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Tragic Parallel

Author's note: I hope people will think about the working's of a dark mind, of how our society puts a grave...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: I hope people will think about the working's of a dark mind, of how our society puts a grave pressure on kids to uphold odd standards. I was inspired by the works of Fydor Dostoevsky and Gus van Sant.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 6 7 8 9 10 11 Next »


To his dismay, the bus indeed awaited his boarding, a foreboding beckon cast forth by the slim yellow doors.
A gentle breeze that accompanied the current, light overcast toyed with the boy’s hair, a dream-like brush. He gulped the final breath of the crisp, cool air. As soon as he passed through the doors of the bus, his world changed. The calm quiet of the outdoors had been instantly purged by a thousand voices all trying to be heard, like a vacuum seal blocking his ears from all else. He refused to look at anybody, yet he knew exactly where he was going. Eyes solely placed on the gritty floor of the aisle, hair falling just over them, his feet guided him to a seat surrounded by four girls and two boys. Melissa, Carlie, Ashlyn—he couldn’t remember the last one’s name, if he’d even known it. Then Drew and Braden. Immediately after Clayton took his seat next to the window, Drew slid in next to him. Clayton glanced at him, as he would a man he did not know.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 6 7 8 9 10 11 Next »

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This book has 4 comments. Post your own now!

CammyS said...
Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:57 am
This was unbelievable. I can't believe you wrote this, for, as MayaS. says, your writing blows my mind. The characters sound so real, with distinct voices but yet both so real. One suggestion I can think of is for you to alternate the characters, do the emperor (I can't remember his name) at home, then Clayton at home. The emperor boarding the bus, Clayton boarding the bus. Also wouldn't everybody be in their classrooms at the time, instead of out in the halls? Amazing work, simply a... (more »)
Romanovich replied...
Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:22 pm
Thank you, I appreciate it! As far as the perspectives go (the emperor is nameless) the original formatting was four pages for each perspective, each written straight with no chapters.  Then this site wanted me to split it into chapters, so I just took out snap shots capable of describing in one word.  That probably altered the way it reads quite a bit.
CammyS replied...
Dec. 5, 2012 at 7:30 am
Ah, that does make more sense.
MayaS. said...
Dec. 2, 2012 at 2:20 pm
1st: Your writing blows my mind. 2nd: Your writing blows my mind. 3rd: Your writing blows my mind.  

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