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Breathless: Ouran Highschool Host Club
Author's note: This work is about discovering who you are for yourself, and figuring out what you need from the world. Our society never gives you the answers straightly--you're always forced to uncover the truth yourself. So, I give this short novel to you as a way to learn to love yourself and everyone else. As a way to learn to accept the truth for what it is, and only change what you can.
There was always a reason behind every one of Kyouya Ootori's actions. He was rational and calm, always aiming for his own achievement. So naturally when Yoshio asked him to befriend the Suoh boy, Kyouya did not object. He knew it was only going to benefit him.
But he never would have dreamed that this Tamaki would be so incredibly stupid. Moronic, even. Still, the boy had an undeniable passion for love in his eyes, and Kyouya couldn't help but admire that. To do anything without personal gain was commendable in Kyouya's eyes, and this strange boy seemed to do nothing for his own benefit. Intriguing, indeed.
And that admiration was soon furthered when the boys reached Kyoto for their first vacation together. In fact, Kyouya could possibly say that his heart skipped a beat every time Tamaki walked into the room. And that worried the Ootori boy beyond words. Because generally that indicated that a person was in love. And he could not afford to be in love, let alone with another boy. Even though he was the unimportant third son, a gay man certainly was not going to be allowed in the Ootori family. His father would be furious. And since he was disposable, he might even be disowned.
So Kyouya told no one of his strange inner battles, not even Tamaki himself. He simply kept his thoughts about his emotions to himself and continued traveling around Japan with the one boy who he was completely in love with.
It was when they returned from Hokkaido that he finally decided to confess his sexuality to his sister. There was really no one else he could talk to. His father might not even hear him out and his brothers were less-than-amicable towards him–and there was no way in hell he could talk to Tamaki.
"Hey, Fuyumi?" he asked tentatively.
"Hmm, Kyouya? What's up?" she replied, not glancing up from her romance novel.
"There's, uh, something that I wanted to ask you about," Kyouya said, awkwardly stepping towards her. He started to break out into a sweat. Maybe this wasn't the best idea, after all.
Surprised by his shy nature, Fuyumi looked up at him and smiled, gesturing towards an empty seat on the couch. "Sure, go ahead," she said reassuringly. If it was making the unbreakable Kyouya nervous, then it had to be a serious problem.
"I, uh–" The boy's voice broke off, and a wave of irritation at his own incompetence briefly took over his face. Why was it that it was so hard to talk to her? "Fuyumi, I think I'm gay," he blurted out, then covered his mouth with his hand. Well, it was a rather forward way to start that conversation, but it did the trick. Fuyumi's eyes widened at her younger brother's sudden confession, but she quickly contained her shock for his understood his pain, in a way. Their family wasn't the most open-minded, after all. The poor boy was probably more scared than she could imagine.
"Oh, Kyouya! It's okay, you know," she said, walking towards him and putting her arm around his shoulders. His body grew slack under her caring touch, and he buried his face in his hands.
"How am I supposed to tell Father?" he asked her, not looking up. "We can tell him together. There's no point in going alone. Either way, it's Tamaki, isn't it?" she said, tightening her embrace on him.
"Wait, what? How did you know...?" he asked, confused. "I could tell the second I saw you two together. He's so clearly fallen for you, Kyouya. I just didn't want to tell you because I wasn't entirely sure, but now that you tell me, it's not as if I'm going to keep that from you," she answered sheepishly.
"You knew the whole time, didn't you? Hah. You knew before me. That's a first," he said, smiling. Fuyumi really had improved his mood, and she was always someone he could count on, even if he didn't always know it.
"Yeah, I guess so. But–not to kill the mood or anything–you do have a bigger problem on your hands." Fuyumi's smile faltered a bit, and she struggled to maintain her composure.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"What are you going to say to Tamaki?" she asked lightly.
Kyouya blushed furiously. His sister was right–this was his first love, and Kyouya knew less than nothing about feelings. "Good question," he replied.
Tamaki had known that he was different for years. He'd known that liking other boys was not the norm, but in France his mother had accepted him for who he was, and that was enough. He'd even had a boyfriend or two. But when he moved to Japan, he realized that his grandmother was not going to be willing to accept a gay heir to the Suoh name. This was really only due to the fact that it would be frowned upon by outside society-not to mention that if he couldn't have children, then there was no one to pass along the Suoh name to.
So the only person that knew about him in Japan was his father. He didn't really have many close friends in Japan-no one knew about his illegitimacy, except for Kyouya. In reality, Tamaki could say that Kyouya was his only real friend. Which was probably why Tamaki was so afraid to lose him. He'd fallen for him the day they'd met, and he knew that this time it was something special. Kyouya meant more to him than any other boy had before, and he could not afford to lose him. Because if Tamaki Suoh lost another person he loved, he might be broken beyond repair.
But still, Tamaki knew the precise moment that he had become completely head over heels for Kyouya. It had been in Kyoto. Their trip had simply been so light and carefree, unlike both the boys' troublesome lives. They'd returned from the beach one night, and Kyouya had passed out from exhaustion as soon as he'd set foot in the hotel room, fully clothed and wearing shoes. Tamaki remembered thinking that Kyouya was just so wonderfully at ease when he wasn't worried for appearances. He'd carefully removed Kyouya's shoes, and unbuttoned his shirt, just so the raven-haired boy would be comfortable. There were no ulterior motives, right? He and Kyouya were just two friends on a vacation. But Tamaki couldn't help but feel just a little bit turned on by Kyouya's peaceful expression combined with his lean, muscular body. It was that precise moment of self-denial and passion that led Tamaki to the conclusion that he was, in fact, in love with Kyouya Ootori.
Kyouya had resolved to finally express his feelings to Tamaki. He didn't care if he was rejected--it was simply a matter of feeling in control of his own life. But that didn't change his feeling of slight embarrassment and great unease as he spoke to Tamaki in one of Ouran's many libraries.
"Hey Kyouya! I just had the coolest idea!" Tamaki said, his violet eyes shining with joy. Gods, those eyes were captivating. It was almost too hard for Kyouya to look away.
Suddenly snapping out of his reverie, Kyouya answered him. "I wonder what it is..." he said coolly, averting his eyes.
"We should start a club together!" the boy replied enthusiastically.
Kyouya, to be frank, was skeptical about the idea, but he hid his shock and decided to roll with whatever crazy idea the other teen was dreaming up. This was Tamaki, after all. Kyouya would do anything for him. "Oh?" he asked, genuinely wondering what this club was about.
"Yeah! A host club, yaknow? And I know who we could ask to join, too! We'd start it as soon as we graduated into the high school, and we could have the two Hitachiin twins join. They'd have to come up from the middle school for a year, though... Oh, and I was thinking Takashi Morinozuka and Mitsukuni Haninozuka, from the class above us!" Kyouya was both intrigued and disappointed at the suggestion of a host club. If Tamaki wanted a host club to entertain girls, did that mean that he was, in fact, straight? But the idea seemed to make him happy, and Kyouya would never deny him happiness.
"That's a rather interesting idea, indeed, Tamaki. But, there's actually something a bit more pressing I've had on my mind for a while now," he said, taking care to neither approve of nor brush off the idea.
"Really? What's up?" Tamaki asked, concerned. The blond boy was an idiot, yes, but he could also discern others' emotions quite well when he wanted to.
"Just, uh, promise to keep an open mind to it, okay? It's in your best interest to, anyway," Kyouya said, fighting for control of his words by spinning the conversation back to the one thing he knew the most about: personal gain. It was taking all of his self-control not to spill everything to Tamaki right then and there. What he was about to do had to be carefully handled, much like stepping into a pool, he supposed: jump in and you might be overwhelmed, but ease down the stairs and you might find it all to be an enjoyable experience.
"Okay, whatever you say," Tamaki replied. The French boy searched Kyouya's obsidian eyes for an explanation of what was to come, but found that the other boy himself wasn't entirely sure of anything at all.
"We should step outside," Kyouya said, suddenly remembering that they were in a crowded library of students. He stood up, gathering his things and waiting for Tamaki. They headed out into a nearby empty courtyard.
There, it struck both of the boys with startling force that they were alone. They met each other's eyes briefly and before breaking the intense gaze, pretending to admire the flowers and trees in the courtyard.
"So, Tamaki," Kyouya said, swallowing, "have you ever dealt with a confession of love?" Gods, why was it so hard for Kyouya to talk about himself? Everything he ever did was to benefit himself alone, so why was it so impossible for him to say what was truly on his mind?
"Huh? Oh, um, a couple, I suppose. Not too many-you can never have too much love!" Tamaki winked.
"That's not entirely what I meant. I mean, have you ever loved another guy?" Kyouya said, not missing a beat. He was on safe ground now-it was all completely hypothetical and without a mention of his own name.
Tamaki's face flushed, but he answered the question honestly. "I would be lying if I said no."
"Then what would you say if I told you I loved you?" It was now that Kyouya lost his composure, his face crumpling into a look of embarrassment.
"Then I would finally get to do this," Tamaki said, approaching Kyouya and stroking his cheek gently. Then Kyouya's eyes widened as Tamaki did the completely unexpected--he looked into Kyouya's deep, endless eyes, and kissed him. To Kyouya, it tasted of something sweet, yet forbidden.
"What did you do that for?" Kyouya whispered after they broke the kiss.
"Because I love you, Kyouya. You might be 'mon ami', but tell me that you haven't wished for more. Tell me that, and this never happened," Tamaki replied.
"I'm afraid I can't tell you that. It's not in my best interest to lie." Kyouya paused, took a deep breath, and collapsed into the other boy's embrace. Tamaki wrapped his arms around Kyouya, breathing in his scent. They were together, and that was what counted. In that quiet, peaceful moment, they forgot everything else.
What they did not notice was that there were two red-headed twins who had just seen everything-and they weren't about to forget any of it.
"Hey, Kao, isn't that-"
"The Suoh kid and the Ootori boy?"
Two pairs of identical eyes met. "Guess what? I've thought of a new game we can play," said one voice.
"The how fast can we break Kyouya Ootori game?" the other replied.
"You read my mind. So now that we know his weakness is Suoh..."
"We can see how much it takes to drive him to the point of insanity!" The boys smiled deviously at each other and disappeared back into the building.
The Shadow King's private quarters in the Ootori mansion were designed to be luxurious and calming, much like Kyouya himself. However, no amount of decor would appease Kyouya's quickly-building irritation. Tamaki's blatant infuriation with the twins was nearly enough to drive him to the point of madness, as inclined as he was to indulge the other boy's whims out of love.
"I don't understand what they're thinking. If they want to be told apart, why couldn't they just wear different hairstyles or something?"
Kyouya sighed. "Maybe they don't want to be told apart."
"But that's the whole point of the game, Kyouya!"
The dark-haired boy was more preoccupied with hearing his name in Tamaki's voice than he was with whatever else the latest ramble was about. "Well then, they do want to be told apart," he said absently.
"Hang on - are you even listening to me?"
"Well, I hear you talking." Or at least, I do when you say my name like that...
Tamaki sighed heavily, prompting Kyouya to put aside the novel he'd been hiding behind. "Is it really so important to have a club to entertain girls?"
"Yes!" insisted the blond. "We should bring joy to the world."
"Because that's entirely logical. Two gay men starting a club to flirt with women?"
Tamaki blushed a bit. "Well, yeah! You know... because... because... I have a good reason!"
Kyouya smirked. "Do you now?"
"Yeah! Uh... Just let me think of it." His enthusiastic fervor did not seem harmed by the Shadow King's skepticism - and indeed, Kyouya couldn't help but be a bit turned on by it.
"What do you say we take a break from all this thinking?" Was there a note of seduction in his voice, or was Tamaki just going a little crazy? He cast a glance towards the other boy, who was lounging on the sofa as though he hadn't a care in the world.
"What do you mean?" Still irritated with the twins and their mischief, the innuendo had completely gone over the blond boy's head.
Kyouya rose languidly to his feet. "I mean a little something like this," he murmured into Tamaki's ear, wrapping his arms around the other boy's shoulders.
Tamaki turned to face him, seeming more startled than before. "Hmm?"
In response, the other boy simply pulled his chin up to kiss him. Their tongues briefly battled for dominance, but Tamaki quickly gave in to the other boy's quiet insistence. With a smirk, Kyouya stood up taller, dragging Tamaki with him, only to overbalance and tumble down onto the couch.
Tamaki, curious now, began to fumble with the buttons of the other boy's shirt, trying to remove it. A low chuckle resonated in Kyouya's throat, and he expertly slipped the offending garment off of his torso, causing a pleased blush to appear on Tamaki's cheeks. Tamaki let his eyes take in Kyouya's near-perfect chest and well-muscled shoulders. Gods, he was perfect. Once he got over his awe over Kyouya's body, he lost himself to his instincts, running his fingers over Kyouya's bare skin. Kyouya, in retaliation, gave him a warning noise and caught Tamaki's wandering hands. "My turn," he said, kissing the other boy deeply. He quickly undid the buttons of Tamaki's silken shirt, tracing a finger along his now-exposed collarbone.
One would generally believe that the lavish Otori manor would be fully secure. However, the defense measures were hopelessly inept at preventing two sly twins from breaking in. They looked at each other, smiling triumphantly.
"Ha. I bet Ootori never dreamed that someone'd blackmail him like this," Kaoru said. The twins smiled at each other.
"Yeah. He'll do anything now, especially if we have proof," Hikaru replied, pulling out his cell phone to take a picture.
"Are you sure this is okay? This isn't over-the-top, right, Hikaru?" Kaoru asked, unsure.
"No. We need this. I'm sure." Hikaru's face grew uncharacteristically serious. "For what he did to you, we need to get revenge."
"Okay, but I'm still not entirely fine with this. What if Suoh finds out?" Tears shone in Kaoru's eyes, both of happiness and despair. He was grateful for Hikaru's gesture, but at the same time he couldn't shake the feeling that this was wrong.
Kyouya and Tamaki lay next to each other on the bed, eyes closed. Kyouya cracked open an eyelid, peering at Tamaki's peaceful countenance. He was so childlike when asleep, really-quite the opposite of his nature from only a while ago. He stroked the other boy's blond hair gently, marveling at how soft it was. Tamaki's eyes fluttered open upon feeling Kyouya's touch, and he smiled.
"You're beautiful, mon ami," he whispered.
"Kyouya-san? Ootori-sama wants to see Tamaki-san in his office, if you don't mind," a maid said, knocking at the door. The boys sprang apart, hastily pulling on clothes.
Tamaki smoothed his hair over and called back to the woman, "Just a second! I'll be right there."
"Yes, Tamaki-san," she said. Tamaki emerged from his room after composing himself, and he followed the maid to Kyouya's father's study. What could Ootori-sama possibly want from me? he wondered.
"Ootori-sama?" Tamaki asked.
"Yes, come in, Tamaki-san," a deep voice replied.
"You asked to see me, sir?"
"Yes. I wanted to ask you something. Sit down." Yoshio gestured to a nearby office chair. Tamaki obeyed, and wiped his clammy hands on his trousers.
"Yes, sir?" he asked tentatively.
"Is my son worthy of the Ootori name? Honestly, please." It was an odd question, but Tamaki gulped and answered.
"Yes, sir. He is more than worthy, really. I've never met anyone more capable than Kyouya," Tamaki replied.
"Thank you. I want to make sure that he has not been...distracted...as of late. Not with any romantic relations and such." Was it just Tamaki, or was that pointed? There was no way that anyone else could know about him and Kyouya-they'd been sure to keep it a secret.
"N-no sir. None at all."
"Thank you, Tamaki-san. You may go. But bear in mind...if I find that you have lied to me, the consequences for the Suoh group will not be pleasant."
"I understand, sir. I'll be going now." Tamaki stood quietly, bowed, and left.
While Tamaki had been gone, Kyouya had found himself with some uninvited guests: the Hitachiin twins.
"Hello, Ootori," they said. Both of them wore devious smirks, a sure sign of impending trouble.
"Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin? What are you doing in my house?" Kyouya asked incredulously.
"We want you to do something for us, of course," Hikaru replied, stepping forward. Kaoru hid behind his brother, still uncomfortable with what they were about to do.
"Then tell me and we can make a deal," Kyouya said coolly.
"Break up with Tamaki."
"Just why would you want that? And you have no leverage against me-I don't have to do anything you say." Kyouya was still unsure of how the twins had figured them out, but he had a suspicion that they'd been spying on the couple.
"For reasons that are none of your business. And we have this." Hikaru flipped open his phone to reveal the picture he'd taken only a few minutes ago. "Just one message to my publicist, and this will be tomorrow's headline."
Kyouya's eyes widened. How had he been so careless as to leave the curtains open? They couldn't afford to be outed-Kyouya could be disowned, and who knew what Tamaki's grandmother would do?
"I'll do it." Kyouya knew when to step down, and now was the time. Who was to say that he and Tamaki wouldn't be able to still stay together secretly? And even if they couldn't, Tamaki would understand-right?
"Well, then we're done here. We're holding you to that promise, Ootori. Oh, and if you tell Suoh about this, there will be repercussions-for both of you." The twins turned towards the window and left, scaling back down the side of the building.
"Kyouya, I have to tell you something," Tamaki said upon reentering the room.
"So do I," Kyouya replied. He may not be able to tell him about the twins' visit, but he still had to put their relationship on a hiatus-no matter how long that break might end up being.
"Your dad...he knows something," Tamaki said. He looked to Kyouya, waiting for a reaction.
"Then...we should take a break. He has his sources for information everywhere, and we can't afford to get caught." Sources including a certain pair of red-headed twins, Kyouya thought bitterly.
Tears threatened to spill over Tamaki's cheeks, but he too understood Yoshio's far-reaching influence. "Okay. Bye, then. See you in school, or wherever." He started towards the door, showing himself the way out.
Kyouya waited until the door clicked shut, and then punched the couch out of anger. Those goddamned twins...and my father, too?! I knew I never should have afforded myself the luxury of doing what made me happy-this is how it turned out.
The twins walked away from the Ootori manor, feeling accomplished. They'd completed their task, and that was all that mattered. However, both the boys didn't doubt that Kyouya would try to get around their deal-and Hikaru wouldn't hesitate to use their information against him if he did, no matter what Kaoru said to oppose the idea.
"Hikaru...thank you," the younger twin said.
"I'll stop at nothing for you. And he hurt you, so I'll stop at nothing to get to him," his brother replied. It was a true statement, after all. Their bond ran deeper than blood-it was a bond of two brothers who were completely dependent on each other.
Kaoru shrugged, unsure, then continued walking. Had it really been Kyouya who had wronged him? Or was it just an irrational need for revenge that they had to fulfill? The questions spun in his head, and he considered the effect that all of this would have on Kyouya and Tamaki. In the end, Kaoru wasn't sure he could forgive himself if he hurt Tamaki. Hurting the boy he loved was never a part of the plan-and he wasn't sure if Hikaru understood that. And that scared Kaoru beyond words.
Tamaki and and Kyouya walked to class together, each holding his books instead of the other's hand. Their relationship hadn't been open to the general public, but the other students at Ouran knew, and no one had told anyone outside the school yet-probably because all of the girls thought that their taboo relationship was enough to eat three bowls of rice for.
"It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" Tamaki said, trying to break the awkward silence between them.
"Is this what we've come to? Not looking each other in the eye, making small talk about the weather? We used to be friends before all of this. I want that back, Tamaki," Kyouya replied.
"Kyouya...I miss that too. I just feel like whenever I look at you, all I see is what we used to be. And it breaks my heart to think of that." Tamaki reached out towards Kyouya, and his hand brushed the other boy's cheek gently.
"We can't do this," was all Kyouya said in reaction the touch. He turned around, walking away as fast as he could to hide his tears from Tamaki.
Tamaki only stared at his ex walking away before remembering his own classes and heading off.
*Skipping across to after class, in a study hall*
"Did you hear? Ootori-senpai and Suoh-senpai broke up!" Tamaki tried to block out the whispers of the other students as he sat in the library, trying-and failing-to study.
"They were so cute together too! But shh, that's him right there!" a girl said, pointing. Tamaki's pencil snapped in his hand, and he picked up his notebook, leaving the library.
He let his feet take him wherever they wanted to, and found himself in a courtyard several minutes later-the same courtyard where he and Kyouya had first kissed. I know I try to see the good things in everyone, but I think I honestly hate Ootori-sama. A parent who cares more about family success than his own son's happiness isn't deserving of the title of 'father'. A solitary tear rolled down Tamaki's cheek as he leaned against a pole. Kyouya had been his anchor, the only person he'd ever held so close to his heart, other than his mother.
"Tamaki-kun," a voice called. Tamaki turned towards the sound, only to find himself staring across the yard at Kaoru. "Are you okay?" he asked, genuinely concerned.
"You've heard, haven't you? About Kyouya and I?" Tamaki said, his voice devoid of its usual cheer.
"Of course. The entire school knows. That's actually why I followed you out here," Kaoru replied, walking towards the blonde so that they were only a few feet away.
"What do you mean?" Tamaki asked cautiously.
"You look sad. There's no mistaking it. You've been hurt." Kaoru advanced another few steps yet again.
"I don't understand. This has nothing to do with you, Kaoru-kun."
"Oh, so you can tell us apart. I hoped you could by now," Kaoru said. The gap between them was almost gone now-it was barely a foot in width.
"You two might look alike, but I get the feeling that your personalities are totally different. It's why you two complement each other so well-undeniably close but still individuals," Tamaki responded, his voice growing less confident by the second.
"I think what you need is a distraction, Tamaki." Kaoru traced a finger along Tamaki's jawline, causing the violet-eyed boy to blush furiously. The younger boy had also dropped the honorific, which Tamaki was embarrassed to admit both enthralled and scared him.
"I'm not sure that this is the best idea, Kaoru."
"I can be your distraction, Tamaki. Just say the word, and you can forget all about Kyouya-senpai," the redhead replied, inching his face closer to Tamaki's and looking deeply into his eyes.
Tamaki found himself torn between agreeing and refusing Kaoru's offer. Would it be better to forget, after all? Was that really what he needed?
"Yes. Please, make me forget." And with that, there were no more games. Kaoru acquiesced to Tamaki's plea and kissed him, causing Tamaki's eyes to widen as they each fought for control, with Kaoru winning the battle.
And so began Tamaki's forgetting of Kyouya Ootori.
Kaoru threw himself onto the bed he shared with Hikaru, disgusted with his actions. I used him, he thought, It was like I didn't even care.
"Hey, Kao, what's up?" Hikaru asked nonchalantly, knocking on the door and opening it a crack.
"Go away, Hikaru! It was your idea to do what we did. I have nothing to say to you. I hate you, Hikaru!" Kaoru cried.
Hikaru slumped against the door, beaten severely and shocked by the younger twin's words. "Kaoru..." he mumbled, struggling to find the right words. I was just trying to help, dammit! How was I supposed to know he'd be like this afterwards?! "Kaoru, please let me in," he said plaintively.
"Why should I? If he feels guilty about being with me and thinks I used him, it's all your fault!"
"You're right. It is my fault, and I need to make it better."
The honest admission surprised Kaoru, enough so to at least give his brother a chance to talk. "Fine," he said flatly.
Hikaru tentatively entered the room, and he glanced at Kaoru's face, noting the swollen eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. "Kaoru..." he whispered gently, coming over to the bed. He held his brother close, and brushed away the tears from his face.
"What if he hates me, Hikaru?" Kaoru asked, his fear-filled voiced barely audible.
"Tamaki-senpai doesn't hate you, Kaoru. He doesn't, okay?" Hikaru replied.
"Thanks, Hika," Kaoru said. He was back to normal again, a sure sign of the bond between the two brothers.
"I told you, I'll do anything for you. Whatever comes at us, we take it together, okay?" Hikaru responded confidently.
"Thanks. And...it's not your fault. Even though it was your idea, I could have not gone through with it."
"Neither of us can take the blame on this one, Kao."
They sat still for a while, Kaoru wrapped in Hikaru's arms, as they faced their challenges as one.
Kaoru kissed me. I didn't want him to. Did I? But then...why was I kissing him back? What about Kyouya? What am I going to do? Questions spun in Tamaki's head. He knew there was a reason that he had enjoyed Kaoru's embrace-he just couldn't figure out what it was. He knew he wasn't in love with the young Hitachiin-he was still trying to get over Kyouya. Was that what it was? Had he kissed Kaoru because he needed to forget Kyouya? That was what he had told the other boy, at least, so it must have been at least part of the reason.
The fact of the matter was that Tamaki had found himself in a predicament that he simply did not know how to deal with. Sure, he'd dated other boys, but Kyouya really had been special. No one else had ever been able to make his heart beat so fast, or make him forget what he'd been thinking about so easily. No one else had ever driven him so crazy.
And above all, Tamaki had never needed a rebound. Breakups had never been hard-most of the time, he'd been waiting to be broken up with, simply because he never wanted to break anyone's heart. He never really found himself wishing for another chance at love. But this feeling of being lost that he had...could it be that he needed someone else to get him back on his feet? Someone like Kaoru? But that was using Kaoru for his own means. It was toying with the younger boy's feelings. That wasn't allowed, right?
Tamaki sighed. This really wasn't easy at all. There was hardly anyone he could talk to, too. The only person who might have been even remotely understanding was his own father, but the chairman probably didn't even know that Tamaki was gay. Who knew if he would be accepting or not? Still, he was the only unbiased person that Tamaki knew. Tamaki weighed the pros and cons in his mind, and then made his decision: he would go to talk to his father, and he would take whatever advice the man had to offer.
Tamaki took a deep breath and put his hand to the door of his father's office, then hesitated. Was this really the right choice? The boy shook his head, and pushed away any doubt in his mind. Whether or not this was the right decision was of no concern to him-he needed to get his feelings out in the open.
He knocked on the door tentatively. "Yes?" a secretary called.
"I'm here to see my father, if he isn't busy," Tamaki replied.
"Oh, just a moment, Tamaki-kun. He will be with you shortly." After hearing the word 'father', the woman had realized that she was speaking to her employer's son, and she had immediately become more cautious of the student at the door.
It only took a few minutes for a man to exit the office, saying his goodbyes to Tamaki's father.
"Ah, Tamaki! Come in, come in, my darling son!" the doting chairman said, smiling warmly at the violet-eyed boy. Tamaki nodded and quickly followed his father into the office.
"So, what is it you wanted to talk about today?" Yuzuru asked after closing the door firmly.
"You see, father, I wanted some advice."
"Is this about Kyouya-kun?"
Tamaki blushed. "How-how did you know, Father?" he asked, both embarrassed and curious at the same time.
"If I didn't monitor the rumor mill of my own school, what kind of chairman would I be?" he responded, winking. "Anyway, what's on your mind?"
"As I'm sure you're aware, Kyouya and I had to...take a break...for a while." The pain was evident in Tamaki's voice, but he continued on, "so we haven't been seeing each other for a while now. And this next bit really confuses me. Yesterday, Kaoru Hitachiin kissed me, and I don't know if that's okay."
Yuzuru blinked in surprise, but quickly masked his shock and answered the boy. "Tamaki, at the end of the day, it all comes down to whether or not you enjoyed it," he said frankly, "That's usually a good indicator of what's in your heart."
"To be honest, Father, I don't know. I did, but it feels wrong. I know I love Kyouya with all my heart, but something about Kaoru felt so...different. Like it felt so right, but it was so wrong."
"Sometimes what seems wrong is actually the right choice, son. Like I said, just go with what your heart says."
"I can try to, but I feel so torn between them. I know that I was with Kyouya first, and we did break up involuntarily, but this feeling I get around Kaoru...It's strange. More free and untamed. Not as controlled and secretive."
"And right now what you need is probably an escape from all the sneaking around. People change, and you're no exception. You seem to like Kaoru, so I would go for it. If it doesn't work out, then it's okay, you know what I mean?"
"Yes. Thank you, Father." Tamaki rose, bowed, and turned to leave.
"Tamaki, wait," his father called. The boy spun around, confused. "Come here." Tamaki obeyed, and was startled when he received a warm hug from his father. "You should come by more often, since I can't see you at the main estate."
"I'll try," Tamaki replied. Once again, he walked towards the door, this time leaving and shutting the door quietly behind him. He nodded politely and smiled at the secretary and began to walk back towards the front of the academy, where his limo was waiting.
After Tamaki arrived at the entrance and pulled open the door to his car, the driver stopped him abruptly. "I'm sorry, Young Master Tamaki, but I'm afraid you cannot come. There has been an emergency at the main estate, and I am required to tend to your grandmother at the moment. I do apologize, sir."
"An emergency...? By all means, go then," Tamaki replied, bewildered. I hope everyone is okay...
"Are you alone out here? What happened to your ride?" a voice asked. Tamaki turned toward the sound, to find Kaoru standing a few feet away bearing an expression of concern on his face.
"I don't know...something happened, and my grandmother needed that limo urgently. I don't think I can call for another car, so I guess I'll just walk, then," he replied.
"Come with me."
"Oh...Thank you!" Tamaki walked towards Kaoru, and was briefly surprised by the redhead when he intertwined his fingers with Tamaki's own. He relaxed a bit in a second, remembering the decision he had made with his father's help.
Kaoru opened the door for him, and he blushed slightly. "Thanks," he murmured, settling into the seat. Kaoru slid in next to him and shut the door gently.
"So..." he said.
"So..." Tamaki replied. The two boys laughed a bit.
"This must be that awkward 'So what do we do after we kissed?' thing," Kaoru said with a smile. Tamaki just barely heard a nervous tremor in the younger boy's voice, and he wondered if Kaoru could possibly have been scared.
"Kind of. So, um, I've been thinking," he said, awkwardly brushing an invisible strand of hair from his face.
"About what?" Kaoru asked.
"I think we should try it. A relationship, I mean."
"Really?" Kaoru looked surprised-whether or not that that was good, Tamaki couldn't discern.
"Really. Is that...bad?" Tamaki asked tentatively, tears starting to appear in his eyes.
"No, of course not! I was just so surprised. I thought you'd reject me."
"I would never." Tamaki smiled and inched slightly closer to the other boy, and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. Kaoru's face flushed from embarrassment and joy, and he couldn't hide a small but steadily growing grin.
Just then, Kaoru's driver interrupted the two. "I'm sorry for the intrusion, Young Masters, but we have arrived at the Second Suou Estate," he said curtly.
"Thank you for the ride, Kaoru. I'll...call you?" Tamaki asked.
"Don't forget," Kaoru replied, winking. With that, Tamaki waved goodbye to his friend and entered his home, only to be greeted by a worried Shima.
"Master Tamaki, something terrible has happened!" she said urgently.
"What is it? Is everyone alright?" he asked, confused.
Shima shut the door before answering. "It's your grandmother-she had a heart attack just a few minutes ago."
"Is she in the hospital? I should go see her," Tamaki said. His grandmother may not have accepted him, but she was still an important figure in his life.
"Yes, sir. However, the car of this estate is still at the hospital-you will need a car."
"I've got it covered." Pulling out his phone, Tamaki dialed the number he'd memorized only a few moments earlier-that of Kaoru Hitachiin.
"Kaoru! My grandmother, she-" Tamaki's voice broke off as the full force of his worry hit him, and he gasped. Shima shot him a look of undeniable concern, but she took the phone from him and continued to speak to Kaoru.
"Hello, this is Shima, Master Suou's maid. His grandmother has just had a heart attack and is in the hospital. Unfortunately, the car of this estate is tending to matters at the main estate. My master would like to request a ride, if possible."
"Of course! I hope she is okay. I'll be there in a few minutes."
"Thank you. We will be ready."
Kaoru stayed true to his word and arrived shortly. Seeing his new boyfriend's worried countenance sent Tamaki into a frenzy. He ran into Kaoru's waiting arms, muttering unintelligible comments about how scared he was for his grandmother. Kaoru held him for a minute before gently prodding him, telling him that they had to go. "She's waiting for you," he whispered softly into the blonde's ear. Tamaki broke free of the tender embrace, and let himself be lead by Kaoru into the limo, and they took off at full speed for the hospital.
Within a few minutes, they were running in to find out the room that Tamaki's grandmother was in. "I'm sorry sir, but even if she was in something of a stupor upon arrival, your grandmother made it very clear that I was under no circumstances allowed to give visitor privileges to you. You are Tamaki Suou, yes? You match the description perfectly."
Tamaki was taken aback, and hot tears threatened to spill over his eyes. He swallowed, then gave the nurse an expression of pure sadness before pleading with her. "Please, miss, but my grandmother's life is in danger. I...I want her to accept me before she, you know..."
The nurse looked torn between explicit orders from her patient and a request from the desperate, beautiful boy in front of her. Surely, no one could hate this kind soul, right? But he looked so sorrowful, as though there was nothing more he wanted than to see his deteriorating grandmother. Then again, defying orders from the head of the Suou group was sure to have its repercussions for the hospital.
"Let him through. Those are direct orders from me." The group spun in the direction of the mysterious voice that had spoken. Tamaki gasped. It couldn't be.
But standing in front of them with a fire in his eyes was none other than Kyouya Otori.
"Go, Tamaki. Room 212. They can't argue with me-my family owns this hospital."
Tamaki couldn't deny the pull in his chest that led him towards his raven-haired savior, but he understood that he wouldn't get another chance to see his grandmother in the near future. "Thank you, Kyouya," was all he said before he took off running towards the ICU wing, Kaoru following closely behind.
212, 212, where is it? Tamaki thought as he frantically scanned the doors for his grandmother's room number. He found it and tore the door open, panting hard. "Grandmother," he said.
Grey eyes fluttered open and looked in the direction of his voice. "You," she said with hatred evident in her voice, "I told them not to let you through. I don't want to see you on my deathbed-filthy child."
Each word hit Tamaki like a stab to the chest, and he slumped against Kaoru, who tightened his hold on the other boy. "I'm sorry, Grandmother, I truly am. But I couldn't let you go without at least trying."
"Then I suppose you're done here. Get out." A solitary tear rolled down Tamaki's cheek as he took in her harsh command.
Just then, a group of EMTs was heard running through the corridor outside. Kaoru turned to look at the commotion, and his eyes widened as he covered his mouth in shock. The boy on the stretcher was, without a doubt, Hikaru Hitachiin. "Hikaru!" he yelled, tearing the door open and leaving Tamaki behind. He ran behind the doctors without even stopping to think for a second. "My brother-dammit, what is he doing here?!"
Hikaru was rushed into a vacant room by a team of doctors and nurses, Kaoru following close behind. "What happened to my brother?" he asked desperately.
A nurse finally heard his frantic cries and sat him in a chair by the bed. "Your brother here was in an...accident. He fell down from a third-floor balcony in your home, and one of the maids found him and called us."
Kaoru's eyes widened. "Hikaru!" he called, trying to run to his twin. The nurse gently held him down, trying to calm the boy's hysterics.
"What's your name?" she asked smoothly. If he was distracted by her questions, then maybe he would forget his need to comfort her patient-or so she thought.
"Kaoru Hitachiin. But I need to see my brother!" he replied.
"There will be time for that. But I take it that Hikaru-kun is your twin?"
"Uh-huh." Kaoru had finally caught on, and he realized that he had to let the doctors work on Hikaru.
"Does it then follow, then, that you two are of the same blood type?"
"Yes, but does he need blood transfusions? Is it that bad?!" A shaky fervor was once again creeping into Kaoru's voice as his gaze drifted away from the nurse's kind eyes to the hospital bed where Hikaru lay, motionless.
"We aren't sure yet, but if need be, we will take blood from you because the fresher it is, then the better it is. My name is Hitomi by the way, and I'm going to take you outside now, okay? The doctors need to work on Hikaru."
"O-okay." Kaoru unsurely rose to his feet, and felt himself going weak at the knees. He swallowed, and kept walking out of the room with resolve in his mind: he was going to do whatever he had to in order to help Hikaru.
"Now tell me, Kaoru-kun, why were you here before Hikaru-kun arrived?" Hitomi asked.
"I was with my-" he blushed before continuing, "my boyfriend, Tamaki Suou-oh Kami, I have to go back to Tamaki!" He rose suddenly, trying to take off down the hallway.
To his aggravation, Hitomi would not let him go. This poor boy, his brother in the hospital, and his boyfriend is here too! Either way he's too emotional to be going anywhere. But still, he looks as though he's going to go regardless of whether or not I agree, she thought, torn. She loosened her grip on his arm, and he took the hint, sprinting down the hallway back to Tamaki.
He came to Room 212 and threw the door open, and found himself shocked at what he saw. Tamaki sat in a chair sobbing with a slim arm carefully wrapped around his shoulder. Kaoru's followed its slender form and saw that it belonged to the one person he possibly feared the most: Kyouya Otori-the one boy who had the power to ruin everything for him. And that was just what he was doing with this undeniably loving gesture that he was giving Tamaki. He was comforting the other boy in his time of need, just what Kaoru should have been doing. He started to go to Tamaki to offer him what little help he could, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder: Yuzuru Suou.
"I understand, Kaoru-kun, but Tamaki...right now, he needs Kyouya-kun. I don't think what you have between you is going to work, either. There is something different about the way that they understand each other, something that disallows another person the same access to either of their hearts." The chairman himself had tears streaming down his cheeks as he looked at his son sitting with Kyouya, pain evident in his eyes.
Kaoru looked at the pair, and then smiled slightly. "I know that now. Kyouya is the only person who can bring him true happiness. It hurts-believe me, it does-but I can't deny them that." His eyes drifted to the monitors that sat by the bed, and he immediately realized that the unthinkable had happened-Tamaki's grandmother was dead.
I don't know why he's so upset. She never loved him. Why is he so concerned? It's not like me, about to lose Hikaru! It's not fair! He doesn't get the right to cry right now! Kaoru screamed internally, running from the room before letting his tears flow. He fled back to Hikaru's room, where a congregation of doctors and nurses stood outside the door, each bearing a grim expression that worried Kaoru deeply.
"We did all we could, but..." one began.
"He's dead, isn't he?! Don't even say it!" Kaoru cut the doctor off mid-sentence, unwilling to hear the ominous news.
"No. He is very much alive. However, we were unable to repair a shattered vertebrae in his lower back. His spinal cord took the brunt of the energy from the fall, and as far as we know...he is paralyzed from the waist down, for life."
Kaoru inhaled sharply. "My brother...Hikaru...you're...paralyzed," he whispered, "I should have taken the fall. I should have been there. After all you've done for me, I should have been there for you. Hikaru, my brother, I'm sorry. More sorry than you can imagine." He took slow, robotic steps towards the room and knelt by his brother's side, stroking away a stray strand of hair from Hikaru's face.
In response to the touch, the older twin's eyes fluttered open gently. "Kaoru..." he murmured, "What happened?"
"You fell. That's all they've told me."
"Why can't I feel my toes?"
"They say you're...paralyzed...from the waist down. I'm sorry. I should have been there."
"It can't be your fault. You were with Tamaki-senpai. You can't blame yourself for that."
"Don't, Kao. Just be glad I'm still here."
"I am, Hika, I really am. I love you more than anyone else. You're my brother, forever."
"Love you too." The pair smiled, and they truly were happy. They had each other, and they would as long as they lived. One couldn't survive without the other. That was how it had always worked, and how it always would. They were brothers, not just in blood but in soul, too.
The door creaked open slightly, and a blonde head poked itself through the crack. Examining the situation and deeming it acceptable to enter, Tamaki walked in, followed by Kyouya. "Hikaru-kun. What happened? We heard you were here, so..."
Kaoru was hit with a pang of nostalgia for when he believed that Tamaki truly loved him. This moment was why he'd fallen for the teen-even when his life was falling apart, he took the time to look after others he cared for.
"I fell off a balcony. I'm okay...for the most part. I can't move my legs."
Tamaki's eyes widened in shock. "Hikaru-kun, that's terrible!"
"It's not that bad. I get to be pushed around in a wheelchair!"
Kaoru smiled. "Yeah! I'll push you!" he said, obviously cheered up.
Tamaki's eyes sparkled. "That's good to hear. But in all honesty, I did come here to talk to Kaoru-kun."
Kaoru was visibly hurt by the readdition of the honorific, but he swallowed his pain. "I think...what we had...it isn't going to work."
"I thought so too. I do care about you, a lot. But I don't think we work as a couple, you know?"
"I understand." Kaoru had accepted the truth the second he'd seen Kyouya comforting Tamaki in the hospital room. He'd thought selfish things about himself-what he hadn't realized was that sometimes, even the most selfless of people needed to be held and comforted.
"Thank you. Hikaru-kun, feel better." With that, Kyouya and Tamaki left, hand in hand.
It was over, Kaoru supposed. No more games-at least, no more with other people's hearts. They had plenty more to play before everything was over-that is, if it ever ended.