If I only could

April 22, 2017
By Evangeline74, Orlando, Florida
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Evangeline74, Orlando, Florida
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Favorite Quote:
"That's just the way it is, but don't you believe them" Hornsby

Author's note:

I was inspired by the stories of ghosts and demons to write this. Also when I was comissioned to write I was reading about Imperialism in World History

Carrie went her cousin Rose’s room crying feeling absolutely humiliated. This was the worst Christmas ever! Her adopted cousin Eddie who she had crush on forever told her that he liked her and gave her first kiss. Then he left and she didn’t see him again until he was introducing her family to his new girlfriend. Her heart sunk when Amanda cuddled with him and kissed him. She felt her eyes flooding with tears and her heart grow cold as ice. But she forced herself to smile and act as if everything was fine.

If that wasn’t bad enough her she overheard her parents talking about how this might be their last Christmas party. That’s because they might be moving to a different state next year if her father couldn’t find work. Wisconsin was the only place she ever remembered living in and now knowing that she might lose everything she had ever known made her stomach turn.

She pressed her head into the pillow and sobbed. I was familiar with these kinds of scenes before. In fact my story began in a little something like this.

Who am I? I am…. well you’ll see in a moment. Long ago I was an Irish farm girl named Jessie Bean. That was during that days when those British lived in Ireland with all that wealth and luxuries us common folk couldn’t get. I spent my days feeding the animals and cleaning the home. Well until the day I met Maggie.

Maggie, the only real friend I ever had. She was sweet as candy and always put others before herself. She could make even me turn my frown upside down. Her beauty was simply something to compliment her personality. She had long wavy red and her skin smoother than a stream. She could come up with a million ways to spend the day. We spent our days fishing for minnows, studying flowers and trying to ride sheep.

Then one terrible day came when the British raised taxes on our farms. We had to sell many of our possessions to make sure we didn’t lose the farm. I lost my grandmother’s necklace to that but I also lost something even more valuable.

Maggie’s family could not afford to pay the new taxes so they ended up selling their farm and moving away. We had to say goodbye. I gave her my favorite toy, a stuffed lamb my mother gave me for my birthday. She smiled at me gently. I would take moments to cherish that smile and make sure I’d never forget it. I waved to her until her family was out my sight.

After that things at the home became more dull and dingy. My brother Sean was not the type to provide me company. He played games I couldn’t understand and often mistreated animals by pulling their tails or kicking their legs. My mom and dad were good people and gave me company whenever they could. Unfortunately that wasn’t often since they had to take care of the farm and pay off the debt.

So I spent my days doing my chores, wandering off in the fields and trying to figure out why I couldn’t click with people. Maggie was the only one who liked me. Everyone else kept their distance saying I was weird and angry. I could find a million things wrong with myself back then though none of them come to mind now.

But that’s how I lived my life day in and day out. Until the day my parents died. My dad caught a cough that wouldn’t go away and spent the rest of his life in bed fighting it. My mom soon got as well and order my brother and I not go near her. Soon they both were dead and buried in the ground.

It was the most awful day of my life. The two who loved and cared for me all of my life were gone. I still wasn’t prepared to take charge of the farm even it was Sean’s responsibility. But he always spent the day at the pub and came home unwilling to do anything but nap. I was the one to milk the cows. I was the one to sell the eggs that the chickens laid. And like my parents before me I was the one to deal with the debts.

I was unable to hire help because we barely had enough money to keep the farm running. Nor could I marry a man who was even the slightest bit well off. They all said I was too spirited for my own good. There was also the fact I was not the most prettiest or wealthiest woman. So I just made did with what I had.

There was one night though when everything fell apart. I was sleeping since all of the chores were done for the night. As I was in deep sleep I dreamt I was playing with Maggie again. We ran across the field laughing as we chased each other. Just as I was about to grab her, she disappeared. The sky sudden turned dark and there was nothing for miles. I screamed and cried wanting someone to tell me where I was. Then something grabbed me and shook me. I tried to break free but before I could I opened my eyes.

Mrs. O’Shea was standing there, her eyes widen in terror pulled me off the bed. In moment I found out why. The house was burning. I could see flames everywhere, on my door, on my wall and even on my ceiling. I was frozen in fright as Mrs. O’Shea dragged me outside where a bunch of our neighbors were watching the house and the barn burn and trying to put out the fire.

I demanded to know where my brother was since the last time I saw him he was in his bed sound asleep. No one paid any attention to me until I attempt to go back inside for him. They grabbed me and forced me to stay. I watched the only home I have ever known burn to the ground.

The next morning was terrible. The neighbors helped me salvage what hadn’t been completely destroyed. I found some chickens and our horse Annabelle. But all three of our cows were missing. The worse is when the neighbors told me they had discovered my brother’s remains. There entered a pain in my heart that never went away as a river of tears exited my eyes.

I stayed with Mrs. O’Shea for a while. I walked long the streets of town looking for work. During those trips I was unsuccessful but I did find something interesting. A young British man held a cow that was exactly like the one my parents kept in barn. He was talking to some other British men. I pressed in to listen on their conversation.

“This is prized animal. It was too good to be wasted on some white trash I found her with.” The man said.

He and his friends laughed in delight.

I felt something burning inside of me as hot as the flames that destroyed home. I saw scarlet red cloud my vision. But I could do nothing except watch them leave.

Later night I tracked down where the man lived and tried to burn his planation down. But I was caught before I could do any real damage. They threw me in jail.

As a sat there in jail feeling nothing but hate for them I spotted someone I hadn’t seen in ages.

Maggie lay on the floor of the prison floor crying her eyes out. 

“What are you in here for” I asked in curiosity.

She stood up and looked around. “Jessie, is that you?”

“Yes, it’s me. Tell me how does a girl like you end up in place like this?”

Maggie bowed her head and continued to weep. “I rather not say”.

Suddenly something miraculous happened. A man dressed in back looking like one of those wealth British lords materialized in her cell. He stood there smirking then he finally spoke.

“All you had to do was kill the man who stole your life away and you couldn’t even do that.”

Maggie didn’t do anything but sit there solemnly.

“You do know he never loved you. He saw you as a mistress, a toy. Something he could throw away after he was finished with it. He never planned on marrying you. He always had eyes for the girl with the most to offer which certainly wasn’t you. Now just come with me quietly”. He pulled out a knife. “This will all be over soon.

He drove the knife into her chest. I screamed in fear and pain. Blood dripped over the floor as the next great tribulation of my life began.

I had lost everything my family, my home and my friend.

I fell to the floor crying until a bright light struck me.

Standing there was something only described as an angel that I sometimes heard about from Christian neighbors. He had blond hair and luxurious white skin. His light filled me with nothing but happiness, energy and love. Those were thing I felt on days I got candy, spent time with Maggie or my parents.

He said” Stop demon. This soul is unworthy of your realm. When a loving caring soul does a kind act no matter when, they belong in heaven. She will not enter paradise yet but she will work for it. She will bring water to places that have none and stop water from becoming excessive. With every good child she sees her soul will become lighter but with every child who screams and cries her soul will fall a little” He then took a bright light from the demon and began to fade.

“WE HAD A DEAL” the man in black shouted.

I drew back in anger and shock. They had no right to take Maggie. I deserved to be here more than her. She should have lived for a long time with a husband who loved as well as children. She didn’t deserve a man who didn’t give a cow’s chip about her. I wished I could find the man who broke her heart and rip his out.

The man in black noticed me and went over to my cell.

“Well I may have lost one soul but it seems I gained another”.

He pressed his hand to my head and everything I have every hated like the time my mom served me boiled sheep stomach to the British man who admitted to hurting me and bragging about it.

“Let me get this straight you want revenge on those British people who took everything from you”.

I nodded my head.

“Here’s the deal I will give the power and the means to do so but in return your soul is mine. Sign here”.

He pulled out a contract and gave me a pen and something that looked mysteriously like blood. I signed my name on it without a second thought,

For the rest of my life I became a middle class spinster as the British called me. The man gave riches and strength I needed to carry out my mission. I kidnapped wealth young men who took mistresses or hurt my people. I threw them in my barn and beat them for months. Once I was done I cut of their limbs slowly before murdering them.

The first few I felt awful afterwards. But as the number of men I killed grew higher that guilt within me began to fade away. I was the master of death. I could decide who would die and who would live.

But eventually the law caught me and I was killed trying to escape them.

I went to hell where I was tortured just like I had done with my victims. It stayed that way for many years until I was the one who did the torturing. Then the man sent me up to look for souls he could add as his helpers.

So far I have been unsuccessful but now my luck has changed.

As Carrie lay there in her bed I slowly began to approach her. I was not in physical form yet so all she felt was a slight breeze. I put my hand her head and started to sift through her subconscious.

I saw in there were picture of her fears. I found ridiculous ones like her fear of chickens and more serious one like the fear of no one liking her. I brought up the memories of her being bullied in school. I gave her mind the one about the time no one had given her a single good note for an event the teachers had arranged. I took in images of Eddie kissing his girlfriend telling how much he loved her. I forced down a picture Carrie’s mind had conjured up of Eddie not caring that he was never going to see her again and instead choosing to sleep with Amanda.

After that I went further into the darker parts of her mind. I grabbed images of her desires. Those ranged from revealing to Amanda about the confession Eddie had made to her in front of her whole family to one where Eddie and Amanda were in a leaky lifeboat and Carrie refused to save them.

I repeated them over and over again in her mind. Then the one I had been searching for was the one fantasy of her punching Amanda or pushing her in front of car. Unfortunately that one snapped Carrie out her self pity.

I backed away as she looked on in terror. She was horrified by what her could come up with. Quickly she pulled herself of the bed and prayed “Oh Lord please let me not understand the way of evil”

Like many other wishes before this one did not come true.

Carrie and her family were at the train station the day after Christmas. Her father was trying to get a ticket for the next ride. Carrie sat there on the bench trying to hold in all those feelings of heartbreak and uncertainty. She almost didn’t notice when a girl dropped her wallet.

Forgetting her own pain she grabbed the wallet and ran up to the woman.
“Excuse Me,” she said as she tapped her shoulder “but you dropped this.

The woman turned around and revealed she was covered in bags. She had cropped hair that was red but could be mistaken for brown. Her eyes were bright amber. For some reason Carrie felt drawn to her.

“Thank you,” she said using her free hand to hold the wallet.

“Do you need any help?” asked Carrie.

“No, I’m fine by- oof” she said in surprise as one of her bags fell off her shoulder. “Or maybe I could use so help.”

Carrie took her bag and stood beside her. “So where are you going to?

“I’m going to meet family in Wolfton”

Carrie stood there in shock. ”That’s where I live. Maybe we’ll see each other around.”

“I sure hope so. Your boyfriend must be lucky to have such a generous girl.”

Carrie stood there in silence.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you”.

“It’s okay it’s not like he was in to me anyway.’

“Boys are stupid anyway. Believe me I speak from experience. By the way I never got your name,” the girl said.

“It’s Carrie. Carrie Williams.”

“Jessie. Jessie Bean” the girl said smiling as she took Carrie’s hand and shook it.

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