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The Cullen Girl

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Author's note: This is my very first fanfiction I've ever written.
Author's note: This is my very first fanfiction I've ever written.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 8 Next »

New Addition

Everything was like a blur to me. My parents were dead, my sister went missing approximately four years ago, everything I knew of life completely vanished before my eyes. I was now known as a foster kid. You see I was shipped from family to family until they gave up on me sent me straight back to my hometown that is buried underneath the border of Illinois and Indiana called, "Hammond" and then was transferred over to Forks, Washington. I gazed around the room, the pastel white carpeting didn't go so well with the bright baby blue wall paper. There were only two people in here and that was me and one other girl, I never paid much attention to her, despite the fact that she thought she was all that and she was biased against me.
I looked to see the nurse taking her out of the room and into the arms of a family. I was the youngest in the entire foster home. And, I was only fifteen and have been to at least twelve different families in my life time. I felt like I was being watched as I stared out the small window gazing at all of the other families getting ready to leave. Something then caught my eye, A beautiful tall pale faced man with blond hair and nurturing golden brown eyes stared at me. A warm smile appeared across my face as I stared deep into the tenderness it brought me.
"Milla." The nurse called for me. I grabbed my suitcase and darted out of the door. I should probably introduce myself right now. My name is Milla Jens. I know what your thinking, weird last name. The tall beautiful pale faced man looked even more beautiful when I saw him for the second time.
"Hello Milla, my name is Carlisle and it's a pleasure to meet you." He smiled warmly and grabbed my luggage and walked me out to his car.
"It's nice to meet you too." I said fidgeting.
"Pleasure's all mine." He chuckled.
As soon as he was done in under a second he quickly got into the drivers seat and sped off down the road. I then sank into the seat as the gravity pulled me back.
"So, tell me about yourself." He said looking down at me.
"Well..." I hesitated for a moment and continued, "I lost my parents in a animal attack, my sister vanished four years ago and my aunt gave up on taking care of me." I said tears almost flooding my eyes as I rubbed them.
"I know how you feel, don't worry I can help you get your mind off of it while your staying with me and my family." He smiled and placed his arm around me and then quickly pulled it away as I flinched from the coldness from his arm.
Once we got to the house I gawked at the beautiful home that was now standing in front of me, deep in the wilderness away from civilization. We both grabbed my bags and headed inside and then came upon a few newer and even more beautiful faces.
"Hello." They all rang in harmony. I hid behind Carlisle as they all smiled at me. You see, I was the more shy type of girl, and the girl that was completely down to earth. I smiled a friendly smile and waved a little.
"Welcome to the family Milla, we've heard so much about you." A girl that was standing next to a boy with honey blond hair and golden brown eyes said.
"Really?" I squeaked. They all chuckled a little and waited for Carlisle to say something.
"Milla, this is Bella and Edward." he pointed towards the couple that was standing at the foot of a stair case. "And, this is Alice and Jasper." He pointed towards another couple. "And, Emmett and Rosalie." he pointed to the opposite side of Alice and Jasper.
"And, of course the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on, Esme." He said and they both kissed passionately.
"And also Bella and Edward's daughter Renesmee." He pointed towards a young girl who looked just like Edward and Bella.
"Hello." Her voice rang as she walked down the stairs.
"Hello." I said my voice now flat.
"Boys, take her stuff up to the guest room." he pointed towards the stairs. In a measly second they were gone and my things were already up in the room.
I slowly walked up the stairs and glared at the pale white walls that surrounded my every corner. I sighed in relief and smiled happily. This was definitely going to be a good life with the Cullen's/Hales. Hopefully.
Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 8 Next »


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This book has 37 comments. Post your own now!

flutterbye1888This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 22, 2013 at 4:28 pm
  I think that you had Milla interact with Edward too much. Edward, at this point, would be completely enveloped with his new family.   They don't actually have conventional "fangs"   When introducing the characters, you probably shouldn't say things like "lets call her Bella," or "I guess I can call her Nessie," just because those nicknames were in the books and movies. Have the caracters ask her to call them those things after she uses t... (more »)
 
Tara_Tomlinson_99This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 4, 2013 at 2:17 pm
O.M.G this was awesome.
 
Tman2 said...
Dec. 3, 2013 at 5:59 pm
same thing you did twilight justice love the foster home thing
 
Girlonfire12This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 12, 2013 at 8:07 pm
Hey i loved the book you just need to continue it. i don't believe this is your first fan fiction u r so good look for mine it is called how i survived the hunger games.
 
Tman2 replied...
Dec. 3, 2013 at 5:58 pm
You did a really great job I like the story and style
 
101929 said...
Apr. 26, 2013 at 2:29 pm
nicely done! creative ideas!
 
Naadz said...
Aug. 2, 2012 at 3:36 am
I love the book, but I want more! Please continue this book... I really really liked it! The plot is so great.. You really have a vivid imagination!:)
 
Alynumber4 said...
Jun. 19, 2012 at 5:11 pm
I like the idea of this book, and the writing is pretty good, but I find myself confused by a lot of the English used. English is my first language, and I'm fairly sure that alot of this is not using correct grammar. I'm not looking to really critique you or anything, but some of the paragraphs in which really important things happened I ended up having to re-read and spend a few moments speculating about what you had meant to say, which made it hard to get lost in the story. Try having someone ... (more »)
 
Lacer said...
May 18, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Hmmhmmhmm. I know this is Twilight fanfiction, and I generally dispporve of fanfiction. It tends to be sloppy, and done in an hour over a wave of enthusiasm.
But, I do admit, the first page is done okay. No, I'm sorry to say I can't tell you that its good, and it does need improvement, but that's why I review, hmm?

First off, your usign first person narrative because Stephanie Meyer did it, and you want to be a character in the story. That is the weakness of all... (more »)

 
Branderz replied...
May 18, 2012 at 3:58 pm
Thanks for the advice... But, I wasn't putting myself in the story whatsoever.... I also made this character up
 
Lacer replied...
May 18, 2012 at 4:41 pm
It's a common association.
 
Moayo lest replied...
Feb. 4 at 12:21 am
I really love the plot to the story but im dying for more. and some romance would be relly cool to. just a suggestion. the end kinda confused me but it just added to the suspence.
 
Andra said...
Feb. 5, 2012 at 12:44 am
is it free to post a novel? im new.
 
DirectingGabs replied...
Feb. 11, 2012 at 6:54 pm
Yess it is.
 
AHPK0 replied...
Feb. 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm
thank you for your help
 
UNserieswriter said...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 6:57 pm

having written both my stories from multiple points of view, i suggest you refrain from explicitly saying things like:

"From Alice's point of view."

Instead try to make it clear through thoughts, conversation, surroundings, and the characters actions who is currently holding the point of view.

Just some friendly advice. :)

Just some friendly advice

 
princees yui said...
Nov. 22, 2011 at 2:55 pm
sorry.not 2 be mean but totally 2 SHORT!But it was creative.
 
msoledadvc said...
Nov. 2, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Well, I think I'd better tell you before that sometimes I don't understand because my "mother language" isn't English, if not Spanish. So I'll read it again more carefully and try to understand. ;)

But I really love this book!

 
Branderz replied...
Nov. 3, 2011 at 6:50 am
Aww thanks and it's okay :)
 
msoledadvc replied...
Nov. 4, 2011 at 1:41 am
:) Just telling the truth.. By the way, do you know how to tag an article as favorite?? I haven't still figured it out, help?
 

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