The misery of Zoe Loddes: A.K.A. Despair | Teen Ink

The misery of Zoe Loddes: A.K.A. Despair

August 4, 2012
By Moving-farther, Mattoon, Illinois
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Moving-farther, Mattoon, Illinois
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Favorite Quote:
"You can't help who you fall in love with." -Teresa Jones


Author's note: My cousin and I like to Role play with characters we creat so that their emotions and actions come through so that we have more time to develop the character before we use themso that we know where they will lead. One of her creations that she had left behind her because other projects came into few was about a boy named maxwell and I asked if I could use this and the awnser was yes. that is how I finally filled all the missing gaps. I would like to be a writer when I am older and I hope that everyone that reads this will help me to make the story better and my writing better as a whole ^.^

They call me Despair I guess it is not that strange because I always feel like nothing can go right. I have light brown hair that Truth says looks like trees bark. My eyes are light purple, that also is my favorite color by the way, and my favorite outfit is my dark red and purple fairy skirt. With my black and dark red lace elbow length shirt, unfortunately a little ripped up. My lace tights were also tied up a little, OK a lot, but my black high heels were perfectly new. They don't look broken in at all, mostly because I had small feet. I always hid in my room during the day because I tried to stay away from Misery because she had the nasty habit of beating me if I did a single thing wrong. We all lived, (by we I mean Misery, Truth, Betrayal, Jealousy, Hate, Anger, Shame, and my self), in what any normal person would have called condemned. If they had gone in the first thing they would notice were the paint and blood stains everywhere, then probably the destroyed state of everything. It looked like an insane asylum. I loved it.
"Hey! Despair! Let's get going! We have stuff to do today!" That was Misery or more accurately Lisette McDougal. She was the leader of the so called "bad emotions", Misery, Hate, Anger, Shame, Betrayal, Truth, Jealousy, and my self Despair. I don't really know who I am, just that I woke up here and that I was told I was there because that was home. I truly believed it was, that's why I never question it.
"Yes! I'm coming!" I let out a crazy giggle. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I'm insane. I let out another round of crazy giggles. Nuttier then squirrel s***. Truth grabbed hold of my arm and dragged me out of our insane asylum of a house.
" Hurry up Dis, if your always this slow your going to be left behind!" Truth was always worrying about me, he was the only person that tried to keep me as sane as possible. He was amazing, he had this power of course he had not shown me, I had just heard about it. " Hurry!" still pulling me along he helped me on to his bike, he started it up and took off fast. His short blond hair was waving in the breeze. He had on his favorite outfit to, gray fingerless gloves, dark blue short sleeve shirt under a gray jacket, white tennis shoes, and black cargo pants. His whole outfit looked old and over used, But it was not his hair or his clothes that really got me about him, not even his powers, it was his eyes. His cool, strange, gray and blue eyes, they seemed to be older then he was.
"Truth? Where are we going?" I asked innocently. I was holding on tightly to his chest, I shut my eyes and smiled. He was my very, best friend. If anything happened or I had never meet him I probably would not of been alive. He had made me eat when I was trying to starve my self to death, he had held me when I cried. He would do anything to keep me alive, even if I was not happy about it, he loved me. "Somewhere so you can get your memories back Zo." He didn't turn around but his voice seemed to quiver with emotion. I had no idea what was going on, I did not understand why I needed them back.
I smiled, "OK that's neat, but I thought I didn't need them?" I was going to learn and learn fast how to keep myself, by my self, sane.

I loved riding with Truth. He would go really fast then slow down then go fast again, just to make me laugh. Today though he just went the speed limit,
"Truth? Are you ok?" I was really worried, he never acted like this.
"Course I am Des," he made a sharp turn that almost unseated me.
"Truth! What the hell?!" I was clinging to him tightly, scared that if I loosened my grip he would fling me off the bike again.
"What?" He stopped, got off the bike and looked back at me. We were in a grove of trees, the light trickled through the tree making the light effect look like tea candles.
"What is this place?" I was in awe, this place was beautiful, it was like a long forgotten dream. I loved it, in the middle was a small shrine that also looked like a house. It was painted in soft gold with a pattern of stars cut into the old cedar. "It's so. . ." I was at a lose for words.
"Does the is place seem failure to you?" he seemed worried and a little nervous. I kept looking around, I nodded slowly.
"yeah it does, like a dream. Truth I HAVE had dreams about this place before!" I felt so excited, I quickly told him about my dreams with the little girl names Hope who was attached to me and how we would go there to think and be alone.
"Despair, this place, those dreams, their all real. That girl is a real person, their memories Dis. I'm sorry." He seemed so upset.
" Truth," I did not know what to say. He was so calm, but I knew he was upset and I also knew he hated me knowing these things about him. "Truth, what are talking about. They're just dumb dreams," But I was not so sure, the way he looked at me made me think he was telling me the whole and complete truth, so far as he knew anyway. "T-Truth, you can't really think that." I was getting scared, if he was telling me the truth then all those dreams about me fighting people at schools, the woman that haunted all of my bad dreams, they were all real. I was to scared to speak, I was shaking so hard that Truth had to grab me and hold me to keep me steady.
"Despair?!" He sounded so, so worried, I could barely see him, my vision started blurring, the edges blacked out. The last thing I remembered was Truth holding me close to him and him calling my name, after that only darkness.

I woke to the sounds of a scalpel running across skin, I was in Surgery...

I could not feel the skin being cut apart I could not feel anything I did not know what was happening or where I was my mind was on things that had no meaning in this world. I wandered in and out of consciousness, all the time I wondered how I had gotten hurt and why I needed to have surgery. I woke up about a week after Truth's and my original excursion, in this place that I had never seen. I was in this white room that smelled like rubbing alcohol. Much more then anywhere I had seen before, this boy came in about my age.
"My name is Maxwell, everyone calls me Max. We only barely got to you in time Despair. You were bleeding from where they had attacked you, we did not have enough time to save your friend." He looked sad, "I'm very sorry." I had not even registered what he meant or how I had gotten here when an alarm went off. "I'll be back Despair." With that he left me alone, it was all I could do to stay conscious, but he was gone for hours, finally I gave into the drugs they had in my system. I started to remember all the little things, how the Emotions and I had become insane. We had a terrible secret, we had used a witches power to try and fix something though that something was forever obliterated from my mind. Eventually they had all driven each other insane, coming after me last because I had been the one fighting so hard to stop them. The next time I woke I was in a different place, the walls were like a castle, they were darker and a bit moist, I was in a beautiful bed that had red velvet curtains hung from the top of the bed. The only thing I noticed was a constant, soft, sound next to me and when I finally could look I saw that Maxwell from before was asleep next to the bed I was in, suddenly it hit me that I had not seen Truth and that I had to find him right then because I was sure something horrible had happened to him. So I sat strait up& almost screamed with the pain the shot through my chest& sides. I fell back with a gasp, my head felt like a drummer was pounding away using my skull as the drum. When I could finally think straight again I could hear Maxwell calling my name and I attempted to focus on him.
"Don't sit up like that Despair! Your going to open all your wounds again! its enough trying to keep you strapped down so that you don't hurt your self when you have your horrible nightmares. Please you need to stay still." he honestly sounded worried for me and I managed a,
"w-why do you care? I have to get to Truth something's happened, you have to let me go, Please!" tears had started to fall down my face at this point, I had never cried in my life. I mean why as I crying in front of this guy I did not know, someone that to my knowledge had me tied to a bed so that I could not move. What was I going to do? I could not move and he was obviously in a healthy normal position. He could take me down in a heartbeat. " I'm sorry Despair, Truth is no longer on this earth." he let that sink in and I became hysterical,
"NO YOU'RE WRONG!!! HE ISN'T DEAD YOU'RE LYING TO ME!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" I was screaming at the top of my lungs and I felt the pinch of a needle in my opposite arm, next time I would have to check the whole room.

The author's comments:
More chapters are coming but I'm on a busy schedule getting ready for school, sorry for any inconvenions.

I woke to the same room, but this time many different people were milling around the room and talking it was like a buzzing noise and it hurt my head.
"shut up all of you, god what did you give me it feels like I've been hit by a bus." my arms were still strapped to the bed and I could feel the dull pain of my chest.
"Your awake, Good. This time do try to not become hysterical-"
"No you listen to me." I was so angry that I was shaking. "What ever had happened and I don't care what did. Truth should have been saved and not me. I never have deserved to live! How could you save me and not him?! he wasn't evil like the rest! He wasn't insane! He's the only person that's ever looked out for me and if I find out he's really dead I'll put it on every single persons head that is in this room." I was tearing up again and I had no idea why.
"well its good to know you're feeling well enough to make threats Zoe." This pretty young girl was looking down on me, it was obvious that besides Maxwell, she had been the only person that had come and looked in on me all the time I had just never woken when she was in the room. Zoe that name sounds so familiar.
"Don't make threats you can't keep miss Loddes, you are still tied to a bed and anyone in this room could kill you." I muttered what Misery and all the others called me,
"Useless Loddes." So that's where they got that from it was my name.
"You aren't useless Zoe." That was Maxwell again, " and even if we had wanted to we couldn't of saved Truth's life. this wasn't your fault Zoe. Don't blame your self." he seemed sad and his Grey eyes looked stormy.
"No I don't want to listen to you!" I was near hysterics again as I tried to pull the restraints away, making my wrists and my arms raw from the cloth, my body was still broken I could feel the pain it threatened to put me under again. Maxwell's hand found my face and held it still,
"Please stop hurting yourself Zoe, you aren't making this easier on yourself or anyone else. You aren't going anywhere till your healed and that won't be for a long time." I yanked my face away'
" STOP ACTING LIKE YOU CARE!!! WHERE AM I LET ME GO!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!"
"if you can't stop screaming we'll have to give you more sleeping drugs and you don't want anymore in your system you already said." This was the pretty girl everyone kept calling Princess.
"I want to go home. I don't want to be here. I want Truth. I don't trust any of you. I want to leave. Just let me go." I had my eyes shut tight and my voice trembled with the tears I was holding back. then the boy from before that had told me not to make threats said,
"She isn't going to come around. They've driven her insane Max. She isn't going to remember us or who she was or her sister. She's gone except it and let us move on." Maxwell sounded angry,
" I will never just move on from her! I will try my whole life if I have to! Zoe will remember sometime! I love her and that's all there is to it! I'm not going to give her back to those monsters again! I'm going to protect her like i couldn't before!"
"Calm down or we'll have to put you under Maxwell."
"Princess, how can you ask this of us?! Letting him keep her tied to a bed like a common criminal she's more special then that to everyone and we all know it. Why cant we just get some people to come and help her remember?"
"Because, Maxwell has been trying every time she's woken up and she hasn't remembered all she asks is to go home that she doesn't know us. We need to try with the person closest to her and then we can try others." I was seething, I was still here and they talked about me like i was in another room,
" Yeah hello. I'm in the room with you. You people act like you're so much better then the emotions and yet you can talk about me as if I'm not in the room just because someone closes their eyes doesn't mean that they're asleep or cant hear! How dare you act like I'm crazy! I've held on to my sanity better then anyone besides Truth-"
"TRUTH DIED BECAUSE HE WAS PROTECTING YOU FROM THE EMOTIONS!! THEY FOUND OUT HIS PLAN AND THEY ATTACKED! HE WANTED YOU TO REMEMBER! ALL YOU DID WAS BLACK OUT! HE COVERED YOU WITH HIMSELF AS A SHELD TILL WE GOT THERE AND THEN IT WAS TO LATE! IT WAS ALL WE COULD DO TO SAVE YOU AFTER THEY HAD HAD THEIR FUN WITH THE BOTH OF YOU!" The only other girl in the room shouted, quietly I replied,
"So it was my fault, everyone has lied and said it wasn't. Truth is dead because of me, and you still saved me. What kind of people are you?" my question hung in the air, my tears spoken in words I would not let these people see my tears.



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