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Tragic Parallel

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Author's note: I hope people will think about the working's of a dark mind, of how our society puts a grave...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: I hope people will think about the working's of a dark mind, of how our society puts a grave pressure on kids to uphold odd standards. I was inspired by the works of Fydor Dostoevsky and Gus van Sant.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 9 10 11

The Final Cut

A catastrophic burst of sound sped through the walls, echoed into his classroom. The teacher, a confident calculative man, froze midsentence. He looked as if he was waiting. Several children began to scream. Though inside he could feel remorseful curiosity burning in his stomach, Clayton strived to be outwardly passive.
More bursts filled the air.
“Everyone stay calm, go out through the window, the teacher commanded with a respectable solidarity. He broke the glass with a small metal wastebasket and began helping kids through. Kids with tear stained faces. Kids shuddering with fear, clambering over each other out the window, thoughts only of themselves.
But Clayton stayed in his seat. The teacher yelled at him, still he did not budge. Two girls pulled on him, screaming at him to leave with them now, before it was too late. Their words lost themselves behind gunshots. They pulled him from the desk, began jerking him towards the window.
Glass shattered from behind. The door opened. The girls shrieked and collapsed to the ground whimpering, dragging Clayton down with them. The gunman approached them slowly, his face beaming psychotically. A last student squirmed out the window, the two girls paralyzed upon the ground pouring tears to nowhere. Clayton rose from the ground but was greeted by moral error. Upon his lips were words that never made it further; he slumped to the ground. And there the words wafted around the cold dead lips like steam from a passive geyser: I deserve this.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 9 10 11


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This book has 4 comments. Post your own!

CammyS said...
Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:57 am:
This was unbelievable. I can't believe you wrote this, for, as MayaS. says, your writing blows my mind. The characters sound so real, with distinct voices but yet both so real. One suggestion I can think of is for you to alternate the characters, do the emperor (I can't remember his name) at home, then Clayton at home. The emperor boarding the bus, Clayton boarding the bus. Also wouldn't everybody be in their classrooms at the time, instead of out in the halls? Amazing work, simply a... (more »)
 
Romanovich replied...
Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:22 pm :
Thank you, I appreciate it! As far as the perspectives go (the emperor is nameless) the original formatting was four pages for each perspective, each written straight with no chapters.  Then this site wanted me to split it into chapters, so I just took out snap shots capable of describing in one word.  That probably altered the way it reads quite a bit.
 
CammyS replied...
Dec. 5, 2012 at 7:30 am :
Ah, that does make more sense.
 
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MayaS. said...
Dec. 2, 2012 at 2:20 pm:
1st: Your writing blows my mind. 2nd: Your writing blows my mind. 3rd: Your writing blows my mind.  
 
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