The Thought Of Life | Teen Ink

The Thought Of Life

May 17, 2011
By Blueeyes031794, Rush City, Minnesota
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Blueeyes031794, Rush City, Minnesota
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Author's note: This peace was written from the heart. This is how I feel every day. But I know that I need to keep my head high and not to let anybody get in the way.

Morgan is walking down the street she is wearing a belly shirt with fish net over top, a mini skirt, fish net leggings, and knee high heels. As she strode in to an ally way, her baby blue eyes finding their way through the darkness. Her blond hair flowed down her shoulders like a shooting star blazing through the dark sky. She looked over her shoulder nervously. Then she heard the sounds of heavy boots against the wet rain covered pavement from earlier. She turned around and saw a guy he was about 5’ 11’’ 180 pounds, dark hair, and green eyes, standing behind her.

“How much?” The strange guy asks.

“Two-Fifty,” she responds.

“Morg, why do you have to always be so feisty?” The strange guy stalks closer to her as she backs up.

“I do what I have to,” Morg said, “do you want it or not?”

“Yeah ill take a baggie, is there a benefits discount?”

“NO!” yelled Morg, “never has been never will be you know that Todd!”

The guy took his baggie and left the ally. Morg, whose real name is Morgan, lost her father to a head on collision, she started dealing and using cocaine and marijuana. Her mother kicked her out of the house a year later.

Morgan leaves the ally way at about three in the morning. Morgan has a part time job at a gas station, she works in the morning. She starts walking to her behind her. Two more of her clients walk up to her and she hands them their baggies, takes their money and they part different ways

As Morgan pulls up to the house she sees a light on in the house. She opens the door and sees her boyfriend sitting on the couch.
Smoking a joint he looks up and asks, “How much today?”
“$125.00,” she answered.
“Give it to me!” he demanded.
“Why? I made it! I am going to keep it, last time I checked you weren’t the one out on the street working your ass off in an ally at three in the morning!”
“What did you just say to me?!” He yelled
He ran into the kitchen and grabbed a steak knife. The knife that he grabbed had about a 6” blade with a red handle on it. He held it tightly clenched in his fist. He looked like he was ready to just ram that thing into her heart to stop it from beating for good. All of a sudden she had this feeling like she was being lifted off the earth and floating in mid air. She blacked out.
Morgan wakes up in a hospital bed as she rings for the nurse and looks around confused. She doesn’t remember how she got here then she looks down at her leg, she could feel the stabbing of the IV that was in her hand,
The nurse walks in and says, “How are you feeling Miss. Hatchet?”
“Well for one I don’t remember how I got here, and for two what happened to me?”
“Will you need to calm down first of all ma’ams,” the nurse states “we should get you your pain killers.”
Tight then a tall blond guy walks in he has blue eyes and a dark suit on his voice on, his voice is deep like the detective guys you see on one of those criminal mind shows.
“Hello miss I’m detective Benson and I wanted to talk to you about what happened the other day”
“Hold on what do you mean the other day, it just happened yesterday!” Morg said frantically
“Sorry ma’am you have been unconscious for about 3 days we got you in on Monday and its Thursday.”
“Oh so what do you want to know and I want to know how I ended up here?” she asked frustrated.
Well they continued to talk about how her mother had found her in her boyfriends house passes out on the floor because of the blood loss. She also realizes that she hasten seen her mother for 2 years and she can’t figure out why she was at the house.
Morgan sat there and thought of the last time she has seen her mother it was in her room the wall paper was pink and she had posters covering her walls posters of N’Sync and the Backstreet Boys she had a canapé bed and a junior sized bed. The carpet was a burgundy red purple color.
As Morgan sat going through her memories, the nurse told Mr. Benson that it was better if he leave and come back later. Mr. Benson told the nurse to tell Morgan that he would be back in a couple of days and that her mother would like to see her soon as possible. Morgan sat there finely coming out of her trance she demanded she see her mother. As the nurse left to go and get her mom, Morgan began to feel very nervous, her palms were getting all sweaty and she could hear the machine that was connected to her, like a tick that won’t come off of your skin, began to beep faster and faster she felt like her heart might pound so heated that It will come out of her chest. Then there was a tap on the door and Morgan’s mother came in slowly, she looked like she might throw up right there on the spot. She walked over to Morgan’s bed and pulled the chair that was by the door over with her and sat in it.
“Hey Morg how are you feeling,”
“I’m ok it hurts a little, what were you doing at Damien’s house?”
“Well I had been thinking for a while now and I really miss you , but also the feeling like you were hurt, that mother instinct you know, I still have that, you are still my daughter and I shouldn’t have made you leave I should have made you get help.” She sat and stared at Morgan to see if Morgan understood were she was going, “Are you still using?”
“Yes but no, I was selling but not using.”
“Is that what all of this is all about?” she was staring down at Morgan’s leg which was wrapped up in bandages.
Yea kinda, he stabbed me when I wouldn’t give him the money we were arguing then he jabbed it in to my leg. Then I blacked out and don’t remember how I got here or anything.” Morgan said, crying now.
Morgan’s mom grabbed her in her arms and they sat there hugging tell the sun just started setting behind the view of the building.
Morgan woke up she was now staying at her moms house she was wrapped in her pink soft down comforter and walked down stairs to eat breakfast her mother was up and having her coffee at the table. Morgan said morning to her mother and went over to the counter to grab a bowl and the cereal she walked over to the table. As Morgan poured her fruity pebbles, just like when she was a little girl her farther and her would sit down at their table and her would have his coffee and her fruity pebbles.
As Morgan sat at the table eating her mother was reading the paper and then Morgan told her that she wanted to go back to Damien. Her mother looked up from her paper with red eyes. She looked away as if she wanted to cry.
“Why would you go and see him he almost killed you!”
“Well I miss him and I forgive him.”
“I know I raised you a whole lot better than this, have you not learned anything from this?”
“Well mother I don’t know, you can kick me out but I need to see him.”
So that after noon I walked to Damien by now my leg is doing better. I knocked and I could hear someone shuffling to the door.
“What the hell do you want?”
“I want my stuff,” She said to him, “and I want to ask you a question”
“What do you want to know?”
“Did you really care about me?” she spat out.
“Truthfully no, I never gave a crap out of you, I just used you for your body and the drugs, and the sex was pretty good to. The only thing you were to me was a slut a prostitute and I was your pimp. ”He let these words role off his tongue no problem.
Morgan turned on her heal and walked right out the door. She didn’t need any of this. Why the hell would she think he would care about her at all? All she is is a rejected slut from hell. As Morgan ran up the steps of her mother’s house, walked to the kitchen and looked around for the sharpest thing she could find. She grabbed the knife and walked right back out the door. She climbed into her car, pushed it into drive and pulled from the curb. She drove until she was pulling into a parking spot, outside of the cemetery, and put the car in park then got out. She then started running and searching she had only been here a couple times. As she came up to it she started to cry. She read on the head of a tome stone ‘Tom Stecka’ husband, father, and a great loving son. Morgan dropped to her knees in front of her father’s grave. Morgan reaches for the knife.
“You know he loved you, he used to go on about how he had a little baby girl that he loved, you were his little angle the world was surrounded by you.”
Morgan turned around real quick and saw her mother standing there staring at her husband’s grave. Morg then turned around to stare at her father’s grave again.
“What are you doing here mom?”
“I knew that you would be here, you always have been close to your father.”
“ what do you care you were never there you made me leave, why all of a sudden did you decide that you wanted to show up.”
“That day that you came home and I told you to get out, that was the worst thing I could have done, I should have just taken you in and got you help not push you out.”
“ Mom, I don’t want to do this anymore, I CANT do this anymore, my life is so messed up and I, I, I don’t want to deal with this, I don’t want to hear anything or anybody. You need to walk away and leave me alone, this will be good for you and you can go on and pretend you have no messed up daughter, everything will work out for the best, for you for me and for dad…….”
“Your father would not want you to do this, you know this.”
Morgan is crying now and shaking with the knife in her hand, the blade is right against her skin as she shakes. She is wondering if this is the best thing, Morgan is telling herself. I have to do this, she’s not going to win she can’t. I’m in control now she wanted nothing to do with me up until now all I was, was her fucked up daughter on drugs did nothing for herself, fucked up her life; this is how it needs to be.
Morgan pushes the knife harder against her skin, she can feel the blade slice into her skin cutting and tearing. She can feel the blood running down her arm to her finger tips she sliced so deep and so fast that her mother didn’t even have time to react, Morgan’s mother raced to her daughters side and grabbed her in her arms, but it was too late Morgan had bled out her pulse is just a faint beating that is beginning to become softer and softer. There is blood everywhere her mother is covered in blood and Morgan is covered.
Three days later the funeral for Morgan was held, there were so many people there Morgan had no clue who she had that cared about her or how many people really loved her, all she saw was the bad and the worst, so think about this story next time you want to think something is so bad or the next time you decide to try to end your own life there are so many people out in this world who love you and care about you. Don’t let so stupid boy or some dumb person make you hate your life or make you hate everyone around you. Your life is worth so much more than you realize. So love yourself love who you are and make every minute of it count.



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