Author's note: I just wanted to express what it would be like to be completely change.
GarmI ran for my home. My new home. Since I had refused to ever sleep in the Institution, they gave me an old movable condo. I had it nestled at the northern end of our five-mile radius island. Since I don’t go into the Institution, I have them drop off my rations for the month or two an make them in my “lodge”.
It, for whatever reason, tastes better to me knowing I made it. My diet consists of meat, vegetables, fruit, grains, dairy, and the ultra rare dessert. All essential. Apparently, here one of the few things they give special to us, is our food.
Well, I had special tests to see if anything wonky was in my food. A small mouse lives with me. I fed him bits of my food to see if anything happened to him. Rarely anything did. So, I kept him as a pet. He always came around near mealtime when I first moved in, he hardly ever showed himself. But after a month, he was my little sidekick. Whenever I talked to him about my problems or wished or dreams, he replied with a small squeak. Hence his name, Squeaks.
I’m not saying I can talk to animals he just listens. I’m glad, but I wish someone, meaning a human, did. But no one here ever thinks like I do. I think of life beyond this place. Back to my old friends family, peace of mind. Freedom.
My mind was completely oblivious to the knocking on my door. Snapping myself back to my unwanted reality, I walked over to my door. The cool air flowed through the cracked open door frame. No one was there. I could’ve sworn I had heard a noise. I looked one more time, and fought to close my door.
“What, I though, why are you here?”
When I turned around, Mance was sitting on my couch reading my book, He had already made himself comfortable with his parka sprawled out on the floor, and sat like a Roman on my sofa. I wasn’t a fan of having people knock on my door and slip into my house, all with out my permission; actually, I don’t like people in my house period.
“They wanted me to check up on you. I mean, you had us surprised after you didn’t finish and barged out. We thought something might be wrong with,”
“Wrong with me? As a matter of fact there is something wrong.”
“Oh? do tell.”
“This, this is wrong. They have no right to do this to us.” Now I was getting mad, I was letting myself become out of control.
I turned around, punched the wall, denting it trying to gather myself together. But couldn’t. No one would ever know my side of the story, I turned back to face him. But found him inches from me.
His eyes seemed to show hints of something. His face was so close I could feel his breath blowing lightly on my check. Mance’s eye shone in the light from the window. Perfect skin. His warm brown hair fell around his eyes. Tousled like he ran his fingers through like a substitute brush.
He placed his hand on my shoulder, and then it found its way to my neck, and then, right cheek. I normally wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about romantic crap like this. Yet, something in the pit of my stomach was turning and vaulting everywhere.
“Go on, let it out.” What was he playing at? You don’t let a grudge like whipping your butt in front of the Professor go and then be all sweet and forgiving and understanding. So I’d play along, let him get a sense of being played too.
“I just want to be free to be me,” Now I was really getting into character. I was in this situation before. Two years ago, a boy from our rival school played me to loose my game at the next track meet. I kicked his sorry butt afterwards when I found out he had a girlfriend. I ramped up my version of charm and seduction. Or at least, that’s what I think it is.
Batting my eyelashes, and taking his arm, I whispered, “You know, no restraints.” I knew it was working because when I decided, I became much more forceful, I had pushed him to the wall. Now I knew it was working, his faced flickered crimson red. Was he truly embarrassed to the fact I was acting this way?
Now for the finale, “So, you really want to know what I want? I want you,” moving him in the opposite direction, “To leave my house,” grabbing the door and pushing him into the open cold. And throwing his jacket in his face, “Leave me alone, and don’t follow or check up on me ever again!”
My breathing increased, my anger level continued to skyrocket. I now officially had reason to despise him. He let me act that way; he didn’t protest in anyway, he allowed me play a fool. I thought he cared in some way, but I was wrong. No one cares about me anymore. Those already hollow dreams were now dead to me.
“No promises. Just don’t let me in anymore.”
“You make me sick! You know what I wish to be free from, jerks like Hex, the guards, the Professor! And people like YOU!” The wind whipped at my hair, stinging my eyes.
“People like me? You’re the one acting all girly! Why the sudden change?” His voice carried out through the empty woods.
He caught me off guard; normally I’d slap or send someone out if things like this happened. But this sort of thing happens, well, never. Why did I behave that way?
“Well, answer me!” Mance was getting agitated, but why should I care he played me first.
“Why? What will you take from me like everyone else here has if I don’t?” Now I stumped him.
“I’m fed up with things being stolen from my life, me being stolen from my life, and just so you know, you did participate in that as well.” I slammed the door.
My little mouse scurried into my hand. “Are you going to take something from me?” “Squeak.” “Right, you take my food. But you stay by my side.”
I served my self and my little fur ball some chicken noodle soup, great for when I feel lousy. Put on my beat up t-shirt and old school spirit pants, and tucked my self into bed. Dreamed of my old life, and life beyond even that. I slipped deeper into my dreams, the only thing that they could never, ever take from me. In the silence of the night, I let my self be free.