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A Beautiful Monster Part 1
Author's note: I wrote this piece when I was sitting in creative writing and it has just stuck with me since then.
“Clarisea. Clarisea!” The doctor’s voice rubs my nerves. I glance up at him. “Clarisea, do you know why you’re here?” He asks as his cold eyes try to reach me. I hold my ground. I will not bow to him. Do I know why I’m here? Yes, yes I do. Does he?
“Do you?” The words whisper out of my mouth like a weak wind in a meadow. My eyes lock on his, daring him to make his move. This is my chess board and here I am queen. “Do you know why you’re here Dr. Benjamin Flitzgurard?” My voice grows stronger with each word. He stares at me, his mouth opening and closing. He looks like a dying fish grasping for life. His nostrils flare and I know I’ve won. I reached his soft spot. The place where he held all his emotions, but I don’t care. He has no meaning to me and he knows it, or at least I would think he would know it.
“This is not about me Clarisea; we are discussing why you are here. Why you ended up in this place. What caused you to come here Clarisea,” his voice has a sharp edge to it. He’s mad, I can sense it like a dog smelling out a good hunt. I know I’ve really won now. He has emotions and I can see them all now and he will never see mine again. It wasn’t always like this between us, but that’s the past and I can’t think of that now, as I sit here. Besides, this is now and I need to have complete control of the game, his game. The same game he had once tried to play on me all those years ago. This is his game, but I have control and I will play the game to the end. I felt him lean closer to me and the urge to bite his ugly nose off almost over took me but I held myself in check. I must be Clarisea, my dear Clarisea, my oh so perfect and now dead sister. I must be her for I can’t be myself. Who am I, I ask myself this everyday that goes by, everyday I get closer to my goal, in answer, I’m Starling.
Chapter 1: The Beginning
In the beginning I guess I was ignorant. I never imagined that it would end up the way it did. Some would say this is my story but in truth it’s Clarisea’s. She’s the hero of my tale, the one who was perfect, the one we all loved, the one who lost the battle. Isn’t that how all stories end? The heroin loses her self or something happens to her that ends who she was at the beginning? Only for Clarisea it was different. She didn’t lose herself and her old self didn’t disappear to bring forth a new and stronger person. No, Clarisea didn’t get that good of a fate. My dear Clarisea, my dear sister was murdered and when I look back and consider all things I have come to realize that I am at fault for her demise. She was my one true best friend and I got her killed.
We were sisters she and I, twin sisters to be honest though if you ask anybody they will tell you we were so different it was unlikely we were related by blood at all. She was the perfect daughter, the perfect student, and the perfect sister. She obeyed all the rules and never thought to disobey anybody for any reason. She never had a boyfriend. I never figured out why because she always had guys chasing after her, willing to do anything for her if she asked it. I remember I had asked her once why she never went out with any of them and her answer always had me asking myself when she had become a saint. She had told me she wouldn’t because if she did she would just be opening herself to Satan’s temptations and all her work would be lost with the act of one sin. I had stared at her in complete amazement for our family had never been of religious sorts, but now, looking at what had occurred because of my sin, I can understand why she had traveled down that path.
I was the rebel, that’s what she called me. I couldn’t stand listening to my parents for the life of me. They tried to control me but I wasn’t an animal you could tame. I did everything from dying my hair to dating an older man to disobey them. That was my first mistake, well maybe my second. My first mistake was flirting with him. That was the push that turned everything into an avalanche.
As I said before, I was the rebel in the family, the party girl and party I did. Every chance I got I snuck out and partied all night long until the sun came up and I knew I had to get home before school started, not that I ever went anyways. That’s where I met him, the man who destroyed my sister’s life and turned mine inside out. It was like any other Monday night when I met him, I had snuck out of the house after my parents had fallen asleep and I was ready for some fun. I raced down the street, my mini skirt flaring around me as the wind whipped about me. I felt exhilaration course through my veins as my hair rode the waves of the wind’s tides. I stopped running when I knew I was out of sight from any of the house windows and it was safe to walk. I stopped at a nearby house to check my reflection in the dark windows and saw a smile cross my lips at the sight of myself. My hair was tousled all about but I was okay with that, I knew it made me look exotic, my makeup had faded a bit to give me a mysterious look, and my outfit fit snug against my slender but fully filled out body. I looked away from my reflection and continued on my way to the usual party hangout.
We always hung out at an abandoned building up the hill from where most of the city resided. We knew it was a safe place to hang out because what sane person would ever go up there looking for rebelling teenagers? Not the police that’s for sure I thought as I reached the bottom of the hill and looked up it to the house standing on top of it. For being abandoned it was in good shape, the paint was chipping here and there and some of the shingles were falling off but besides that the house was in decent shape. I started to climb the hill and then noticed the tall lean outline of somebody coming down the hill. I froze in my tracks, knowing that no teenager who hung out here was that tall, or that slender. I flattened my body to the ground and watched this stranger coming nearer to where I was laying. I held my breath preparing myself to roll over and away from him if he got closer but suddenly he stopped and glanced all about him before lighting up a cigarette. I stayed where I was, scared that he would see me if I moved a muscle. I felt my heart beat faster as another person came out of the house and down the hill towards the first stranger.
“Ben, you got an extra light?” The second man spoke and I sighed in relief as I recognized the voice. Charles, my one and only friend in school, he never judged me for how I dressed or how I looked and I liked that about him. Well that and the fact he never hit on me or stared at my figure like all the other perverts that we went to school with. I saw this Ben guy hand Charles a smoke as I got to my feet and started up the hill again.
“Hey Charles, you can share or do I need to steal one out of your pocket like I did last time?” My voice rang out across the night sounding playful but also cautious. I cursed myself inwardly, angry that I had shown my fear of this stranger. Charles turned to look at me and I could almost see the smile that crossed his face at the sound of my voice. The stranger, Ben turned to look down the hill at me as well and I felt my heart beat faster again. I kept my eyes away from his direction concentrating instead on Charles and his lit smoke. When I reached Charles I quickly stole his smoke from him and sauntered past him giving him my quirky grin before walking straight to the house ready to get my party on.
My mind felt hazy but I didn’t mind. It felt good to just lay back and let my mind do as it wanted, no worries or fears, nobody to tell me what to do or who to be. This was freedom and I was enjoying it to its full extent. I felt somebody sit next to me on the couch and turned my head to see which of my partying members it was and my heart froze at the sight of Ben. He smiled down at me and I realized he was trying to reassure me that he was no bad guy and silly childish me I fell for his trickery.
“Ben,” his voice was like sweet silk washing over me and bathing me in softness. He held out his hand and I glanced down at the smooth long fingers. He didn’t have worker hands I thought as I stared at his hand before placing my small hand in his.
“Starling,” my voice cracked and I flushed at the fright in my own voice. I wasn’t used to strangers talking to me and this guy was much older then us teenagers so intimidation overwhelmed me in his presence.
“Well Starling, it’s nice to meet you,” laughter sounded in his voice and my heart quickened even as anger flushed through my veins. I glanced into his eyes and cold swept through my veins at how cold his gaze was. There was no warmth there that had been in his voice. Danger my mind screamed at me even as I allowed Ben to lean down and gently press his lips to mine. Oh yes, he was definitely dangerous.
Chapter 2: Chance Meeting
My first meeting with Ben hadn’t been chance. He knew who I was and had known I would have been at the party thanks to Charles’ big mouth. I had never noticed Ben before, always standing at the back of Psychology classes, taking notes and sometimes studying the students. I had never noticed him studying me more often then he was studying the others. So yes, Ben knew me and he knew the people I hung out with. He unfortunately, didn’t know about Clarisea, my dear sweet sister. He had never thought to look further into my life then he had. That was a mistake he made and a mistake that Clarisea had to pay. But fear not my dear Clarisea, we shall have our revenge, I swear it.
I sat in class my eyes glazing over as my math teacher Mr. Haze went on and on about solving a system of linear equations. How many times does one need to relearn this stuff before they finally let us go? I felt my head growing heavy as the last of last nights party drug tried to leave my system. I shook my head furiously as clouds began to obscure my vision. I glanced at the clock and almost groaned in frustration. A whole hour left in the hellish math class and then I was homeward bound to freedom. I heard the door creak open and slam shut and then nothing, complete silence. Odd, I thought before turning to peep at the door and the person standing there almost caused me to fall right out of my chair, Ben. I watched him cross over to Mr. Haze who looked as astounded as I felt at somebody interrupting his class. I noticed as several girls put their heads together to whisper and I squinted my eyes, pretending that I could read their petty little minds, but that was part of a fairy tale from books. I looked back over to Ben and my mind flashed to the night before, when his sweet lips had met mine and we had shared something that I couldn’t put a name to for fear it would ruin the whole illusion. Ben slowly turned around, holding a piece of paper Mr. Haze had handed him, his lips moved swiftly as he mouthed the words to himself. As if he could feel somebody watching him he raised his eyes only to meet mine. I sat up straight; feeling like a bolt of lightning had traveled through me. His eyes, they were so cold, even as a smile flirted about his mouth. The feeling of danger returned to me as his gaze held me and I felt like flying through the room, running from this mysterious man that I knew nothing about. My eyes followed him and my body finally relaxed as he exited the room. I laid my head down on my desk and looked out the window. Gazing at the wind bending the tree branches even as my mind bent to the pressuring thoughts and questions of its own curiosity. Who was Ben? Why did he feel me with unease and danger? Why was it that whenever I saw him I had the feeling to run? If only I had known then what I know now, everything would have been better Clarisea. I know it would have been.
The bell rang to signal the end of class and I gathered my things up and left in the wave of kids also leaving Mr. Haze’s boring math session. As I exited the door a hand closed on my upper arm and pulled me to the side and up against the wall. I looked over at who had grabbed me and my feeling of danger returned as Ben’s cold gaze met mine for the second time today.
“This is our second meet Starling,” his voice still sounded like silk sliding over my body. I wrenched my arm free and took a step away from him.
“Nothing but a chance meeting,” I was proud to hear that no fear leaked out in my voice this time even as he leaned in closer to me in order to hear my words over the bustle of teenagers.
“Even chance meetings have their meanings,” his last words before he turned around and headed down the hall and I couldn’t help the sense of foreboding that entered my body as I watched him go. I shook myself and turned to head to the lunch room. It was only a chance meeting, there was no meaning to the meeting we had had today. No chance, no way, and no how, I didn’t believe in such things.
I should have followed my instinct that day. I should have ran as far from him as I could have gotten because what came after was not worth the small amount of happiness I had gained. I should have sensed something was wrong when my whole body was saying danger but I was naïve. I won’t be that naïve this time Clarisea, I owe you more then that and I will pay back to you in full.