Alien Desolation

May 6, 2014
By Opticalillusion DIAMOND, Edenton, North Carolina
Opticalillusion DIAMOND, Edenton, North Carolina
64 articles 13 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am an artist bound only for the poet's glory....But only achieve half of the success that my dreams aspire to find, And to what do the whispers tell me of this failure...To what end to they haunt my nightmares...my eternal dark dreams...


Summary:

The O.S.S Gutenberg...The third orbital station ever built has succumbed to a dark, dangerous beast...The Xenomorph... The Ultimate, Most ruthless predator...Will anyone survive?


Alex M.

Alien Desolation


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This book has 12 comments.


on May. 19 2014 at 11:36 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

TeenInk.com/forums?act=post&topic_id=17&thread_id=80027&rand=0.6116951263975352#reply1897733 I'll put the rest of my cmmt on this forum.

on May. 19 2014 at 11:33 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

Alright. I promise it was excellent. I just get nitpicky when I see a lot of potential in something.(:

on May. 19 2014 at 1:37 pm
Opticalillusion DIAMOND, Edenton, North Carolina
64 articles 13 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am an artist bound only for the poet's glory....But only achieve half of the success that my dreams aspire to find, And to what do the whispers tell me of this failure...To what end to they haunt my nightmares...my eternal dark dreams...

Thanks for getting to it, First I would like to say that weyland and webber are two different people. Second thanks for pointing out the errors. (Truly hard to find people who do so.) In the second chapter I only made doctor ross who is honestly just a doctor not a scientist and the engineer have small talk to show their reltionship.

on May. 19 2014 at 12:12 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

This comment isn't posting all the way... I meant to have like a whole other section. I'll try later.

on May. 19 2014 at 12:11 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

(Sorry about this mess)

on May. 19 2014 at 12:09 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

Alien Desolation Cmmt: I told you I would get to it! (: I write my comments live btw so it may be kind of long. I apologize in advance. Ch 1 - Already love the chapter title. Pretty cool. If you're talking about how refined the ship is, I wouldn't use the word "scraps." That's kind of a nitpicky diction thing, but it makes a difference. Be careful with your grammar and punctuation inside dialogue. I know it might be something you might not want to focus on, but it's still necessary. Don't worry too much; it's a pretty ubiquitous problem. You also changed Webber/Weyland's name. Make sure your stuff is consistent. Again with the dialogue grammar... Here's an easy fix... Put your writing into more paragraphs, that is, separate it more just for the ease of the reader. I also feel the like the scientists would describe things in more detail than how they are. I understand if you're trying to make it easier for the reader, but you also have to make it realistic. Wow, I love the drama and intensity near the end. Really cool and it made me want to keep reading... Which I shall. Ch 2 - why would the scientists be making such small talk if everyone is dying??? I do like how casual the scientists are speaking. It makes it seem like it's not even scripted, like its a real conversation. I really like the description of the girls head wound. That was gruesome and awesome! Umm... I don't know anything about welding torches, but don't they need a cord to work? I might be wrong, but it's just a question of realism. "I kept the flashlight on the door with my mouth."

82northern said...
on May. 16 2014 at 11:41 am
82northern, Port Huron, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
smile and everyone smiles back!
if it's a dark day make it a bright one!

good book its more than brilliant its fabulous

on May. 15 2014 at 11:37 am
Sunshine2420 SILVER, Unknown, Other
9 articles 0 photos 173 comments

Favorite Quote:
A smile hides everything.

Brilliant!

on May. 15 2014 at 11:04 am
Opticalillusion DIAMOND, Edenton, North Carolina
64 articles 13 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am an artist bound only for the poet's glory....But only achieve half of the success that my dreams aspire to find, And to what do the whispers tell me of this failure...To what end to they haunt my nightmares...my eternal dark dreams...

Teen onk= *Teen Ink* Spelling error. 

on May. 14 2014 at 12:20 pm
Lightning_Wolf_Ryu SILVER, Belpre, Ohio
7 articles 4 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"God's Ready for you, are you ready for him?"

nice work 

on May. 14 2014 at 12:18 pm
HayatC. PLATINUM, Louisville, Kentucky
25 articles 0 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one."

I thought this was very creative and exciting as well, nice job!

on May. 13 2014 at 8:27 am
Opticalillusion DIAMOND, Edenton, North Carolina
64 articles 13 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am an artist bound only for the poet's glory....But only achieve half of the success that my dreams aspire to find, And to what do the whispers tell me of this failure...To what end to they haunt my nightmares...my eternal dark dreams...

The last sentance of the first chapter is supposed to end like -Webber spoke with a happier tone. - Teen onk screwed it up in the editing process. Thank you for reading.




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