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Tragic Parallel

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Author's note: I hope people will think about the working's of a dark mind, of how our society puts a grave...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: I hope people will think about the working's of a dark mind, of how our society puts a grave pressure on kids to uphold odd standards. I was inspired by the works of Fydor Dostoevsky and Gus van Sant.  « Hide author's note
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Expectations

There was no time to dwell on his hair. He quickly and nimbly flew down the stairs on the tips of his toes into his large dazzling kitchen. His mother had made breakfast for his father. Clayton cast a glance at her, stomach twisted. A stay-at-home-mom, her robe still wrapped around her shoulders. He thought it sad to see her living a 1950’s stereotypical submission to her groomed husband (who wore a blue tie tumbling down over his lighter blue business shirt). Sometimes he even saw her as selfish, feeding off his father’s income. But she kept the entire house sparkling clean, a deed worth commemoration.
“Honey, do you want some breakfast? There are some eggs cooking on the stove now,” his mother said, looking at him with a glint of motherly affection in her eyes, bustling around the table to pick something up or drop something off, as if her family were restaurant guests.
“No, I’m not hungry.” His mother continues to scurry about, but her face twists into a look of innocent confusion.
“Are you sure?” she asks, dropping dishes in the sink. The clatter or porcelain drew Clayton’s eyes to the sink.
“Yeah.” His eyes never meet with his mother’s.
Backpack hanging from one shoulder like a sloth from a tree, Clayton sulks out the door, each step another thought: why? He wished that the bus had already left, he would walk somewhere, anywhere with no people.
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This book has 4 comments. Post your own!

CammyS said...
Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:57 am:
This was unbelievable. I can't believe you wrote this, for, as MayaS. says, your writing blows my mind. The characters sound so real, with distinct voices but yet both so real. One suggestion I can think of is for you to alternate the characters, do the emperor (I can't remember his name) at home, then Clayton at home. The emperor boarding the bus, Clayton boarding the bus. Also wouldn't everybody be in their classrooms at the time, instead of out in the halls? Amazing work, simply a... (more »)
 
Romanovich replied...
Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:22 pm :
Thank you, I appreciate it! As far as the perspectives go (the emperor is nameless) the original formatting was four pages for each perspective, each written straight with no chapters.  Then this site wanted me to split it into chapters, so I just took out snap shots capable of describing in one word.  That probably altered the way it reads quite a bit.
 
CammyS replied...
Dec. 5, 2012 at 7:30 am :
Ah, that does make more sense.
 
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MayaS. said...
Dec. 2, 2012 at 2:20 pm:
1st: Your writing blows my mind. 2nd: Your writing blows my mind. 3rd: Your writing blows my mind.  
 
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