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The Curse of Cleopatra

Jade L.
The Curse of Cleopatra
Summary: Cleo and Mark are on an expedition to find lost Egyptian artifacts. Little do they know, they are about to discover something bigger than they could imagine. The tomb of Cleopatra. On the journey they also discover something about themselves. Something that will change their future together for good.

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lovelycheese said...
Jan. 28, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Alright. Here it goes. 

Prologue should be spelled like this. I think that the prologue is giving away too much information. It can be used for a huge amount of foreshadowing (kinda like what I did mine:). As you mention Mark at the end of the prologue, we don't know who that is. So in the beginning, you could write: 'My ring on my finger, which had belonged to ____, I laid…' Yeah. I think you could put 'which had belong to my husband or boyfriend or whoever Mark is. The re... (more »)

Pandora118 replied...
Jan. 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm
Thanks for your advice. I'll edit and add more chapters to it as soon as I can. Thanks a bunch.
Hazel-daisy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 28, 2011 at 5:39 pm
i liked it but i'm a bit confused!! that might just be because i'm tired but yeah so overall i like it but i think you should make the chapters longer by either adding two chapters together or just adding more information. i know shorter chapters attract more people, well me at least, but i think the chapters are just too short but asides from that i think its a good story so well done!!
Pandora118 replied...
Jan. 28, 2011 at 9:38 pm
Thanks. I've always had trouble with the length of chapters. I always told myself I would get away with it by being like James Patterson who writes really short chapters.

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