Teen Ink

Hmmhmmhmm. I know this is Twilight fanfiction, and I generally dispporve of fanfiction. It tends to be sloppy, and done in an hour over a wave of enthusiasm.
But, I do admit, the first page is done okay. No, I'm sorry to say I can't tell you that its good, and it does need improvement, but that's why I review, hmm?

First off, your usign first person narrative because Stephanie Meyer did it, and you want to be a character in the story. That is the weakness of all... (more »)

having written both my stories from multiple points of view, i suggest you refrain from explicitly saying things like:

"From Alice's point of view."

Instead try to make it clear through thoughts, conversation, surroundings, and the characters actions who is currently holding the point of view.

Just some friendly advice. :)

Just some friendly advice

Well, I think I'd better tell you before that sometimes I don't understand because my "mother language" isn't English, if not Spanish. So I'll read it again more carefully and try to understand. ;)

But I really love this book!