to have to speak to your parents. Stay here”.
I knew at first she seemed sympathetic now she seemed disgusted with me. Then it came to me, she hoped it was a prank that had gone too far, that someone else forced me to wear the dress. Maybe that I thought it would be a humorous joke to come dressed as a young lady to fool my friends, that wasn’t the case. Knowing that it was a serious matter, she was actually disappointed or disgusted with me.
I put my thoughts aside and took a deep breath to calm myself. A loud thump caught my attention; I heard voices outside of Mrs. Paisley’s office. “If he wants to cross dress, do it elsewhere and not at school.” I couldn’t tell who was the one speaking but it was a man’s voice so it made me think it was the head administrator Mr. Finns, I’ve never heard him speak just have seen his bald head lingering in the hallways every so often. No matter who it was the statement still outraged me deeply, I was tired of this, I didn’t want to be the mockery of the school but I knew very well that I was destined despite anything I did. Things couldn’t possibly get worse, so I took matters into my own hands and stepped out of this mediocre tacky office in dire need of a decorator she has no sense of style pfft! Anyway, I stepped out with such anger that I didn't need to speak, every single person in the room stopped yelling once they noticed, and the room was in dead silence.
First thing I noticed was that my parents where there, second was that my father was the only man in the room. What seemed like a crowd of adults hollering at each other ended up being my mother, my father and Mrs. Paisley? My father was the one. I didn’t even recognize his voice. In fact the only reason I recognized him at all was because he never wears anything but a white suit, that and my mother was with him. As an added note, I think the last time I spoke to him was when he gave me permission to purchase Zombie. I gasped but before I could say anything my father began “Attention. You will do anything for attention isn’t that right? Well here it is, you win, now take off that dress Lestat!”
I glared at him then began to speak “You take me as a game? You think this is all a game?”
He gave me a look that made me glad that Mrs. Paisley was here “Oh quit acting so malacophonous! You’re a man not a woman! Speak up!”
For someone who doesn’t know me he sure knew how to push my buttons, I admit it I snapped! “You are the worst father in existence! If the reason was that I wanted you’re damn attention I would have walked in front of a news reporter! I did this for myself, because I love women’s clothing and ill keep wearing them, regardless of the embarrassment, despite what others think! Whether you want to accept me for how I am is not an issue because I simply do not care what you think of me! I don’t understand why you are even here! This is the first time in ages that you are standing in front of me speaking directly to me! Why don’t you Leave, I can handle this myself, you and I both know you’re not here for me you’re here for the sake of your own reputation!”
I was out of breath and a few tears ran down my cheek. The room again was in silence. I began to hyperventilate but I fought it off. I settled down with a few deep breaths through my nose, that way it would be less noticeable. From the corner of my eye I could see mascara running down my mother’s cheeks, I didn’t need to ask, I knew she blamed herself, and was thinking she could have prevented it. My father was different story I had no clue what he was thinking, weather I was about to get smacked or if he was going to get on his knees and start sobbing, begging for my forgiveness, buying me a pink castle with horses and bunny’s running around freely, followed by a happy ending of course. His next move leaned toward the smacked conclusion. He took a deep breath, seemingly about to yell when he covered his face with his hands and fell on his knees.
I knew I wasn’t the only one surprised, or the only one wondering what he was doing on the floor when he should be teaching me a lesson. I especially knew Mrs. Paisley was thinking that because her eyes flickered from my dad to the phone and back several times. Child services won’t fix you’re fashion sense you beastly woman! Oh that woman, does she not get that he is in a white suit? Blood stains just won’t do, doesn’t matter how wealthy you are. Then again, I honestly couldn’t tell if he was sobbing because of me or the cost of covering 3 murders in a junior academy. Either way I found it disturbing, the kind of disturbing that made your stomach turn. Crap, I just remembered I skipped breakfast, waffles would be phenomenal right now but something told me that asking if this could be rescheduled was a bit out of line.
Father started to calm down at last, and the last thing I wanted was an apology. No offence old man but you’re an estimated 13 years too late for that. He began to mutter “I don’t know what to say, I’d say I’m sorry but it’s not enough. I don’t even know where to start or what to promise, I don’t even know what I can promise. If this isn’t for attention then...” he paused
“We are putting you up for adoption!” a hesitant voice exclaimed.
Mother? My mom? That was the voice of my mom, not my Dad? I'm hearing things, this can’t be right. I looked at her with so much confusion. She wouldn’t look back at me, she stated “It’s true, I texted Greg, you’ll be sent to an boys home first thing tomorrow, maybe their they will be able to give you the help you need”
Their lips where moving, arguing maybe, I blocked it out. Nothing mattered anymore, my parents didn’t want me, and Zombie surely couldn’t come with me. I had nothing, I would have nothing, no one will adopt me I’m sure of it, who would want me? My own blood doesn’t want me, even worse is that they can provide for me, they have the money to feed me, they have the time to love me but they want the easy way out. Just like the zoo keeper wanted the easy way out, he didn’t want to look for a home for Zombie. He was willing to be the cause of his death just so he wouldn’t deal with him anymore. My thoughts where meaningless now, I knew what must be done. My only worry was my best friend. I slowly but skillfully inched my way closer to the exit, I had one more thing to ask for before I let them send me off, so I screamed. “Shut up all of you!”
My hands shook uncontrollably, I tried not to stutter “I ask one thing before you two send me off, please make sure Zombie goes to a nice home, make sure his new owner loves him and will surely love him as much or if possible more than I did”
”You can tell him yourself you’re not leaving until tomorr-“I sprinted out the exit than to the nearest stairs, as fast as I possibly could. I knew the confusion would buy me a minute or two. They were sending me to my end, no matter the slim chance that I do get adopted. On to the second floor, I will never be allowed to be myself in this world, they proved it, Mrs. Paisley proved it, and every event in my life has proven that happiness was no option. Third floor, the world is a horrible place and, there is no going back on this. Forth floor, whether I am a cross dresser, regular, gay, straight, or a kangaroo, my parents are supposed to love me no matter what. Fifth floor, No one will ever change who I am, no tacky counselor, no zoo keeper, no boys home, no one but myself. Sixth floor, I love myself, I wouldn’t change anything about me if I had the chance, I love my best friend, and I know he loves me back.
I look for the exit to the roof and find it easily, but right before I decide to pull the fire alarm, I figure it will make it that much harder for them to find me. I open the door towards the roof and climb the small ladder that leads to the exit outside. I hear the sirens and the screams when I step on the edge of the roof top. I take one last, long deep breath. I outspokenly ask for Zombie to please find it in him to forgive me. A woman’s cry is heard from a distance, and I leap right off the edge with no hesitation and a smile on my face. In that moment in that brief few seconds that I was in the air…I felt beautiful and free.