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the Alliance

Chapters:   1 2 3 Next »


A woman, she walks along the old train tracks above the river. She spreads her arms out to the side to keep her balance. Her hair, black as coal, flows and shines in the afternoon sun. It shines bright bearing heavy heat, making her skin look even paler than she already is. She steps carefully to avoid tripping, and spilling her basket into the river far below.
A sound prickles her ear. She stops abruptly, and her green cat like eyes dart upward. She crouches down and touches the metal beneath her feet. She gasps and turns around, and just beyond the pine trees at the start of the bridge is a light.
Her heart drops, and for a moment she can’t think straight. Her mind snaps back into focus, she stand up and runs. She runs as fast as her fragile legs will carry her. Her stomach turns when she hears the sound of metal on metal. She runs faster, she can’t feel her legs anymore.
Almost there, I’m so close! She thinks. Only six feet from land, the toe of her flat shoe sticks, and wedges into the metal bar, dragging her down. Her head smashes into the metal, and her mind is scrambled. She turns back, seeing the metal beast only twenty feet from her. She kicks and flails rapidly trying to escape.
The train roars past her, and her scream blends into the trains.
Chapters:   1 2 3 Next »

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This book has 12 comments. Post your own now!

TaylorWintry This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 5, 2014 at 12:12 pm
Just so you know for future reference, I write my comments love so you can get a better feel of my opinion. So off we go. Prologue: (ch 1) Amazing descriptions here! The imagery is on the edge of perfect and the sentence structures are awesome. Overall really impressive. Just work on non-choppy sentences. (That's not much of a problem, but you can never do that overboard.) The last part was super chilling. Awesome. Ch 1: Wow, it's her mom. I didn't make that connection at all at first. Aww... Ve... (more »)
SammHamilton replied...
Jun. 6, 2014 at 10:21 am
Thank you!! i will try to work out the problems, the 2nd chapter is not finished. i didnt know that you couldnt go back and edit and add to one chapter so i have to delete it type more then repost it.
TaylorWintry This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 7, 2014 at 10:45 pm
Ahh, I see. Nonetheless, I'm excited to read more.
ZealousHeart said...
May 30, 2014 at 1:00 pm
I see that you're joining the bandwagon on distopian society books, which are always interesting. But, you should be warned that, once you've read one distopian society book, you've kind of read them all. They just all seem to follow this same pattern, this same formula. For example the beginning of this book sounds a lot like Divergent. Just make sure that you add a component to make the story more fresh. All in all it is pretty interesting. I would like to see where you take this. ... (more »)
SammHamilton replied...
Jun. 4, 2014 at 10:25 am
thankyou, i am starting to get that. haha i am writing another one but it isnt like this one. however i have a feeling it wont be out for a while because i am having some trouble finding time to do it and i keep having to switch flash drives. i would love it if you would check it out when i get it on here. im deciding on the name still. it going to be something like... the one who was totus. or the totus. im indecisive so it may be a while
WOWriting said...
May 16, 2014 at 11:22 am
Intriguing, interesting, really pulls you in. Other than a few spelling mistakes, i really like it. Maybe a bit like a more sensible divergent book, because instead of personality sectors, it's jobs. Still really like it tho and other than that it's original and really great. want to find out what happens, write more! :)
mereCat This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 22, 2014 at 2:10 am
I agree, I'm not generally a fan of dystopia writing, mostly because it's all become a bit cliche and nobody seems to be capable of new ideas and good writing but I think this is really good :)
SammHamilton replied...
May 22, 2014 at 8:08 am
thankyou so much! im writing more but it is taking a bit longer to do because i have to keep switching flash drives. but again thankyou!!
mereCat This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 22, 2014 at 1:03 pm
You're welcome! :) Hope you sort out the problems!
SammHamilton said...
May 16, 2014 at 10:27 am
thank you so much for your imput. i will look into improving it. i am also writting another one that i will put on here soon. I am still working on some details though. but again thankyou very much!
SammHamilton said...
May 16, 2014 at 8:18 am
Hi! thank you so very much if you have read the first chapter or so im still working on it but i seriously need some feedback please!! I'm always open to new ideas, and things that need to be revised so feedback please!!!!!!
CNBono17 replied...
May 16, 2014 at 8:49 am
It's good. Well-written, dramatic, and I think I can tell where it's going:) The only problem I have is in a few places, the dialogue is difficult to follow because you switch speakers in the same paragraph. Aside from that, though, this dystopian world is very well-thought-out, the idea is intriguing, and I'll be looking for more when it comes out:)

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