Problems Of a Ten Year Old Girl

January 31, 2012
By Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
More by this author Follow Free_One
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."


Author's note: Creative writing class.

I think my life is pretty normal for a ten year old girl. I have a mom, a dad, and I am going to have a baby brother. That's what I thought anyway.
My mom... she works all the time. But since she is pregnant she has to stay home and rest while my dad works. My dad is a police officer, and he would never let anything happen to me or my mom. My baby brother is going to be named James and he is due this December. It's so exciting! And my name is Karen. Some of my hobbies are art and writing, I also love reading.
Reading to me, takes me into my own world that I love. When I come home from school, I usually curl up on a couch and read until it's time for supper.
“Karen, come here right now!” yelled my mom. “ I thought I told you to clean up your room!” screeched my mom again.
“I told you like a million times, I'm doing my homework, I will do it after!” I explained impatiently.
“No! You will do it now!” Mom said again, this time a little bit more angry than the last time.
“But Mom! Can I do it after I only have a little bit more!” I complained adding drama into my voice.
“Oh! Don't you play Miss Drama Girl on me, Missy. Up to your room!” Mom pushed again.
Yep, this is my life. Usually when I have a fight with Mom she comes walking up to my room looking sorry for it and she says sorry. Then I tell her sometimes sorry isn't good enough. Then she says, “I'll go make you some cookies!” I usually get what I want like an apology that I usually don't deserve and some homemade cookies, my favorite! So I guess you learned a little bit about me.

The author's comments:
Please rate and comment! I would love to hear what you think! :)(:

Friday 12 December 2010
Today my dad and my mom are going to the doctor to check up on James. Well, that's what my mom said. I was so excited. I made this really cool necklace. When he is born, and the first time I see him, I’m going to run up to him and put this beautiful necklace on him, I told my mom about the necklace idea, and she was thrilled to see it. In fact she almost cried when I told her and she saw it. She said I had the gift of art. And guess what? I believed her.
“Honey, we have to go to the doctor now. Grandma is here so you will be OK, right?” Mom questioned.
“Yes, Mom, I will be alright.” I replied, eager for them to leave.
“Well, bye! If you need anything, or if there is an emergency call 911 and then call me, OK?” Mom explained.
“OK, OK, go, Come on Check up on my brother, I love you.” I said as I ushered them out the door.
The door slammed quickly. “YES!” I screamed. Then I covered my mouth, I forgot Grandma was still here! Well maybe she can help me with the surprise party. I then walked around the counter from the kitchen to the living room. Grandma was sleeping.
“Maybe I can work quietly so she won't hear me.” I whispered softly. I then ran downstairs to get the decorations.

Friday 12 Doctor's office 2010
“Well, what a surprise: I haven't seen you in years!” said the doctor.
“Oh my gosh, Is that you, Carl?” said Mom, shocked.
Mom had met Carl in first grade and they became good friends. In High School they dated but then broke up because they were just not right for each other.
“Yes, it is me. You are looking nice.” exclaimed Carl.
“Why thank you. Wow! I didn't even recognize you!” replied Mom.
“Yes well, I have made a few changes to my appearance. Now let's check up on James, shall we?” asked Carl.
Then Carl went into another room. It was about 30 minutes until he came out.
“Um, listen about your baby...” Carl stuttered, his face looking grim.
“What is it, Doctor?!” alarm shot through Mom.
“I'm sorry but your baby, Well... it died in your stomach! I am so sorry” said the doctor, his eyes down by his feet.
“No! That is not our baby! Our baby did survive. MY BABY DID SURVIVE!” shouted Mom, so shocked she could hardly breathe. Then Dad just sat there thinking about what they would tell their daughter. What would they tell her? He had no clue but he knew one thing: they couldn't tell her the truth. That would be too devastating. Just then he saw the flashback seeing his daughter so happy, practically crying, when they told her she was going to have a baby brother. She was so happy. How could they take that away? How could they?
Then he looked at his sobering wife and said to the doctor, “Could you give us a moment. We need to talk.”
“Yes, of course” he said quietly, as he walked past the huge pool of tears that was overflowing from Mom's watery eyes. He shut the door quietly.
“What are we going to tell Karen?” she sniffed “Huh... What are we going to tell her? How are we going to tell her that her little brother died and it's going to be a long time until we have another baby? No, I don't think so! What are we going to tell her?” Mom said, as she got up and started to pace nervously.
“Well I guess we will just have to lie and tell her the baby is doing fine. And in a couple of months we will tell her the truth. She can handle it!” What Dad said was not totally true. He knew that his daughter would be devastated. So why did he say it? Was it because he wanted his wife to feel better? Or was it for his own benefit?... Or was it both?

Friday 12 At house 2010
“Ah, finally! I got the decorations set up. I thought I'd never get them up! I wonder what is taking so long?” I said wondering. Then all of a sudden I heard the garage opening. “They're here!” I shouted.
Grandma snorted, then fell into sleep again. I then waited by the door ready to surprise them. They then opened the door. . . . . “SURPRISE!!!” I hollered at the top of my lungs.
Mom just stood there in shock. At first I thought it was a happy face but I saw the horror in her face. She just stood there like a statue, all cold like and off in her own world.
“Um, honey.” my dad said, waving a hand in her face.
She then broke her trance-like state. “Oh, this is wonderful, honey! I love it.” she said wide-eyed.
I knew she didn't like it. I was wondering why? Was it because I made a mess?
“Were you OK back there? You just froze? And it seams that you hate this whole set up.” I said concerned.
“No, honey. I love it, I was just really shocked when you yelled surprise.” she said, unconvincingly.
“Well OK. How is James?” I asked.
Then I saw my mom's face and I knew I said something wrong. Her face was all twisted in pain like she was having a flashback of a painful memory.
“Mom, are you sure you are OK?!” I said carefully.
“Yes, I am fine!” Mom snapped at me.
“Oh I'm sorry, I just need to lay down.” replied Mom.
“That's OK, we can talk about James later” I said.
“OK!” replied Mom wistfully. Then she went into the living room.
“You know, Sweetie,” said Dad, “it would be best if you didn't talk about James, OK?” Dad said quietly.
“Well if you say so.” I stuttered in shock. Why did Dad and Mom not want to talk about James? I then froze! What if something bad happened? No, my parents would tell me if something went wrong. But why, were Mom and Dad acting like this.
Friday 12 Night-time 2010
“Honey, I know that it is hard that we lost James, I know, but we have to move forward. We can't look back!” Dad exclaimed.
“I know. But you know Karen. She loves her brother, and she would be devastated” sniffed Mom. “She arranged that surprise party just for James, Now what are we going to tell her?!” cried Mom. “We can't just say it to her!” Mom said again.
“I know, so that's why we're not going to tell her.” said Dad.
“You know she will find it out someday. Secrets can't be kept forever, you know.” replied Mom.
Creak! I peaked the door open a crack to find my mom and dad fighting.
“I know we can't keep the secret forever from Karen, but until then she can't know!” my dad said firmly. Then he turned off the lights.
What were they hiding from me?

“Karen! Wake up, We are going to pick out a Christmas tree!” Mom shouted.
“OK! I'm coming!” I replied.
“Hey, Mom. I heard fighting last night. Is everything OK?!” I said, still alarmed from last night.
Mom just stood there quietly.
“ Um Mom, is everything OK?!”I said again barely a whisper.
“Yes honey. Everything is just fine.” Mom said stiffly.

Saturday 13 At home, night-time 2010
After we picked out a tree we headed home. My mom said that she had to talk to Dad alone. I naturally don't like to be left out of things so I peeked through a tiny crack from the door.
“Honey, I am going to explode if I don't tell Karen what happened to James!” she shouted.
“Shh! She could hear you!' Dad replied.
“We know that James died! We know and what do we do? We don't even tell our own daughter!' she exclaimed angrily.
I just stood there at the door shocked, so shocked, I couldn't even breathe or move or even hear my own heartbeat. I just stood there like a statue. Just like Mom did when she was shocked. So cold, so alone.
Mom then all of sudden thought, it is way too quiet. Then she started to open the door... I then unfroze from my cold position and dashed to my room. Then Mom peeked out.
“Hmm, maybe it was just me.” she said and then walked back into her room to blow her nose.

The author's comments:
Sorry if this story is too short! :)(: This is one of my first stories I had ever wrote.

I woke up really early that morning. That is also the morning I decided to run away from home since they couldn't and wouldn't tell me the truth. I was going to give them a second chance, but then it would be pretty obvious that I knew and that I spied on them when I was supposed to be asleep. The idea of running away was the worst mistake I ever had in my life...
I then heard creaking from upstairs. Then I heard a voice.
'Maybe she is downstairs honey!' called Dad.
“OK, I'm coming downstairs!” she called back.
“Oh no! They're coming!” I cried. I went over to the refrigerator and started to pile all the good food and the food that I wanted in a huge pack. Then I went over to the freezer and opened that up and filled the pack with tons of ice packs and a bunch of ice. I also put tons of water and clothes in my backpack. I then went to get all of my treasures that I wanted. I then stored them in a huge toy car my mom and dad got me for my birthday. It was pink with pretty black stripes on it. I shoved the stuff in the small back trunk and then I pulled the top closed. Since it was supposed to be a convertible, I had to yank the cover back on since it was raining. Then I climbed in and put the fake keys into the ignition., I started to rumble like crazy! I then went flying towards the road. “Wow! This is fun!”I cried, not worrying as much as I should have. My mom and dad rushed outside to see an opened trunk convertible racing down the street.
“Honey, is that our Sweetheart?!” Mom choked out.
“Yes honey, I think it is.” he said quietly.
“Oh no!,” she wailed. “She heard us! I can't believe she heard us!” Mom sobbed.
“You mean she heard you!” Dad said angrily. “If you hadn't been shouting she wouldn't have heard you!” he said, exhausted.
“Well I'm not the one who said to keep it a secret from her!” Mom shouted back at him.
“OK, so this is both of our faults, so let's go inside and call the police, I will have a whole search party looking for her.” Dad said calmly.
“You better!” She said and then stalked inside, Dad followed, trailing behind her sighing.
“Ah!, it is so good to be free!” I said. Then I thought what if they come looking for me?!. Surely they won't just give up?.
I then started to drive faster, zooming in and out of cars. It passed at least 12 hours and the battery was almost running out. “Oh great, the battery!” I said exasperated. I parked the car on the side of a car shop and got out.
The shop was covered in splats of mud so you couldn't see inside. Under the thick coat of mud there was red paint chipping away like crazy. There was also a back door. I then unzipped my coat pocket to find a wallet full of cash and credit cards. I went inside the store.
“Hi!” I said to a dirty brown-haired man in overalls.
“Hello, and how may I help you, Little Missy?” he said in a pretty thick accent.
“Um, I need a battery part for my toy car.” I said all shy like.
“I know what you're looking for.” he replied.
I then caught a glimpse at his shiny name tag. His name was Phil.
“Um excuse me, Phil!” I said tugging on his overalls.
“Yes, Missy?!” he said, walking to the back of the room to find the battery.
“Do you have batteries that make a toy car go really fast?” I said.
“Why? I have every single battery part in the whole entire world!” he exaggerated. “ Yes kid. I have that type of battery. Now hold your horses!” he said irritated.
“Sorry, I just have to get out of here fast.” I replied.
“That's OK. Now wait here, and I will go get that battery, OK” he said.
“Well, where else would I go?” I said warily.
Phil then went into the back room. It was five minutes until he came out.
“Here is your battery part.” he said. “Now, that battery is fifty-two dollars.” Phil said.
“OK, here is some money” I said. “Is there a backroom?” I asked.
“Yeah, back there.” Phil said looking at the cash and then putting it in his butt pocket.
I quickly walked past him, taking the pay money with me. I then scampered away toward the back door. I then heard some shouting and I knew he found out that I stole the money back. I then started to run. It was a while before I got to the back door. I knew since he was an old man that it was going to take him at least twice as long to reach the door.
“You come back here, Little Missy!” he shouted.
Sheesh, he sounded like my mother! I then ran to my car and put the battery in to place. I then got quickly into the car and drove away. Far away...
“Honey!, Are you calling the police?” shouted Mom.
“Yes, honey, I am!” Dad shouted back. He was getting very annoyed. He hadn't eaten in twelve hours and he was sick and tired of his wife picking on him, and telling him it was all his fault that Karen left. He was about to explode with irritation! He then got an idea. He would go and get his to car travel for twelve hours in the same direction Karen did and find her. Of course he would stop at places where she might have stopped. There was also a bonus: he could get away from his annoying wife!
“Honey I am leaving!” Dad yelled.
“Where are you going?!” she yelled back.
“I am going to look for Karen!” he shouted.
“Oh, I will go with you.” she replied. Mom knew that he was just trying to get rid of her, but she would not be left behind.
Dad groaned. That was the sound Mom wanted to hear. She had won.
“Guess I will have to stop somewhere.” I said to myself.
She had been thinking about why she had run away. Well, that was easy, I thought. Because, they had lied to me. But why? I thought to myself.
Maybe they just didn't want me to be hurt I thought again.
I then thought of an idea. What if I just punished them for a little bit by staying away from them for a week and then coming back home. Yes, I would do just that, I would wait a week then come back home.
I drove on in my endless thoughts, praying for the week to be over soon.
Mom and Dad had been driving together for at least nine hours and they just pulled to the road to see a car shop. They thought since their daughter was driving a toy car, she would have stopped here, since the car battery doesn't last long.
“Excuse me?” said Dad to an angry looking old man in overalls.
“Yes?!” he grunted from behind a lopsided desk.
“Um; have you seen a girl with brown hair, blue eyes, and a white coat and jeans?” said Dad.
“Why, yes I have. She is the one who gave me money for a toy car battery and then she stole the money back!” he yelled, throwing his arms up in the air.
“Can you tell me where she was headed?” asked Dad calmly.
“Now, why would I help you?!” he said stupidly.
“Would you tell me if I payed back the money?” Dad said holding up two hundred dollar bills.
“Now how may I be of service?” he said.
Now when I told you that I drove far away I really meant it. I had been driving for at least two hours and I just found a hotel that fit my budget. The name of the hotel was Sunny Inn. It was on a road called Red Hill which is a pretty crowded street, considering that I was the center of attention. Me and my pink and blacked striped convertible kept on getting these odd whispers and stares. Like they haven't seen a ten year old girl driving a toy convertible before!
I then parked in a spot next to a red mini van that had a white flower on the back of the car. I then got out.
“Um, excuse me, sir?” I said to the counter guy. He had a huge nose that didn't fit his face. His eyes were very big (probably to match his nose!). He had a fancy gold and white tux, that came with huge white laced and gold shoes.
“How may I help you?” he said in a low Irish accent.
“Hi, I am looking for a room that is at least five hundred dollars.” I replied.
“Let's see what we have.” he said back to me. Then I heard tons of little clicks and he looked up from his computer screen.
“Yes, there is a room open that is five hundred dollars.” he replied.
“Would you like to check in?” he asked.
“Yes I would, for a week” I stated to him.
“OK, that would be three thousand five hundred dollars” he said to me.
“Wow! I sure hope it is a good room.” I replied back.
He did not answer. I then took my things up to my room. Gosh!, I thought for that price there should be a bellboy. I opened the door to room twenty-three and sat down on the bed.
“Finally! I get to rest.” I exaggerated.
I then thought about what I did and how my parents must feel after seeing their own daughter leave them. A knock at the door woke me from my thinking state.
“Yes.” I said warily.
“It's the police, Open up!” the officer said.
“Oh my gosh! How did they find me!” I exclaimed as I walked to the door, frightened.
I opened the door... “Yes?!” I said nervously.
“You are Karen?” he said like a question but I knew it wasn't. It was a statement. He knew that I was Karen.
“Yes, I am Karen.” I said carefully.
“You need to come with me”...
“Honey, I do not feel so good” said Mom. “My tummy, is getting bigger!” Mom panicked.
“I think... I think I am pregnant!” she yelled.
“WHAT!” Dad shouted. This isn't possible he thought. No, this is a miracle! He quickly called a hospital.
“Hello?” said a woman on the line.
“Hi, my wife and I are in a car and my wife is about to have a baby” Dad exclaimed.
“OK, we will come to you. Park on the side of the road. What road are you on?” the women asked.
“I am on Taren Road,” Dad said patently.
Then Dad heard the woman hang up. He then heard some skidding noises. Dad got out of the car to see a woman running with a cart to put his wife in. They took his wife out of the car in a rush and locked her in safely. They then drove away.
I was placed in a police car and was driven away. I then heard a phone ring.
“Hello?” the officer said.
“Yes, I have her. The parents are at the hospital?!” he exclaimed
“Well bye!” he said and then shut off his phone. He turned around and headed for the hospital.
Why are my mom and dad at the hospital? I would soon learn the shocking news.
As soon as we parked I got out of the car and raced inside. I passed some doctors and ran straight to where I knew Mom would be room fourteen. That was where I was born and that is where they would be now. I opened up the door to see my mom crying over a baby...
“MOM!” I shouted.
“Oh my gosh, Karen, you're back!” she screamed.
I stared at the baby. “Mom is that...” I never finished.
“Yes dear, it is your baby sister...” she told me calmly...

The author's comments:
Hope you enjoyed it! Again, this is definitely not my best story! :)(:

After the running away incident, I decided never to run away again, and I also promised to redo the necklace. So that is what I am doing now.
I also promised my little sister, Sofia, that I would never leave her ever again...

THE END!



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This book has 6 comments.


on Jun. 30 2012 at 9:45 am
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

Thank you for your advice! And thanks for reading! I was younger when I wrote this, so yes, it isn't my best work. But thanks for the feedback! 

 

~ Free :)(:


on Jun. 26 2012 at 7:41 pm
blacksummer2014 SILVER, Brookfield, Wisconsin
7 articles 4 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
"'I love you all; except you, Draco, I can't f****** stand you'"-- Harry from A Very Potter Musical

"Granger! Oh I thought you were a boggart!!!" -Albus Dumbledore from A Very Potter Musical

Umm... okay and another thing because I just finished reading the book.

 

If the baby had "died" in the mum's stomach they would have taken it out that very day. They would have done a surgery and removed the miscarried baby because keeping it in the mum's stomach is EXTREMELY dangerous so the end-point of this book is practically impossible.

 

Over all, this book is too short for the plotline and if you went back and expanded it and followed my other tips you could create a novel that is of better length and follows your plot better.


on Jun. 26 2012 at 7:36 pm
blacksummer2014 SILVER, Brookfield, Wisconsin
7 articles 4 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
"'I love you all; except you, Draco, I can't f****** stand you'"-- Harry from A Very Potter Musical

"Granger! Oh I thought you were a boggart!!!" -Albus Dumbledore from A Very Potter Musical

Oh and one other thing too-- she's driving a toy truck-- they would be able to catch up with her because those things go like 15 mph tops :P. They don't need to call the police XD. I would say because you have dramatic license that you could in theory get away with that but I think that's even a bit too far-fetched for a story or a movie.

on Jun. 26 2012 at 7:31 pm
blacksummer2014 SILVER, Brookfield, Wisconsin
7 articles 4 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
"'I love you all; except you, Draco, I can't f****** stand you'"-- Harry from A Very Potter Musical

"Granger! Oh I thought you were a boggart!!!" -Albus Dumbledore from A Very Potter Musical

I feel like this would be a good story if you went back and slowed it down.

 

The doctor needs to be a bit more realistic. He wouldn't just say "your baby died in your stomach!" he'd say something like: "you had a miscarriage" or something a bit more proper and he would say it quietly because this is devastating news and he has a personal connection with the mother.

 

Another thing too is that if Karen is personally narrating the story she wouldn't know about the miscarriage til they told her so I think I'd switch the story to third person and follow Karen closely as well as the parents in which case the story will make better sense and the reader can understand more than the characters and get the full plot and storyline.

 

The parents emotions are too vague as well... when they find out really delve into their feelings and make them dramatic-- I mean kids are everything to their parents (unless they're bad parents :P) so the mum should be crumpling to the floor and the dad should be catching her and they should be sobbing and really show how heartbroken they are.

 

In a story like this emotion is key and it's important to really show the feelings of the characters and make their feelings dramatic. Authors are all given dramatic licenses because otherwise books would be lame to read if they weren't dramatic and a bit ridiculous.

 

The introduction needs to slow down a lot and really display the scatterbrained thoughts of a ten year old-- think about Dug from Up; he randomly is like "SQUIRREL!!!" and that is what most ten year olds are like. They lose track of their thoughts and switch topics and carry on about things that shouldn't matter or are only big issues when you're ten. In the introduction it's important to display that.

 

Maybe save the death until the fifth or sixth chapter and build up Karen's attachment to James and show her excitement more so that the readers can get attached and excited too and so they feel her pain and have the emotional connection with Karen so the story holds interest.

 

Just some ideas :) hope I didn't offend you or anything and keep writing because you could really write some brilliant stuff if you go back through and edit what you've got :D.

-Lizzie


on Feb. 12 2012 at 2:35 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

Thank you! It means a lot!

on Feb. 6 2012 at 4:30 pm
kingofwriters BRONZE, DeWitt, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Books are a uniquely portable magic." - Stephen King

I love books, and I love technology, but I don't want to see the latter overwhelm the former. I just think books are meant to be pages you turn, not screens you scroll through.

I really do like your story; even though it's the first one you ever wrote, it had a good plot and I liked the ending! You're right; this isn't one of your best stories (THE BEAST, The Caller), but for your first one, it's great! Keep on writing! :)




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