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Author's note: I love the tv show Degrassi on teen nick and 2 of my favorite characters are Eli and Clare. Eli's character faces the conflict of losing his old girlfriend Julie. So I decided to write a story from her point of and what thought happen between them because they never told us how she dies. The characters Eli, Clare, and Julie belong to teen nick, but the rest I completely wrote on my own.
It really was never a big deal…OK, so maybe being pregnant is huge. The big deal is, it is not my boyfriends baby.
People make mistakes. I know I do, I am only human. My boyfriend, Elijah, did not understand that.
And now because of a childish mistake, I stand before me a door. A door with a bright yellow light coming from behind it. How can a place so beautiful, hurt so much? I know the answer, because it is the consequences of my mistakes.
I turn my back to the door and run back to the other side of the bridge that led to the door. I try to run from the horror, the memories that are resurfacing. The memories that cause my heart to beat out of my chest and bring me pain. Another punishment to all wrong doings.
I reach the other side and grip the railing as I crumble to the ground in pain, in defeat. Tears that I have held in for so long boil over, and I can no longer be brave. I lose grip on the railing and fall gently into the grass. Crying in pain, praying it will go away soon.
A little river flows beside me and under the bridge. I sit up and watch it. It looks so clear and perfect, with no pollution. That is until I lean forward and look at my reflection. My sins fill the river with dirt, and I am ashame of myself. I take a deep breathe and control the shakes that shoot through my body. I wipe my tears on my arm, and I stare at myself.
The only way I will cross this bridge is to face my past. To reflect on my wrong doings and come face to face with my death. I breathe another heavy sigh, and close my eyes. Focusing on opening myself up. I am going to tell you my story of the beginning and the end of my life.
It seemed like a harmful party. I was in a really bummed mood, a lot of crap was happening at home and I needed to get away. This seemed pretty close to getting away. I hid in the corner for awhile until the host of the party, Jess, offers me a drink. Of course I take it thinking what do I have to lose? One drink turned into two, three, four, five, soon I was the most drunk person at the party. Looking back now I wonder what the hell I was thinking, but at the time the only thing playing in my mind was what did I have to lose?
I toss my jacket and shoes to the side, and let loose. I forgot all my troubles and stress that filled my head. For a brief moment I felt happy, like nothing could stop me. Everything disappeared, like magic, and I liked it.
A lot of the rest of the party was a blur, except for the most important things. They were clear as day, and to tell you the truth I wish they were’t.
A warm, fuzzy feeling filled my body, and another urge for a drink came on. So I stumbled into the kitchen, and when I finally made it I leaned against the counter for support. I could not focus on anything, so I grabbed the first cup I saw. That was my first mistake. Little did I know, this cup was drugged. Unfortunately, the drink went sliding down my throat and satisfied my thirst.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a leather jacket. I thought it was my boyfriend, Eli, but I was wrong. It was his all time bully, Mike. Mike picked on Eli ever since they were nine. When they were younger they fought a never ending circle of violence, no matter who got hurt. Mike even bought that jacket to taunt Eli, but now a days he wears it to keep warm or to look in style. Both Eli and Mike were playing cool for now. Thats all I needed, the more time Eli focused on Mike the less time for me and him. And he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him.
Mike saw me and waved half drunk. I laughed and waved back. I tried to make it back to the loud room with the music, but I stumbled and fell into someone. Just my luck it was Mike. He started laughing, and I couldn’t help but join in. He started talking, but I could not hear him over the loud music. So, he pulled me into what looked liked one of Jessica’s guest rooms. I fell on the bed drunk and exhausted. My head throbbed and I could feel the room spinning around me.
“Wow Julia, never knew you could party hard,” Mike’s words came out half mumbled.
I was really weak and tried sitting up, but I was really lightheaded. It almost hurt to think. I finally sit up, and see Mike leaning against the door.
“Well, if I am sucha party person, why aren’t we out witha party?” my words came out ten times more mumbled then his. I was surprised he even understood me.
“Well, we could have a party of our own in here,” he said while stumbling to the bed. My body was weak and I kept getting even more lightheaded. I just sat there, and he leaned forward. I pulled back, we were both too drunk to know what we were doing.
“I can’t. I am dating Eli, remember?” I asked as if it was not obvious.
Mike’s expression changed, and I saw honesty in his eyes. I was never prepared for the next thing he said.
“You know why I hate Eli so much? Because he took you from me. We were best friends, we should have been together. But he had you hooked ever since you both looked at each other. I wanted you back, I wanted us back. I tried to prove to you I was better, but you picked him. But I am not giving up.”
He sounded sad, but looked satisfied to get it off his chest. I didn’t know what to believe. Was this true? Or was it the many drinks he had putting crap into his head?
Anyway, it was too late to respond though. The drink I had, has taken over and the drug kicked in. I was unaware of everything, as I slipped into a dark dream I could not control.
When I woke up the sun pierced my eyes. My head hurt, and I tried to focus on something, but everything looked like it was moving. I look next to me and there laying was Mike asleep. I looked around and saw a familiar piece of clothing. It was my shirt. I grew more aware now, and next to my shirt were the rest of my clothes.
I could not breathe or blink. What the hell? Oh no, no, no, god no. I jumped up and grabbed my clothes, throwing them on quickly. I sat on the edge of the bed in a panic. Did we do it? Did we have sex? But i was drugged, i couldn’t tell what was going on. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and see 20 missed calls and 27 text messages. Some were from my stepmother, others from Eli.
I was about to respond, when my stomach lurched forward, and I ran to the bathroom. I threw up feeling a little better, but I still felt like s***. This was bad, very bad. My phone vibrated again, it was another text from Eli. I closed my phone and leaned against the wall for a moment, breathing in the fresh air. After a minute or two, I got up off the floor leaving the room, leaving the house with not one look back. I didn’t know what to do. I walked the streets breathing in the murky air. For some reason it seemed really cloudy for a day in April. I walked the streets farthest from Eli’s house and my stepmothers house.
My stepmother thinks keeping me locked up will change the way I act. Obviously that didn’t work. She just didn’t understand, and I didn’t expect her too. Shes nothing like me, and she does not even want to try to get closer to me, like a real mom should. I took a deep breathe, trying to steady my anger. Birds flew by me making me jump. An iron fence was placed next to me and I was standing in front of a huge, iron gate covered in patches of rust. A path of dirt lead up to an old mansion. I pushed the gate open and it squeaked to life. I walked up the path, with the dead grass crunching under my feet.
An old, dirty house rested at the end of the path. It looked like something that got pulled out of a scary movie. Windows were broken, dirt stains dripped down the side of the house walls. It looked like if a bird were to sit on top of it the whole thing would crumble down.
Most girls would not even dare to walk through the iron gates, let alone go into the house. I guess thats what makes me different from other girls. I took two steps up onto the porch and it creaked with each step I took. It didn’t freak me out, I was never easy to scare. I knocked on the door and nobody answered. I waited a little longer, but nobody answered. I turned the knob and walked in. When I walked in there was a stair case in front of me. It was covered in papers and dirt. The wood turned into a black, gray color throughout the whole house. Above the staircase was a hole in the roof. The large stair case led to smaller stair cases in both the left and right direction.
I took a 360 spin and saw the mystery’s of the house in full view. Different, busted pictures and other items were scattered in with the dirt and papers on the floor and walls. There were many rooms branching off around the stair case.
“Cool,” I whispered in amazement.
A creak came from the stair case and I spun around. Descending the long stair case is a young girl. She has half her hair down and the other half is pulled back by something I can not see. She wore a strapless dress, leaving her tan arms and shoulders bare. Her dress went from her chest down to the floor. It was a light, gray color that hugged her chest down to her hips, but flowed like a waterfall down the rest of her body. The upper part of the dress has layers of diamonds and black stones. She looked gorgeous and unreal, but she was there before me. She stopped on the stairs, with one hand resting on the thick stair railing. We stood there in silence, looking at each other, then I spoke up,
“Hi, sorry to break in like this. I thought it was abandoned.”
She just stood on the stairs unmoving, not saying anything.
“Do you live here?” I ask after a moment of silence.
She just stood there, and I did not know what to do. Should I leave or stay? My decision was made when my stomach lurched in pain again. I wrap my arms across my stomach, and I moaned. She walked down the stairs and motioned to a bucket next to the fire place. My stomach screamed in pain and I ran for the bucket. I threw up, and them turned to the girl. She stood there looking at me worried. I just smiled and wiped the sweat off my forehead. I took two big breathes.
“Why don’t you talked?” I ask in a whisper.
She stared at me the bent down toward the bucket. She swung her arm and gasp thinking how I upset her. But I didn’t upset, she was proving a point. Why else would she knock over a bucket of puke? But there was no crash or throw up flying, nothing happened. The bucket stayed were it was, but her arm went right through it. It didn’t seem possible, and I thought for a minute I was dreaming. I wasn’t though, and I felt my body go numb with fear.
“Are you a-a ghost?” I ask in a whisper.
A small smirk came on her lips and she nodded. Wow, I could’t believe it, she was dead. I was going to ask another question, but my stomach screamed in pain again and I turned back to the bucket. When I lifted my head out of the bucket, she was gone. A piece of paper remained in her spot. I picked it up and saw a note.
I would get a test.
I read the note over and over, and all I wanted to do is to crumble up the paper and toss it at the wall. It was too true though, I needed to check. I got up and dumped the bucket out side, then left closing the door behind me. I walked back down the path and into the street, heading toward the nearest drug store.
Next couple of days
Turns out I was pregnant, and I was scared. I sat on my bed just thinking. Quiet tears drip down my face, and I just wanted everything to go back to normal. A normal day with me waking up, riding my bike to school, meeting Eli, kissing and laughing. holding hands down the hall. But nothing is the same, and I can not change it. Not now, not ever. My phone vibrated next to me and I look to see a text from Eli:
Where are you? Been worried. Can you come over? -E
I debate weather or not to answer or to toss my phone somewhere I can not find it. I think for awhile then respond:
Sorry, been busy. See you in a few. -J
I bounce down the stairs and put on my converse. I grabbed my bike out of the garage,and pulled it out to the street. I headed to Eli’s house. He would understand right? He could help me, I can trust him. I know I can.
I reached his house and parked my bike outside. I knocked on the door and he opened it with no time to spare. He started questioning me before I can even get through the door.
“Where were you? I tried calling, texting, everything! I thought you were hurt or something. I thought-“
He kept talking as I moved passed him and sat on his coach. I sat there looking at my hands, realizing I haven’t thought this completely through. After a long moment of silence, he grabbed me hands and I look up.
“Julia, what happened?” he asked concerned.
“I went to a party the other day, and uh….” I hesitated.
He looked at me confused, but he didn’t question. He just waited.
“I,ummmm, kinda got drunk. Really drunk, and I didn’t know what was going on. It happened so fast, I broke off, scared to go on.
“And?” he urged.
“And I did something bad,” I chocked out the words pass the huge lump in my throat.
He stared at me confused, then he slowly realized what I meant.
“You had sex?!” he asked in a harsh whisper.
The tears started to build up, “Eli I am sorry, I didn’t know!”
He pushed my hands away and got up. He stopped across the room and anger was everywhere on his face.
“But you didn’t try to stop?”
“I blacked out. I had no idea until I woke up.
“And how did you know when you woke up?”
I hesitated, “my clothes were on the floor and I don’t know I felt different.”
I could see he was about to explode, but tried to keep control. He took deep breathes and squeezing his eyes shut. He didn’t answer and I blurted out something I should have held back.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered.
His eyes snapped open and focused on my stomach. I wrap my arms around my stomach as if I was trying to protect it. He was quiet for a long time, and all I wanted was for him to hold me. To tell me everything will be fine, and that he will help me through all of this.
“Who” he whispered.
“What?” I asked, I was caught off guard.
“Who’s baby is it?” he asked slower.
I gulped and looked down, “Mike Austin.”
“Mike?Mike!! Out of all the people, you pick my nemesis?!”
“I didn’t choose this!! We were drunk, and I got drugged. He was in the bed when I woke up, and I hoped it wasn’t true. But I took a test, and it was positive.”
His face change and he was thinking, he was calmer now, “You know you still have time.”
“What do you mean?”
“You could take the pill or get an abortion, that way you can go back to normal. No body will know.”
I jump up, and squeeze my stomach a little more. I can’t believe what he is asking me. Trust me, I didn’t like this anymore then he did, but its my baby. My own DNA, another little me. I wouldn’t dare to give this baby up. I must have been still drugged because I couldn’t believe I was defending the one that could ruin my life.
“No” I mouthed.
He looked at me confused.
“I won’t. You see it as the easiest thing to do, but its not. He or she is a part of me now, no changing that. Nothing can be normal anymore.”
He stared at me with a bitter look on his face.
“Then go,” he spit out the words, “Go with you baby. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.”
I stood there astonished, Eli, please?”
“Leave now. Hope your happy with your child.”
He turned his back on me, and I backed to the door.
“Fine, bye Eli.I love you.”
I turned and ran out the door. The tears streamed down my cheek, and I took deep breathes before getting on bike heading home. I reached an intersection and when it was clear I started crossing. I got half way across when I saw dimmed lights. They grew brighter and I heard tires squealing. I turn to see two bright lights in my face, then I was flung in the air. Everything went black, and instead of pain my body went numb. Like I fell into a deep sleep, but this was too comfortable to be sleep.
I fluttered my eyes open and the bright light was back. I looked around and saw papers and dirt that looked familiar. I sat up slowly and everything started looking very familiar. I was back in the old mansion again, but how? I stood up and faced a girl. The girl looked like me and I realized it was me. It was my reflection in a long mirror, but I was confused. My dark, blue jeans and black jacket were replaced with a white dress. It had no straps and flowed down my body like a wedding gown. The top part was covered in crystals and so was the bottom part of the gown. It hugged my chest all the way down to my stomach and then flowed out into a big, poofy lace. I felt like a little girl living in Cinderella fairy tale but the one problem was there was no prince. My straight, black hair was now naturally wavy and I had a lot of make-up on that made me look flawless. I touched my cheek,
“I’m beautiful,” I whispered to my reflection.
“You always were,” an angelic voice came from behind me.
I spun around to see the girl on the stairs again. Same gown, same beauty.
“You can talk?”
She giggled, and descended the stairs toward me, “I always could talk, I just can’t talk to humans.”
“But I’m human.”
She shook her head, “Not anymore.”
I gasped, what did she mean?
She waited for me to talk, then she continued, “You were hit by a drunk driver when you were on your bike. You and your baby were killed. I am so sorry.”
I stood there frozen. No, this is not possible. Dead, what? I can’t even comprehend that. I’m so young or was so young. No, its not true. I have a life to live, a bright happy life. A life with Eli, a life with this baby. It can’t be over just like that. I feel like there’s no one inside of me, and I am starting to believe there really isn’t anyone inside of me. The baby’s gone, and so is the hope, love, and joy. There’s nothing left inside of me, I’m dead. I stare at her, and I know shes waiting for something. She just wanted to make sure I got the memo that I was dead.
“Who are you?” I managed to speak pass the tears. I needed something to distract me, something from making me freak out.
“I’m Molly. When I was 14, I was murdered.”
She got closer to me and I could see her better. She looked more real now then before. Her light brown, curly hair came down below her shoulders. One side of her head the curls were pulled back by a black rose, the rest of her curls dangled naturally. Her make made her face ten times more beautiful then her normal beauty. Her gown dragged against the ground as she walked toward me.
She nodded and told me her tale, “A man broke in, killed my family and I and stole everything we owned, ” she had a flash of pain on her face.
“Did they catch him?”
She nodded,”But when they tried to save us it was no use, they could not save us.”
“Did you find out who it was?”
She looked at me dead in the eye and said the words I knew that hurt her to say, “The love of my life.”
I couldn’t react, she was too serious. I felt really bad for her, I don’t know what it would be like to know my true love ended my life. Yet I will never know, do to the fact I am already dead.
She turned away from me and started going back up the stairs.
“Where are you going?” I couldn’t be alone right now, I couldn’t trust myself.
“A place to get away,” she turned and looked at me, “want to come?”
I looked at the door and hesitated. Could this be a dream? Could I still be in my bedroom? I turned back to my reflection and study myself. This was too real to be a dream, but really it seemed more like a nightmare then a dream.
I turned and headed to the stairs. I picked my dress up slightly that way it wouldn’t drag and i followed her up the stairs. She opened a door at the top of the second flight of stairs and we went in. We walked into a green field full of different flowers. The sun beat down and a small breeze blew my hair. Everything was peaceful and calm. She walked through the grass and I followed silently. Together we ended up in front of a bridge that had a small river flowing under it. On the other side was a door. She stopped before the bridge, and I looked around at the amazing place.
“What is this place?” I ask while looking at around at the beautiful scene that stood before me.
“Otherland. The between world for us. This is the gap between earth and heaven,” she explained.
“Why are we not across the bridge?”
“We got lost. We have some guilty part our past we can’t face. In order to cross we must face our guilt and our past. Not feeling guilty is the key to open the door.”
“How are you lost?”
She looked at me with sadness, “Its my fault, everything is. Their lives ended because i trusted him. I trusted love, and it end up hurting everyone. I should have only died, but theirs got wasted. I am an evil person, I shouldn’t cross,” she explained.
“Its really not your fault, you were young.”
“And stupid. I was warned by everyone and still went with him.”
I walked over and touched her shoulder, “You can’t look on the past, you have to learn from it.”
“All the proof haunts me everyday i can’t escape. I fell in love and died for it too. How do you learn from that?”
“By remembering that love.”
She had tears in her eyes, “that love only brought me pain.”
“Then face it.”
She thought about it and after a moment I could see she was finally facing it. All the pain and suffering but realizing it wasn’t her fault. She wiped a tear off her cheek “Thank you, because of you my pain is now filled with hope.”
She started walking over the bridge and I followed her up to the door, then she turned to me.
“Go see him again. Eli can help stop your guilt.”
“How do you know him?”
She giggled, “How do you think you ended up at the mansion? I saw everything. The fight, accident, then I brought your spirit back here to be safe.”
She hugged me and left me with one last message, “Go and I’ll see you soon.”
She opened the door and left, which leaves me where I am now. I open my eyes and see the true me. Tall and tan with black hair and big brown eyes. The guilt was easy to see, and I know she is right. I feel guilty for leaving Eli I have to make sure he’s happy, So I get up and head back to the mansion. Little did I know one day in Otherland is one year on earth. Its 2010 on earth, and its a quiet night. Except I can here a party in the distance, I go check out the scene and it is the Degrassi school having a get together. I wonder the party, luckily no one can see me and I finally see Eli. He’s in a hammock with a girl. My heart beats twice as face. I will always have memories of him, but there nothing like the real thing. I walk closer and I see hi arm wrapped around a dark hair, blue eyed girl. Shes very pretty and the look cute together, then the girl talks,”Look the stars are out tonight.”
“Well, what did you wish for Clare?”
“If I tell you then it won’t come true.”
“Would it be corny if I tell you mine already has.”
Clare smiles and so do I. I feel my guilt being lifted off my chest and I know he’s happy. I walk over and kiss him on the forehead. I know he can’t feel it, but I can and it was more real then anything. Then I whisper to him, “I love you Eli. As long as your happy, I’ll be with you.”
With one last glance I take off rushing back into the mansion into Otherland. Crossing the field and over the bridge back in front of the door.
“This it,” I breathe and put my hand on the door knob. I look back one more time thinking I will wake up but I can’t look back only look forward to my new life. I turn the knob and walk in, never looking back. I have finally found my wings as an angel, now I have to follow my path ahead of me.