A man told me the bar was near Congo square, “you wanna look for Toosy Loosy across from Congo square Madame, if you looking for a job they'll hire you” is what he told me. I was reluctant to ask this man for directions as he quite frankly scared me half to death with his yellow eyes and abnormally small black pupils. When I found Toosy Loosy it was around twelve in the afternoon so no one was around except the bar keep and the band practicing for their late night gigs. I didn't know until later that this bar had a reputation for housing all the girls and boys that snuck out of their houses at night to dance and kiss and fall in love at first sight. The bar keep was a respectable enough looking gentleman with dark skin almost blue, drawn tight around his face with a pretty white smile although it gave him a sinister nature if you looked at him too long. “I'm looking for a job” I told him. He looked me up and down, grinned a white wolf smile, “I ain't hiring no one but you such a fine looking Jane in that blue dress I might as well oblige.” He grinned. “How about you help keep the bar at night? Cause’ the bar gets packed with people and I bet they tired a seein’ me all the time. Hell! I might even sell more drinks if they see a pretty young girl like ‘yoself.” He leaned against the bar and looked at me with the most satisfied expression as if he was gaining a fondness for me already. I gladly accepted. Just as I was leaving he spoke again, “don’t come in here in no fancy dress neither , but a nice enough one and let your hair down , yah know get a little more foxed up if yah’ know what I mean " he winked and smiled. He reminded me of a cunning animal of some kind. As I was leaving he spoke again, “and welcome to the Toosy Loosy", he smiled villainously and went back to wiping his counter.
As I left the bar, one of the band members I glimpsed inside ran out after me. “Scuse’ me? Ex-cuse me!?" He called. His voice sounded rusty and worn, eaten away by drinking. He called again, “Miss Blue Jay with the curly black hair!” I ignored him and walked faster; which made him start to sing at the top of his lungs, "Oh, blue jay high up in that tree, won't you come down and sing a song for me? A pretty song about the birds and the bees! Oh blue jay I want yah to sing a little song for me!” This just made me run, as I dodged the people in the crowded street. When I turned around I was face to face with him, if he tipped a little closer we mighta’ kissed, I swear it. He laughed when he saw my face; he had a mighty good laugh at my expression. “I figured that mighta made yah turn around, if I didn't play the trumpet I mighta’ become a singer!” he said as he dipped into his pocket and took out a purple hen-kerchief and wiped away the beads of sweat off his forehead. His breath smelled of liquor. I watched his face simmer down into a childish grin almost playful. “Good thing you play the trumpet” I said cheekily. He just stood there staring at me for the longest while ignoring my comment, “What are you lookin‘ at?” I asked as he continued to stare, “nothing at all, I just thought you were quite beautiful in that blue dress” he smiled again; this time a sweet innocent smile. I don't know if it was the song or the compliment that softened me up, but I thanked him for both. “Really was a lovely song, but your voice really is horrible” , this made him laugh a great laugh and I smiled as I coyly walked away and left him there looking at the back of my blue dress he loved so much.

Miss Blue Jay weighed heavily on my mind and this drink is weighing heavy in my hand; I hurried and shot it down. It burnt my throat and my chest and left that warm feeling I liked.
God I loved her in that blue dress…..
She was exciting to look at. Miss Blue Jay had the loveliest skin, delicate looking like the color of clay; like God made her with his own hands from the dirt. The prettiest face, she had an oval face with thin lips that were made for whispering sweet things into a lover’s ear. Lovely hair, black and pinned up high with a little white flower in the side.
Oh, Miss blue jay yah weighing heavy on my mind….
I lost my train a thought dreaming about Miss Blue. Rufus's voice brought me back, “Barney stop drinking all my goddam liquor if you ain't gon’ pay for it!” I hurried and slammed another drink back before he snatched the bottle and glass away from me. “Come on Rufus!” I said to him, “We got the bar packed to the bridges at night with all them fine young people who come to see Goodman's band play live! Most you can do is spare a little drink to a member of the grandest band in town!” I opened my arms wide in front of the band like a ring leader presenting his prized lions to the audience. The band comprised of myself, Barney Williams playing third trumpet , Jon Goodman the leader ,who knew how to stomp a piano , Charles "Zitty" Morrison on drums , Rick "Squeaks" Lee on second trumpet while Darnell Kingsland held the first spot of trumpet and lastly Nicky "Hex" Simmons on bass. We all got together and formed the band about a year back hoping to do some good for ourselves and we we’re quite popular, a lot a bars wanted us but we found the Toosy Loosy comfortable. Rufus wasn't a bad guy neither ,just a little scary if you stared at him too long and if you drank his liquor; which I did a lot. When he was in one of his moods he took it outta the bands pay and scolded me real good. Told me I needed to drop the bottle but I knew I couldn't. I tried before and lasted about a day before my urges was so strong I ended up drunk lying next to my bed on the floor of my little shack drooling like a new born baby. I asked Rufus about Miss Blue Jay about what she came here for , “she was looking for a job and I gave her one helping me tend the bar at night” , he said. I was more than happy to hear that so in celebration I quickly grabbed the bottle of gin from Rufus's hands and threw the bottle back and drank a couple mouths full. By then Rufus got his gun and pointed it straight in my face, he was smiling hard now looking more menacing than ever. “Boy, if I shot you between the eyes right now I probably be so happy I would skip my way through New Orleans.” He stared at me for a long time. He put his finger on the trigger as I slowly backed away from the bar stool. Rufus soon lowered his gun but very slowly like he was sure I was gonna’ run back and grab a bottle or shoot him myself. Whatever it was, he put his gun slowly back under the bar and went to arranging his liquors. I might not have looked it but that gun scared me so much I thought I might quit the bottle, but instead I decided I was better off sneaking a drink when he went around the back. It was either sneak or die. Besides I wasn't gonna’ buy liquor if I worked at a bar, I don't see no sense in it.

Damn it, I keep losing my train of thought...... Oh blue jay high up in that tree......

I checked myself in the mirror carefully, didn’t want to ruin the impression I already made with the bar keep. Hair down, half pinned to the side with a red wood barrette. The black spirals of my hair hung loosely on my left shoulder. As for makeup, I don’t wear the stuff often probably some blush here and there but I have nice skin like my mother; I decided on a deep rouge lipstick and chose a black frilly dress just above my knees with red lace sewn around the collar and sewn in tiers from the bottom of the dress through to my waist. I checked myself over one more time and ran my tongue across my teeth to make sure I had no lipstick stains. I left the house around seven in the night and headed for Toosy Loosy. When I got there if only I could get in! This place was packed to the ceiling with young fowls from every corner and crevice of New Orleans grinding against each other with young girls shaking up themselves and boys enjoying themselves watching em’ shake. When I got inside and got behind the bar with Rufus, I saw he really was some sorta animal but none that I knew. He sure behaved like one ; cursing at customers if they didn’t like his drinks or if he thought they looked funny. Rufus would chase out anybody who did things he didn’t like. Gun swinging and all. During that night I saw him chase a man out because he said he looked like some criminal who owed him money and seeing his face made his rashes act up. As the man was running out Rufus started yelling above the heads of the customers, “I don’t need yo’ money! I am a Catholic and God will provide! He will provide more boozehounds like you to come drink my liquor! You ain’t nothing’ special!” After the man was gone he took a shot a gin , groaned and said a prayed. Or what he considered one ,“ Lord , bless that gin and let it warm my chest.” He paused. Took a deep breath and started on a second verse , “please Lord God don‘t let me run into that criminal that got my money cuz‘ I don‘t wanna’ shoot nobody. Amen.” The only thing I could some up about Rufus was that he was definitely a madman.
Anyway, I won’t tell a lie; this band was hot! Some of the best cats I heard in a long while and I spotted that singin’ trumpet player up there too. He caught me looking and winked at me. I watched him rock and bob to the fast rhythm, stomping his feet to the beat; his cheeks were so rounded up with air he looked like he was gon’ float away. The image of him floating away made me laugh, “Stop yo’ damn giggling girl and serve these people they drinks, enjoy the entertainment on yo’ own time!” Rufus was shouting at me now because the music was loud along with the screaming youngins’ mixed in. I liked the vibe of the place; the yellow walls and dusty pictures of old Negro men and women unbendingly posed on chairs with white stiff collars and long puffy dresses. The shiny varnished counter top now covered in spilled drinks and the square bar stools occupied now by the sweating behinds of customers. Everyone was shoutin’, “Man this band got the swing, don't it Ruby?!” I heard a boy ask a young posh Creole girl, “I find them quite fetching! They make me want to dance!” she spoke airily and proper like a debutante. The band kicked the jazz up a notch; I don't know what they were playing but they had that swing. “How come they don't got a singer Rufus?” I shouted to him while serving a gin with ice. “Them Negros won't listen to nobodies advice, I told em’ and they won't hear!” he shouted back frustrated with knit silvery eyebrows. I outta’ ask that trumpet player if they need a singer, I might be the one to do it; I needed the scratch. By the time I served the next gin I was mixing, the song the band was playing ended and the piano player put everyone on break and played some Louis Armstrong “Weather Bird” to slow the joint down. I hummed along as it was a favorite of mine. While the other players checked on their instruments; the trumpet player was squeezing his way through the crowd to get to the bar. When he came up to the bar he was looking real happy and satisfied shouting, “Ol’ Rufus I need me a good strong one tonight and I ain't talking about a drink!” He glanced over at me and smiled, extended his hand, “Well Miss Blue Jay, I didn't get to tell yah my name” , I put my hand into his. His hands were big and felt like sandpaper but he had long slender fingers with a chunky gold ring on his thumb. Taking my hand he kissed it very meekly and told me his name, “Barney Williams Madame” , with a big grin on his face. I gave him a gin and tonic with ice; he shot it down. When he spoke you could hear the burn coming from his insides, “Miss Blue you make a mighty fine drink” he struggled as he spoke. I was getting a good look at him although the lights were a little dim I could make out some features of his face. He had a good strong face; large jaws, a sharp straight nose and eyes the color of autumn leaves a little burnt by the sun. I never saw a black fellow with those eyes before. Along with a bald shining head that he wiped with his purple handkerchief while he put his black felt hat on his lap. I found him quite charming to look at. When he put the hat back on he spoke again, “Miss Blue, I believe I may be carrying a torch for yah” , he said drunkenly as he slammed down his fourth scotch. I didn't know what to say so I just poured him another drink. That's when Rufus stepped in, “Miss Blue” he said as he passed and looked at me peeved. “If you gon' keep giving this n***** drinks you best gon' pay for em‘!” I was so glad he intervened into the situation I gladly paid for them. For this time Barney just stared at me waiting for an answer I couldn't give him.

When I woke up the next day my head was splittin’. I woke up to a bright light coming from outside through the open window next to the bed and the sound of sweeping. Took me a minute to realize it was Miss Blue sweeping the room which made the dust rise up. I could see the little specks of dust as it rose through the golden light and floated out the window. That’s when I shot outta’ bed and realized I was in my bloomers alone with my dress shirt . Miss Blue Jay noticed my sudden uprising and leaned her slender strong arms against the broom. “Good Mornin’ Miss Blue” I said shyly like a young boy. Her gaze was all warm and light so was her voice, “How you doing Mr. Williams? You feeling better?” I still wasn’t feelin’ too hot so I asked if she had any aspirin. “Let me get it for yah” she said as she leaned the broom in a corner of the room. What I really wanted to know was what the hell happened last night. Last thing I remember was talking to Miss Blue and playing West End Blues with the band before Rufus closed the bar. I had found my pants and put em’ on before she came back with the aspirin and a glass of water. “Miss Blue what happened last night so that I’m here ruining your peace and quiet on this nice day?” I asked. “You were drunk and no one knew where you lived, so they all dumped you on me”, she chuckled a little. Her laugh was deep and throaty. I figured I was bent last night cause’ I smelled like a gin mill. She spoke again, “I want to ask you about them black coins in your pocket, about five of em’. They fell out when I took your pants off.” I pushed my hands in my pockets fast and worried; 1...2….3…4...5. I sighed in relief and shook my pocket to her em’ jingle around. I made her laugh when I jingled my pocket. Her laugh made me feel a little light and frothy. She was giggling as she spoke, “Barney, what are those coins for exactly? I’m very curious.” I didn’t want to tell her. So I lied , “Oh nothing, my pops gave em’ to me when I was small”. I am a bad liar and tried to sound as light hearted and convincing as possible. The truth was I made a deal when I was about seventeen to a voodoo priest when my Pops got sick , to get him better but I didn’t fulfill my end of the deal. I figured there was no foul cause nothing happened to me; only those coins getting darker by the day. That priest did tell me something before he let me off: “Let blood curdle , let madness reign ; moths of suffering and pain.” I didn’t know what he was talking bout’ with him talking in parables so I figured it was just some hoodoo-voodoo. He looked like a phony anyhow.

I hoped she would ask something else and she did, “you don’t remember what you said to me do you Barney?” her voice dropped a little. I tried to remember; tried real hard but the giggle water was boiling in my head so I guessed best I could. “Did I say something about you looking pretty like you do this morning?” I smiled a big smile making sure to show all my teeth. “No Barney”, she sounded annoyed. “You was talking bout’ carry a torch for me or some none sense like that.” She folded her arms. What did I tell this woman!? “Oh Lord! Miss Blue I am so sorry for troubling your heart like that, I musta’ been drunk as hell to let my thoughts slip.” I was panicking and really was sorry for telling her that, I didn’t intend to. You see, I am shy when it comes to women; with telling them my stirrings and such. “Barney its ok, you don’t got to be beating up yah self.” She gave me a reassuring smile that calmed me down a bit. Then she quickly changed the conversation again, “I also been meaning to ask yah if y’all wanted a singer for that band cause I ain’t bad myself. Want me to sing a few lines?” She seemed excited. I didn’t think Jon would take too keenly to the idea but I wanted to hear her. “That would be lovely. Please by all means, thrill me.” I said as I took a seat on the edge of the bed. She sung a few lines of Fats Waller, “Ain’t misbehavin’” and by Lord, baby could sing! So I reached over and grabbed my trumpet off the chair next the bed and played alongside her singing. If I do say so myself I thought we sounded swell. Her voice was raspy and low, gave me goose bumps up and down my whole body. If Jon didn’t want this girl; man he was all wet…… soaked!
This dame got me all goofy……

Barney tried to convince Jon they needed a singer but he wasn’t having it. Jon’s personality was persistent with how he looked and he looked like a starved mule. Barney was negotiating but Jon looked like he stopped listening a long time ago. Jon soon stood up from his piano looking irritated and turned to me speaking soft, “listen chick, we don’t need no singer and I’m sure you a fine singer but I’m tired of telling this thick headed negro that we don’t need none”. He pointed at Barney with his scrawny arm while still looking at me, “So please take him outta’ here cause’ I can’t deal with him long enough before I wanna’ beat his ass.” He looked exhausted and slowly lowered himself back unto his piano seat. Barney was balled up and kept pacing while mumbling to himself so I couldn’t hear him. I wasn’t as disappointed as Barney but I was a little downhearted. I could get over it but I didn’t think Barney could. “Come on Barney don’t fret” , I was motioning for him to come out the door and then he scrambled over to me whispering low and fast. “You know that n***** don’t know what he talking bout’! I’m gonna’ quit that damn band and form one with just me and you. Whatta’ say?!” He looked hopeful and sounded naïve; I felt sorry for him. “Barney I don’t think so, a two man band? No way that’s gon’ fly!” I was pleading with him, “Let’s go get a drink and a couple of beignets, okay? “. He reluctantly nodded and I took him by the wrist and pulled him into the crowded night. We walked pass the prostitutes cooing at bell bottoms fresh off the ship and voodoo priests promising people gold and happiness. I laughed at those priests promising things but for a minute I thought maybe I could ask one of em’ if I could get a tub full a gold and a ocean full of happiness for Barney but the price of voodoo was too high and I rather get a cheap beignet and a shot of gin.

The beignets were greasy and hot with mounds of powdered sugar that melted into a white syrupy puddle and dribbled unto the plate. Barney and I ate about three plates full and just about finished a bottle of bourbon and a half bottle of gin between the two of us. We were zozzled and obviously feeling better, making all kinda’ noise in the little dingy restaurant. The Chef around the back was looking through an opening from the kitchen and glared at us like we were disturbing his hot cake flipping. We laughed at him. Barney started rolling a cigar and I knew he was drunk because when he went to light the cigar he reached into his pocket and took out one of his black coins and tried to use it as a lighter. I doubled over from watching him flicking and shaking the coin and getting annoyed that there was no fire. As we sat there I was looking at his sharp black shiny suit and noticed some powdered sugar on his jacket, so I reached over and dusted it off watching as it puffed away in the air. We were both slurring a little when we spoke, “why you such a sloppy eater?” I asked giggling. He was smoking the cigar now,
“ well , when my Mama used to feed me she never wiped me up, so anything that fell stayed there, as you can see I haven’t changed much.” He laughed as the smoke rolled out of his mouth ; I watched him rub his forehead slowly. He looked so sorrowful sometimes; so sad , so damned. I had the feelin’ Barney fell into the depths of life and felt he couldn’t get out. He just stayed there gasping for air as his misfortune drowned him.
The room was spinning a little and I felt unsteady.

“Yah know Barney”, I said as I bit into another crispy beignet. “I really don’t wanna’ be no singer, it would be nice but I don’t care really. I think life is still as colorful now as it ever was. I got me a rose window.” I smiled like a drunk happy child and drank some more bourbon. He rested his head in his palm and looked at me very tenderly then starting humming the song he was singing when we first met. I was blushing and looking at the stained floor, feeling rather chipper then the humming stopped. When I looked up Barney was putting on his hat and getting out his trumpet; looking very perky like the cigar he was smoking woke him up. “What are you doing Barney?” I asked puzzled. “We gon’ put on a show for deese’ peee-ple” he slurred. “Bu-but Barney we bent” I said staring at him blankly, “Baby, the whole whorl’ is bent!” and with that he blew a note that sounded like it hit the ceiling but felt like it hit the gin outta’ me. Everyone in the restaurant was looking and the crowds from outside were coming in and looking through the windows. “How y’all doing tonight?” Barney shouted as he stomped his foot on the creaking wood floor to get the crowd’s attention. “Well, tonight we got something real special for y’all folks!”, he was speaking slow but in a keyed up tone like an entertainer. He gestured for me to come to the center of the room. I walked up slow and dizzy next to him. He spoke again, “we got The Be-Blue Band for one night only!” Then he whispered to me, “go on doll and sing anything, I’ll catch up.” I sang St. Louis Blues; I started off low and Barney immediately knew it and started to play his horn. Then I heard a voice from deep in the crowd, “yah betta’ sang it girl!”, then the whole crowd starting hootin’ and hollerin’. I felt good in that moment as my voice rose and fell with perfection as Barney blew out some incredible sounds. I don’t know how he did it ; some of his notes sounded graceful yet some were so hardy it filled your whole mind and soul with a great passion that made you love life again , made you love the beauty of all its madness. When I paused for a trumpet solo, Barney swung the trumpet up then down and when he blew real hard he walked across the floor gingerly on the tips of his toes and crossed his eyes like they were gonna’ pop outta’ his bald head. He was a real egg that Barney, made my stomach cramp watching him. When we finished , Barney and I bowed to our audience while they clapped and howled. We even got free beignets from the chef that we took with us in oily brown bag as we pressed our way through the crowd. By the look on his face when we left the restaurant I would say that Barney was swimming in an ocean all to himself and didn’t need promising or rose windows.

Barney never told anyone before much less Blue but when he drank bourbon everything that ever bothered him manifested itself into a Hyde, if you will, that had the aggressive characteristics Barney thought he had subdued as a young man.

As for Blue , she never told anyone much less Barney but bourbon also had the unique ability to pull things out of her which she thought her father had beat out of her as a young child. The problems hid ; lurking in the shadows waiting for the promise of bourbon. As a small child Blue was an impulsive liar along with being a swift thief. Two qualities which badly complimented each other. Now she wanted the black coins Barney carried in his pocket. Blue being as visually pleasing as she was , knew her voluptuous charms would only weaken Barney further as he had already fallen victims to her. Although she knew all this , what she didn’t know was what Barney was like when he drank bourbon.

God blessed every human upon earth with a darker side to themselves. The blessing of having a choice. The incredible choice of whether to mingle with the angels or the dogs.
With both their darker sides raw and exposed, Blue and Barney were a lethal concoction together and Blue was determined to get the coins while Barney only fell into a worsened state of distilled madness.

Blue’s finger tips tingled with excitement. She could feel the coins in her hands already. She soon began to flaunt the more sensuous areas of her body; swaying her wide hips as she walked ahead of Barney. He quickly took notice of the display and hurriedly walked to catch up with her abundant swinging behind. When he got close enough, Blue came to a sudden stop which caused a sexually entranced Barney to crash into her. This is when she speedily reached around and dipped her hand into his right pants pocket feeling for the metallic coldness of the coins. 1..2.….3..4..5 ; grasping them she tried to pull her hand out of his pocket and was stopped by a calloused firm grip on her small wrist. She turned her head to meet Barney’s eyes. She could see every demon rising into his eyes and feel the frigid emptiness coming from his once vivacious body. Barney stared at her ; absorbing the fear that rose into her face as he tightened his grip on her wrist. He could hear the bones beginning to crack as she opened her trembling hand to let the coins fall to the ground. Blue looked at Barney and smiled achingly. Tears flooding her eyes , “Come on Barney, I was only messing around. Actin’ dumb, you can let go now. Please.” Her voice quivered as she spoke. The fear climbing into her throat. She began to claw and scratch at Barney’s hand ; he only stood there and began shaking his head slowly.

Blue blamed God for this sorrowful life. For the sour taste of love ; the sweet taste of knowing it. The craving of wanting more. The pain of stepping upon the glistening shards of her own rose window. Yet , she looked to the sky and cried for God. The one who she hated most.

Crazed from the bourbon, Barney mercilessly punched her in the nose and looked at the blood hungrily on his knuckles as it ran down unto his wrists and slithered over his pulsating veins. He watched ravenously as the blood dripped in-between her slender fingers, collected under her fingernails and dripped off her finger tips in thick splats unto the ground. As she kneeled before him cupping her nose and sobbing frantically. He looked at her in pity but the kind of pity one would feel for a wounded animal but not enough pity to keep him from smashing her head into the cobblestone road and leaving her there in the humid New Orleans night. A tall lamplight overhead illuminated the incident into a scene of shadows. Barney was cemented under the light which slung a long slender shadow over Blues body. He stared at her with wide eyes and a shaking body as he numbly watched the thick red puddle form into a misshapen circle around Blue’s head; the shoulders of her ivory dress were stained from her blood and drooping like they decided to doze off into an indulgent comatose against the soft flesh of her arms. Backing away further from under the light his shadow became short and wide; the light on his sharp nose casting an ugly thick line unto his gapped mouth that soon reached unto his trembling Adams apple.
After the incident, Barney sat at home drunk and blacked out for most of the time or he chose to drink while watching the blood curdle on his gold ring. He would imagine Blue waltzing into his room and sweeping while singing something adoringly to him. Barney died a couple days after the incident with his mind filled with delirious loving thoughts of Miss Blue and that is what killed him. Even when he was blacked out, he dreamt of her frolicking in the black space of his mind upon nothing but air as ashen moths flicked weakly around her head; he figured the butterflies he once felt had burnt away. Still, in all his dreaming he could never put himself beside her. Never could he imagine her in his arms nor fabricate his lips unto hers. He could not imagine them together in the same inky space of his mind. This is what drove him mad; enticing Blue madness.

I hope you enjoyed my tale of liquor and rose windows or whatever you made it out to be. However, if you found the ending a bit unsatisfying; I am ever so sorry I could not appease your craving for a more jubilant ending. For I am a person of realistic fantasies and felt the world would have killed them eventually as the world is filled with misfortune and ever looming madness; which is evident in my story. I just sped up the process. If I have troubled you with my pessimistic mind, I am sorry once more. Nevertheless, embrace some of the madness but not all. For we are all mad in our right or in our own wrong.