January 22, 2013
By Niyosaba2216, Waterloo, Iowa
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Niyosaba2216, Waterloo, Iowa
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Favorite Quote:
"Ya, Im alive again!!!!"

Author's note: its very discriptive kindof

Maybe it was stupid of me to think that Joe would let me go out to the party that David Messamer had invited me to, and skip out on the Family dinner party, I mean what did I aspect from my step father, who’s never let me go out, unless it was to school, church, or a family event, but even then he has to be with me, every step of the way. Literally, not because of being an over protective father, but because he doesn’t trust me, he thinks I’ll be spending the time spent away from him with a guy, or do bad things that will cause the cops to come knocking at the door and asking him questions. He teaches Gym where I attend school, at McKinley high, and he’s one of the Sunday school teachers at church, he owns a restaurant called JOE’S HOT SPOT, where I work.
Yes he’s my Step father, but he’s also my Guardian. My mother, and he’s daughter Lilly died in a car crash down by the Blue Valley River 3 years ago, we were on our way back home from the carnival that just couldn’t be missed, Lilly sat in the passenger seat because mom had promised her, I was in the back we were singing along to Alicia keys “if I didn’t have you” before any one of us new, the car ended up half way in the water, I was the only survivor, at this point I didn’t know what was going on, I felt astonished, sirens was surrounded around me, voices, screaming, chaos everywhere, I looked around for my mom and Lilly but I couldn’t find them. I see Joe who’s looking down at me with an aberrant abomination stare and without a word he passes by me and runs towards the accident cursing at the paramedics, and crying over his daughter and my mother. After the funeral, than did I gain memory it all became clear to me. Joe was mad at my mom he was mad at Lilly. Joe was madder at me. He made it he’s goal to torture me. To make me feel like I’m dead. Why? All because he felt I should of died instead of he’s wife and he’s only daughter, but what I didn’t understand is, before the accident, I was he’s favorite daughter, now I’m just he’s living dead girl. And I live too far away from my one grandmother that I know of. My mother looked exactly like me, but with a skinny hour glass frame, she had long brown hair that lightly kissed her shoulders, and bangs down her top eyelids. She always wore brown contacts because that’s what caught Joe’s attention most. Joe’s lost he’s youth, since my mother’s death. He gained bangs under he’s eyes he doesn’t bother shaving, so he has a full pioneer mustache and beard growing on his face, he looks like he’s been losing sleep for months, he walks in a heavy lazy way, always dressed in gym shorts and zip up sweater, and he drinks a lot more, more bitter, more strict. The family dinner party ended, sooner than I thought, but it was still boring, Uncle Millard wasn’t drunk this time around instead of showing up with three cases of 24 pack beer pack, he showed up with a new chick by his side, and she seemed proud and happy to of met him, he seems cleaner, and happier too, whatever his new chick is doing to keep him in check, she should continue doing it. No one has seen him this happy before. I guess all this time; he’s been lonely, which caused him to drink a lot. My Cousin Carl and his twin Carla tried associating with me, but I wasn’t in the mood, instead I stood in the corner minding my business and did things or said things, when I was asked to by Joe. We have this family get together events every two weeks, Joes side of the family believes that family is what keeps us moving, so everyone in the family ask for a day off every two weeks.

The author's comments:
just edited.

I climbed out of the car, with Joe behind me, before I could open the door; Joe grabs me by my arm, putting force on my forearms and whispers in my ear. “Remember to walk in with a smile, like we just had a father daughter moment” and with that note, I did just that. I walked in the door, and put on the biggest smile. “Joe you’re so funny, I told you that SpongeBob wasn’t gay” I laughed. But my heart didn’t feel like it was in the mood for laughter, and my soul was darkened, every time my heart felt like I was lying it’d hurt just to tell me to stop faking, but what could I do, I wasn’t in control of my body, My Heart will just have to be set aside, for what Joe wants, and only for Joe. “Your silly” Joe replied “But SpongeBob could of fooled me.” He laughs, and clocks both me and him in, the other employees stare and smile at us, with envy of wishing they had a special bond with one of their parents, or even both, they think, Joe and I are both lucky to have each other, but if only they knew what goes on, when they’re not present. Then will they envy us? Or wish to have the relationship Joe shares with me? I go to my position behind the counter, and wait for my Saturday to be over. Through the door, David and his girlfriend Becca Miner enters through the door with David’s best friend Alex Jan’s, and some other girl I’ve never seen before, from the look of Becca’s face She’s not to happy to see me. I think it’s because David and I have a connection, David and I have been friends since preschool, but as soon as my mother died, a month after her funeral, all hell let loose, well my hell. If that makes any sense. Joe refused for me to associate with anyone, not even my girl Tammy , the only time I can associate with them, is during a class project. Tammy understands, half of my situations, all she knows, is that Joe is more strict, and over protective, but she doesn’t know the things he does to me, like how he beats me and have his way with me. He tells me it’s to make up the life taken away from His wife and he’s daughter lost from the accident, when the life should have been mine to loose. And how does that make me feel? THE NEED TO NOT LIVE. “Reignn?” David called out, confused to of found me here “I didn’t know you work here.” Why did he have to show up, if Joe finds out, I could get beat? David reached over the counter and gave me hug. I was afraid to embrace him back, because I knew Joe’s eyes were piercing at me, and Becca’s look tells me she’s not too happy. So I stood in he’s hug dangling, as if he was a stranger. He let go, because he could feel it was awkward, and because Becca was growing jealous. “My step father owns this restaurant” I say, giving him a sly smile, I walk around the corner and walk them to their tables. I’m surprised Becca hasn’t said anything or made a smart remark at me, when we’re at least 2 feet from each other, she always start with a laughter, then the words “Why do you exist” follow right behind the laughter. I ask myself that same question. Why do I Exist? Since she walked through the door she’s been eyeing me down hard, I feel like she could burn a hole in my body, I tried hard not to give contact with her instead just focused my eyes on the piece of paper and pen out in front of me. “What can I get for you guys today?” I ask, touching my pen on my tongue and putting it back on my paper. “For me,” David started “I’d like the number seven, hold the pickles and onions, with our famous root beer cherry coke float. Remember that” he laughs, while trying to search for my eyes, I managed to crack a smile, and nodded. I looked over at Becca, who was now glaring at David, with her arms crossed. “Ahem… remember us?” she asks snapping her fingers at me, I must have been staring at David for too long. oh how I miss our days together, every night David would climb in my window, when he’s parents had gotten in arguments, he would take the floor while I stayed on my bed, but we’d never go to sleep, we’d stay up and talk about nothing, but yet seemed like something. I also miss our Sunday fun day, with Tammy to, we would always go to sundae aquarium day, inside was ocean blue, with pictures of sea fishes on the wall, on the walls were different types of fishes, one tank had octopus, sea horse, dolphins, anything and everything you could think of that lived in the ocean was there. “Reignn!” Joe grabbed my arm, bringing me back from where ever I was, “ what is going on?” he asks looking at me than at David, the vein that popped out from his head tells me, he won’t be too happy or let this go, when he has me alone. “Your employee here is too busy day dreaming over my boyfriend, instead of taking our orders.” Becca, looks over at me with a wicked smirk, and grabs on to David’s left arm, he jerks a little, but she doesn’t seem to want to let go. “Is this true?” Joe asks, looking at me directly, he put a little pressure on his grip shooting pain up my left arm. “No it’s not true sir, It’s my fault , because it’s been so long since we talked, and I wanted to catch up with her” I know David was trying to be sincere and help me, but he just made my situation even worse, I was never supposed to associate with guys, especially him. From the pain rising in my arm I could tell Joe was furious. He calls Tiffany to come finish up their order, and whispers in my ear to meet him in his office, without looking at David I followed Joe. He shut the door behind me and slapped me hard I fell to the ground, now my face was throbbing I wanted to cry but he reached down and covered my mouth and wiped the tears from my eyes. Thunder played in the background, it must be raining. “Why do you do these kinds of things to make me mad? Do you think I like hurting you? I tell you nicely not to talk to guys, and what do you do. YOU TALK TO GUYS! Especially David, the one guy I specifically tell you not to talk to.” Joe, rips my top of, showing only the front part of my bra, he grabs my left breast and twists till it turns purple. “You like the way he looks huh? You probably think about f*ing him don’t you, that’s what you want, is to get f*ed, do I not do that enough for you, am I not good enough that you go and look at other guys? Huh? ANSWER ME!” he blows a punch to my face, than unbuttons my pants. I stare at the ceiling, and close my eyes, he punched all the tears away, but left the pain, I’m counting in my head to the beat of the throbs playing all over my body. When he decided he was done, he helps me up, and directs me to the shower in he’s office, and tells me to get cleaned up after I cleaned myself up, he hands me sunglasses to cover up the bruise below my right eye, and he’s sweater to cover the purple mark on my arms. He holds out 20 dollars to take the cab home, and to pick a few groceries up on the way home, I grab the money, and walk out his office and tried not to have any contact with anyone, David had spotted me walk out the door, so he decided to follow me, I tried to hide from him, but he caught up. Outside is wet, it must of rained when I heard the thunder. “Wait, Reignn sorry for getting you sent home, I didn’t know talking to you would get you in trouble.” He turns me to face him. “Why don’t you look at me?” at this point, I just wanted to hug him, and just feel he’s warmth, like when he hugged me, when he came in the restaurant an hour ago. But my fear towards Joe is much bigger; I didn’t want to get caught. Not again. But I slowly turn to face him, he’s eye’s were glistening, making it easier to see that he’s worried, and mad by my actions, I couldn’t help but cry, my left eye released a tear slowly working its way down my check, I look up to see the gray sky, and a rain drop hits my bottom lip, its starting to rain again “Reignn your eye, you’re bleeding. Did your step father do this to you?” he asks, looking back at the restaurant. I took long to answer. At this point we were soaked, he took off his sweater and put it on me. “No, I hurt myself, which is the reason why I got sent home, you have nothing to do with it. I got into it with one of my coworkers, who was talking smack about me.” “You were always the type to take no bull from no one else, not even me” he laughs at the memory, I couldn’t help but laugh either, but my eye’s were itching, but I noticed a cab and quickly I raised my hand to stop the cab and I jumped in, leaving him, staring at me leave. I felt bad for leaving him, and not talking to him like I used to. I used to trust him with everything, my secrets, my crushes, my dreams, everything that came to mind, I’d share it with him, and him with me. But since my Mother and step sister died, my life’s been…well you know the story. The cab driver got out he’s car and helped me bring my groceries in, I paid him and off he went. I brought everything in the kitchen attempted to eat something, but didn’t because I knew Joe would know, Joe always know, when something is missing, broken, or wrong, and when he knows and it’s got something to do with me, I pay the price, always. I closed my bedroom door behind me and walked in my private bathroom, the bathroom I used to share with Lilly, sometimes I wonder if it was just my mom that had died and Lilly still here, would Joe beat me, would he LOVE me the way he does now, or if my mom had lived and only Lilly had died, WHAT THEN, WHAT IF, WHY ME? It didn’t take long for Joe to come home, he left Joyce the assistant manager to close up for him, I guess he felt bad, because he brought home a banana and a Hershey bar. He pulled me next to him on the couch, while I devoured the banana first than the candy bar. “but you know what this mean, right?” he asks, looking down at me, than turning on the TV “this means tomorrow you will do twice the work out to lose all that you just ate.” I nodded, and rested my head on he’s shoulders where he gently placed it, and watched history channel with him, on the big screen sat a group of monkeys, cleaning each other off, with a women sitting next to them, talking towards the camera explaining their habits. I remember, before my mother died, I told her I wanted to become a zoo keeper, just so I could be close to the animals, I always felt close to them, she would take me to the zoo, almost every day when she didn’t have to work late, or when she went on dates with Joe, I miss those times, where Joe was a father, my mom was around, and Joe loved me as a daughter just as much as his own. I felt like I had the perfect life, maybe that’s why I can’t run away now, maybe its not because I have no family anywhere near me, but maybe because that connection we shared before the sudden loss, is still there. Or am I just TRAPPED?

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