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Rock Star Cinderella

Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next »

You're not who I Think You are

"I'm right here," I said to the computer. I logged off of Ryan's website and got on my e-mails to see if I had gotten anything from Heartthrob. You see, I met this guy through the Music Rocks chat room. Music Rocks is a website where teens can talk about and listen to music. Heartthrob and I have been talking since last year. We've been trying to figure out when and where to meet each other, so we can match the faces with the names, but when we try to make plans, he always says that one
This isn't the end of the road for Joanna and Ryan. Be sure to check back. More chapters are coming very soon.
day isn't good for him because he has something important to do. Then, he'll ask to meet at another time, but I usually have something that day. So, we've just kinda decided to stay with our cyber relationship and keep each other's faces and real names a mystery that might never be unlocked.

[Heartthrob: So what's up?]

[Rock Queen: Not much. You?]

[Heartthrob: Just the same old busy schedule.]

[Rock Queen: School, homework, and activities, right?]

[Heartthrob: Exactly. So, did you watch Ryan Prest on T.V. the other day?]

[Rock Queen: Well, of course! You know how much I love him.]

[Heartthrob: When I first started e-mailing you, that was all that you could talk about. Ryan this and Ryan that.]

[Rock Queen: Zip it! OK...maybe you're right.]

[Heartthrob: I'm always right.]

[Rock Queen: Sure.]

[Heartthrob: Hey, look, I'm free this weekend, and I was wondering if you would like to meet me on Saturday at the St. Rose Mall?]

[Rock Queen: Heartthrob, I thought that we were done with that. We keep making plans, but they always get broken.]

[Heartthrob: I know this is like the twelfth time that we've tried this, but maybe it will work out this time. If you want to come you know where to find me. I'll be holding a red rose.]

[Rock Queen: Fine. How about three o'clock in front of the penny fountain in the center of the mall. I'll be standing in front of the fountain waiting for you.]

[Heartthrob: Great. See you then.]

That Saturday, my mom dropped me and Trish off at the mall. "OK, I'm gonna go shop around a little bit while you go meet your mystery guy. I'll meet you back at the fountain when you're done," Trish said.
"Great. I'll give you a call when I'm done," I said with a big smile on my face.
"Cool. Well, I'll see you in a bit. Good luck!" Trish said as she walked off. I was on my way to the center of the mall to meet Heartthrob. I was wearing a big grin on my face as I got closer and closer to the fountain. I decided not to wear my glove that day because I didn't want to freak him out too much. I had already felt like I met him before. I don't know what it was; it was just something about the way we talked. I always feel so open and comfortable whe I e-mail him.

A few minutes later at the mall entrance...

"OK. How do I look?" Ryan asked Rob as they entered the mall.
"For the fiftieth time, Ryan, you look fine!" Rob replied in distress.
"Well, I think I'm ready. I'll give you a call when I'm done."
"Alright. I'll meet you at the entrance. Good luck," Rob said as he walked away. Ryan headed toward the fountain with a red rose in his hand.

I waited patiently for Heartthrob. At least...I tried to be patient. As I looked around, I noticed Ryan Prest standing in front of the fountain with a red rose in his hands. I couldn't believe it. All this time, I had been talking to Ryan Prest! No wonder I felt so comfortable when I talked to him. What do I do? Do I come up to him and say that I'm Rock Queen, and that we've been trying to meet eacher, who knows how many times, when it turns out that we've mett twice before? As Ryan looked around he noticed me. We just stared at each other for a while, until a swarm of running girls charging towards Ryan broke our concentration. The girls were only a few yards from Ryan as I ran up to him. "Do you want some help?" I asked as Ryan looked back at the mob that was coming towards him.
"That would be nice," he said with a nervous tone in his voice. As I looked at the screaming girls charging toward us, a look of horror came over my face.
"From now on, I feel sorry for you famous people. Come on!" I said, grabbing his hand as we raced through the mall.
"Where are we going?" Ryan asked.
"Where no girl would ever go." We almost reached the music store when Trish came out with a bag in her hand.
"Hey, I found this great C.D.," she said as we got closer to the store.
"Great, but I'm kinda busy right now," I said as we ran past her. Ryan waved at a surprised trish as we passed. Finally, we swerved into Sports Center and hid behind the window display of sports cutouts. The swarm of girls stopped at the entrance looking around the mall in a daze.
"What do we do?" Ryan whispered to me.
"Relax. I've got this," I said as I appeared from behind the cutouts.
"Where did he go?" one of the girls asked as she looked around.
"Who are you talking about?" I asked the girls.
"Ryan Prest," said one of the girls.
"Oh, Ryan. Yeah. He's right in here." I pointed to the gym behind me.
"I can't believe he's in there," said a girl in a blue-striped shirt. The girls looked into the gym with disgust.
"I know it's tempting, bu tI just think about all of the sweat, smelly armpits, and-"
"You're lying," said the leader of the pack as she interrupted the girl who was wearing a pink Ryan Prest t-shirt. "He really isn't in there. She's just saying that so we won't keep running after him. Ryan would never step into a place like this. I know exactly where he is. Forward to Music Nation. Charge!" she said as she lead the racing group of girls to the music store.
"Okay. The coast is clear," I said to Ryna s he got up from behind the cardboard cutouts.
"Thanks. You reall saved me."
"No big."
"I can't believe I missed her!" Ryan said as he looked down at this watch. It was a quarter past four. "She's probably left by now," he said as he looked at the rose still in his hand.
"Were you waiting for someone?" I asked with concern.
"Yeah. I was waiting this girl that I met online through this chat room. But, I guess she never showed," he said as we wlaked through the mall.
"Have you met her before?"
"No. We've tried to meet a few times before, but it nover works out with our schedules."
"I know how you feel," I sympathized as we both laughed a little.
"Some how, I feel like I've already met her before."
"How come?"
"I feel so comfortable when I talk to her. I just feel this connection. I guess she was right. Maybe we should just stick to the internet," he said sadly.
"Just because it didn't work out the first time doesn't mean that you have to give up," I said with a hopeful look.
"Maybe you're right. Here." He handed me the rose.
"What about that girl?" I said with questionable look on my face.
"Keep it as a thank you for not being like the other girls who go carzy over me. Thanks, for listening. And for just being you," he said with a grin on his face as he walked away.
I sniffed the rose sweetly. "Nice to meet you, Heartthrob," I said to myself as I walked away in the opposite direction. A few minutes later, I called Trish and met her by the fountain.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next »

Join the Discussion

This book has 13 comments. Post your own now!

thejoyofrediscovering This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 8:58 am
Your idea for the story was good, and though people have done it, the rock star touch was creative. However, the story is kind of....rushed, which, unfortunately makes it a bit boring. Also the voice, for your narrator and other character's assumed age, is very inaccurate and immature. So slow the story down, add some description and age, and a good round of spell and grammar check, and you have potential for a better novel.
alex9426 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 17, 2011 at 6:19 pm
I think you have a good idea here, ie fame meets normal. But, I couldn't get through the first chapter. Start off with the story, you don't need all that background information if you can show the reader through her actions and dialogue. Work on dialogue flow and making it realistic. Also, there is a bunch of descriptive stuff that only takes away from rather than adding to the story. Keep the idea (it really is a good one) and start a new story with a different angle and a different style. :)
JustAnotherOwl said...
Apr. 12, 2011 at 2:48 pm
What direction are you planning on taking with this? Because it seems so...pointless. Like you aren't getting to the point and I don't understand why she does some things...Like, why does she say that they can't talk anymore online?
TheCreepyNeighbor said...
Apr. 10, 2011 at 4:13 pm

I’m sorry, but I couldn’t exactly enjoy this.

Me!! (You don’t need two exclamation points, one will do.)

No one actually introduces themselves like that.

Try someone calling on her name. Show, not tell.

Again, too much showing not enough telling.

Most boy bands don’t have mosh pits at there concert.

“[T]hank you!”

Started raining really hard? Look in a Thesaurus for better wording. The dialogue isn’t ve... (more »)

TheCreepyNeighbor replied...
Apr. 10, 2011 at 10:15 pm
Oops I ment too much telling not enough showing. And this is why we proof-read. :D
CrazyWriter said...
Mar. 29, 2011 at 4:33 pm
I love it!! no critzism !! CONTINUE please!
triathlete99 replied...
Apr. 5, 2011 at 8:54 pm
I agree! PLEASE FINISH!!!! So addicting!!!!
stellabella21 said...
Mar. 27, 2011 at 5:32 pm
I REALLY like the story but I think the story is moving to fast so uch stuff happens in like 4 chapters. Really good so far can't wait for more!
peace4all This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 27, 2011 at 5:49 am
finish it!! can't wait!!!
BrielleM said...
Mar. 9, 2011 at 4:34 pm


I love this story so far! I like the idea & how instead of her being your typical Cinderella, you know, glass slipper and all, she drops her fingerless glove...Which is pretty awesome! (:

Obviously, the story has a few problems, just as every good story has....

The grammar was a bit off at some parts and the sentences can be choppy...& I agree with one of the people down there...Things just happen too fast! But that's okay, that happens to me too!

Someti... (more »)

MysteryHeart said...
Mar. 2, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Ok So I REALLLLLYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wanna know what happens next.... you might have at one point though MAKE A CLIMAX !!!!!!! Tradgedy, deceive , back stabbing, lies ...its perfect story its just tooooooo perfect which can sometimes be boring we need something that will want us to keep reading.. your doing great though keep it up
PrincessSparkle said...
Mar. 2, 2011 at 3:26 pm
I am a sucker for famous meets Normal people. I loved the idea but a few things sort of bugged me. I didn't like how fast everything was happening. Most readers like to build up to the climax whereas you jumped right on it. Its not really realistic but I still enjoyed reading it. Please write more. =]
Leann13 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 24, 2010 at 8:58 am
It is a good idea, but I think if you would have added a real summary more people might have clicked 'read book'. :/ Well, I am going to give some tips, if that's ok? You have a lot of potential but most of your sentences are a bit choppy and I feel if you added more to them, let them flow, they would sound a lot more proffesional as a whole. You also use a lot of exclamation points, which is fine, but it starts to annoy the reader (I have gotten in trouble with this as well, haha) and just one ... (more »)

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